Crash and Burn – So Far Away
Chapter 2 – Bonding
The therapy programme followed a fairly regular pattern from the start of the first week. The six people would meet after breakfast for group sessions whereas after lunch, Jack and his colleague Lou would provide individual sessions for each group member. The evenings and most of the weekends were free time, although the counsellors were always on hand to offer support at these times.
As the first day of sessions was drawing to a close, Jack Bradford sat and surveyed the copious notes he had taken about each of the six, combined with his colleague's observations from the individual sessions she had taken. After reading for over two hours, Jack sat back in his chair and massaged his eyelids. He'd been running the course for several years and had received excellent write ups for it in both psychiatric and police publications, but it never seemed to get any easier, particularly at the start. This was the stage where he had to reconcile his findings with his initial thoughts from their case files and as usual, he was right and wrong in equal measures.
Jack picked up the photo of the tall red headed man. Duncan McDonald, the attached note read. At the initial group meeting Duncan had seemed reserved and reluctant to take part although he had opened up a little more during the individual session that afternoon. In the morning group he had talked about his job, indicating to Jack that he would stick the programme out even if he didn't particularly enjoy sharing his more difficult experiences with others.
The next photo Jack uncovered was of Jenny Norris. Throughout the day she had seemed quite receptive and had contributed willingly. She was certainly a lot tougher than she looked. Jack smiled; the prognosis was looking good so far. Richard Jones remained difficult to judge. Like Duncan, he seemed self conscious about baring his soul but would hopefully come around in time. Away from the therapy setting he seemed more sociable than Duncan, which helped Jack believe that there was more beneath his hard exterior.
Kieran Patrick was proving to be more hostile, Jack thought as he picked up the photograph of the sullen Irishman and studied it closely. He clearly disliked the thought that people felt he needed help and Jack was well aware that he had been all but threatened into coming by his employers, who were nearing the end of their tethers at his violent outbursts and unreliability. Getting Kieran to open up was likely to be the biggest challenge of the month ahead.
Jack dropped the photograph in amongst the sheath of papers and reached for another file. Danny Murphy. The picture showed the young policeman grinning broadly; an expression that seemed to sum up everything Jack had learnt about him so far. Danny also seemed quite agreeable to the therapy sessions, which was encouraging. The ex-policeman then picked up the last of the photographs; a glossy image of Dee Latener, the cop from New York.
As he was studying the photo of the handsome dark haired man, there was a tentative knock at the door.
"Jack? Are you in there?"
"Yeah, come in, Lou," Jack called out, recognising the voice of his colleague.
On his invitation, Lou Fletcher stepped into the room, smiling as she took the empty seat across from him.
"What you up to?" she asked, craning her neck to see what he had in his hands.
"Just evaluating the first day," he replied as he angled the photo of Dee towards her.
"I liked him," she said, gesturing towards the picture. "Nice guy."
Jack nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, my niece Polly liked him too. That's why I agreed to take him on the programme. He's holding a lot back though. Have you've seen the background information about what happened to him?"
"He was kidnapped, right?"
"Yeah… it's not surprising that he hasn't adjusted well to life back at work."
Lou tucked her long blond hair behind her ear and smiled sympathetically. "He talked a little about someone called Ryo, his partner. D'you know if that's a work colleague or a partner in the romantic sense?"
"Both actually."
Lou looked interested. "Could that be an issue?"
"I don't think so. He was completely open about his sexuality in front of the group. From what I can gather, that's the one area of his life where he is settled."
The female psychiatrist nodded understandingly. "They seem like a nice group this time although I think that Kieran might be difficult."
"That was my first thought too," Jack said, massaging his temples as he looked down at the plethora of papers on his desk.
"Come on," Lou said with an easy smile as she stood and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Time you knocked off for the day. You can carry on saving the world again tomorrow."
Jack chuckled as she held the door for him, knowing that even now he needed reminding to leave his work at the office.
After breakfast the next day, the group met for their second session. The day before, they had talked about their jobs and why they loved them; today Jack wanted to know what had attracted them to their chosen careers in the first place. Jenny had talked of her love of helping people before Duncan explained how he had followed his father and grandfather into the fire service. He also spoke proudly of his son Peter who already was saying that he too wanted to follow in his father's footsteps.
