October 4
Wow. I feel like I haven't had time to breathe lately, let alone write in here. Not much has happened since I last wrote, however. Hogwarts is pretty dull and mundane, as usual.
The Halloween date for Hogsmeade has been 'officially' set. James wasted no time in asking Lily to go with him and Sirius began asking every girl in sight if they would go with him. When the fourth girl in a row turned him down, he turned to me and said, "What's wrong with me? Why don't girls like me?"
"Um..." I began. "Well, when you walk up to a girl and say, 'Going to Hogsmeade on Halloween? Want to meet up and make out?', they tend to become a little frightened of the forwardness."
He nodded slowly, taking in this information. "I get it," he said after a moment. "You girls like guys like Remus."
"Meaning?"
He grinned mischievously. "Subtle guys."
I didn't reply to that comment.
On the other side of the coin, Remus and I have started our Transfiguration lessons. He is so much better at explaining than Professor McGonagall. I adore McGonagall but when I say I don't understand something, she repeats the exact same phrase to me to explain it. I don't think she's realized that if I don't understand it the first time around, chances are I won't understand it the second time around.
Remus, however, is the complete opposite. "Do you understand?" he'll ask me after he explains something. If I stare at him blankly, he'll give me the cutest smile and begin explaining again. But most frightening of all, we were studying in the library last week and sitting side by side at a table. While I read four pages of my book, I felt his hand brush mine under the table, yet again. My heart began to pound and I actually felt faint.
"Excuse me," I said standing up abruptly. "I have to go tell Lily something." And I took off down the hall at a run, nearly knocking over Sirius and James on the way.
"Whoa!" Sirius cried, whirling around with the force of my impact. "Don't hurry or anything!"
"Sorry!" I called back over my shoulder. I ran directly to the Gryffindor common room where Lily was reading a book in front of the fireplace.
She stared at me. "Why are we out of breath?" she asked with a wicked smile.
I took a breather and explained everything that was going on to her. She couldn't stop smiling the entire time. "Not only does it sound like Remus likes you," she said when I finished. "It sounds like you like him, too!"
"Do not," I replied stoutly.
"That's why your heart began beating rapidly when he touched your hand?"
I sighed and closed my eyes. "Remus is my friend," I said pointedly. "I think I got scared and confused because I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I don't know how to tell him that."
Lily shook her head and went back to her book. "Kissing works wonders," she said without looking up from her pages. I threw a pillow at her and ran back to the library, apologizing profusely to Remus.
"No worries," he said, giving me that cute grin again. Through the rest of our lesson, I couldn't help but wonder if Lily was right: does Remus Lupin really like me? And if he does, do I like him back?
James came to the common room earlier to collect Lily for an evening stroll along the water's edge. Sirius was planning a night of serious studying (something completely out of his nature) and Peter would be joining him. Remus and I sat in awkward silence, across from one another, discussing lame subjects such as the weather and the likes. I was desperately wishing that someone would intervene so that we would be spared further painful topics, like homework or something equally lame.
"Isn't the moon bright tonight?" I asked, looking out the window of the tower. I thought I saw a flicker of fear in Remus' eyes, but brushed it aside as nerves. "I suppose it will be a full moon in another night or two."
He nodded stiffly. "Are you going to Hogsmeade?" he blurted out.
I nodded slowly. "Yeah, although I guess I'll be going alone. Lily and James will take off, leaving poor, little old me all by my lonesome." I laughed at myself. "How silly is that?"
"If you'd like, you could hang around with Sirius, Peter and I," he said slowly, staring at his hands. "Or, maybe just myself."
"What?" I asked, not sure I heard him correctly. But at the same time, Sirius burst through the portrait hole.
"If anyone asks," he said breathlessly, diving into the nearest chair, "I was here with you all night. And if anyone else asks, Mark Young always had elephant ears."
I couldn't help but laugh.
Was Remus going to ask me to Hogsmeade? Or did he already? I wasn't quite sure what he meant by, "Or, maybe just myself." Could that have been the beginning of a sentence that he didn't get a chance to finish? Or is my brain just working overtime? Whatever the reason, I know I am absolutely exhausted. I'm going to go to bed now, before Lily gets back and gloats some more. (I love her to death, but she's getting really irritating!)
