Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion...
This story is rated R for language, violence, and sensuality. Sorry about the wait. I've been grounded. :p
Story Title: Masochistic Author: Mosher-24 Chapter Seventeen: Pax Tokyo
~*~*~*~*
Shinji was sitting in the forest, staring at the newly formed lake of LCL. The orange pool was deep and lifeless. The wind barely even moved the surface. His hair was swaying gently in an almost lifeless breeze.
His reflection in the pool was distorted, a broken orange image barely able enough to look back. It seemed even his reflection was lethargic.
Shinji was so out of it, he didn't even hear the twigs crack behind him. He was absorbed inside a little world of pain and horror, all mixed together with Rei. A hand clasped around his shoulder and Shinji jumped.
"What the hell?" he muttered, turning around. A boy he had never seen stood there. He was pale, as pale as Rei with the same crimson eyes. Shinji saw Rei on his face in a moment of horror. The feeling passed in a few moments though, and Shinji remembered his manners.
"Hello, what's your name?" Shinji asked. The boy smiled and held out his hand.
"I'm Kaoru Nagisu, nice to meet you Shinji Ikari," he said. Shinji stared at him for a long time.
"How did you know my name?" The third child asked in a whisper. Kaoru only smiled and began to whistle. He looked out at the lake.
"I need to be going, Shinji Ikari. I will see you later," they boy said before taking off, out into the woods and out of Shinji's field of vision.
Shinji stared after him for a long time and couldn't help but feel strange about him. He had known Shinji's name somehow and had felt... strange. He felt like Rei did. He had the same aura, but Shinji couldn't quite tell why. 'It might be that they're related, they look a lot alike,' Shinji thought.
He shrugged it off and looked at the time. It was night and he was expected back at Misato's soon.
He began to walk, through the woods and down the streets, always keeping an eye out for anybody from NERV that would want to finish him off for his knowledge.
But I wouldn't know. They are too good. I'd only hear the click of the gun being loaded before they blew my brains out.
Shinji ran all the way back to the apartment, but wasn't killed.
*~
The next day, Shinji went straight from school to the spot outside Rei's apartment where they used to meet. He figured it didn't mean much now. Nothing meant much since he couldn't have Rei.
The wind blew softly through the trees, which now seemed so distant, not the close in dark plants that made him feel claustrophobic when he waited for Rei. They weren't the same trees who played games with his mind in the dark, awaiting his love to join him. In fact, Shinji was pretty sure this wasn't the same world.
"But it is," came a soft female voice. Shinji turned around to see Rei standing there, holding here left arm with her right hand.
"How'd you know what I was thinking?" Shinji asked, not really surprised. He had always known Rei well enough to be able to tell what she was thinking.
"You were thinking out loud," Rei replied. She stood next to him, looking out into the wood. Her eyes were searching, but Shinji had the idea that she wasn't searching for anything in the outside world. She was soul- searching.
"I still cannot recall anything you have told me about our past," she said after a long silence. Her voice sounded so small. So innocent. Shinji's eyes got teary thinking about his lost love.
"I wish I could, Ikari. It seems that it was special," Rei said. She stood for another ten minutes, in complete silence while silent tears fell down Shinji's face.
When Rei was certain that there was nothing else she could possibly say, she left, silently and quickly. Shinji watched her until he couldn't see her anymore. A sob rose in his throat at watching Rei's sway and graceful walk.
"Don't cry," another soft voice said. Why can't you just leave me alone? Do you always have to haunt me? Shinji thought bitterly. He thought it was Rei, but was wrong.
"Do you still play your cello, Shinji?" the voice said, louder this time. The third turned and saw Kaoru standing there, this time he didn't look so much like Rei. Well, he did, but Shinji didn't want him to.
"No, never," he replied. He voice was lifeless, utterly hopeless. Kaoru only smiled, which made Shinji hate him a little. The boy's crimson eyes sparkled with life. Why couldn't his? What had he done to God? Couldn't God get His own girlfriend, why did He need Shinji's? Kaoru suddenly frowned, then wiped the look away.
"Why not?" he asked, sitting next to Shinji. That feeling came back, still as implacable as ever. It was so familiar Shinji had to hate himself more for not remembering it.
"I can't write music anymore. My feelings don't seem to translate well through the instrument," Shinji said. He leaned against a tree trunk and closed his eyes. The smell of the forest filtered through his nostrils and he smiled.
"Keep trying. It may take an eternity for an artist to make a picture from a rock, but it is possible," Kaoru said. Silence followed. Silence too familiar to stand.