Richard explained how his childhood diagnosis of diabetes had led him to an interest in a medical career. He had initially trained as a psychiatric nurse before being drawn to the emergency services by a friend who had worked as a paramedic for many years. Kieran as usual looked disinterested and didn't volunteer any information about himself, other than to say he had joined the fire service after leaving the army. Jack asked him a little about his time in the military but Kieran wouldn't elaborate beyond saying that he had served in the Gulf and had been discharged on medical grounds after being wounded in action.
When it was Danny's turn, the youngest member of the group grinned self consciously, stubbing out the cigarette he had been smoking as he listened to the others talk. He scrubbed a hand through his chocolate brown hair before he started.
"My dad, I never really knew him like, was a successful business man. He was also a complete bastard. He treated my mum like shit, especially when she told him she was pregnant. My mum never lied to me but I was a typical arrogant teenager and didn't believe her. I thought she must have done something to drive him away. I set out to track him down and meet him. I wanted to hear his reasons for myself."
His face clouded with anger. "He was exactly as my mum described. He told me I was waste of oxygen and I'd never amount to anything other than a common criminal." He paused and a wry smile crossed his features. "After I'd broken his nose I decided that he was right, or at least he would be right if I continued the way I was heading. After that, I stopped messing around and getting into trouble. I thought about what he said and decided that instead of being a common criminal I would be the one to catch them." He shrugged and smiled. "That's about it. Not the greatest of reasons, I know."
Jack smiled, liking Danny's fire. Once certain that the younger man had finished, he turned to Dee.
"Dee? Would you like to talk about why you chose to become a policeman?"
The dark haired man nodded as he shifted slightly in his seat.
"I was abandoned as a baby in New York, in a box down an alleyway. I was found by a policeman called Jess Latener who took me to hospital. Apparently I nearly died since it was winter and had been outside for some time. I was then raised in an orphanage with Jess checking on me every so often. I took his surname since he was the closest thing I had to a father."
He faltered at the next part of his story; wanting everyone to think highly of Jess, as he did, but knowing the truth was unavoidable.
"Jess was a cop, but unfortunately a dirty one. When I was older, I found out he was involved in drugs. I confronted him about his activities and he tried to turn his back on it but the gang weren't prepared to let that happen. He was murdered by them but before he died, I promised him I'd be honest and try to live my life the way he couldn't. Up until then, like Danny I'd spent most of my life getting into trouble but suddenly I could see the big picture; where my life was heading if I didn't straighten myself out. Fortunately the orphanage funded my place at the academy and I became a cop as soon as I was old enough."
He thought of Jess and what the man would make of the fact that he was in therapy. The no nonsense cop would probably laugh, Dee thought dryly; he certainly hadn't been good at asking for help when he needed it.
Jack was full of praise for the morning session as they stopped for lunch. The six split up to make the most of the time before their afternoon appointments, but not before arranging to meet for their evening meal, Kieran included. Dee's second session with Lou went well again. He felt relaxed in her company, telling her much about the background that she needed to know in order to help him. Like Jack, she quickly realised that his sexuality was not an issue as he talked about his partner, the man known as Ryo. She used that love to show him that he had it within him to beat these difficulties; that the tenacity he had shown when trying to win Ryo over was exactly what he needed to be rid of his PTSD.
Dee left the session feeling much more optimistic; an emotion he communicated to his lover when he rang him later on. Ryo sounded pleased by the good news, repeating several times how proud he was and how much he loved him before he went on to fill him in on the news back home. Dee chuckled as Ryo told him all about their night out; of JJ's drunkenness and Drake's unsuccessful attempts to find romance.
"Bet you saw all the action," Dee said, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder as he smiled.
Ryo laughed, embarrassed. "No competition for you, my love."
"Ah, so you did then?"
"Dee…"
"I'm kidding!" Dee reassured, knowing Ryo was uncomfortable with the unwanted attention. "I miss you though."
"Damn, I miss you too, Dee. Bicky and Cal say 'hi' too."
"Is he behaving himself?"
"Believe it or not, but yes."
