Source Of All Joy Chapter 2: Part Two: Father Time, a harry potter fanfic

Standard disclaimers apply.

Source of All Joy, Part II: Father Time

September the first once again, four years later. Severus Snape was six feet tall, dark-haired, and fuming. Things had changed for the worst at school long about two years ago, when James Potter and his friends decided that they were too cool for old Severus, and had ditched him rather cruelly. He didn't want to go back.

Moreover, the schedules had been switched, and he hadn't seen Radixa in almost four years. Why the thought of her should come to him now, he didn't know, but as he sat on the train, he grew angrier and angrier. Slytherins took their lessons with Gryffindors now, and there had been no Yule Ball last year, so that this year, his fifth year, he had had no opportunity to make much social headway.

Not that he wanted to, mind you. He was becoming obsessed with the Dark Arts, and had little time for anything else. He had found another Slytherin boy, Tom Riddle, whom he had been introduced to in his first year, who was equally interested, and they spent many hours discussing spells, jinxes, hexes, and lately Tom had been talking to him about forming a society after they graduated from Hogwarts. A society dedicated to the purification of the wizarding world. "You don't need the rest of the world," Riddle had told him. "After all, what've they done for you?"

And to some extent Riddle was right. His former friends had abandoned him, and even turned to torturing him, which hurt him much more than he would have liked to admit. And hadn't his father told him all his life that the only true wizards were the purebloods? Even though James Potter was a bastard, he was a pureblood… albeit with a slavish fancy for that Mudblood Lily Evans. That might be enough to spell disaster for him. And his parents… well… they were useless, he thought with a momentary pang. His poor mother, who had lost her baby, his father who did not care, and Binky… Binky, who was somewhere in the world, cold, and hungry… the thought brought tears to his eyes. He shook his head furiously to rid himself of the feeling. No use being a fool.

"Hey, Snivellus!"

Severus did not move. That loathsome nickname Sirius Black had given him in his third year when he had found him crying in the dungeons had stuck, and he hated it.

"Oh, come on, Snivvy, you're not going to ignore us again, are you, mate?" James Potter's voice was laughing and derisive. That son of a bitch just never let it go, worried it like a dog with a bone… Severus felt his blood grow hot as the train doors opened.

"Oh, Snivellus!" Remus Lupin called in a mock anguished moan and Severus shut his compartment door as the four friends burst out laughing. "Leaving us hanging, are you?"

I don't hear them, I don't hear them, I don't hear them, he thought furiously to himself, wishing he could knock all four of them out with one well-placed hex. He pulled his robe tighter around him and sat, sulking.

Someone banged into the glass of his compartment, and he recognized Tom Riddle standing over whoever it was. Ah, here was a friend. He got up, and then stopped in utter shock. Riddle was standing over a girl. He was actually beating a girl.

Severus didn't even have time to think before he burst through the door. "Tom!" he cried. "What're you doing?"

Riddle looked up and smiled at his friend. "Torturing a half-breed." He indicated the girl on the floor, who was pushing herself up onto her hands and knees, hair falling into her face.

Severus was horrified. As much as he had always been taught to respect none but the pureblood, his prejudice never extended to wanting to do bodily harm… except maybe to certain Gryffindors... he pushed the thought aside. "Why?" he asked, looking down at the girl.

The girl looked up and pushed her hair out of her face, teeth bared in a snarl. "Because I told him what he could do with his wand," she hissed, and Severus nearly fell over.

Those eyes! He would never forget those blue eyes. "Radixa?" he managed.

"Ah." Radixa got up, breathing heavily. "So this is what you've sunk to, Severus? You surprise me." She threw him a contemptuous look. "I would have thought you were better than this. And you, you fool," she pointed her wand at him. "Touch me again, and I'll make you wish your mother never gave birth to you, you son of a bitch."

Riddle laughed in her face. "Go away, mudblood."

