A/N - The Chinos marches on. The updates should be more regular now. Thanks so much for reviewing our beloved fluff. Love the fluff.
Disclaimer: We only own the pants.
The Chinos - Chapter Three
I get up early to try and get ready for school and avoid Kirsten. I can't believe she wants to set me up. Is it so strange that I'm single? I mean, Dawn never really gave a shit about who I was seeing. Who am I kidding? Kirsten's no Dawn.
I'm curious as to who Kirsten will pick out, though. I grab my books and hurry to the main house.
I hear Seth's voice as I walk in.
"Mom, you can't be serious. You're going to pick out Ryan's next date?"
Damn. I'm never going to hear the end of this. I'm so pathetic that Kirsten's resorted to picking out my ladies. I can't stop the blush from rushing to my cheeks.
Seth grins at me.
"I am serious and she's very nice. I'm going to talk to her today." Kirsten smiles at me.
She's just too enthusiastic.
I try to be ignored as I pour myself a cup of coffee.
"Well, let me know what day she can make it so Summer and I can arrange our schedules," Seth says.
"I'm sure Ryan can take her out without you guys," Kirsten says immediately.
"No, Mom."
"Ryan's certainly capable of entertaining his own dates."
Oh God…or Moses…whoever, please let Seth lose all speech function. Please.
"I know he's capable, the entire school knows he's capable," Seth replies smugly.
Kirsten raises an eyebrow. I glare at him. If looks could kill, I'm sure Seth would be long gone right now.
"What I mean is, he needs moral support," Seth amends, keeping his eyes on me.
"Really? Why's that?" Kirsten asks.
I cough. Damn. She turns to look at me. She's enjoying this too much.
"It's not my idea…. Summer, she wants to make sure that he gets someone that she can stand," Seth lies.
"Yeah, that's it," I say dryly, rolling my eyes slightly. I hope Kirsten didn't see that. Seth's rubbing off on me.
Seth gives me a look. Obviously, I'm rubbing off on him, too. Kirsten turns her back to us and starts to empty the coffee filter so she can start a new pot.
Seth starts gesturing wildly. I duck to avoid his flailing arms and hands. I get the gist after he mouths, "She would kill you if you slept with her!"
He's right. But why do I have to sleep with everyone? I have self control. Hell, I can't even count all the times I turned down Marissa. He has no faith in me.
"So, Ryan, you want Seth and Summer to come with you on your date?" She has a glimmer of concern in her eyes. I glance at Seth. He's nodding emphatically. She's watching us both carefully.
I don't know what to say. Damn.
"Double dating is safe. Don't you want Ryan to be safe?" Seth asks suddenly. "I mean, what if this girl has a psycho ex-boyfriend or something?"
This is not the way to go with this discussion. We've all seen what happens when the psycho ex-boyfriends show up. People end up in the pool…in their suits.
"I'm sure Ryan can handle himself."
"Really?" Seth asks.
Kirsten smiles, amused by her son. "Okay, Seth. I'll let Donnie know that it'll be a double date."
"Donnie?" Seth and I say in unison.
"Her name's Donnatella…she goes by Donnie," Kirsten replies, nonplussed.
"Why not Donna?" Seth asks.
"Ryan can ask her all about it," Kirsten smirks, winking at me. This is getting worse by the second.
---------
My entourage was kind enough to let me drive to the restaurant this time around. I hadn't even suggested the bistro, but Summer has apparently found the only restaurant in Newport that serves burgers the way she likes them. To which Seth replied, "Big and juicy?" She hit him. But I have no problem going back to the bistro with the good burgers. I hope the nice waitress is working.
'Donnie' is supposed to be meeting me there.
"We wouldn't be late if Kirsten had left his hair alone," Summer says, reaching over from the passenger side to run her fingers through my hair.
"I still say you're a wuss if you like the chick Mom picked out for you more than the ones your friends picked out for you," Seth complains.
"Summer, stop," I tilt my head in an effort to escape her combing fingers.
"She ruined it!" Summer complains. "You look like a mop."
"A mop?" Seth asks.
"Okay, you look like a mop," she says to Seth. "Chino looks like a --"
"If you don't get your hands out of my hair, I swear, Summer…," I threaten. Finally, she removes her hands from my stiff, gelled hair and folds them in her lap.