The conversation ended shortly after as Dee realised the appointed meeting time he had arranged with the group earlier was drawing near. He had changed and was in the middle of his insulin when there was a knock and knowing it would be Danny, he called out "Come in, it's open."
"Hey, are you rea…?" the younger man started to say before he saw Dee injecting into his arm. The look on his face told Dee he was presuming the worst, knowing people turned to all sorts of addictions to help them through difficult times.
"Diabetes, remember?" Dee said with a smile as he held out the vial of insulin.
"Sure," Danny replied quickly; too quickly, indicating that he was relieved that his initial assumption had been incorrect.
"Besides," Dee said, gathering up his crutches and heading towards Danny and the door. "I save the hard stuff for after I've eaten."
They both laughed as they went to meet the others.
Surprisingly, since he was missing Ryo badly, Dee found that the first week passed quickly. The therapy was manageable and he found that all the talking about his job had renewed his love for his chosen vocation. They hadn't touched on the traumas that had brought them together in the first place; that was still to come, but all in all, Dee felt that things were going okay.
As a group, the six had eaten together most nights, despite not being obliged to spend time in each other's company beyond the morning group sessions. Even Kieran had opened up a little, although he still wore an air of bored indifference for the most part. At the end of the first week, the group decided to eat out; a kind of celebration for making it through the initial seven days. It was Friday night and with no therapy sessions for the next two days it was time to relax.
They had chosen an Indian restaurant in Rusholme, along what was known as 'the curry mile'. Being local, Danny directed them towards an establishment that he recommended. The two taxis dropped them off at the door as the visitors surveyed the endless rows of neon fronted restaurants that stretched as far as the eye could see.
"It's changed a little round here," Danny explained as they were shown to their seats. "Until recently, most of the restaurants didn't have liquor licences so people brought their own drinks. There are still a few places like that but most of them now serve alcohol. We've raided a couple of places that have started serving alcohol without a licence."
"Have you checked this one?" Kieran said dryly. "Wouldn't look good for two policemen to be eating in a dodgy restaurant now would it?"
Danny frowned, not sure whether the Irishman was making fun of him or not. Most of Kieran's interactions were like that, with the potential to offend. Happy to be out and relaxed at the thought of a free weekend, Danny shrugged the comment off as the waiter brought over the menus.
Not sure which dishes were best suited to his diet, Dee was glad that Richard, a fellow diabetic was on hand to help. The other man indicated which meals to avoid until the American had chosen and ordered. When the waiter had gone away, Jenny smiled gently at Dee, who was sitting across from her.
"My brother has diabetes," she explained, having gleamed from Dee and Richard's conversation what was going on. "He's like a walking fact file of what he can and can't eat."
"Bet he's fun at parties," Kieran said quietly.
Jenny shot him a withering glare. "He's also a stand-up comedian so actually he is."
Next to Dee, Danny sniggered, amused at how proficient the deceivingly waif-like woman was at putting Kieran in his place.
"Has he ever performed in Manchester?" Dee asked, trying to keep the mood right. "The taxi driver that brought me from the airport said there were a couple of good comedy clubs in the city."
"I think so," she replied, nodding thoughtfully.
"I prefer sitcoms myself," Richard joined in, pausing briefly for a drink. "No offence, Dee but I'm not so keen on some of the American stuff. Frasier's good but I can't stand Friends."
Dee grinned. "No offence taken. I don't watch it."
"I like Friends!" Danny said indignantly.
"You would," Kieran muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Well what d'you watch?" the young policeman growled, glaring at the other man over the top of his pint glass.
Kieran shrugged as he fiddled with his cutlery. "I don't bother with TV."
"He's got a point. TV nowadays is terrible," Duncan said with a smile before he excused himself and headed for the bathroom.
"So what do you do for fun?" Danny asked challengingly; clearly not prepared to let Kieran off the hook so easily.
The conversation ceased temporarily as the waiter returned with their meals. Once he'd gone again, Danny resumed staring straight at Kieran, waiting for an answer. It was hard not to dislike the surly Irishman; he certainly didn't even try to be civil on occasions. Danny however, wasn't the least bit intimidated.
"Well?"
