"That's her!" a middle-aged woman whispered hurriedly to a younger woman.
"Who?" asked the girl, a tall brunette.
"Claire Kincaid."
"That's Jack McCoy's assistant, right?"
"She's more than that," the older woman answered.
"He's sleeping with this one too?" The older woman had told the girl about McCoy before.
"Mmhmm."
"Figures," the younger responded with rolled eyes. "Where'd you hear it?"
"Anna from the tenth floor," the woman answered in a whisper.
"So she's seen them . . ." the girl faded off, a curious look painted across her face.
"She says they never quit flirting."
"You'd they'd try and keep a lid on things."
"Uh huh."
Whispers followed Claire everywhere these days. She and Jack were everyone's favorite piece of gossip. People with reputations like their's were often very popular topics of conversation. Everyone had an opinion or theory about what was actually going on between them. The most thoroughly accepted rumor was that they spent the late hours in the office doing things other than working.
Claire had found that the people in Narcotics had the biggest mouths of anyone. They seemed to really enjoy discussing her personal affairs. Maybe all those drugs they dealt with meant that they were so bored that gossip was the only way to keep themselves from going out of their skulls. It was funny. She knew that without Jack and Joel they wouldn't be saying so much as three words about her. They wouldn't care and they would leave it alone. Oh, well. Things were what they were.
The rumor mill had been whirling faster than usual lately though and she knew why. She and Jack had been pretty tight recently. They never quit flirting these days. A person would have to be pretty damn blind not to notice that.
Then there was their after work arrangements. The nights they didn't work late they usually grabbed a drink together and the nights they stayed late they always ate together. On the nights he kept her extra late he always insisted on buying her dinner, sometimes at a nice restaurant. There had been more than a few nights when she'd come home from the office feeling as though she'd been on a really great date. She was even spending more time in front of the mirror getting ready in the morning.
It scared her. It scared her to death.
She was falling for him hard and fast. The control she had over her emotions was fading at an absolutely amazing rate. Right now, more than ever, she could understand how his other assistants had ended up as his bed-mates. She didn't want to make that kind of mistake. The idea that Jack could be Joel Thayer all over again was terrifying.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for her to feel like this about Jack. It wasn't fair at all. Not when she couldn't do anything about it. All she really could do was flirt with him, and she knew that even that--not to mention their nice dinners or frequent drinks--was ill advised. Flirting made it worse but she really couldn't help it. She really liked him.
Jack was different than Joel. She knew how Jack played the dating game, both with her and, thanks to the grapevine, previous assistants. He did seem to care about the women, at least as friends, although that could be an act.
The problem was she really knew very little about him. He'd rarely said anything about growing up or his personal life, with the exception of talking about his daughter whom he seemed to spoil rotten. What she did know about him was how he worked. She knew about how good he was at bending the law and, to some extent, a bit about his ethics, which were highly confusing to her. As far as she could tell he was basically honest. If he felt that he could find a legitimate reason to do or not to do something he blazed right ahead. If he couldn't he would grudgingly do as he would supposed to. The way she saw it he didn't believe in dishonesty, he believed in creativity and he was very creative. He could find a way out of almost anything he didn't want to do.
But he did seem to be honest. Didn't that mean she could trust him? She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about much of anything right now. Not where Jack was concerned
Either way she was curious about him and lately she'd started prying into his life a bit when he talked to her. She hadn't really found out much. He was fairly tight-lipped in some areas, especially concerning growing up, and she didn't want to push too much. She didn't feel it was her place. He was her boss after all. She couldn't quite treat him like everyone else, though she often forgot that and did. He never seemed to mind but she felt she should at least try to toe the line.
She half-heartedly pulled a file toward her. Eh, today was just one of those days. She didn't feel like working and she couldn't get Jack off her mind.
She looked into his office. He was at his desk, for once. Another thing she'd discovered about Jack was that he preferred to be sitting on his couch rather than at his desk if given the choice. He liked to be comfortable whenever possible. Most the time when they worked late he was in his jeans and a button down rather than his suit.
She liked it better that way. It let her relax more with him when they worked, and she liked how he looked in those jeans. Jack was sexy no matter what he was wearing but the jeans were godly.
No, no, no. She shouldn't be thinking about that. She should be working. Working. Like he was.
Goddamn it, she'd done it again. She'd started thinking about him when she shouldn't be.
None of this mattered. How she felt about him didn't matter and she needed to ignore it and do was she was payed to do. None of this was going to be coming out and it certainly wasn't going anywhere so the best thing to do was work and not think about it.
She sneaked one last glance into his office. She stared at him for a long moment then finally started working again. Doing exactly what she was supposed to be doing.