Radixa seemed to be struggling to keep her composure. She threw one last look at Severus and marched off, saying nothing to anyone.

Severus looked in horror at his friend. "What did you do to her?"

"No more than she deserved," Riddle said. "She told me to do something disgusting with my wand when I asked her for a snog."

"You what?!"

"Oh, come on, Snape, look at her! She's beautiful!" Riddle sent a lustful grin in the direction Radixa had gone. "So I swung by and asked her and she told me to do something vulgar. So I smacked her. Feisty little bitch hit me back."

Severus had to admit he was right on one count: Radixa was beautiful. Seeing her again had been such a shock… his heart was still pounding. "Oh, come now, don't tell me you fancy her!" Riddle said, seeing the way he stared after her. "She's a half-breed, for Merlin's sake! And she's a Ravenclaw. Nothing but a bunch of snobby know-it-alls. You know we're better than that."

The look in Riddle's eyes dared him to contradict. So he didn't. But he wanted to follow Radixa, tell her that he had missed her, tell her that he hadn't stopped thinking about her through the last few years even though they'd never seen each other, and tell her most of all that he was nothing like Riddle. He went back to his seat instead. "So," Riddle said conversationally. "How've you been? Ready for another term?"

"Extremely ready," Severus answered. "Got to keep myself away from that Potter bastard and his cronies." He drew out his latest book on the Dark Arts: Dark Wizarding Through History: A Compilation of Spells. He had stolen it from his father's library, or rather his stash of secret books under his bed.

"Ah, brilliant!" Riddle looked positively delighted at this new treasure. "Mind if I borrow it?" He made a move to put it into his robes pocket.

"I haven't…" Severus never got to say "finished it yet" because Riddle had swept out of the compartment. Great. Now what was he going to read for the rest of the bloody ride? Sometimes Tom could be a damned greedy fool, but his brilliance at the Dark Arts and his similarity in thinking made him too valuable an ally to give up. Severus was frustrated.

So he sat in silence until someone knocked at his compartment door. He looked up. It was Radixa, looking angry and upset.

"I thought you weren't talking to me." Severus couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"I couldn't not tell you this," Radixa said, teeth gritted. "I haven't seen you in three years, and I've been hoping that you kept yourself away from people like Riddle."

"Why do you care?" Severus was intrigued as well as puzzled at her sudden resurfacing in his life, and at her vehemence.

"Because I…I…" Radixa trailed off.Why did she care, indeed? "Never mind." She looked down. Her cheeks were burning.

"You missed me," Severus said suddenly. He felt himself starting to smile.

"Push off; you think you're that important?" But Radixa wouldn't look at him.

"Well, I have no problem telling you I missed you," he said, growing bold now that he had seen her blush. "Why don't you just be honest with yourself?"

"You sound like James Potter himself," Radixa sneered. "I missed you, fine, I admit it! Now I'm sorry I came back here!" She pushed her hair out of her face, that brilliant coppery hair, and narrowed her bluebell eyes at him. "You're a pig, aren't you?"

Severus couldn't help smiling. He was so glad she still thought of him. "No."

"Liar."

"I'm just glad to see you again."

"Liar," she said again, turning to leave.

"All right, don't believe me." Severus let her go. "I don't know why you'd worry yourself over what friends I have."

Radixa stopped and turned. "Because he's no good, Severus. Trust me on that." She shut the compartment door behind her. Severus sat back, a smile on his face. So she still thought of him. Not well, but she did. And that was what mattered. Suddenly it didn't matter how long it had been since they had spoken. She was back in his life.

Winter came unusually fast that year. By November there was snow on the ground, and Quidditch practices had to be postponed due to the weather. That was why it was such a surprise to see someone on a broom one day, when Severus happened to look up from his book. He frowned. What idiot wanted to be on a broom in a blizzard?

