Disclaimer: We own the chinos. Other than that, it's all about you, Mr. Schwartz.
The Chinos - Chapter Two
"So what are you doing? You sound like you're walking around…."
"I'm going out."
"I don't believe it. Ryan Atwood is leaving his poolhouse? Alert the authorities!" Teresa is just hilarious these days.
"Yes, I am. Not by choice, though." I stand in front of the closet with the phone to my ear.
Teresa calls every couple of days, just to check in. She's doing well. I know she's in counseling after losing the baby but we don't talk about that. We're friends. Maybe one day, we'll be able to talk about what happened but we hadn't found that day yet.
"They're forcing you to leave?"
"I'm dating."
"You're dating?" She laughs. "How's that working out for you?"
"Well, I'm getting dressed." I hold up a green shirt that Kirsten bought for me when I first arrived in Newport.
"They're letting you dress yourself? Don't wear that green shirt, it makes you look all pasty."
I drop the shirt on the bed. "What green shirt?"
"Wear the blue shirt, the one with the collar."
I rummage through the closet and emerge with the blue shirt Sandy gave me for Christmas.
"So, who is she?"
"I don't know. Summer and Seth are in charge."
"They're going with you?"
"Yep."
"Why? They don't trust you?"
"The first blind date didn't go so well…."
"Ah. So this isn't your first attempt. So you went out once and they decided you needed a babysitter?"
"Pretty much," I reply. I'm wearing jeans this time, I don't care what Kirsten says.
"You slept with her, didn't you?"
"What are you talking about?" I'm such a horrible liar.
"You don't need a babysitter, you need a chaperone!" She laughs.
"I'm so glad you can laugh at my expense."
She's still laughing. "You slept with your blind date, Ryan? That's just wrong…."
"Why are you giving me a hard time?"
"Did you even eat dinner?"
"Well…what the hell are you talking about?" I'm smiling. She knows me entirely too well.
"What, we only had dinner, like, twice, right? We'd sit down, flirt and then we'd find a bed…."
"Exactly. So what's so wrong with that?" I pull the blue shirt on over my wife-beater and start to button it. I wonder if I should tuck it in. I'm obviously not well-educated on blind date etiquette.
"You didn't even know this girl…."
"It was, like, the only thing we had in common." This is true.
"Shut up!" She laughs. "So Seth and his girlfriend are going with you?"
"It's called a double date."
"Ryan Atwood on a double date…hell is freezing over."
It's good to hear her laugh. Even if it is at my expense.
A knock at the door is followed by Summer and Seth walking in.
"Who are you talking to? You're not even ready! Are you even going to comb your hair?"
Summer starts immediately.
"Sounds like you're in trouble. Let me know how it turns out, okay?"
"Of course. But you already know it's going to be a disaster."
"I'm expecting nothing less," she says with a laugh. I close the phone.
"Who was that?"
"Teresa."
Seth flinches but doesn't speak.
"You know we still keep in touch." I have no idea why he's surprised; she was here for lunch last weekend.
Summer is beside me now, straining in her platforms to muss my hair. "This is just,
pathetic, Chino. You're, like, totally helpless."
"Like the shirt?"
"The blue is good for you, but the jeans have got to go."
"I'm comfortable." I didn't know I was capable of whining. This whole dating thing is such a learning process.
"But you have an ass, you should show it," Summer informs me.
"Wait a second. You've been checking out his ass?" Seth waves his hands around.
I'm staying out of this one. I return to my closet for Summer-approved pants.
"He has a very nice ass."
"What about my ass? You don't think I should show off my ass?"
"You're not for sale, you don't have to advertise," she replies.
"So now I'm for sale?" I ask, holding up a pair of cargo pants for her approval.
"Yes. And we are your pimps. Put those pants back. What about those black ones from the social the other night?"
"You did look nice in those pants," Seth says.
Silence. Summer and I both turne to stare at him.
"She can look at my ass. You cannot," I state firmly.
