I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update .'' Forgive me! The bulk of this chapter was written while on a plane to and from a cousin's graduation. So, I hope you like it. There's a 'fight' scene in here… I've never done one before, but I recently read a fic that did so…. Yeah, I hope it's okay. Hmm… nothing else to say so…..

Every once in a while, my mom makes me go with her to the grocery store. When she does, I just go along and push the cart, keeping her company. It is so boring though. So, I try to amuse myself the best way I can. I cross my arms and hold onto the handle/bar thing, plant my feet and lean back till the bottom bar is pressing against my leg. Then, I try to get back up into a standing position without moving my feet or hands. That's how I feel now. Stuck here with Sage. I'm trying, struggling to get up, but without going anywhere. Without changing who I am. I'm scared someone's going to bump into me and force me to move, change my footing or fall on the ground. I can see Sage coming towards me. And I don't know if he can really see how much I'm struggling to get back up.

Sometimes, when I do actually manage to stand up fully again, I normally just lean back again to see if I can get back up again. I keep letting myself sink just to see if I can get back up. It's like I'm addicted to this torture cycle that I put myself through.

Man, I really am in need of mental help. I'm comparing my life to a shopping cart for god's sake!

"Ready?"

"Huh?"

"Are you ready?" Sage repeated. Crap. He'd been speaking to me and I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't here him. This isn't good.

"Ready?" I repeat weakly, hoping to sound like I'm just playing dumb. Only, it really isn't an act, but I have to act like I'm acting. Ugh, this is so confusing!

Sage takes a breathe, not really visibly, but I still notice. I've known him for too long. "Are you ready to go again?"

Giving him a smile that I hoped looked genuine; I nodded and took my stance with the bokken(1).

After eyeing each other for a minute, we start circling each other. With each pass, we get closer and closer. Suddenly, Sage attacked, which caught me by surprise because it was rare that he ever made the first move. However, I recovered quickly and blocked the low blow aimed at my left side. My weak side.

We stay that way, bokken crossed, staring at each other, sizing the other one up. I swing my bokken aroung, forcing Sage's also around in an arc. Jumping back I take a defensive stance.

He seems so calm. I just don't get it. I was sure that as soon as we were alone, he'd ask me. But he hasn't. Not even made an indication that he's thinking about it.

We both charge and our bokken clash several times before we both back off and begin circling again. Again. Sage charges me and I barely react in time to block the attack. This time, however, he immediately strikes again. Repeatedly he strikes, forcing me backwards. Step by step. He's so aggressive. So focused. So. Calm. Sure. What's he planning…

Ack! I tripped over my own feet! As I fall, I see Sage coming in for a final attack. I barely roll away in time. But Sage doesn't give me a chance to stand back up. This time, instead of rolling away, I block his attack with my sword. But he's able to use his strength and gravity to slowly push down until my own bokken is a hair's span away from my throat.

Why is he staring at me so intently? It's creeping me out. But, I can't speak. It feels like I have something caught in my throat. I try to swallow, but it won't go down. It just causes the bokken to rub against my throat.

After staring at me for what felt like hours, Sage finally moves off me and sits down a few feet away, leaning against the wall. Which, I just realize I missed hitting my head on by about a few inches. Feeling akward, I pull myself into a sitting position and sit next to him, leaning against the wall as well.

For a long while, we just sat there in silence. A voice in the back of my head keeps screaming for me to leave. But, I can't. I don't know why. Sage will say something soon. I should leave before he does. I don't want to talk about it!... Do I? I've always said I don't, but is that what I really want? No, I want to tell someone.. Badly. But. No one would understand. So, why did I let it slip? Why did I tell Sage? Maybe he hasn't brought it up because he really doesn't care. Maybe he's just stuck on routine like me. After all, old habits die hard. I guess that's why we stick to things even if they begin to hurt us. We're just so used to doing the same thing. So used to just hitting auto pilot.

I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them, leaning my forehead against my arms I let out a heavy sigh. This is just so confusing. Closing my eyes, I try to think of nothing. Just stop thinking. Eyes down cast, I bring my head up, and rest my chin on my right arm and lean my head into my left hand with my elbow pressing into my leg.

My head's throbbing now. I curl my fingers. Maybe I should just go to bed. Standing up, I start walking, eyes never leaving the floor.

"Rowen." I feel a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I see Sage. My eyes go wide. I'd forgotten I was still at Sage's dojo. Looking at his face, I see concern etched on his face. "If you need to talk, I'm here for you." He squeezed my shoulder gently.

Looking away, I shrug his hand off. "I'm fine." I hope I didn't sound harsh. "Really." I turn and force a smile.

"No, you're not, Rowen." Sage stared at my intensely.

"Sage, I-" But he cut me off.

"You told me yourself you weren't just a week ago!" I don't think I'd ever seen him this upset about anything before.

"Look, just forget it, alright?!"

"No." He's said that a lot lately it seems. Is he purposely contradicting me? My head's really throbbing now.

Gritting my teeth, I turn to leave.

"Rowen! You need help! If you won't let me help you then get professional help!"

"What do I need help for?!" Who does he think he is?! He doesn't really care! Ugh! Why won't this head ache go AWAY?!

"You're depressed for god's sake! And damn it, Rowen, I don't want to be the one to walk into your room one day and be the one to find you're lifeless body hanging from the ceiling or lying in a puddle of your own blood!" I don't remember Sage ever yelling so much. But it was ticking me off.

"Well, then, don't go in my room! Problem solved!" Turning on my heel, I head for the door, but he grabs my wrist to stop me.

"… Rowen…" Glancing over a him, I notice he isn't looking at me anymore. He's looking at the floor. It's funny, normally, I'm the one staring at the floor, not him. He spoke very softly, so softly, that I had to strain to hear him. "Please, Rowen, they have people who can help you. People you can talk to. I'll go with you if you want. But you need to talk to someone. And if you're really depressed, they have medication now that you can take. Please."

After a few minutes he let go of my wrist. Looking down at it, I just can't really think of anything… except for a single word: death.

In a low voice, I finally find the right words, or, what I hope are the right words. "You should know more then anyone, Sage, that I don't have an easy time expressing myself…" I take a deep breathe and try to clear my thoughts through my pounding headache. "Give me time to think about it." I start to head towards the door.

As I go to grab my bag from near the wall, Sage responded in a controlled voice, "Alright. But one more thing, promise me you'll start eating again." Before I can put in my defense, Sage holds up his hand and continues. "I've been watching you. You haven't eaten lunch in quite a while and tonight you ate a lot less then you used to."

Not even acknowledging what he'd just said, I open the door, and without turning around, I call back to him. "I'll see you at school Monday." Closing the door behind me, I walk to the edge of the property, then stop to debate whether I want to run home or just walk as slow as I possibly can. I hate decisions. I hate me.

1- For the purposes of this fic, it is a wooden practice sword. I've tried to find out exactly what it was and a lot of the pics I found were of wooden swords.. but I'm not sure if that what it is exactly. For those of you who have see Rurouni Kenshin, think of it like the wooden sword Yahiko uses. And I just didn't want to say 'sword' or 'practice sword' because it made it sound like the wrong visualization was being given… soo… yeah

That's the chapter. I, er, Sage, bluntly stated Rowen's problem…. Does it make sense? Did you seen 'it' coming? Was it Good? Bad? sighs Well, guess I need to start brainstorming the next chapter. wanders off