Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion…

Sorry it took a long time for this new chapter to come out. I've been busy with a lot lately. Look for my new Harry Potter fan fiction coming out soon entitled, "Harry Potter and the last Mage." Also, look for my one-shot Evangelion story entitled, "Kasumi." It's over 10,000 words long, so it'll give you guys something to do. Those should be out soon. Anyway, I'm upgrading this story to rated R just to be safe. The content gets questionable for PG-13.

Oh, and there is one scene in here that will make most people uncomfortable. It's a torture scene using the old Irish technique of "Kneecapping." If some of you know what that is, you'll know what's coming up. So just be aware of that.

Oh, and if it gets too dark for you, hang in there. A little over half way into this chapter, it gets super WAFFy. J

Story Title: Masochistic

Chapter 8: Why God?…

Author: Mosher-24

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rei opened her eyes and blinked until the darkness disappeared and turned into the dimly lit room she had learned to call home. She didn't move. The pain running through her body had barely subsided since her experience with the machine.

She moved her fingers and felt like a thousand needles were digging into her skin. She moaned in pain and blinked back tears as she moved to sit up. The pain shot through her body, sharp and excruciating. H-how… how could you Commander? she thought as a silent tear rolled from her eye.

"I'd advise you to forget about Shinji this time Rei. If you don't, you'll get more Vaylacedrine," said a female voice at Rei's door. Rei turned her head to see who it was, but the person had already gone.

Vaylacedrine was a newly discovered drug that NERV had been testing. It was released into the bloodstream and it spread through the body very quickly. Its affect was an extreme amount of pain. The drug ate away skin tissue and immobilized several regular bodily functions. It was then counteracted with a different drug called Viceralyne, which re-grew the lost tissues and re-mobilized the body. The after affect of the two drugs was a lasting pain. The overall affect lasts twenty-four hours.

'The Machine' was just a foreboding name placed to a large contraption devised by NERV to torture those who got in their way. It had several different injection vaccines that ranged in effect from death to pain. Rei had been placed in the seat because she had not followed a direct order from the Commander.

"Uhgn," Rei groaned as she moved across her horrendously dirty floor and into her bathroom. She ran the cold water into her bathtub and went to the mirror. She looked at herself and almost screamed.

Her eyes were a dull red instead of the normal sunset red. There were veins running across her skin. Her hair was ruffled and had a single gray hair across her forehead.

She sighed and stripped off her clothes. She then stepped into the cold bath and sighed, feeling a little bit of pain ebbing away. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the horrible feeling that the Vaylacedrine had given her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shinji opened his eyes. He had a horrible headache. There were blue and white spots flashing before his eyes. He groaned and sat up. He got an instant head-rush and immediately lay back down.

"Rei?" Shinji said softly, looking around. She was nowhere in the room. The clock on the nightstand read 7:00 AM. He groaned again and sat up, the headache had subsided.


Shinji then looked next to him and saw something strange. A dart. It had a small green, cylindrical body and a pointy needle. Shinji frowned. He heard movement outside his door and looked up.

"Mr. Kaji!" he called, rubbing his eyes and standing up. Kaji walked in with a smile on his face that instantly disappeared when he saw Shinji. He rushed over and grabbed Shinji by the shoulder, who was stumbling around, trying to stand up straight.

"Shinji! What happened?" Kaji asked seriously, sitting Shinji down and looking him in the eyes. Shinji rubbed his head, which was killing him.

"I don't know… Rei was here and we had fallen asleep, then I woke up with a terrible headache and Rei's gone. There's a dart right there," Shinji added, pointing to the dart. Kaji picked it up and frowned even more.

"NERV tranquillizer dart," he said simply, narrowing his eyes. He turned and left without another word, out the door and to his jeep. Shinji heard the engine start and the jeep take off down the street. He couldn't care less though, with his head hurting as bad as it did. He lay back down and closed his eyes. He drifted back off to sleep soon after.

In his dreams, Shinji saw Rei. She was sitting in a chair, gagged and tied down. A figure was walking toward her with a drill in his hand. Shinji stared in horror as the figure turned out to be Gendo. He put a large bit into the end of the drill and started to spin it. Rei whimpered through her gag.