Kieran shrugged. "Since you're so interested, I play Gaelic football and drink."
Richard laughed. "Stereotypical Irishman, huh?"
"That I am," Kieran replied, smiling slightly; a gesture which seemed to clear the air a little with everyone except Danny.
The food was excellent and for the remainder of the meal, conversation managed to steer clear of anything that would antagonise either the sullen Irishman or the hot headed Mancunian. It was a well deserved break; a chance to be ordinary human beings and all pronounced the evening a success; agreeing that they would do it again soon.
For Dee, the weekend ended far too quickly, especially when it became clear that the focus of the next week's therapy was to be much more related to the incidents that had brought them there in the first place. Despite many sessions with Polly, he'd always stayed away from talking about the actual events of his kidnapping. She'd allowed him to avoid the subject, not wanting to push him before the trial, since that in itself was bound to be highly stressful for the already traumatised man. He knew that if they'd continued their sessions, he would have had to talk about what had happened eventually but the PTSD programme had come up first, leaving the responsibility to Jack Bradford and Lou Fletcher.
Lou, who was overseeing Dee's individual sessions had learnt how he'd clammed up in the group session on the first day of the second week. Over lunch, she discussed how she should proceed with Jack.
"You need to be firm," the ex-policeman insisted. "He'll gain nothing if he leaves here without ever talking about what happened to him."
"I know," Lou said, wiping her mouth with her napkin. "I just wanted to be sure that I should be pushing him."
"You have to. We've spent a great deal of time looking at theories of avoidance in the group sessions so he should be realising that bottling things up is ultimately causing him damage. Polly had put in his notes that he was initially very defensive and quite aggressive at the thought of needing help. It was only when she mentioned how refusing help can damage relationships did he come round to the idea."
Lou nodded thoughtfully, finally seeing a ray of light. "So if I get him to focus on the fact that he needs to do this for Ryo as well as himself…?"
"You should make progress," Jack said, smiling up at the waitress as she cleared away their plates. "If you feel you're getting nowhere then I can take over his sessions."
"And get Kieran instead?" Lou replied with a wry smile. "No thanks."
By the time Dee arrived at the offices for his afternoon appointment, the female psychologist had sufficiently psyched herself up for the session; hoping that the tack she had chosen to take would help them make progress.
"Hey, Dee," she said with a welcoming smile as he worked his way into the room on his crutches. "Good morning?"
"Not bad," he replied, lowering himself into the chair.
She sensed his unease and correctly concluded that he was dubious about the content of the afternoon's session. She needed to put him at his ease if they were to get anywhere.
"I know Jack worked you all pretty hard this morning so I thought we'd start with something nice and easy."
"Which is?" Dee asked, his eyebrow raised in curiosity. He noticed she had brought out an ashtray, which had been placed on a side table within his reach. Maybe she thought he'd need it.
"I want you to tell me about you and Ryo if that's okay with you."
Dee nodded. "Sure; what d'you want to know?"
"Take me right back to the beginning," Lou said with a smile as she crossed her legs and leaned back in her seat. "Tell me about when you first met and what attracted you to him."
Her plan was working as he smiled, the tension in his body easing slightly.
"It was hard not to notice him," Dee began, wondering if he'd ever get tired of mentally reliving or verbally retelling this story. "I was getting chewed out by the chief in his office when there was a knock at the door. The chief ignored it; hell, I don't think he even heard it over the sound of his own voice so Ryo decided to come in anyway."
Lou smiled as he drifted into his own memory during the pause.
"Detective Randy McLain," he said, recalling the blond's introduction.
"Was it love at first sight?"
"Not quite," Dee replied, shaking his head. "I was too busy being angry since the chief suddenly announced I was to be partnered with 'the new guy'. I never really looked at him properly until we were out of the office."
"And then?"
"Then I fell in love. I mean, he's really something. I was totally struck by his eyes, you know? He's half Japanese so he has the darkest eyes you've ever seen." He stopped suddenly and blushed. "You don't wanna hear all this, do you?"
"Sure I do," Lou chuckled. "Who doesn't love a great romance! But tell me, why'd you call him Ryo?"