"Where is the second?" Nagisu asked suddenly. His face remained indifferent, but Shinji heard the interest hidden deep in his voice.
"She is in a mental asylum," Shinji replied. He felt saddened immediately, and sighed. Kaoru smiled and hummed a merry tune that Shinji couldn't quite place. It was familiar, however.
"Do not worry. She'll be fine," the platinum haired boy said.
"I must go," Kaoru got up and walked off without another word. Shinji stared after him, not sure what to think. He was nice enough. But that FEELING he got from Kaoru was so familiar he couldn't stand it.
So Shinji stood and made his way through the streets of Tokyo-3, wandering randomly. He ended up at a park. A park he knew he'd seen before.
"Are you happy?"
Shinji turned sharply around. Now I remember! This was the park the angel had taken him to, when it had absorbed him. This is where he had confronted himself. This is where his inner child had told him that he was happy with Rei... that he needed Rei, and Shinji was struck with such an agony that he wept right there.
I must look so stupid! I mustn't cry, mustn't cry! Shinji sat under a tree and covered his face. There was no one around, however, no one to make fun of him. No one but himself and that was the worst of all. You wussy. You damn wussy, look at you crying!
When he was done crying, he got up and disappeared into the night, heading for Misato's place.
"What are you doing to your son, Gendo?"
"He'll be fine. He's a strong boy, just like I was."
"I'm just worried about him turning out like you."
"Hah, that would be bad."
"..."
"Asuka?" Kaoru looked at the pitiful red haired girl. She was rocking back and forth, mumbling her mother's name. Poor, poor child.
Kaoru reached out and gently touched her face. Asuka drew back for an instant, before she closed her eyes and cried. She leaned her face into Kaoru's hand.
"It wasn't your fault," the platinum haired boy said. Asuka looked up at him, her face surprised and innocent. Those four words changed her life, then and there. She wasn't willing to accept it just yet, but hearing those simple, simple words changed her entire existence.
"How do you know? How could you know you fucking asshole!" she screamed. Denial, Kaoru thought with a smile. Asuka stood up and started crying, then told the guards to take Kaoru away. They did so gladly.
When Kaoru was outside, he smiled and walked down the street, toward Rei Ayanami's apartment. He didn't particularly like her, but he liked Shinji, and Shinji loved her.
"Yes?" Misato said, picking up the phone. She looked horrible, tired, and empty. Her purple hair was unwashed and there were bags under her eyes. God, she's really taken Kaji's death hard, Shinji thought.
It was early in the morning and both had just woken up.
"Oh, hi," Misato said.
"Sure, I don't mind. Okay, see you later," Misato hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" Shinji asked, pulling on a new shirt and sitting on the couch. He sighed and stretched.
"Rei," Misato said simply. Shinji stared at her.
"She's coming over, I'd put on your best," Misato said with a genuine, rare smile. Shinji smiled back and hugged her. She was taken by surprise, but soon wrapped her arms around her charge.
Shinji went into his room. He put on a clean school outfit. When he was all ready, he went out to the front room and Rei was already there, dressed in her school uniform. The third child smiled at the first, who only looked at him in return.
"Would you spend the day with me, Ikari?" Rei asked, her face devoid of emotion. Her voice was as quiet as ever. She was also as beautiful as ever and Shinji gave in immediately.
"Yes," he said, walking over to her. Misato smiled at him and retired to her room to catch up on sleep before she went into NERV to put the final touches on Kaji's work.
Rei led the third child out of the building and to a secluded park, where he had been before, on a picnic. A picnic with Rei. Yet more tears welled in his eyes at the sight, but this time a crooked grin was set on his face.
"Do you recognize this place, Ikari?" Rei asked, turning to face him. There was a picnic basket and a blanket all laid out in front of a small pond with goldfish.
"Yes, I do," he replied. She looked at him before replying, "I think I do. Not in a photographic sense, but I feel like I have been here before."
"It's better than nothing," Shinji said. Rei nodded and sat on the blanket. Shinji sat down next to her and looked through the picnic basket. She watched him carefully, trying to memorize his movements.
"Rei... would you come a little closer, please?" Shinji asked. Rei was puzzled by the request, but she responded and moved a little closer to Shinji. Once she was within range, Ikari leaned in and gave her a gentle, deep kiss on the lips. Warmth shot through Rei's every vein and she closed her eyes and let Shinji hold that kiss for a long time. When she finally pulled away, Shinji's eyes were still closed, his cheeks red. Her cheeks were red too, but she couldn't feel her face.
"What was that, Ikari?" she asked. Shinji reached out and gently swept her blue hair from her eyes, then caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes and felt tingly, almost giddy.