He looked at his watch and decided to head over to the Astronomy Tower to wait for the sky to clear up so he could chart some more stars. So he wrapped his muffler around him and went outside into the biting cold winds. The sky was blank grey-white, so there was no clear indication of what time of day it was save for his watch, and there were a few snowflakes blowing around. He went past the Quidditch pitch with little interest. He stopped in a moment of idle curiosity to watch whoever it was on the broom execute a beautiful series of moves: flips and dives and swoops and feints; he had time to be mildly impressed. The person flew straight through one of the goal hoops and looped around the posts. He wondered if it was a member of one of the Quidditch teams, but didn't recognize any of the team colors from any of the houses. Some fanatic in the snow.

He turned to leave, but stopped when he heard someone calling his name. "Severus!"

Radixa landed in front of him on the broom, snow scattered in her hair. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were sparkling. She was breathing heavily from the exhilaration of being so high up.

"Hello." Severus was startled.

"Hello," Radixa said. Why did I call his name? she wondered privately. "Erm… how've you been?"

"Still hanging out with the same awful crowd," he said, still stinging over the incident. "You might try and be a little more open-minded the next time you see me."

Radixa looked indignant. "Forgive me for worrying about you!"

"Why?" Severus tried to get past her, but she blocked his progress. "You haven't talked to me in four years, Radixa! Did you expect me to dwell on you like some lovesick fool? If you cared so much you should have made more of an effort."

Radixa looked down and then up at him again. "Likewise!" she shot back. But the comment hurt; she had indeed hoped that he would still think of her, even four years later. At fifteen she more beautiful than when she was eleven, and so much had changed. Even under the thick winter robes he could see that she had grown up. Her figure was much more womanly, full of curves, and he could see the hints of a bust line even through all the layers of fabric. Her hair was just as long, just as thick, and her eyes just as blue. He hadn't gotten a chance to have a proper look at her on the train; now he could look to his heart's content.

"What are you looking at?" she demanded a moment later. Radixa felt a pang inside; she knew he had been looking her over to see how different she'd become since they first met. To her surprise and discomfort she found she did not mind. "Well?"

Severus forced his eyes back to hers. "Nothing. I'm off to do some important work in the Astronomy Tower, if you don't mind. Have a nice day." He went past her and Radixa growled in frustration. For some reason she couldn't apologize to him for the past four years without arguing with him. She had missed him so much, and got the distinct impression he had done likewise, but they were both too proud to really say anything. She watched him go, his robes swirling magnificently around him even in the dead air of that day.

He had become quite impressive at fifteen. Already Severus was six feet tall and quite well built for never doing any exercise. Although you'd never know it from the baggy robes he wore… Radixa shuddered a little as she remembered the midnight dark gaze he'd turned on her in the Great Hall at the Sorting. It had made her heart beat faster and her stomach plunge into her knees. His long black hair fell into his face, making him look so mysterious… Radixa shook her head, mounted the broom, and took off again. A little flying would get him off her mind.

From the Astronomy Tower in the dying light of the day, Severus couldn't help but notice her flying round on the Quidditch pitch, a small figure doing loop-the-loops and furious dives. Her flying expressed her frustration, he thought. How appropriate. Most of his friends, and himself included, would have gone around in a sour mood, hexing things and being rude. Radixa chose to vent in other ways. At least here he was alone with his thoughts, and didn't have to be ashamed of them. His thoughts turned to the star charts. The moon had to be in certain phases, aligned with the stars in certain angles for certain spells and potions to work. Dark magic was a tricky business.

Patience was a virtue, and that was one thing Severus Snape had plenty of. He'd learned it at home, and it served him well. The sky showed breaks in the clouds, and the light of a sunset poking through. The sunlight was pale and pathetic. Like me, he thought a little bitterly. The blue was fast fading to a pallid aqua stained with weak pink and gold. It was so strange: normally in the autumn there would be the most spectacular sunsets, deep wines and forests and saffrons tumbling over the horizon in a riot of rich color before fading into a deep velvet blue-black. Now the sky looked positively anemic. The very edges were stained with black, that feeble grayish black that bled into the horizon and gradually took over the sky. Stars looked especially sharp, though; there was no denying the benefits of clear, cold air for stargazing. So he waited.