". . . So I hear these stories from him about these divorces, and most of it's just your average stuff with bitter people but sometimes he'll start talking about the ones who treat their kids like footballs--"
"It's not right," agreed Jack. "I can't imagine treating your kids like that and claiming to love them."
"Exactly! I'm sure you wouldn't have done that to your daughter and I know my parents never did that to me."
"And your parents had the money to really make a fight of it too," Jack pointed out.
"Yeah, they did," she agreed. "I'm just glad they managed to agree on something. I was young enough that I didn't understand most of it anyway. A custody battle would've went way over my head."
"When did your parents divorce, Claire? I don't think you've ever told me."
"I think it was finalized when around the time I was eight. They'd been split up for a good while though. There was a a lot to argue over with all that money--Daddy made it working and Mom was born into hers."
"Your mother got custody?" he ventured.
Claire shook her head to signal a 'no'. "Joint custody. I liked staying with my father whenever possible, though."
"Yeah, I remembered you mentioning that. I just figured it meant you were with your mother most of the time." He smiled. "So you were a daddy's girl?"
"I guess," she said. "I'm not sure though. I think it was more that I was always seeking his approval."
Jack gave her a look that urged her to explain.
"My father was one of those driving forces. He was always pushing me to do my best, especially if he saw a future for me there. That was what he'd done and it was important to him. It was important not to rely on someone else for him and therefore for me. So he'd push me really hard and only give his approval when I'd reached the highest goal. It was a rare thing to get from him. I lived just to hear him say, "I'm proud of you, Claire". It meant the world to me."
"That hasn't changed for you, has it?"
"I think something about your childhood or your parents stay with everyone," she told him. "Mine just happens to be that."
"Yeah," he said, then went silent.
And there they were again. That point where they hit that something about Jack, or perhaps just about his childhood, that he didn't want to talk about. It was never hard to know when they got there. Jack never seemed to bother to hide emotions like that from her. She wanted him to trust her with whatever it was he was hiding too. They were friends, even if nothing more, and they talked about nearly everything else. She wanted to hear about this too.
She saw him reach down and for a second she thought he might be going for the Scotch he kept in his bottom drawer. He either changed his mind or she was wrong because he just began talking instead.
"That's true," he said. "My father's been dead just about ten years now and I'm still terrified of him."
Claire looked shocked and a bit horrified. The way that had sounded she should be, and it had been just as bad as it had sounded.
"Jack," she said, when it seemed that he was not going to continue "What happened?"
"You know that my father was a cop, right? I know you do, I've told you. Well, when I was a kid I wanted to be a cop too. Like my old man. I looked up to him. He always told me, though, that being a cop wasn't good enough for me. I was going to law school So I did, and got strait As. I didn't just get strait As there either. I've only ever gotten one B in my life and when my father found out he was drunk. I got the tar beaten out of me.
"My father never let me lose, Claire. Losing just wasn't allowed in my house. Not for my brother, not for me, not even for my sister. I lost a fight once and I was terrified of telling my father. It was my good luck that he wasn't drunk when he found out about that. Instead he taught me to fight."
Claire's expression was soft and sympathetic. That was about the best she could do though. What could you say to that? What could you possible do to help? Say that you were sorry? The damage John James McCoy Sr. had inflicted was long since done. Sorry would help no one. The number and depth of the emotional scars inflicted by something would be far to vast to count. Nothing superficial like apologetic words was going to do much. There had to be something better to say to him. Words that conveyed something more than that. Something that told him how horrible she thought it was and that something like that should have never happened--even if it did.
Besides, somehow she couldn't help but think that 'sorry' was the type of thing he wouldn't have wanted to hear anyway. True, when it came right down to it she really didn't know him that much or that well but that just didn't seem the thing to do. He probably just avoided all this so much that he thought he was mostly past it anyway. Who knew, maybe he was.
Whether he was past it or not, it did explain a few thing about him. His competitiveness, his attitudes towards certain defenses, a lot of it. As one would expect, it had had a major impact on young Jack McCoy. He'd been carrying all this around for years.
She still had no idea what to do, or say. She stayed silent and just watched him, trying to think of something to say. Something appropriate and with worth. Nothing so empty as the type of words that immediately came to mind.
He saved her from having to say anything. He'd probably seen that she was struggling to find the right thing.
"Don't get me wrong here, Claire," he told her. "He was a bastard--sober or drunk, but he was only violent when he was drunk."
"How did you deal with it all? How did all three of you deal with it?" she asked, referring to he, his younger brother and sister as she finally found her tongue.
"Mostly what I remember about it is being scared of him and yet longing to be the son he wanted. The love of a child is strange that way."
"It is," she agreed. "Has it changed now that you're older?"
"Not a bit. It never does."