"Rei. I told you to listen," Gendo said simply as he brought the bit to Rei's kneecap.

"This is a little technique that the Irish used to use for torture. How does it feel?" Gendo asked sadistically as he drove the bit into her kneecap, twisting the nerves around the spinning bit.

Rei let out a heart-piercing scream. Gendo just smiled. Shinji tried with all his might to yell, to move, but nothing would happen. Gendo reached out his free hand and began to feel Rei up as she twisted in pain.

"That's my girl. You won't be doing that again will you? You'll listen to me right?" Gendo asked, digging his fingernails into Rei's breast. She screamed and shook her head, tears coming from her eyes. Blood began to roll down her leg, resting in a small puddle at her feet.

Shinji screamed and woke up. The headache was gone. He looked around, sweat dripping from his face. It was midnight. Shinji wiped his brow and cried silently from the disturbing dream's images.

"Are you okay?" Shinji heard Kaji's voice. Shinji looked up and saw Mr. Kaji enter the room and walk over beside him. Shinji nodded to let his guardian know he was alright, though he was trying not to throw up from the dream.

"Well, NERV wouldn't tell me anything about why you were shot with a dart, so I'm sorry, but I have no information there," Kaji said, putting his hand on Shinji's shoulder and squeezing gently. Shinji nodded and swallowed, the sick feeling ebbing away.

"Bad dream?" Kaji asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. He took a puff and blew out the smoke and then looked over at Shinji. Shinji nodded and gulped.

"Wanna talk about it?" Kaji asked, taking another puff of the cigarette. Shinji sighed and told Kaji all about the dream he had. Kaji listened intently and then nodded as Shinji finished.

"Ugh. Good thing that dream wasn't real. Irish Kneecapping is a nasty bit of torture. Do you know why he was torturing Rei?" Kaji asked, knocking the excess ashes off of his cigarette.

"I don't know. It's just a nightmare though. They're not supposed to make sense," Shinji said hopefully, making it out to be more of a question than a comment.

"Yea. Nightmares can fuck with you pretty badly, so don't let'em get to you. Just forget about it and you'll be fine. Okay?" Kaji asked, smiling. Shinji smiled and nodded.

"Okay kid. I don't suppose you'll be able to sleep again, so if ya want to come out and watch TV or play video games with me, it's just fine," Kaji said, puffing on his cigarette one last time before he put it out and stuck the butt in an ash tray on Shinji's night stand.

"Really? Awesome! Sorry, I mean, uh… that'd be great Mr. Kaji," Shinji said, looking at his feet. Kaji smiled and put his arm around Shinji's shoulders.

"Call me Kaji. I'm your friend. Not your superior," Kaji said, leading Shinji out to the front room. Shinji sat on the couch while Kaji sat in a chair next to him. Kaji pulled out a remote and turned on the TV.

"TV or video games?" Kaji asked, looking over at Shinji. Shinji thought for a moment and then said, "TV, I'm not very good at games." Kaji smiled and nodded and switched the channel to Comedy Central where the South Park Movie was on.

Shinji laughed through most the movie and at the end, fell asleep on the couch. Kaji smiled again and laid a blanket on his charge, then went off to his own room, pulling out a fresh cigarette.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rei looked at herself in the mirror again. The veins had stopped showing through her skin and her eyes were regaining their color. She looked much better than she did a few hours ago. There was still a small amount of pain running through her, but she felt she could manage.

She looked over to her closet, which was across the room. She stepped over the dirty clothes and bandages to her closet. Almost as if it was a subconscious routine, she picked out her school uniform. Rei slowly put the uniform on, as not to irritate the pain.

After she was fully dressed and satisfied with her appearance, she went to her bed and grabbed her books. They seemed extremely heavy, but that was due to the fact that she was weakened from her injections.

Walking slowly to the door of her apartment, she opened the door and walked straight into someone in front of her. She fell over, dropping her books across the hall.

"Rei! I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you!" Shinji said, picking up her books and helping her off the ground. Rei felt extremely weakened. She looked at Shinji and forced herself to smile. He smiled back.

