Author's Note: Heeey, sorry for the huge delay. The story is back now, though! And I'm actually halfway through chapter four, the final chapter. So no worries, friends! The block is over, and this will be finished soon.

Sorry this is a little short, though. Any more and it would have just gotten repetitive. The next chapter is longer.

~

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childhood fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just so much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have…

All of me

~

            "I can't see you anymore, Merry."

            "Pippin…you know you don't mean that."

            "I'm sorry, I…I have to go."

            Merry, lying on his back on his bed, let a single tear fall. It fell sideways and dripped into his ear, but he didn't care. That moment kept playing in his head as long as he didn't keep himself busy; and he had nothing to do now. It haunted his leisure time, his sleep…every day and night for almost a week now.

            Merry hadn't spoken to Pippin since that night – not that he didn't try. Pippin was avoiding him. If they were about to pass on the road, Pippin would turn the other way. If Merry said "hello", he was ignored. He didn't know what brought on the change in Pippin. The last time he had seen him…that night, it all had been perfect. He refused to believe that Pippin had made the decision by himself.

            Frodo and Sam were never formally told of the separation, but it wasn't very hard to guess. Whenever the name of Meriadoc Brandybuck was brought into conversation, Pippin acted as if he had no idea who the hobbit was – as if every memory had been erased.

            They brought it up to Merry one day as they sat in the Golden Dragon. Pippin was no where to be found.

            "You know…" Sam said, staring down into his ale. "We haven't seen Pippin around. You seen him lately?"

            Merry stared at him, then shook his head nonchalantly. "Nope. Can't say I have."

            "What happened with you two?" Frodo inquired.

            Merry stood up in a huff, slamming his mug down onto the table. "I don't know. And it's not your business anyway. I just…don't know."

            He stormed out of the Golden Dragon, gaining the attention of many drunk hobbits as his feet pounded the floor.

            The weather outside was sickeningly beautiful. The sun was shining, and it was warm. Little hobbit children were healing in the fields.

            Merry leaned himself against the wall of the bar, trying to calm himself down.

            Then he saw him.

            Merry straightened immediately. The calm look on Pippin's face and the nature of his walk told Merry he had not been spotted. Merry fell into step behind his cousin, following him down to Hobbiton.

            Pippin walked the whole way there, none the wiser that he was being followed. At last he arrived at his destination, Bag End. Pippin knocked on the door; left disappointed when it was not answered.

            "Oh well. He must not be home."

            "I was just with him, Peregrin Took, and Frodo Baggins is quite the confused little hobbit. And frankly, so am I."

            Pippin gasped loudly. "Merry! How…why are you following me?"

            Merry advanced on him. "I want you to talk to me, Pippin. Tell me what happened."

            Pippin made an attempt to run, but Merry held tight to his shoulders.

            "How can you be all right without me? How could you forget me so easily? I thought we had something. Didn't we?"

            Pippin bit his lip so hard it bled.

            "No…I'm not happy," he said, trembling. "But I have to fight it. I have to be normal. What we did…we shouldn't have. It wasn't right. I'm sick, Merry. You're sick, too. But I, at least, am trying to do something about it."

            Merry's grasp on Pippin tightened as his face contorted with a mixture of fury and despair. Pippin winced, thinking he was about to be struck. Instead, he was released. But he didn't run. Something about the expression on Merry's face froze him on the spot.

            "…I still love you, Pippin."

            The younger hobbit found his legs and ran.

~

            "That was a harsh punishment you dealt him with, sir."

            "I know, Mr. Baggins. But it had to be done."

            Frodo paced slowly around Paladin Took's living room.

            "The results of your actions…"

            "Are just what I wanted. My son is no longer interested in that cousin of his. Now he can go on and live a normal, happy life with some hobbit lass when he finds one."

            "A normal, happy life?" Frodo said, trying to keep his temper under control. "Paladin, since you released him, I do not believe I have once seen him smile. He drags himself around without even a bit of the spark he used to have. That spark, I may add, is the result of his friendship with Merry all these years – even before they became involved with one another. Now he does not even have that. I do not think you understand, Paladin, that Merry was always Pippin's life, even before this."

            Paladin's eyes narrowed. "If you're trying to guilt me into something, it isn't working. Peregrin can find a new source for his 'spark', as you call it. Also, I've come to realize that now he and Merry cannot be just friends anymore. If they are ever together, it will be romantically. I will not have my son running around with another lad. If they have to lose the friendship to make that happen, so be it."

            "I see you cannot be moved," Frodo said bitterly. "Well then, I shall not waste any more time here." He left without a farewell, and Paladin didn't at all mind.

~

            Merry tossed and turned restlessly in his bed, unable to get to sleep. Maybe he had just imagined what he was sure Pippin's eyes conveyed. He didn't want to get his hopes up. He didn't want to be hurt again.

            "He's not happy…he still loves me. I know he does."

            He rolled onto his side. "I know that bastard father of his did something to him. There's no other explanation for all this."

            He rolled onto his stomach and muttered into his pillow. "Why couldn't Pippin just admit Paladin may not always be right…why does he have to care so much?"

~

            He is trying so hard to forget me. Yet he still loves me. I could still win. I could get him back.

            But then, wouldn't he be disappointed in himself for failing yet again? That's the only emotion he feels – disappointment, and only in himself. I don't want o bring even more of that upon him. I love him, but if he gives up and returns it, he'll hate himself. He'll think himself dirty; maybe even unfit to live. No. I don't want that for him.

            Maybe though, he could possibly get over me. I could try to help him along – give him his space and ask Frodo and Sam not to mention my name around him.

            If he forgets is feelings for me, he'll be happy. Maybe then we could become friends again. Maybe even more.

            But I, in turn, have to forget him if this is to work. Just for a little while.

            It will be difficult. I hear his voice in my head. He invades my dreams; my every thought.

            It's almost like he's a part of me now.

            Or maybe he always was.

~

My Immortal © Evanescence