"This isn't going to work" Michael said as he followed Emmett down Liberty Avenue. They came to a stop outside the diner and Michael pulled his coat closed tighter as the wind whipped. "A doctor's going to know right away that there's nothing wrong with me." They pushed their way into the diner, taking a seat at the usual table. "He's going to laugh in my face and think I'm a moron and a slacker and..."
"Who's gonna think you're what?" Deb asked approaching the table. Michael slouched back in his seat with a deep sigh. "What's the matter baby? You look like shit."
"Gee," Michael said straightening up again. "Thanks a lot Mom. Don't let anyone say I can't count on you to tell it like it is."
"Don't be a smart ass." Deb said. All Emmett could do was fight to control the fit of laughter that was just busting to explode at any moment. "So are either of you boys gonna tell me what's going on?" She looked directly at Michael. "It's Brian, isn't it?"
"Why is it that every time something goes wrong you automatically think it's because of Brian?" Michael asked.
"Because 99% of the time when you're down on yourself it is because of Brian."
"Jesus, Mom" Michael leaned forward. "Don't you think you're exaggerating a tiny bit? Not every catastrophe in my life involves Brian."
"Jesus Christ, this is worse than I thought." Deb exclaimed. "You're having a catastrophe!" Thousands of thoughts raced through Deb's head. "Oh my God you got fired. You're not at work... they fired you baby..."
"No!" Michael said. "No I didn't get fired."
"Just playing hooky." Emmett chimed.
Deb cracked her hand across the back of Michael's head. "Ow!" he said, his own hand soothing the area. "What was that for?"
"For worrying me." she said "Now why is this a catastrophe?" Michael was silent. "Michael." Deb's voice raised with warning.
"Well... Emmett called in and told management that I was hurt playing soccer with.... Brian." Michael practically whispered his name. "And now I.... I kinda have to prove injury." Michael winced, anticipating the next slap that Deb would give him. The slap that would cry out, 'What are you a fucking moron?' He waited, but it never came. He looked up at Deb.
"And you honestly think that you'll find a doctor that will falsify records?" Deb said. "What are you a fucking moron?" There it was, Michael couldn't help but smile at his mother's predictability. "This isn't funny Michael."
"I know" Michael snapped back to the moment. "I know but... if I can at least get a doctor to look at me, I can at least have proof that I went. Emmett knows somebody... through numerous channels that we're going to see later today."
"Jesus, boys. What the hell are you doing?"
"Hell if I know."
"We're doing this for you sweetie" Emmett looked at Michael. "We're doing this because... well you can't spend the rest of your life waiting around in the cold at 3am to drive Brian home after he has the time of his life. We're doing this so that you can rest up, so that you can have the time of your life and so that we can find you a real man. Then Brian's gonna have to find another way to get home at night because you'll be too busy." Emmett beamed.
"Oh so that's what this is about" Deb said. "Cutting loose from Brian."
"Nobody said anything about cutting loose from Brian." Michael corrected. "I'm not ditching Brian. He's my best friend."
"All I'm saying is that maybe I can help you find more than a best friend." Emmett smiled. "There's somebody out there for you."
"Oh yeah?" Michael laughed. "Then how come I haven't met him yet."
"Maybe you have and you just don't know it yet" Deb said. "Or maybe he's right under your nose and you just have to look."
"Oh so now you're OK with all of this?" Michael shook his head.
"Baby, everyone needs a personal sanity day once in a while" Deb rationalized now. "You boys probably could have thought of a better way to go about it... " Michael sighed. "Too late for that now." Deb paused. "What'll you boys have... gotta keep your strength up. Oh I know how about those pancakes you love so much."
"Great Mom," Michael said. Emmett nodded as Deb went off to out in the order. "I still don't think this is going to work." He said to Emmett.
"Michael," Emmett leaned forward. "You don't have to worry about a thing. What's the worst that can happen. You get a few days off, you get to spend the weekend at Babylon, we find you the love of your life..."
"Talk about high expectations." Michael said. "Let me at least take this one step at a time."
Emmett nodded. "Course." he said "We'll take you to the doctor."