Your confused friend,
Abby
October 19
I saw Remus today for the first time since the common room that night. No one would give me a direct answer as to where he was. "Studying," Peter informed me.
"Partying," Sirius said.
"Dunno," James answered.
Helpful bunch of twits.
But when I did see him today, in the Great Hall, he looked very tired. "You should get more sleep," I advised. He only shook his head and smiled without a word.
We met up later in the library for another study session. "You're getting better," he assured me when I was able to successfully transform my water bottle into a flashlight. "At least your flashlight doesn't pour water now."
I laughed. "Typical of my work...usually dripping water from somewhere." The jolly mood didn't last. Before long, Remus was silent again and I was at a loss for words. We sat there for several moments while I turned the flashlight back into a water bottle, then into a flashlight again. After several moments, the water bottle was beaming a brilliant light from the top and Remus had to tap it with his own wand to shut it off.
"I've been thinking," he began slowly. "If you're going to Hogsmeade and Lily is going with James, why don't you go with me?"
"You already offered for me to go with you, Sirius and Peter," I reminded him gently.
"Yeah, but I mean, go with me and only me," he repeated, staring at his hands in his lap. "I would understand completely if you don't want to go with me."
"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," I began.
He looked up sharply. "You don't want to go?"
I smiled. "I would be honored to go with you."
His handsome face relaxed into a smile. "So it's a date?"
"Yes," I replied. "It's a date."
I couldn't stop smiling all the way back to the common room. Lily gasped when I entered. "He finally asked you out!" she cried, clasping her hands to her mouth. "Oh, this is so great!"
"How did you know?" I asked her, my face falling. Telling her was going to be half the fun. She's so over-emotional when it comes to things like this.
She half-shrugged. "James said Remus had been thinking about asking you to Hogsmeade ever since Sirius found out when the first date was," she answered. "I figured he would take his time, though."
"Thanks a lot!" I cried in mock anger. "Glad to know everyone but me knows my business."
Lily grinned. "It's not just your business now," she warned. "It's Remus', too."
Your frightened friend,
Abby
October 23
Things between Remus and I are warming up nicely. He's becoming the sweetest person I know, next to Lily of course. No matter what, she'll always be my best friend. But if she keeps gloating about this whole thing with Remus, she won't live to enjoy my friendship much longer.
The six of us where studying for our first Potions test of the year in the common room today. Well, five of us were. Sirius was prancing around, imitating our Potions master, Professor Grundy. "Be careful!" he cried, swooping down on Peter, who screeched in fright. "If you mix the wrong ingredients, you could seriously harm yourself or someone around you." He then paused, looking thoughtful. "But feel free to fix me up with some potent potion," he continued in Professor Grundy's deep, throaty voice. "I could use a personality transplant."
I burst out laughing and Lily gave Sirius a reprimanding look from her spot on the floor by the table. "Professor Grundy happens to be one of my favorite professors," she informed him grudgingly.
"That's because you think he's cute," Sirius retorted, flopping down in the armchair next to James.
Lily blanched. "I do not!"
"Actually," Remus chimed in from the seat beside me, "you did say that two days ago, Lily."
Lily's face went from white to brilliant red as James looked up from his book and stared at her. "I meant 'cute' as in elderly man 'cute'," she argued, but the damage had been done. We all knew what she meant when she said it, but we vowed never to let her live it down.
Dumbledore announced earlier today that Lord Voldemort is gaining strength rapidly and we are all to exercise extreme caution when dealing with the world outside Hogwarts. This information should frighten me, but I feel a still calm knowing that Dumbledore is around. Voldemort has always been terrified of Dumbledore and I know that Dumbledore will do everything he can to protect everyone.
It appears as though I'm not the only one who has very little concern for this news. Upon hearing the news, Sirius jumped up on the table in the Great Hall and began brandishing his wand. "I would kill him before he got a chance to take me down!"
"If Voldemort walked in this door right now," Remus whispered in my ear, "Sirius would be the first one to wet himself in fright."
I giggled at the thought and Sirius (who had just been reprimanded and ordered to sit down by Professor McGonagall) looked over at us. "Inside lovebirds' joke?" he asked, teasing written in his eyes.
My face was very red for the rest of the day.