The darkness was encroaching, and still Radixa kept flying. She took a sudden sharp turn off the pitch and headed for the Forbidden Forest. Severus sat up straight; he had been dozing off, and frowned. Well, let her go. She was being a first-class fool.

He looked up. The sky was almost completely clear. He got out his parchments and quills. He needed a comprehensible map of the winter constellations. Something with no mistakes at all. Sometimes the texts were wrong.

Just as he was charting Aldebaran and noting its angle from Mars, a necessary measurement for a Blinding Potion, a scream pierced the night. His head snapped up and he leaned out the window, risking being seen by the night groundsworkers. But they kept on working, seemingly oblivious to the noise. The scream tore through the air again, and Severus had a horrible feeling he knew where it was coming from. He raised his wand and called, "Accio Broom!" He had a feeling… Radixa needed help.

His Nimbus Five Hundred flew in through the window and Severus got on and kicked off. The cold air was a shock after the warmth of the tower, and he sucked in his breath. "Lumos," he muttered, lighting up his wand to the fullest extent. Damn it, where was she? There was nothing but the same monotone black of the treetops, waving slightly in the wind. Again, that awful scream, and Severus dived downwards. He suddenly knew where she was.

The clearing in the center of the woods. He plunged towards the ground, ignoring the sickening cracks of tree branches as he plowed through them.

What he saw made him wish he had no eyes.

In the center of the clearing there was the remnants of a fire, ashes scattered all around as if someone had jumped into it and kicked. A cauldron was overturned, a gleaming mess spilled into the grass, and soaking into Radixa's hair. That hair, finally dulled by something more brilliant… Radixa was sprawled on the ground, beaten and bloody and unconscious. Her broom was lying twenty feet away, seemingly undisturbed. Radixa's robes were torn away, and Severus winced at the sight of her bare body. Her legs were cut and bruised, her torso black and blue.

He knelt beside her and pulled her robe around her, covering her up, terrified and shaken at the sight. "Oh, gods," he murmured, looking at her right hand. On it was a mark burned into her skin… a skull with a snake winding its way out of the gaping mouth. It was fresh, shining with blood. Who had made that mark?

Radixa let out a moan as she stirred. Severus wanted to jump away, wanted to get out of there lest she think he did this to her, but instead he gathered her into his arms, and raised his eyes to the sky. If there was ever a time he needed help… he reached for his broom, and felt a sharp tug from somewhere behind his navel.

Everything blurred, and suddenly he was in the hospital wing, holding Radixa in his arms. He looked up in shock into the face of Professor Albus Dumbledore, the Dark Arts Master, and Madame Pomfrey, a young and pretty woman with soft brown eyes. They both were trying to hide the fact that they were frightened.

"Professor," Severus began. "I swear I didn't…"

"I know." Dumbledore said, holding up a hand. "But this is out of my jurisdiction. Professor Dippet will be in when Miss Laetitia has been treated."

Radixa groaned as Severus lowered her gently onto the cot. She looked up at him, not recognizing him, and shut her eyes again. Tears streaked her face, leaving stripes of clean through the grime and blood. She seemed not to know where she was. "Mr. Snape," Dumbledore said gently. "Get yourself to bed. We will attend to her now." He put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "She will be safe now."

Severus stepped back from the bed. His heart felt as if it had been shoved into his throat, and he could barely breathe. "Go, child," Dumbledore said again, as Poppy Pomfrey bent over Radixa. They both were trying to hide the fact that they were frightened.

"Professor," Severus began. "I swear I didn't…"

"I know." Dumbledore said, holding up a hand. "But this is out of my jurisdiction. Professor Dippet will be in when Miss Laetitia has been treated."

The door to the hospital wing shut partway, but Severus did not leave. He stayed by the door and listened.