Dee smiled, still half immersed in the memory. "When I saw his eyes, I asked him if he had Japanese in him. When he said he did, I asked him if he had a Japanese name. Don't ask me how I knew he'd have one but he did. He also seemed pretty surprised that I'd know something like that but he told me it was Ryo. I've never called him anything else."
"Did you make it clear how you felt about him?"
"Not right away. I wanted to see if he gave me any signs that said I wouldn't be wasting my time by pursuing him."
"And did he?"
"Kind of. To be honest, I went a little crazy when I was around him. I'd tell him I loved him and then say I was joking. I guess I was frightened of his response if I told him I was being serious."
"Sounds like you had it bad," the pretty psychologist remarked.
Dee laughed. "Something like that. I worked up the courage to kiss him totally out of the blue on a couple of occasions, just to see what he would do."
"And?"
"And he'd usually punch me or yell at me but there was just something that told me to keep trying. Soon, he stopped pushing me away as quickly, although he still insisted he wasn't gay."
"I'm amazed you didn't give up," Lou said, genuinely impressed by his perseverance.
"It was worth the wait," Dee said confidently. He stopped, waiting for her next question.
"So why d'you think you have such a good relationship, Dee?"
The dark haired man thought about the question for a moment. "I guess we balance each other out. Yin and Yang and all that crap, you know? Ryo is calm and I'm fiery although Ryo gets stressed whereas I'm more laid back." He paused and frowned. "Does that make sense?"
"Sure," Lou replied, nodding. "Would you say Ryo is a perfectionist?"
"Definitely."
"And you?"
A laugh was the response.
"So it's easy to see why Ryo gets more uptight about things than you."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
There was a brief silence. Lou felt it was time to start moving in for the kill. "You've obviously got a good relationship with Ryo but do you feel it's changed at all since what's happened to you?"
Dee looked tense as his eyes narrowed, trying to decide whether they were still on a safe topic of Ryo or whether they were moving into more dangerous territory. Eventually he responded.
"I don't know; I guess it's brought us closer together. Everything that happened was big news in the States and Ryo was forcibly 'outted' by the media. His family didn't know he was gay and I think he found that hard."
Lou nodded, noting how he'd steered the discussion towards Ryo and away from his ordeal.
"Has Ryo talked about his own feelings about what happened?"
"Not really. I think he's trying to shield me from his worries."
"And how d'you feel about that?"
"Angry. Concerned. Frustrated." He stopped suddenly before letting his emotion flow. "I hate the fact that he thinks I can't cope; that he can't talk to me about things and thinks he has to deal with them on his own. I feel like a burden to him."
"What did Ryo think about you coming here?" Lou asked, pushing the ashtray towards him as he fumbled in his pockets for his cigarettes.
"He thought it was a good idea but he was worried about me being away for so long." He lit the cigarette and inhaled slowly. "I think he forgets sometimes that I've looked after myself for twenty nine years. Sure, I love the fact that he cares but it irritates me that he now feels like he has to be the strong one all the time."
"Why are you here, Dee?"
The question surprised him and he looked up suddenly.
"For your job or for Ryo?"
"Both."
"D'you feel in danger of losing Ryo, Dee?"
"No," he said flatly, suddenly looking defensive. Her comment however had struck a chord. He worried a lot about Ryo leaving him and for her to say it out loud was too much. "I told you, we have a good relationship."
"I know," Lou said gently, not meaning to antagonise him, "but d'you think it'll stay that way if you continue to resent him for thinking you're weak?"
Dee opened his mouth to argue or at least tell her to shut up but a response never came. She was right. Everything came back to Ryo in the end and he knew he needed to fix even the seemingly unrelated things to put his relationship out of danger.
"What's your point?" he said in the end.
"I need you to talk, Dee. About what happened. Not about your relationship or why you love your job. About you and what you went through. You're avoiding and you're stuck in this cycle. Just being here won't make you better, Dee. You need to talk but if you can't then you may as well go home now."
The suggestion hung ominously in the air for several long moments. It was a calculated risk and she was banking on stubborn male pride to gain the response she desired. For a second Lou thought he was about to leave and her heart hammered in her chest as she waited to see if her gamble had paid off.
TBC…