Embarrassingly yours,
Abby
October 26
Hogsmeade is coming up quicker than I would like it to. Lily has taken the liberty to seeing that I'm dressed properly for my date. She actually dragged me to her dresser and began holding up her outfits to see what would go best.
"I've been dressing myself for seventeen years!" I protested. "I'm sure I can still manage."
Lily's lips were pursed in deep thought. "I don't know," she said hesitantly. "I kind of like the green sweater on you."
I rolled my eyes, knowing she didn't hear a word I had said. "It's going to be Halloween, Lily," I tried again. "I want to get into the spirit."
"You are not wearing a costume!"
"Not a costume," I replied, rooting through my own closet and pulling out a soft orange sweater. "Just organize my colors so that I match the holiday." In the end we compromised on my orange sweater and Lily's black jeans. She tried one more time to dress me in a green summer dress, but I pointed out that the weather had been so unstable and it was likely to rain. "I'm not parading around Hogsmeade in a summer dress while it snows and/or rains." She finally agreed to let me wear what we had picked out.
Remus and I held our last Transfiguration lesson before the Hogsmeade visit in the common room today. Once again, I had the distinct impression that he was trying to reach for my hand, but couldn't quite force himself to do it. I had my own thoughts of reaching for his hand, but each became more unlikely as they passed through my mind. I've been feeling so silly with him, though. We're seventeen years old, although we're acting as if we're twelve, afraid to touch one another for 'cooties' or some other silly reason. Quite childish. Yet I still won't reach for his hand first.
And I have to confess: out of the four Marauders (that's what Sirius, James, Remus and Peter call themselves; isn't that cute?) I could see myself with Remus least. I'm adventurous and outgoing and spontaneous; it would be more likely that Sirius (loud, brash, sociable, friendly, and did I mention loud?) would be my type. Yet it's Remus (who sets my heart aflutter and tends to make me forget how to breathe. I think I'm going to have to work on that.
Your breathless friend,
Abby
October 31
Leaving for Hogsmeade in one hour. Just wanted to convey my feelings of utter terror and fright. My stomach is in knots and my nerves are shot. But my heart won't stop pounding.
Terrified at Hogwarts,
Abby
Wow. I feel like I haven't had time to breathe lately, let alone write in here. Not much has happened since I last wrote, however. Hogwarts is pretty dull and mundane, as usual.
The Halloween date for Hogsmeade has been 'officially' set. James wasted no time in asking Lily to go with him and Sirius began asking every girl in sight if they would go with him. When the fourth girl in a row turned him down, he turned to me and said, "What's wrong with me? Why don't girls like me?"
"Um..." I began. "Well, when you walk up to a girl and say, 'Going to Hogsmeade on Halloween? Want to meet up and make out?', they tend to become a little frightened of the forwardness."
He nodded slowly, taking in this information. "I get it," he said after a moment. "You girls like guys like Remus."
"Meaning?"
He grinned mischievously. "Subtle guys."
I didn't reply to that comment.
On the other side of the coin, Remus and I have started our Transfiguration lessons. He is so much better at explaining than Professor McGonagall. I adore McGonagall but when I say I don't understand something, she repeats the exact same phrase to me to explain it. I don't think she's realized that if I don't understand it the first time around, chances are I won't understand it the second time around.
Remus, however, is the complete opposite. "Do you understand?" he'll ask me after he explains something. If I stare at him blankly, he'll give me the cutest smile and begin explaining again. But most frightening of all, we were studying in the library last week and sitting side by side at a table. While I read four pages of my book, I felt his hand brush mine under the table, yet again. My heart began to pound and I actually felt faint.
"Excuse me," I said standing up abruptly. "I have to go tell Lily something." And I took off down the hall at a run, nearly knocking over Sirius and James on the way.
"Whoa!" Sirius cried, whirling around with the force of my impact. "Don't hurry or anything!"
"Sorry!" I called back over my shoulder. I ran directly to the Gryffindor common room where Lily was reading a book in front of the fireplace.
She stared at me. "Why are we out of breath?" she asked with a wicked smile.
I took a breather and explained everything that was going on to her. She couldn't stop smiling the entire time. "Not only does it sound like Remus likes you," she said when I finished. "It sounds like you like him, too!"
"Do not," I replied stoutly.