"That was a kiss, Rei," Shinji said after a long silence. She opened her eyes and looked at the third child, calm and serene.
"I still do not remember, Ikari," she said. Shinji nodded and retracted his hand slowly. They ate in silence and then sat and stared at the sky. Clouds were few and far between and the sky was a beautiful deep blue.
"What do you think about in times like this, Rei?" Shinji asked, putting his hands behind his head.
"Why am I here? That's what I think about," Rei replied. Her voice sounded so distant, Shinji might have thought she were miles away if he weren't staring into her face.
"I know why you're here," Shinji smiled.
"Why?"
So I can love you, Shinji thought. He never replied and Rei never asked again.
Rei sat and rethought the conversation with Kaoru after Shinji had left. He had again kissed her, and again she had no idea what to do or think. He had told her he loved her and she had said nothing. What am I supposed to do?
::"He just wants you to love him"
"But I do not,"
"Maybe you just don't know if you do or not,"
"How am I to know?"
"You'll know,"
"... I know what you are,"
"That is irrelevant. We're talking about Shinji right now, not what I am,"
"..."
"Look, just spend the day with him, go on a picnic, you know, whatever,"
"Fine,"
"And try to be open-minded. He's a good guy,"
"I will, Nagisu,"
"Good night, Rei"
"..."::
Rei went to sleep pondering all these things, and juggling her unidentified feelings at once.
A week later, Kaoru stepped into NERV with an unusual intent.
Aoba looked at the screen with disbelief. "What the hell?" he wondered aloud.
"What?" Misato asked, looking over to his counsel.
"UNIT 02 HAS ACTIVATED! UNMANNED!" Maya yelled.
"Unmanned? What the hell is going on?" Misato yelled.
"A.T. field detected! IT'S PATTERN BLUE!"
"The seventeenth angel. Dammit! Summon Shinji to Unit-01 immediately! We need to stop third impact!" Misato commanded.
"Yes sir!"
"Who's that by 02?"
"...It's...it's... I can't believe it... It's the fifth child,"
Continued....
Sorry it's been so long! I really am! There's been a lot of shit going on and I have had no time to do anything. The next chapter is going to be longer and will come faster, hopefully.
Next Chapter: Holding your life in my hands
This story is rated R for language, violence, and sensuality. Sorry about the wait. I've been grounded. :p
Story Title: Masochistic Author: Mosher-24 Chapter Seventeen: Pax Tokyo
~*~*~*~*
Shinji was sitting in the forest, staring at the newly formed lake of LCL. The orange pool was deep and lifeless. The wind barely even moved the surface. His hair was swaying gently in an almost lifeless breeze.
His reflection in the pool was distorted, a broken orange image barely able enough to look back. It seemed even his reflection was lethargic.
Shinji was so out of it, he didn't even hear the twigs crack behind him. He was absorbed inside a little world of pain and horror, all mixed together with Rei. A hand clasped around his shoulder and Shinji jumped.
"What the hell?" he muttered, turning around. A boy he had never seen stood there. He was pale, as pale as Rei with the same crimson eyes. Shinji saw Rei on his face in a moment of horror. The feeling passed in a few moments though, and Shinji remembered his manners.
"Hello, what's your name?" Shinji asked. The boy smiled and held out his hand.
"I'm Kaoru Nagisu, nice to meet you Shinji Ikari," he said. Shinji stared at him for a long time.
"How did you know my name?" The third child asked in a whisper. Kaoru only smiled and began to whistle. He looked out at the lake.
"I need to be going, Shinji Ikari. I will see you later," they boy said before taking off, out into the woods and out of Shinji's field of vision.
Shinji stared after him for a long time and couldn't help but feel strange about him. He had known Shinji's name somehow and had felt... strange. He felt like Rei did. He had the same aura, but Shinji couldn't quite tell why. 'It might be that they're related, they look a lot alike,' Shinji thought.
He shrugged it off and looked at the time. It was night and he was expected back at Misato's soon.
He began to walk, through the woods and down the streets, always keeping an eye out for anybody from NERV that would want to finish him off for his knowledge.
But I wouldn't know. They are too good. I'd only hear the click of the gun being loaded before they blew my brains out.
Shinji ran all the way back to the apartment, but wasn't killed.
*~
The next day, Shinji went straight from school to the spot outside Rei's apartment where they used to meet. He figured it didn't mean much now. Nothing meant much since he couldn't have Rei.