Claire had been playing with Jack all day, lightheartedly teasing him and having a blast doing it. It had made the day easier to get through. They'd fallen a bit behind and it seemed that all there was to do was paperwork--the type of stuff she really, really hated doing.
They were working on a case together in Jack's office when Claire first noticed it. Noticed how Jack seemed to be laying it on thicker than usual that night and how she'd been lapping it right up. He'd been smiling more, cracking jokes and being more than a bit goofy. She loved that side of him. It was just as sexy to her as the dedicated and powerful EADA she worked for, just in a different sense.
Fact was, though, that right now he was playing with her. He was getting back at her for playing with him all day.
Two could play at that game.
She loved competing with Jack. He loved competition and he loved winning. It was wonderful to see him try his hardest to do it because he was in his element when he was competing. He radiated power and confidence and it made her melt like a popsicle left on a hot sidewalk in the summer. With all that she'd probably lose the game but even when she lost at this game she won. She got to see Jack on one of his best and most attractive levels, and that was worth losing to her any day. He was the one who hated losing, not her.
This time, though, she ended up almost losing more than she thought she would. During the course of their little work session they'd ended up amazingly close together on the couch-- close enough to feel each other's breath. It seemed as though Jack was about to reach in to kiss her but she pulled away before he could actually make a move to do it.
A near miss. How perfect. This was exactly what she needed. Fighting away an almost teenage crush as she was made this an absolutely wonderful turn of events.
Not.
"So I dunno. I really like the job and a lot of my co-workers but my boss's ethics . . . It was pretty over the line, Claire."
"Why not go ahead and quit? There are plenty of jobs out there waiting for you. Remember how many people wanted you back when you'd just graduated? Now you've got experience. You can't lose."
"I suppose you're right," said Maria, Claire's best friend since her Junior year of high school. "I'm just a bit shaky about it."
Claire nodded and stirred her soda around a bit with her straw. She could understand that. If she found out Adam or Jack had nearly criminal, seriously criminal not just bad prosecutorial, ethics she wasn't sure she'd be able to quit. Especially if it were Adam. She wasn't sure she'd want to leave Jack behind. Even if it were Jack she wasn't sure she could do it. She liked her job.
Claire saw a hand being waved in front of her face. "This is mission control to Claire Kincaid. Please come in Claire."
"Sorry," said Claire as she pulled herself out of her thoughts. She hadn't even realized she'd zoned out.
"What were you thinking about?"
"Whether I'd leave if I found out Adam was nearly criminal."
"More like whether or not you'd be able to pull yourself away from your sexy boss," Maria snickered.
Claire turned red.
"Aww, Claire. I can read you like a book. There's a lot more to this than you've told me. If you'll just spill then we can get on with our lives," Maria prodded.
"It's complicated," Claire responded, trying to evade the question.
"When isn't it?" she asked. "C'mon Claire. I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything."
Claire sighed. She was going to end up telling her anyway. Why not now? She had a bit of time before she had to get back to the office.
"All right," she said. "I need to talk to someone anyway. If I don't I think I'll burst or go crazy or something."
"This is gonna be good," said Maria with a broad smile. Claire gave her a look. "Just kidding, sweety. It was a little joke--sue me."
So Claire told her everything. The drinks, the rumors, the looks, the dinners, the near miss just a few days before, everything. She told her about how her control was slipping. How it had been since that day in court. How she wasn't sure if she would be able to hold off.
"But why hold back then? Claire, if you like him that much--"
"Am I the only one here who remembers Joel? Look at what happened there. I was censured. I thought my career was over."
"Jack's not Joel. Joel was a jerk. A married jerk. Besides he was like thirty years older than you. Jack's only like twenty years older than you. Joel Thayer was just one young and inexperienced, blah, blah, blah girl's bad judgement."
"How do I know my judgement is any better now?" Claire asked, voicing a fear that had been bouncing around her head for a long time.
"Well he sounds real great to me."
"You only know what I've you," Claire pointed out. "I must've said the same kinds of things about Joel."
"Yes and no."
"That's definitive."
"Sorry," Maria sniffed. "Well I could meet him myself and find out. All I've ever seen of him is stuff from newscasts. From what I can see you're pretty tight considering how long you've known each other."
"You're kidding!"
"Hey, hey," said Maria in a calming tone. "I can only see it because I've got inside information. I doubt anyone else in the audience can tell."
"Good," said Claire with a relieved sigh. "It's bad enough the stuff they say in the office."
"Speaking of the office don't you have my scarf sitting in your desk drawer?"
"Yeah . . ." said Claire, narrowing her eyes a bit.
"I'm gonna come with you and you're going to give it back now. Maybe if I'm lucky you'll get to introduce me to Jack."
"You're insane, Maria."