"That's why your heart began beating rapidly when he touched your hand?"
I sighed and closed my eyes. "Remus is my friend," I said pointedly. "I think I got scared and confused because I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I don't know how to tell him that."
Lily shook her head and went back to her book. "Kissing works wonders," she said without looking up from her pages. I threw a pillow at her and ran back to the library, apologizing profusely to Remus.
"No worries," he said, giving me that cute grin again. Through the rest of our lesson, I couldn't help but wonder if Lily was right: does Remus Lupin really like me? And if he does, do I like him back?
James came to the common room earlier to collect Lily for an evening stroll along the water's edge. Sirius was planning a night of serious studying (something completely out of his nature) and Peter would be joining him. Remus and I sat in awkward silence, across from one another, discussing lame subjects such as the weather and the likes. I was desperately wishing that someone would intervene so that we would be spared further painful topics, like homework or something equally lame.
"Isn't the moon bright tonight?" I asked, looking out the window of the tower. I thought I saw a flicker of fear in Remus' eyes, but brushed it aside as nerves. "I suppose it will be a full moon in another night or two."
He nodded stiffly. "Are you going to Hogsmeade?" he blurted out.
I nodded slowly. "Yeah, although I guess I'll be going alone. Lily and James will take off, leaving poor, little old me all by my lonesome." I laughed at myself. "How silly is that?"
"If you'd like, you could hang around with Sirius, Peter and I," he said slowly, staring at his hands. "Or, maybe just myself."
"What?" I asked, not sure I heard him correctly. But at the same time, Sirius burst through the portrait hole.
"If anyone asks," he said breathlessly, diving into the nearest chair, "I was here with you all night. And if anyone else asks, Mark Young always had elephant ears."
I couldn't help but laugh.
Was Remus going to ask me to Hogsmeade? Or did he already? I wasn't quite sure what he meant by, "Or, maybe just myself." Could that have been the beginning of a sentence that he didn't get a chance to finish? Or is my brain just working overtime? Whatever the reason, I know I am absolutely exhausted. I'm going to go to bed now, before Lily gets back and gloats some more. (I love her to death, but she's getting really irritating!)
Your confused friend,
Abby
October 19
I saw Remus today for the first time since the common room that night. No one would give me a direct answer as to where he was. "Studying," Peter informed me.
"Partying," Sirius said.
"Dunno," James answered.
Helpful bunch of twits.
But when I did see him today, in the Great Hall, he looked very tired. "You should get more sleep," I advised. He only shook his head and smiled without a word.
We met up later in the library for another study session. "You're getting better," he assured me when I was able to successfully transform my water bottle into a flashlight. "At least your flashlight doesn't pour water now."
I laughed. "Typical of my work...usually dripping water from somewhere." The jolly mood didn't last. Before long, Remus was silent again and I was at a loss for words. We sat there for several moments while I turned the flashlight back into a water bottle, then into a flashlight again. After several moments, the water bottle was beaming a brilliant light from the top and Remus had to tap it with his own wand to shut it off.
"I've been thinking," he began slowly. "If you're going to Hogsmeade and Lily is going with James, why don't you go with me?"
"You already offered for me to go with you, Sirius and Peter," I reminded him gently.
"Yeah, but I mean, go with me and only me," he repeated, staring at his hands in his lap. "I would understand completely if you don't want to go with me."
"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," I began.
He looked up sharply. "You don't want to go?"
I smiled. "I would be honored to go with you."
His handsome face relaxed into a smile. "So it's a date?"
"Yes," I replied. "It's a date."
I couldn't stop smiling all the way back to the common room. Lily gasped when I entered. "He finally asked you out!" she cried, clasping her hands to her mouth. "Oh, this is so great!"
"How did you know?" I asked her, my face falling. Telling her was going to be half the fun. She's so over-emotional when it comes to things like this.
She half-shrugged. "James said Remus had been thinking about asking you to Hogsmeade ever since Sirius found out when the first date was," she answered. "I figured he would take his time, though."
"Thanks a lot!" I cried in mock anger. "Glad to know everyone but me knows my business."
Lily grinned. "It's not just your business now," she warned. "It's Remus', too."