The wind blew softly through the trees, which now seemed so distant, not the close in dark plants that made him feel claustrophobic when he waited for Rei. They weren't the same trees who played games with his mind in the dark, awaiting his love to join him. In fact, Shinji was pretty sure this wasn't the same world.
"But it is," came a soft female voice. Shinji turned around to see Rei standing there, holding here left arm with her right hand.
"How'd you know what I was thinking?" Shinji asked, not really surprised. He had always known Rei well enough to be able to tell what she was thinking.
"You were thinking out loud," Rei replied. She stood next to him, looking out into the wood. Her eyes were searching, but Shinji had the idea that she wasn't searching for anything in the outside world. She was soul- searching.
"I still cannot recall anything you have told me about our past," she said after a long silence. Her voice sounded so small. So innocent. Shinji's eyes got teary thinking about his lost love.
"I wish I could, Ikari. It seems that it was special," Rei said. She stood for another ten minutes, in complete silence while silent tears fell down Shinji's face.
When Rei was certain that there was nothing else she could possibly say, she left, silently and quickly. Shinji watched her until he couldn't see her anymore. A sob rose in his throat at watching Rei's sway and graceful walk.
"Don't cry," another soft voice said. Why can't you just leave me alone? Do you always have to haunt me? Shinji thought bitterly. He thought it was Rei, but was wrong.
"Do you still play your cello, Shinji?" the voice said, louder this time. The third turned and saw Kaoru standing there, this time he didn't look so much like Rei. Well, he did, but Shinji didn't want him to.
"No, never," he replied. He voice was lifeless, utterly hopeless. Kaoru only smiled, which made Shinji hate him a little. The boy's crimson eyes sparkled with life. Why couldn't his? What had he done to God? Couldn't God get His own girlfriend, why did He need Shinji's? Kaoru suddenly frowned, then wiped the look away.
"Why not?" he asked, sitting next to Shinji. That feeling came back, still as implacable as ever. It was so familiar Shinji had to hate himself more for not remembering it.
"I can't write music anymore. My feelings don't seem to translate well through the instrument," Shinji said. He leaned against a tree trunk and closed his eyes. The smell of the forest filtered through his nostrils and he smiled.
"Keep trying. It may take an eternity for an artist to make a picture from a rock, but it is possible," Kaoru said. Silence followed. Silence too familiar to stand.
"Where is the second?" Nagisu asked suddenly. His face remained indifferent, but Shinji heard the interest hidden deep in his voice.
"She is in a mental asylum," Shinji replied. He felt saddened immediately, and sighed. Kaoru smiled and hummed a merry tune that Shinji couldn't quite place. It was familiar, however.
"Do not worry. She'll be fine," the platinum haired boy said.
"I must go," Kaoru got up and walked off without another word. Shinji stared after him, not sure what to think. He was nice enough. But that FEELING he got from Kaoru was so familiar he couldn't stand it.
So Shinji stood and made his way through the streets of Tokyo-3, wandering randomly. He ended up at a park. A park he knew he'd seen before.
"Are you happy?"
Shinji turned sharply around. Now I remember! This was the park the angel had taken him to, when it had absorbed him. This is where he had confronted himself. This is where his inner child had told him that he was happy with Rei... that he needed Rei, and Shinji was struck with such an agony that he wept right there.
I must look so stupid! I mustn't cry, mustn't cry! Shinji sat under a tree and covered his face. There was no one around, however, no one to make fun of him. No one but himself and that was the worst of all. You wussy. You damn wussy, look at you crying!
When he was done crying, he got up and disappeared into the night, heading for Misato's place.
"What are you doing to your son, Gendo?"
"He'll be fine. He's a strong boy, just like I was."
"I'm just worried about him turning out like you."
"Hah, that would be bad."
"..."
"Asuka?" Kaoru looked at the pitiful red haired girl. She was rocking back and forth, mumbling her mother's name. Poor, poor child.
Kaoru reached out and gently touched her face. Asuka drew back for an instant, before she closed her eyes and cried. She leaned her face into Kaoru's hand.
"It wasn't your fault," the platinum haired boy said. Asuka looked up at him, her face surprised and innocent. Those four words changed her life, then and there. She wasn't willing to accept it just yet, but hearing those simple, simple words changed her entire existence.
"How do you know? How could you know you fucking asshole!" she screamed. Denial, Kaoru thought with a smile. Asuka stood up and started crying, then told the guards to take Kaoru away. They did so gladly.
When Kaoru was outside, he smiled and walked down the street, toward Rei Ayanami's apartment. He didn't particularly like her, but he liked Shinji, and Shinji loved her.
