A/N: SO sorry for the delay! I started a new job and have been involved in 2 theatrical productions since my last post, so I hope you can forgive me!
WARNING: This chapter and subsequent ones contain spoilers for Van Helsing. There are absolutely no Troy spoilers though, as I haven't even seen it yet myself!
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Chapter 9: A Trojan Horse
Magneto, Gandalf and Dumbledore, the three discoverers of the Mary-Sue Prophecy, were each one gazing intently out to sea. There in the distance, shimmering in the midday heat, was a Trojan longboat.
Gandalf leaned heavily on his staff. "It's Summer blockbuster season, which can mean only one thing..."
Dumbledore squinted against the glare of the sun. "Ah! I see my new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher has arrived."
All three then gasped suddenly and averted their eyes as the ship bore left and a naked Brad Pitt sailed into view.
Catching sight of his companion, Gandalf groaned "Not another one, the Bloom clan breed like rabbits."
Magneto had been staring at a mysterious looking gentleman dressed in black, and as the ship drew closer he could descry the face that had been partially obscured under a wide-brimmed hat. He laughed harshly. "Yet another offspring of the Jackman family afflicted by amnesia and a propensity to transform into a wolf. I say this typecasting is caused by too much inbreeding, the McKellen linage is of far nobler bloodstock-"
"Apart from your good brother Gandalf here, your family have all turned out to be total gits!" Dumbledore bit back.
"I'd strongly advise against tangling with a family as ancient and revered as the clan of McKellen, Dumbletwit-" Magneto's haughty reply turned into a strangulated choke and the colour drained out of the mutant's face. His shaking hands flew to his throat and his eyes were riveted on the longboat, which was now sailing very close to the Black Pearl. For standing proudly and majestically on the prow, his hair perfectly styled around his cold regal face and his lean muscular body ready for action, was - due to the death of his three wives and potential girlfriend - a now intensely sexually frustrated,
Count Vladislaus Dracula.
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Dumbletwit – the name by which Sir Ian McKellen referred to the character of Dumbledore in a magazine interview, whilst reflecting upon Richard Harris' desire to portray Gandalf in the film version of LOTR.
Although this chapter is short, another lengthier chapter will be on its way shortly. And yes, Faramir's little brother Carl will of course be making appearance...
Reviewers will be rewarded with their patience and given the chance to have a go with Van Helsing's crossbow.