"It's okay. I was just on my way to school. Would you like to walk with me?" she asked in her usual dull tone. Shinji had learned not to pay attention to her tone or her expressions too much.

"Yes. I was just going to ask you if I could walk with you," Shinji said, holding out his hand, which was shaking. Rei smiled softly and took his hand in hers. She could feel his nervousness through his shakiness.

"Is everything alright Rei?" Shinji asked after he had walked her down the stairs and into the city. Rei had become unstable, feeling all her energy slowly draining. She tried to say she was fine, but instead collapsed into Shinji's arms.

Nobody around really noticed. There were people walking by about thirty feet away, cars racing past, construction across the road, but no one even spared them a glance.

Shinji picked Rei up. She was extremely light, which didn't surprise Shinji. She had a very petite figure. Her eyes closed and she passed out before she could say anything. Shinji carried her back up the four flights of stairs and back into her apartment. Despite her weight, Shinji was still short of breath and sweating by the time he got back into her apartment.

He walked across her floor, careful not to step on anything. He then laid her out on her bed and pulled the sheet over her. She sighed and moved slightly.

Shinji wiped his brow and looked around her apartment and could almost feel himself get dirtier. The whole place held many dirty things. Bloody bandages, unwashed clothing, old papers, and dust. Nothing seemed to be cleaned regularly.

"Well, might as well start now," Shinji said to himself as he looked through her kitchen drawers. He found several unopened cleaning supplies and a mop. Shinji began to clean, and clean, and clean, and clean.

The whole apartment, which was not very big, ended up taking him a full three hours to tidy up. Shinji sighed and put the cleaning supplies away. He then went over and sat next to Rei on the bed. She stirred slightly.

Shinji smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. She smiled and opened her eyes. Shinji could see she was still tired. He caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you Shinji," she said softly. Shinji nodded and lay next to her, putting his arms around her and holding her until she had fallen asleep again. He smiled and listened to her breathing before he nodded off.

Shinji looked around him. He was in a tiny room that slightly resembled Rei's apartment. It was dark, only a little golden light fluttering through open windows that Shinji couldn't see. There was a bed, a couch, and a table. No other furniture decorated the room, the walls were colorless, and it was very plain.

All of a sudden, Shinji felt a sharp pain dragging down his right arm. He looked down and saw bloody lines being etched into his arms. He winced, but at the same time, started to feel the pleasure spread through him. It was like cutting himself again.

"Is this what the Commander mentioned? About masochism?" came the most familiar voice to Shinji. He spun around and saw Rei standing there, holding her right arm with her left. Shinji looked down at his arm, which had stopped being sliced by invisible blades, but was still bleeding.

"I-I…" Shinji stuttered, ashamed of himself and his addiction.

Shinji felt something soft press against his cheek. He opened his eyes and looked at Rei, who was still in his arms. She kissed him again, this time on the lips. Shinji kissed back, closing his eyes.

"I had the weirdest dream," Shinji said with a smile as they pulled back. Rei just smiled, apparently too tired to speak. Shinji just smiled and ran his fingers gently across her cheek.

"Shinji… I have never felt like this with anyone. When I'm with you… I feel… happy… I feel… special with the way you look at me… I…" Rei was about to add more, but Shinji smiled and gave her another kiss on the lips.

"I know. The same with me… I love you," Shinji said after he broke the kiss. Rei smiled softly in agreement and then moved on top of Shinji. He immediately tensed up, so Rei placed his hands on her hips and then kissed him again, parting her lips this time to allow Shinji's tongue to enter her mouth.

Shinji did as she indicated and ran his tongue into her mouth. He ran his fingers through her soft hair again and smiled.

The light from the window dimmed down, the sun already setting. Shinji didn't possibly know how time could have gone past so fast, even with him sleeping, but at the moment, he didn't care.