"Ooh, touchy about the Mom hair…. I still can't believe you let her do your hair," Seth says with a laugh.
"Sandy took pictures," Summer smirks.
"What the hell? You didn't stop him?"
I can't believe this. I'd let Kirsten fix my hair because…because it made her so damn happy. I had hoped that Sandy wouldn't have seen me so…impressionable. I mean, I can fix my own hair. I can dress myself. I don't need their help, I'm just being nice.
Yeah, right.
"Oh, come on, Chino, it was cute," she laughs.
I park the Rover in our familiar space and we make our way inside.
The hostess smiles at me and doesn't wait for us to ask for our table. She hands us the menus and leads us over. Maybe we should have chosen a different restaurant. This is getting weird.
"Thanks, Ginger," Summer says.
"Good luck," the hostess responds, winking at me.
"Damn, Ryan, you're getting hit on already?" Seth teases.
"Fuck you."
Donnie isn't here yet so I let myself relax before the dating tension assails me.
"Back so soon?" The waitress grins. She sets our drinks in front of us.
"We haven't even ordered…," Seth mumbles, confused.
"Diet coke for your lady, Sprite for you and your brother," she proudly replies.
"You're definitely getting a tip tonight." He nods at her.
She gives him a patient smile before turning her attention to me. "I'm Mary."
I accept her offered hand and shake it firmly. Her skin is really soft. "Ryan."
"I'm Summer and this is Seth," Summer glares at me. I release Mary's hand.
"Nice to see you all again. I'll get your orders once the date gets here," she smirks.
"Dammit, Chino, you can't pick up girls when you're on a date!" Summer hisses once Mary walks away.
"She's our waitress; she's just being polite," I protest innocently. Mary's ass draws my attention away from Summer's lecture.
"Bad, Chino!" she slams her fist on the table for effect. The silverware clanks together. I lower my gaze.
"I'm Donnie." The voice comes from behind me.
I barely register Seth's quiet "Whoa" as I stand up to greet her.
She's gorgeous. She's a couple of inches taller than me and she has long red hair. Her eyes are green and sparkling and she's dressed conservatively in tight black slacks and a white blouse. She's way out of my league.
"I'm Ryan. Nice to meet you." I take her hand guide her into the booth next to me.
"I'm Seth and this is my girlfriend, Summer," Seth says, his face red. I can tell that Summer must have scolded him for his 'whoa' because of the way she's glaring at him.
Donnie sits down and gives me a gracious smile.
I don't know why in hell Kirsten would pick this girl for me. She's…too much. She's poised and polite and obviously skilled in the art of conversation because she immediately starts to comment on the 'atmosphere' of the restaurant.
"This place is just…so cute. It's so retro, yet so not," Donnie starts.
"That's exactly what I thought when I first came here. Their burgers," Summer pauses, narrowing her eyes. "You aren't a vegetarian, are you?"
"God, no," Donnie replies with a wave of the hand that shows how ridiculous she conceived the question to be.
I like her already. Kirsten has good taste.
"Their burgers are awesome," Summer continues.
"It's so hard to find a good burger in a sit-down restaurant," Donnie smiles. She's got a real nice smile despite her bright lipstick.
"That's what I keep trying to tell them," Summer laughs, shoving Seth for good measure.
Seth playfully shoves her back.
"You are just unbelievably picky," Seth replies.
"What about you, Ryan? You a carnivore like your friend?" Donnie asks me with a smile.
"I consider myself a connoisseur of all foods," I reply. Summer and Seth laugh immediately.
"What's so funny?" Donnie asks them.
"Ryan will eat anything. He never complains," Summer laughs. "He's like a goat."
"Oh, I'm a goat now?"
Seth baas at me. Seriously, there has to be a pill or some sort of vocal cord surgery that could spare us from these verbal outbursts of his.
Donnie and Summer lapse into a spirited conversation about the "best show ever", The Valley, but Donnie keeps giving me these cute little smiles.
I think she's into me. And she's damn hot.
Mary comes over and takes our order and she gives me a little smile, too. Damn. I must be glowing. I'm on a roll tonight. And I'm not even wearing the blessed pants.