"Yes?" Misato said, picking up the phone. She looked horrible, tired, and empty. Her purple hair was unwashed and there were bags under her eyes. God, she's really taken Kaji's death hard, Shinji thought.
It was early in the morning and both had just woken up.
"Oh, hi," Misato said.
"Sure, I don't mind. Okay, see you later," Misato hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" Shinji asked, pulling on a new shirt and sitting on the couch. He sighed and stretched.
"Rei," Misato said simply. Shinji stared at her.
"She's coming over, I'd put on your best," Misato said with a genuine, rare smile. Shinji smiled back and hugged her. She was taken by surprise, but soon wrapped her arms around her charge.
Shinji went into his room. He put on a clean school outfit. When he was all ready, he went out to the front room and Rei was already there, dressed in her school uniform. The third child smiled at the first, who only looked at him in return.
"Would you spend the day with me, Ikari?" Rei asked, her face devoid of emotion. Her voice was as quiet as ever. She was also as beautiful as ever and Shinji gave in immediately.
"Yes," he said, walking over to her. Misato smiled at him and retired to her room to catch up on sleep before she went into NERV to put the final touches on Kaji's work.
Rei led the third child out of the building and to a secluded park, where he had been before, on a picnic. A picnic with Rei. Yet more tears welled in his eyes at the sight, but this time a crooked grin was set on his face.
"Do you recognize this place, Ikari?" Rei asked, turning to face him. There was a picnic basket and a blanket all laid out in front of a small pond with goldfish.
"Yes, I do," he replied. She looked at him before replying, "I think I do. Not in a photographic sense, but I feel like I have been here before."
"It's better than nothing," Shinji said. Rei nodded and sat on the blanket. Shinji sat down next to her and looked through the picnic basket. She watched him carefully, trying to memorize his movements.
"Rei... would you come a little closer, please?" Shinji asked. Rei was puzzled by the request, but she responded and moved a little closer to Shinji. Once she was within range, Ikari leaned in and gave her a gentle, deep kiss on the lips. Warmth shot through Rei's every vein and she closed her eyes and let Shinji hold that kiss for a long time. When she finally pulled away, Shinji's eyes were still closed, his cheeks red. Her cheeks were red too, but she couldn't feel her face.
"What was that, Ikari?" she asked. Shinji reached out and gently swept her blue hair from her eyes, then caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes and felt tingly, almost giddy.
"That was a kiss, Rei," Shinji said after a long silence. She opened her eyes and looked at the third child, calm and serene.
"I still do not remember, Ikari," she said. Shinji nodded and retracted his hand slowly. They ate in silence and then sat and stared at the sky. Clouds were few and far between and the sky was a beautiful deep blue.
"What do you think about in times like this, Rei?" Shinji asked, putting his hands behind his head.
"Why am I here? That's what I think about," Rei replied. Her voice sounded so distant, Shinji might have thought she were miles away if he weren't staring into her face.
"I know why you're here," Shinji smiled.
"Why?"
So I can love you, Shinji thought. He never replied and Rei never asked again.
Rei sat and rethought the conversation with Kaoru after Shinji had left. He had again kissed her, and again she had no idea what to do or think. He had told her he loved her and she had said nothing. What am I supposed to do?
::"He just wants you to love him"
"But I do not,"
"Maybe you just don't know if you do or not,"
"How am I to know?"
"You'll know,"
"... I know what you are,"
"That is irrelevant. We're talking about Shinji right now, not what I am,"
"..."
"Look, just spend the day with him, go on a picnic, you know, whatever,"
"Fine,"
"And try to be open-minded. He's a good guy,"
"I will, Nagisu,"
"Good night, Rei"
"..."::
Rei went to sleep pondering all these things, and juggling her unidentified feelings at once.
A week later, Kaoru stepped into NERV with an unusual intent.
Aoba looked at the screen with disbelief. "What the hell?" he wondered aloud.
"What?" Misato asked, looking over to his counsel.
"UNIT 02 HAS ACTIVATED! UNMANNED!" Maya yelled.
"Unmanned? What the hell is going on?" Misato yelled.
"A.T. field detected! IT'S PATTERN BLUE!"
"The seventeenth angel. Dammit! Summon Shinji to Unit-01 immediately! We need to stop third impact!" Misato commanded.
"Yes sir!"
"Who's that by 02?"
"...It's...it's... I can't believe it... It's the fifth child,"
Continued....
Sorry it's been so long! I really am! There's been a lot of shit going on and I have had no time to do anything. The next chapter is going to be longer and will come faster, hopefully.
Next Chapter: Holding your life in my hands