"I wasn't necessarily talking about your ass, those were just nice pants," Seth insists.
"Stop checking out Chino's chinos, Cohen," Summer says with disgust before turning back to face me. "Black pants, blue shirt and you will comb your hair. We have to pick her up in twenty minutes, so that gives you exactly…three minutes to get dressed. Chop, chop, Chino."
I can tell that this is going to be a night to remember.
-------------
"Ryan, this is Rebecca --"
"Becca," the tall, lanky girl corrects Seth with a scowl. She seems…pleasant.
"It's nice to meet you." I try smiling at her, and she returns the gesture with a flirtatious batting of her eyelashes as she climbs into the back of the Range Rover. With the limited light in the car, I can see that her hair's brown, stick straight, parted in the middle and tucked behind her ears. She's thin - even thinner than Marissa and she must be close to the same height. She seems nice but…stiff. Sadly, she might actually be what I need.
I slowly turn away and stare out the window. Seth and Summer chat loudly in the front. For the most part, Becca and I are silent with the exception of the occasional sigh she lets out. The silence is disrupted when Seth touches on the subject of food. He wants chicken, Summer wants a burger. Becca wants none of that.
"That's just truly disgusting. Animals have rights. They don't have the right to kill us, so why should we kill them?"
"Uh…what?" Seth stammers. I briefly catch his eyes in the rearview mirror, but pull away quickly in fear that I might burst out laughing.
"Animals wouldn't eat you!" she shoots back. I turn and she looks over at me, a smile playing on her lips. I don't know if she's just trying to get a rise out of Seth, but this is entertaining to watch anyway.
"Well, Becca," Seth starts, signaling to pull into the parking lot of the restaurant, "I'm pretty sure that if I was alone in a jungle with a hungry tiger, it would eat me. Until that fateful day, I will eat my chicken and my cow, if only to fatten up for this tiger so that it's fully satisfied when it does eat me."
I can tell by Seth's voice that he's pleased with himself. It doesn't take much.
--------------
The restaurant is surprisingly less crowded than when I was here with Kimmie. The hostess sits us in a booth in the corner. Seth and Summer slide in one side, while Becca situates herself unnecessarily close to me.
The waitress kindly takes our orders and promptly delivers our drinks. Becca carefully squeezes every drop of liquid out of the slice of lemon into her glass of water. I take a generous sip from my soda and glance across the table to see Summer's eyes locked on
my date.
Seth leans toward his girlfriend and whispers something into her ear.
"What? I'm not staring!" Summer shoots back at him.
Oh my God. They can be so humiliating. I have no idea why I agreed to this.
Fortunately, our food arrives shortly after and I'm grateful that the two idiots across from me now have their meals to occupy themselves as opposed to staring at Becca and I.
"The insolence of some people who think that all they have to do is watch nine hours of a film and they totally understand Tolkien's world," Becca snaps as she picks at her plate of lettuce.
"So. Ryan's in your history class, right?" Summer interrupts.
"Mr. Taylor, yeah, how's that?" Seth echoes. I know what they're doing, and I'm going to kick Seth's ass when we get out of here. I wish they'd just shut up and let me work through this myself without their conversation prompters.
"He's an asshole," Becca says immediately. "He's a total carnivore, I hear he eats veal…it's just so cruel."
Summer nods and takes a large bite out of her cheeseburger.
"This lettuce is just totally not organic." Becca sighs in disgust. "Waitress?"
"Is that…cruel?" I ask. Summer chokes on her food and Seth pats her on the back, turning his head to hide the grin on his face.
"It's just gross," Becca replies dryly, brushing off my comment.
"Is everything okay?" Our waitress returns with a fake smile of her face.
"Actually, can you take this back?" Becca sighs, pushing her plate toward the edge of the table. .
"Is there something wrong with it?" The waitress feigns concern. I bite my bottom lip as I try to suppress my laughter.