"So what else is new?" Maria replied flippantly. "Come on," she said, getting up and holding out an arm for Claire.
Claire shook her head and got up as well. She hooked arms with Maria and they strolled the three blocks back to the DA's office together. It reminded her of the sort of stuff they'd done when they were teenagers. They'd been real loons. They were the same way now only they were wearing suits now instead of jeans and tight shirts.
They lost their playful edge when they got to the office. It was a place for work--not play. Claire didn't want to damage her reputation any more that she already had.
In the end, after having met Jack in person, Maria decided that Claire had more self control than she thought she did. She was so professional with Jack--despite the fact that Maria knew that what she really wanted to do was rip his clothes off.
Jack had never liked Harold Fletcher. He never would either. Fletcher was an incompetent, skirt-chasing fool. There was nothing that Jack disliked more than a fool--especially the ones that somehow managed to pass the bar exam.
Especially when they chose to try and flirt with his attractive lady assistants.
Fletcher had been around this legal circle long enough to know better than to do that. He may have been foolish but there were some things even an idiot like Fletcher should be able to figure out. That Claire, being Jack's assistant, was off limits should be at the top of that list. He could excuse Fletcher he thought he might not know but he was trying a case against both of them. He knew she was working with Jack yet he still insisted on cornering her and trying to ask her out. She was giving him all the 'not interested' signals she politely could but he wasn't even showing any signs of backing off.
Even if Fletcher wasn't smart enough to be scared of him, the man could at least have some sort of respect for Claire--at least enough to back off when she gave him the signal to. It made his blood boil to see Fletcher keep at it.
The only reason he hadn't done something about it himself was because he knew that Claire would string him up for not letting her get rid of him herself. Feminist women could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.
He continued to watch Fletcher bumble to impress Claire. She was perfectly calm, perfectly polite and perfectly frustrated by Fletcher's tenacity. She was showing all her telltale signs of agitation--the little things he'd come to associate with Claire being upset. He'd picked up on them quickly. When you watched her closely they were hard to miss.
She was still trying her best to get away from Fletcher. At least he didn't seem to have gotten to be truly obnoxious yet. There was only so much Claire could take and obnoxiousness by some half-assed lawyer would definitely be over the threshold.
She made a move to leave Fletcher and he cut her off, saying something else to her. Jack saw Claire's posture slump a bit with disappointment. Nothing really noticeable, just a little bit.
It was more than Jack could take though. He'd stood by and watched long enough. That was over the line as far as he was concerned. Fletcher was going to stop this right now. He'd try to interfere as little as possible, he still didn't want to pick a fight with Claire, but he had to try something.
He grabbed his briefcase from where he'd put it down and moved toward Fletcher and Claire. He hoped that if Fletcher saw him hovering around a bit he would run off. No such luck. He held his ground, an unusual move for him. Jack always cleared the floor with him in the courtroom and Fletcher had no reason to believe he wouldn't willingly do the same outside the courtroom as well. The man was at least two inches shorter than Claire and scrawny. He wouldn't stand a chance.
He was going to interfere. He couldn't see any other way for him to get rid of Fletcher. This certainly wasn't working and if something didn't work he adjusted. Fuck Claire's feminism anyway.
He planned on going up to Claire and saying something to her. He didn't know what but his presence right there with Claire should scare Fletcher, especially if he and Claire flirted as they usually did.
Jack began to catch snatches of the conversation between Fletcher and Claire as he moved closer.
" . . . Just grab a drink with me and we can try and work out a deal."
"I told you, Jack won't deal. Whatever I think really doesn't matter."
"Well if we work out something good--"
"I've got plans anyway."
"I'm free all week," he stated, inching closer to her.
She casually moved away as much as she could. "I won't deal either. Now, I have work to get done."
She tried to walk away yet again. He cornered her yet again.
"Maybe if we talk about it you'll--"
Jack found his opening. Temper raging quietly under control he stepped toward Claire and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Claire," he said in way of greeting as she turned to face him. His hand slid down to the small of her back.
She had a big smile on her face. She loved the feeling of having his hand there. It was the most forward thing he'd ever done and she loved it. Sparks flew, traveling from his hand all the way up her spine.
She didn't like why he was doing it though. He was doing it because he was trying to protect her from Fletcher. She didn't want him to protect her. She could protect herself just fine. She'd forgive him though. She'd gotten mad at him before and he'd always been very easy to forgive. Besides, this was far better than dealing with Fletcher for another five minutes anyway.
"Dinner tonight?" he asked.
"Yeah, of course."
"Back to the office then." Jack looked away from Claire's eyes and nodded at Fletcher. "I'll see you when the trial resumes."
Fletcher just nodded pitifully at Jack and Claire as they walked off together.