"You don't talk much," Donnie says to me after her lapse into the soap opera is over.
"See, she knows Chino already!" Summer says to Seth, shoving him again enthusiastically.
"Stop with the hitting," Seth protests.
"Why does she call you Chino?" Donnie asks me.
"I'm originally from Chino." Here comes the bad part of the date. I can almost hear the dramatic music that would appropriately accompany the re-telling of my past.
She smiles at me. "I thought you were Kirsten's son?" There's not a trace of distaste in her voice from my mention of Chino. That, in itself, is refreshing.
"I'm Kirsten's son," Seth says quietly. "Ryan…he's not adopted but…."
"I live with them," I cut him off before he starts to babble out my life story. I'm a little surprised that Kirsten considers me her son but, after the little primping show she put on today, I guess I shouldn't be.
"Ah," she says.
"I just call him Chino because it pisses him off," Summer grins. I glare at her. "See? Isn't he so cute when he wrinkles his eyebrows up like that?"
I don't care that she's a girl, I want to hurt her.
Donnie laughs and I relax. I don't think I've been this relaxed on a date…ever. Well, if you don't count Kimmie and the backseat.
"Here are your appetizers," Mary announces, setting food on the table. "Your meals should be ready in just a few minutes."
"Thanks." Summer smiles as she eyes the plates of food.
"Summer, I need to wash up before I rip into these cheese fries, would you mind?"
Donnie stands up and Summer eagerly follows.
"I still can't get used to how girls have to go to the bathroom in packs, but anyway, dude…she's cool," Seth grins.
"Yeah. She seems pretty cool," I agree.
"I can't believe Mom's date is the best so far, I just can't…." Seth shakes his head.
"Ah, so this one's a mom date," Mary says from behind me. She's smiling conspiratorially.
"Yeah, why are you so interested?" I ask with a lazy grin. I like her, too. I ignore Seth's startled glare.
"Well," she says, leaning in close as she refills my drink. "There's a little pool going on in the back. Who gets a second date with you…and this one's getting good odds."
"Really?" My dating life now has odds. Strangers are betting on me. I don't know how I should feel about this.
"But she's not getting a ride in your SUV, is she?" Mary whispers as she disappears.
"Dammit, Ryan, you can't keep doing that!" Seth scolds.
"We were just talking!" I insist.
The door to the bathroom slams closed and Summer hurries back to the table and sits down. Her face is so red that she looks like she's about to explode.
"Summer," Seth starts.
"Shut up!" She says immediately. She slides in closer to Seth until she's almost in his lap.
"What the hell…." Seth smiles, pleased by the close proximity to his girlfriend but totally confused.
"Don't say anything. Everything's fine," she hisses. "But I am going to kill your mother…."
"Where's Donnie?" I ask.
"She's coming…out of the bathroom, I mean. Nothing happened, so she's not coming like that," Summer mutters.
What?
"What the hell are you talking about?" Seth asks, glancing at me.
Donnie sits down at the table and smiles, serene. Something's different about her. Oh. I glance at Summer and realize what's wrong. Donnie's bright lipstick is dulled by a frosted pink. Summer's frosted pink.
Summer's lipstick is on Donnie's lips and Summer….
I raise an eyebrow at Summer and she immediately knows that I know. She kicks me, hard, under the table. Damn, the little girl's got a kick.
"So, Donnie, how do you like working for the Newport Group?" I ask, not reacting to Summer's harsh kick.
"It's nice. I'm learning a lot, but I don't really meet a lot of people my own age…."
Mary returns with our meals and sets them down on the table.
"Mary, could you bring us the check?" Summer says suddenly.
"What? We haven't even eaten," Seth starts, but he winces and immediately loses his voice.
"I'm not really feeling that well, guys, I'm sorry," she lies. Her eyes shoot daggers at me, daring me to speak.
Oh, I'll get my chance. The first girl that I actually like hits on Summer in the bathroom.
"Of course," Mary says. "I'll bring you a box for your meal in case you get your appetite back."
"Summer, are you all right?" She glares at me again.
"I'll be okay…I just think I should lie down," she says sweetly, putting a hand on her stomach for effect.
"I'm so sorry about this, Donnie," I apologize.