"It's not organic enough," Summer mocks with a frown before stuffing her mouth once more.
Becca ignores her and pushes the glass of water with the lifeless lemon floating in it toward the edge of the table. "Can I get a bottle of water? Unopened?"
"Of course. Anything else?" The waitress meets my gaze. Her eyes are green but she's not pasty. I don't know what Teresa was talking about.
She's cute, though. She's got a sexy walk and the restaurant's uniform is filled out nicely by her curves. She winks. I smile. Then I grunt, as Summer kicks me under the table.
"No," she mouths, shaking her head disapprovingly.
"I need to go brush my teeth. Summer?" Becca stands up and waits for Summer to follow.
"Be right back," Summer says sweetly. She follows Becca to the bathroom.
"Dude, she's so not what I expected…. Like, who brushes their teeth in a restaurant?" Seth shakes his head. "I'm sorry."
I sigh. "You meant well."
"But she's…she's just a bitch," he says matter-of-factly.
The waitress returns and sets a bottle of water on the table.
"Thanks," I smile at her, ignoring Seth's glare.
"At least you're giving me a chance this time," she responds.
"Excuse me?" What the hell is she talking about? Do I know her? Should I know her? I swallow nervously.
"Last time, you didn't even order drinks…but you did use our parking lot for a while."
She grins before turning and walking away. Ouch.
Seth spits out his straw and chokes on his drink. "The parking lot?" He shakes his head. I give him the finger.
"And the worst thing," Seth swallows and clears his throat, "is that she was totally trying to pick you up anyway," he finishes in a whisper before Summer and Becca return.
Summer's face is red.
"Everything okay?" Seth asks.
"Fine," she replies cheerfully. She glares at me.
I'm in trouble. I don't know why, but I know that look.
"So, Ryan. You a jock?" Becca asks.
"A jock? Not really."
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Summer whispering into Seth's ear.
"But I thought you played soccer," Becca continues.
"I did last year. Not really interested this year," I respond.
"It's the pants," Seth blurts out. Summer closes her eyes tightly and shakes her head.
Oh dear God. I often wonder why he speaks at all.
"What?" Becca asks, confused.
"He doesn't like the soccer pants," Seth stutters, red-faced, before meeting my eyes. I
don't have a clue what's going on and a part of me doesn't even want to know.
"I think you'd be cute in those little shorts," Becca smiles, but then sighs dramatically.
"But I'm against organized sports."
"Of course you are," Summer mutters under her breath.
"Would you guys like the check?" the waitress asks as she refills Seth's soda.
"Yes," Seth and Summer reply in unison.
"Coming right up." She turns toward me and pours more soda in my glass.
"Thanks."
Before I can react, I feel cold liquid splashed on my legs. The waitress sloshes a generous amount in my lap, thankfully, just missing my crotch.
I reflexively jump out of my chair and Seth gasps.
"Your pants," he whispers in devastation.
"I am so sorry," the waitress says, flushed.
"That was so unprofessional. Are you, like, a trainee?" Becca snorts.
"It's okay. Really," I insist, meeting the waitresses embarrassed eyes. "I'll be right back."
I make a quick exit to the bathroom and dry my pants as best I can with paper towels.
They really are nice pants. It would be a shame to see them ruined.
When I step out, the waitress is standing by the bathroom door, her hands nervously clutching a small towel.
"I am so sorry," she apologizes again.
"It was an accident. It's really okay."
"Your brother got the check," she adds, slightly more relaxed since I didn't yell at her.
"Thanks for your help tonight."
"I wasn't much help."
"Maybe I'll see you on my next blind date." I smile at her, suddenly a little uneasy. She's nice, but how am I supposed to talk to the person that was watching the windows of the Range Rover steam up while Kimmie and I were…uh…getting it on?
"So that bitch wasn't your choice?" she asks with a sly grin.
"Not exactly. I better go," I smile at her and turn to leave. She waves and smiles back.
She's nice.