In fact, Shinji only cared about Rei at that moment. He didn't know what to do, he didn't have any experience, but he let his instincts take control. He took his mouth from hers and kissed down her neck slowly. When he came to her blouse, he shakily began to remove it. Rei didn't say anything to the contrary. She even began to help him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I… I just want my sister to be put in the best possible hospital for her. Then I'll do whatever you want," Toji said, putting his head in his hands. He was scared to death, but all he could think of was helping his sister.

"Very well. Consider it done. You'll be there tomorrow then? We'll have agents ready to pick you up," Ritsuko said, holding out an I.D. card to Toji, the fourth child.

"Yea, I'll be there," Toji said, almost out of breath. Dr. Akagi nodded and dropped the card in his book bag. She then turned and left the room, followed by two agents who had waited in the shadows as her personal bodyguards.

Toji shook violently. He was in a sterile room. It was white. Only a table and two chairs decorated the room. Toji saw the only way out was the way he had come in. He stood up, careful not to look into the bright overhead lights.

He walked out the door and out the way he had come, which was on an elevator and through several corridors.

Toji went through the main doors and out into the humid night air. He could already almost feel his clothes sticking to him. He paid no attention and walked straight over to Misato's, forgetting that Shinji no longer lived there.

The way was dark, uneventful, and foreboding. Toji knocked and was met almost immediately by a face full of Asuka. 

"What do you want?" she asked rudely. Hikari appeared behind her, looking over her shoulder to see who it was. She turned red immediately.

"I was just wondering… if you knew were Shinji might be?…" Toji asked, backing off a little so Asuka wasn't right in his face. She was puzzled slightly by his submissive behavior, but decided to keep being a bitch anyway.

"No I don't know where the idiot is. He doesn't live here anymore, remember? Go look at Mr. Kaji's or something," Asuka said turning her back to Toji and closing the door. Toji heard Hikari and Asuka begin to talk excitedly and then moved off down the street.

"He wouldn't be at Kaji's… He'd be at Ayanami's…" Toji said, sticking his hands in his pockets and moving down the street toward Rei's apartment.

It was getting darker by the second, blackness falling over Tokyo-3's buildings. Toji moved up the four flights of stairs after an hour of wondering and knocked on Rei's door.

Shinji opened his eyes and felt Rei on top of him. She was breathing evenly. Another knock at the door told Shinji he was not dreaming the knock up. He gently placed Rei to his left and stood up, walking to the door. He pulled up his jeans and opened it, still only in jeans and missing his shirt.

"Shinji? Hi man, can you talk?" Toji asked as Shinji opened the door. Shinji jumped at seeing Toji, but looked back at Rei and then to Toji.

"Okay, sure. Wanna go for a walk then?" Shinji asked in a whisper, hoping Toji would follow suit. He wasn't being quiet when he spoke.

"Mmmm… Shinji, what's wrong?" Rei moaned from the bed, turning over and tangling herself in the covers. She rubbed her eyes and looked at Shinji.

"I need to go talk to Toji. I'll be back soon," Shinji said, looking back at his girlfriend. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Okay, I'll just sleep until you get back," Rei said, laying her head back on the pillow and untangling herself from the sheets.

"So, you and Ayanami got it on huh?" Toji asked, his voice devoid of the normal teasing tone. Shinji looked at him and nodded absentmindedly.

"What's wrong man?" Shinji asked, leading Toji down the stairs and into a near by park.

"I… I just…" Toji said, but trailed off and pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He took a deep puff and then blew out the smoke.

"What are you doing? I didn't think you'd smoke! You're a jock!" Shinji said, eyeing his companion suspiciously. Toji sighed.

"I just started earlier today… I… I'm so scared Shinji… They… they made me… ME… an EVA pilot!" Toji finally said, throwing his cigarette to the ground. He started to shake uncontrollably and fell to his knees.

All Shinji could do was stare. He stared down at his friend, unbelieving of what he just heard.

A scream interrupted what Shinji had planned to say. He turned back toward Rei's apartment and stared intently. Another scream issued from Rei's apartment.

"REI!" Shinji screamed, running at full speed to the apartment entrance.

Continued…………

Author's Notes: I hoped you liked this chapter… It took me a while to finish. Thanks to those who have supported me.

Next Chapter: Cat and mouse