She's unflappable. "Oh, no, it's fine. I had a really nice time. Maybe we can do it again sometime."
"Of course, of course," I reply. Summer groans dramatically. She's a horrible actress. "But I'm their ride and she's not looking too good."
"I'm sorry for ruining your date, Ryan," Summer says. The hand on her stomach is gracefully displaying her middle finger. "But I'm really getting sick."
Seth is glancing between us in panic, totally confused.
Mary returns with boxes and I hastily give her the cash Kirsten made me take for the date.
Within minutes, we're standing on the sidewalk watching Donnie's car drive away.
"So, Summer…."
"Shut up."
"Summer?"
"I swear to god, Chino…."
I can't stop from laughing at her stricken expression.
"What the hell just happened? Ryan was doing so well and she was really nice…."
"She wasn't into me," I manage. I haven't laughed his hard in years. Hell, I don't know if I've ever laughed this hard.
"And she was really hot," Seth continues.
Summer starts to pelt me with her tiny fists. "Shut up, Chino, that was, like, so fucking embarrassing!"
"It's not my fault she found you so irresistible," I laugh in spite of her bruising blows.
"Wait a minute. She wasn't into Ryan…she went into the bathroom with you…and then you got sick…." Seth, proving my theory that he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, is slowing catching on.
"She fucking molested me!" Summer snaps.
"God…to be a fly on the wall of that bathroom," Seth gasps, his eyes bright with images.
"Cohen!" she shrieks. She's actually starting to look a little sick.
"Well, at least we know it's not just his pants," Seth teases, gesturing pointedly at Summer's skirt.
I wince sympathetically as she attacks him.
------------
Sandy and Kirsten are waiting for us in the kitchen when we come inside.
"You're home early! How was the date? Isn't Donnie great?" Kirsten beams at me. I can't stop the laugh that escapes my lips.
"Mom…have you ever actually talked to Donnie? Like about her 'type'?" Seth asks.
"She's single, Ryan's single, they're both smart…what happened?" Kirsten responds in that concerned, motherly tone.
"I'm going to wash out my mouth," Summer says suddenly, hurrying from the room.
"I don't think I'm exactly Donnie's type." I state slowly in hopes that they'll be able to pull something out of it.
"Well, who is her type?" Sandy asks, taking the bait a little bit.
"Summer." I say the word and watch both Sandy and Kirsten closely. Kirsten's eyes flash first. Seth must take after his dad.
"Summer?" she asks, her face twisting in confusion. "Oh…ohhhhhh!"
Sandy chuckles. I've never heard him 'chuckle' before but he's definitely chuckling as he drapes an arms around his wife's shoulder.
"They make such a cute couple, too," Seth says.
"Seth!" Kirsten tries to scold, but her smile is beyond her control.
"I meant Ryan and Donnie, not Summer. God, I'm not that perverted!"
I glance at Sandy and can tell that he's seen Donnie before by the blush on his cheeks. He looks away. Even a grown man like Sandy knows that Summer and Donnie action would be hot. Now I'm blushing. Bad, Chino. Bad….
"Hey, at least we didn't have to pull the girl off Ryan this time," Seth mutters. He doesn't see the Cohens' worried expressions as he leaves to check on his girlfriend.
"Ah, so you've been more popular than you let on, have you?" Sandy poses the question with a grin.
"It's all lies…. I'm going to bed." Thank God for my poolhouse.
------------
I stumble through the doors to the big house around two in the morning and feel my way through the darkened kitchen until I come into contact with the handle of the freezer. I pull it over and the light emitted is blinding. I squint while my eyes adjust and search for the ice cream. The Cohens always have ice cream. I feel the need for ice cream.
I grasp at a container of fudge swirl. When I close the door and lift my head. I jump backward at the figures in the doorway. Panic surges through my chest until I identify the shadowy forms as Sandy and Kirsten.
"Hey, kid," Sandy whispers, cinching his robe and walking taking a few steps forward.
"You had the same idea we had."
I place the ice cream container on the counter and watch as Kirsten and Sandy nod at each other. I have a feeling they have something to say to me. Worse, it would appear as though it's been planned - rehearsed. I ease myself onto one of the stools at the counter
"Am I in trouble?" I have to ask. I don't remember doing anything wrong lately. Sandy returns from the freezer with two containers of ice cream and passes one across the counter to Kirsten while accepting a spoon in exchange. They approach, one on each side.