"Come on, Chino!" Summer calls. She's standing by the door with Becca and Seth.
As I approach, Seth's eyes are glued to my pants. At least, I hope he's just looking at my pants.
"You still wet?" he asks.
Summer shoves him and he blushes red. Becca seems indifferent. I can't help but smile.
"We'll pick you guys up out front," Summer demands, pulling Seth outside roughly.
Becca takes my elbow and we walk outside.
"So, tonight sucked," she says bluntly. That's one way of putting it. At least she's honest.
"Yeah." I nod.
"You're a really sweet guy…but we have nothing in common."
What, exactly, am I supposed to say to that? "Sorry." This is awkward.
"But maybe we can still be friends," she starts, her words muffled as her lips meet mine.
After a few seconds, my shock subsides and I return the kiss. She may be a bitch, but she's a good kisser. I feel her hands slide down my back and pull up my shirt. Her fingers press into the bare skin of my lower back. I didn't know she had it in her. I thought for sure I wasn't 'organic' enough.
"Chino! Bad, Chino. Bad!" Summer's voice pierces the air and I pull away. The Rover pulls up with a lurch and she's glaring at me disapprovingly through the open window.
"Kimmie was right. You're tasty," Becca whispers to me before turning away and getting into the back seat of the Rover.
Kimmie? Summer's going to kill me.
"Get in the car, Chino!" Summer orders.
I bow my head in shame and climb into the back.
---
As Seth pulls the SUV away from Becca's house, Summer twists in the seat to face me.
"What the hell was that all about in front of the restaurant?"
"I had nothing to do with that." I reply defensively. I'm just glad I'm out of her reach.
"Dude, you were licking her tonsils." Ugh. Leave it to Seth to come up with something like that.
"She came onto me." I'm not lying; I'm innocent.
Seth grins at me in the rear view mirror. "She told Summer that she wanted you when they were in the bathroom."
"Shut up, Seth," Summer snaps.
She's instantly red in the face again, obviously embarrassed. I have to take advantage. "What, Summer?"
"She said…dirty things."
"What kind of dirty things?" This is interesting. I must have underestimated Becca.
"Ew…."
"Come on, Summer," I press. I have to say that I'm enjoying watching her squirm.
"I'm not repeating it again," she replies firmly.
"And I can't speak of such things in the context of you. Or your pants," Seth says.
"She said Kimmie said I was tasty," I say quietly.
"Kimmie's talking about your flavor?" Seth laughs.
"Ew…I'm sorry, but…ew," Summer whispers.
----
I change back into my jeans before walking into the kitchen.
"Hey, Ryan. How was your date?" Kirsten asks. Seth is at the counter flipping through a magazine.
"Another one bites the dust."
"You didn't hit it off?" she asks sympathetically.
"They hated each other," Seth chimes in. "But she still tried to get into his pants."
I can't believe he just said that in front of his mother.
Kirsten is silent for a second. "He must have been wearing those from the social the other night…."
That's even more unbelievable.
"God…Mom…. I'm going to go outside and… throw up," Seth groans in revulsion.
I don't know what his problem is. Not too long ago, he couldn't stop talking about my pants.
Kirsten waits for Seth to leave before turning back to face me. "You know," she starts quietly, and I can already tell I'm not going to like where this is going, "there's this really sweet girl that works at the Newport Group a couple days a week. Her father works in commercial development…."
I shake my head and close my eyes. As if it wasn't bad enough dealing with Summer and Seth trying to set me up, now Kirsten's participating. The difference is that I would be too nervous dating a girl that Kirsten's picked out, for fear that it would turn out 'Kimmie-style'.
"I think you two would really hit it off." She sounds so hopeful. I'd hate to disappoint her.
"Maybe," I reply with a forced smile.
"Great!" She's suddenly overwhelmingly enthusiastic. "I'll see what I can set up!"
She smiles at me for a few seconds, then leaves the room.
She'll see what she can set up. This just keeps getting better.