Your frightened friend,
Abby
October 23
Things between Remus and I are warming up nicely. He's becoming the sweetest person I know, next to Lily of course. No matter what, she'll always be my best friend. But if she keeps gloating about this whole thing with Remus, she won't live to enjoy my friendship much longer.
The six of us where studying for our first Potions test of the year in the common room today. Well, five of us were. Sirius was prancing around, imitating our Potions master, Professor Grundy. "Be careful!" he cried, swooping down on Peter, who screeched in fright. "If you mix the wrong ingredients, you could seriously harm yourself or someone around you." He then paused, looking thoughtful. "But feel free to fix me up with some potent potion," he continued in Professor Grundy's deep, throaty voice. "I could use a personality transplant."
I burst out laughing and Lily gave Sirius a reprimanding look from her spot on the floor by the table. "Professor Grundy happens to be one of my favorite professors," she informed him grudgingly.
"That's because you think he's cute," Sirius retorted, flopping down in the armchair next to James.
Lily blanched. "I do not!"
"Actually," Remus chimed in from the seat beside me, "you did say that two days ago, Lily."
Lily's face went from white to brilliant red as James looked up from his book and stared at her. "I meant 'cute' as in elderly man 'cute'," she argued, but the damage had been done. We all knew what she meant when she said it, but we vowed never to let her live it down.
Dumbledore announced earlier today that Lord Voldemort is gaining strength rapidly and we are all to exercise extreme caution when dealing with the world outside Hogwarts. This information should frighten me, but I feel a still calm knowing that Dumbledore is around. Voldemort has always been terrified of Dumbledore and I know that Dumbledore will do everything he can to protect everyone.
It appears as though I'm not the only one who has very little concern for this news. Upon hearing the news, Sirius jumped up on the table in the Great Hall and began brandishing his wand. "I would kill him before he got a chance to take me down!"
"If Voldemort walked in this door right now," Remus whispered in my ear, "Sirius would be the first one to wet himself in fright."
I giggled at the thought and Sirius (who had just been reprimanded and ordered to sit down by Professor McGonagall) looked over at us. "Inside lovebirds' joke?" he asked, teasing written in his eyes.
My face was very red for the rest of the day.
Embarrassingly yours,
Abby
October 26
Hogsmeade is coming up quicker than I would like it to. Lily has taken the liberty to seeing that I'm dressed properly for my date. She actually dragged me to her dresser and began holding up her outfits to see what would go best.
"I've been dressing myself for seventeen years!" I protested. "I'm sure I can still manage."
Lily's lips were pursed in deep thought. "I don't know," she said hesitantly. "I kind of like the green sweater on you."
I rolled my eyes, knowing she didn't hear a word I had said. "It's going to be Halloween, Lily," I tried again. "I want to get into the spirit."
"You are not wearing a costume!"
"Not a costume," I replied, rooting through my own closet and pulling out a soft orange sweater. "Just organize my colors so that I match the holiday." In the end we compromised on my orange sweater and Lily's black jeans. She tried one more time to dress me in a green summer dress, but I pointed out that the weather had been so unstable and it was likely to rain. "I'm not parading around Hogsmeade in a summer dress while it snows and/or rains." She finally agreed to let me wear what we had picked out.
Remus and I held our last Transfiguration lesson before the Hogsmeade visit in the common room today. Once again, I had the distinct impression that he was trying to reach for my hand, but couldn't quite force himself to do it. I had my own thoughts of reaching for his hand, but each became more unlikely as they passed through my mind. I've been feeling so silly with him, though. We're seventeen years old, although we're acting as if we're twelve, afraid to touch one another for 'cooties' or some other silly reason. Quite childish. Yet I still won't reach for his hand first.
And I have to confess: out of the four Marauders (that's what Sirius, James, Remus and Peter call themselves; isn't that cute?) I could see myself with Remus least. I'm adventurous and outgoing and spontaneous; it would be more likely that Sirius (loud, brash, sociable, friendly, and did I mention loud?) would be my type. Yet it's Remus (who sets my heart aflutter and tends to make me forget how to breathe. I think I'm going to have to work on that.
Your breathless friend,
Abby
October 31
Leaving for Hogsmeade in one hour. Just wanted to convey my feelings of utter terror and fright. My stomach is in knots and my nerves are shot. But my heart won't stop pounding.
Terrified at Hogwarts,
Abby