I'm trapped. I can smell a lecture.
"No, Ryan. We just…we were talking about you," Kirsten says before doling a spoonful of mint chocolate chip into her mouth.
"Good things?" Wishful thinking. Good things don't come up in conversation over ice cream at two in the morning.
"I guess that's a matter of perspective."
"Sandy," Kirsten scolds.
I don't know what they're talking about. I just want my ice cream.
"We're pretty late on this talk considering…everything," Sandy mutters the last word under his breath.
"Totally confused," I say through a mouthful, wincing from the brain freeze.
"We need to know if you're being safe," Kirsten whispers.
I swallow. "I haven't gotten into any fights in like…weeks…."
"No, Ryan. Safe."
"Safe." I repeat. He nods thoughtfully. I don't understand. I look from Sandy to Kirsten.
"Are you having sex, Ryan?" Kirsten asks.
Oh. Damn. Safe. I'm slow. Seth's really having an effect on me. More importantly, I can't believe they want to have 'the talk'.
"Well…not at the moment," I manage.
"You're responsible and we trust you but there was the accident with Teresa," Sandy says quietly.
"I'm safe."
"So you are having sex," Kirsten raises an eyebrow at me.
"Teresa and I…it was an accident, she's been on the pill…since, like, eighth grade…." I can tell by their expressions that I've gone too far. Damn.
"So you'd been with Teresa before," Sandy states.
"In the past…yes…but I've learned from my mistake."
"Honey, we want to treat you like an adult," Kirsten begins.
Here it comes.
"But casual sex isn't…," she stammers.
"It isn't something we approve of," Sandy finishes.
"I'm sorry…." This is humiliating. I want to take my ice cream and run. Far, far away.
"You're not in trouble, Ryan. You're an attractive young man and you're going to have offers but sex…sex is supposed to be special," Sandy starts. Okay, now I want to sprint. Far, far, far away.
"It's a symbol of commitment and love," Kirsten adds. Australia sounds nice. Europe? I'm sure I could grab a last minute flight.
Trey's sex talk hadn't been like this at all. He'd given me a box of condoms and showed me VD pamphlets. Wished me luck.
"Ryan, have you had a lot of…partners?" Kirsten startles me from my thoughts. When I process her question, I'm still startled. I don't think I'll ever stop blushing.
"I've been tested." I'm sure that's what she's asking.
"Good…good…but…about the partners, Ryan?" I'm thinking that hanging out on Mars would be more comfortable than this conversation.
"I've…had a few."
"Four? Five?" Sandy probes.
So that's a few. Interesting…. "I've had a lot."
"We think you should slow down," Sandy says quietly.
"We want you to be happy, and healthy…and if you're having a lot of sex," Kirsten starts.
I cover my face. Holy shit, shoot me now.
"Okay. I get it," I mumble into my hands. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. "I'll slow down. Just…can we pretend that this conversation never happened?"
"Please." Sandy nods.
---
I don't say much to Seth and Summer on the ride to school and they don't question me.
Seth says something about my brooding. I don't argue. Maybe I am.
Kimmie and I have the same free period and when she puts her hand on my shoulder while I'm putting my books away, I immediately think of Sandy and Kirsten's words.
"I'm driving the van today. Want to take a walk?"
A walk. I've taken walks with her before and we always end up making out. And stuff. I shouldn't walk so much. My mind flashes to those VD pamphlets….
"I can't."
"What's up?"
"We shouldn't be doing this."
"It doesn't mean anything," she purrs. "You're too deep."
She's so hot. She's so blonde and…hot.
"Come on," she whispers, grabbing the edges of my collar with her fingers, "I won't tell."
"Yes, you will." I have to stay strong.
"You're so sweet." She smiles. "Please? We'll be back in time for history."
"Kimmie --"
"Shush. It's okay. It's all in fun."
And I'm a loser. Because I follow her. Sandy and Kirsten's words are drowned out by Kimmie's perfume. I follow her. She's so hot. And no one has to know.
An hour later, we both sneak back into the building and find our way to history. We slip in the back door to class and I take my seat beside Seth.
"Where the hell have you been?" he whispers.
"Sorry, am I busted?"
"I covered for you with Mr. Evans but you have lipstick on your shirt…and your jeans," Seth hisses, motioning to my pants.
Kimmie's bubble gum pink lip prints are on my jeans. I try to cover them with my hands.
This is not good, not good at all….
"Summer's going to kill you."
"Don't rat me out, Seth."
"Dude --"
"Don't Seth. I let you slide on your parents…."
The teacher claps his hands. "Use the rest of the class time to discuss your assignments in pairs or groups of three."
"My parents?" Seth asks immediately as the classroom's noise level rises. "What are you talking about?"
"You told them I was having sex."
"Ugh, no, I totally didn't. Why…did they have 'the talk' with you?" Seth laughs.
Seth appears to enjoy that thought for a moment before snapping back to the matter at hand.
"It was so fucking traumatic."
"So where the hell were you?"
"I was just…out."
"You have Kimmie's backpack," Seth says to me. I follow his gaze over my shoulder. Kimmie is holding out my bag.
"Sorry. Not too smooth." Kimmie smiles. We exchange backpacks. Someone hoots from the back. She gives Seth an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Seth."
Seth shakes his head at me.
"I'm sorry, man…she just…no one had to know." I finished with a shake of my head, defeated.
"Save it for Summer. I'm too awestruck to comment."
----
I somehow make it through two period of class without running into Summer. I understand that lunch will be more of a challenge. I place a bottle of juice on my tray and start toward my table when I bump into someone. Holly.
"Excuse me," I mumble, trying to find a way around her tiny but imposing form.
"It's okay. How are you, Ryan?"
"Fine." Holly's never spoken to me before. I didn't even know she knew my name.
"You look good. I mean, better without Marissa on your arm. Can we hang out sometime?"
I'm stunned. Speechless. What the hell is going on around here? Does Holly have some sort of personal goal to sleep with everyone Marissa Cooper's been involved with? I don't respond. I wouldn't know how to.
"Without your posse, Ryan. I think we'd have fun." She reaches out to stroke my arm with a manicured nail but doesn't get that far….
"You are in so much trouble!" Summer snaps, grabbing my arm. She turns to Holly.
"Keep your skanky paws off him, whore!"
"Summer," I start as she pulls me to her table.
"You're like a slut magnet, Chino," she sighs, releasing me and pointing to one of the seats, forcing me to sit.
"She stopped me," I start as I obediently lower myself into the chair.
"Uh huh. I'm sure. Seth says you fucked Kimmie again."
I open my water and take a deep swallow. Seth will now die.
"Chino, you're never going to find a real relationship if you keep settling for tramps!"
"It's just sex," I protest weakly. She's getting too heavy on me. For a little person, she really lays down the law.
"It's not supposed to be. I mean…I just don't understand you, Chino. When you were with Marissa, you didn't pressure her, you never even slept with her until…."
Summer knows way too much about my sex life. She's like my conscience, following me around everywhere and making me feel bad when I make 'the wrong' decision. A little, violent conscience….
"But now, you're like a big sex monkey."
My conscience wouldn't say that. I don't know why, It's obviously a lost cause, but I feel like I have to defend myself.
"Kimmie, she's fun…well, she's limber…."
"Ew, Chino. Just, ew."
"I get it, Summer. I'm sorry." I still don't understand why who I choose to have sex with affects everyone around me.
"Cohen's worried about you. So am I. You deserve more than a fuck in the back seat. We just don't want you to settle."
Seth joins us, settling into the seat next to me. "So, dude. I have to ask. Do they do it different in Chino?"
"Seth." I shake my head in disbelief. I don't think I've ever talked this much about sex since… well…I've never talked this much about sex.
"Because, apparently, Kimmie was very impressed."
"What? She promised me she wouldn't say anything…."
"Girls talk," Summer shrugs.
"She has a hickey on her thigh, man," Seth whispers.
I'm not going to tell them where I have hickeys. Summer laughs.
"So, Ryan, the question remains," Seth probes.
"It's all in the pants, Seth." He seems happy with that answer. It's not a lie.
---