"What happened to her, Poppy?" Dumbledore asked in a low voice.

"She shows evidence of a severe physical attack," Madame Pomfrey said in a heavy voice. "Rape."

The word made Severus sick. He had to fight from screaming. "And the Cruciatus Curse," Madame Pomfrey added.

What is that on her hand?" Dumbledore asked suddenly. He moved her hand to look at the mark, and sucked in his breath. "Poppy, what is this?"

Madame Pomfrey looked at the design. "I don't know," she said. "I've never seen anything like it before." She looked at Dumbledore in horror.

"It looks…it looks like a mark of Dark magic," he said, confirming her fears.

"Ah, God." Madame Pomfrey covered her mouth, eyes filled with tears. "She will live, poor thing."

"Oh, gods," Severus moaned, putting his head into his hands. Why didn't he stay with her when she was on her broom? Why did he let her fly off the pitch? Oh, gods, why?

He ran then, ran to the Slytherin tower, wanting to die because he had seen her so beaten and then known what had happened to her… it was too much. Slamming the door to a bathroom stall behind him, he let the tears flow.

Morning dawned on the figure of a young man sleeping against a windowsill in the Slytherin dormitories. How he'd made it back there the night before, he had no idea, but there he was.

"Severus." Someone was shaking his shoulder. "Wake up, you fool, you slept on the window."

Tom Riddle's voice was easy, confident. "Come on, Snape, old man."

Severus lifted his head and Riddle grimaced. "You look like hell, mate. What happened?"

Severus shook his head. "Nothing. Bad dream, I guess." Riddle looked skeptical but he let it go. Severus stood up and brushed off his robes, ignoring the hair in his face. It was always there. "I'm going down to eat," he said numbly.

"All right, catch last call for food," Riddle said. "I'll see you in class."

But Severus did not go to the Great Hall to eat, nor did he go to class. He went straight for the hospital wing.

The curtain was drawn around Radixa's bed, and Madame Pomfrey was hesitant to let him in. "I had to give her a Sleeping Draught last night," she said anxiously. "She was having nightmares."

Severus looked pained, so Madame Pomfrey stopped and opened the curtain. Severus flew in and snapped the curtain shut behind him. He needed to see that she was alive and breathing.

He bent over her and inspected her face, every detail. She was strikingly beautiful even under the bruises. The dirt had been washed off, and she still looked a mess. She had a black eye and her lip was cut. Her cheekbones were bruised and her face was drawn in an expression of pain. She curled and uncurled her hands, the mark on her right hand stretching and distorting with her movements. She frowned in her sleep, and then her eyes opened.

With a moan, she looked over at him. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes filled with tears. "No!" she groaned. "No, no, no!"

Severus looked startled, and then leaned forward. "Quite a way to come back into my life, isn't it?" he asked softly.

Radixa stopped at the sound of his voice and turned her head to look at him. "Who are you?" she asked. "I should know you… and you're the first…" She sat back, too tired to speak anymore.

Madame Pomfrey bustled in at that moment. "You had better leave, Mr. Snape. She's exhausted." Radixa looked without recognition at Madame Pomfrey too. But the woman was holding a tray and a bottle of potion. "Come now, darling, take your medicine," she said gently, and Radixa scowled horribly. Involuntarily Severus burst into laughter, which he muffled quickly. She looked like a grumpy six-year-old confronted with an unpleasant liquid.

"I don't like this," she complained. "It burns and it makes me forget things."

"That's quite the point," Madame Pomfrey said.

"Why?" Severus asked suddenly. "Isn't that a little unfair?"

Madame Pomfrey threw him a poisonous look. "It's been requested by certain higher powers that she take this." She ladled out a spoonful and Radixa took it, wincing.

"All right," Madame Pomfrey said. "That's quite enough visiting for one day." She ushered Severus out of the curtained space and to the door, where she left him to go back to Radixa. He heard Radixa groan as she was being moved.

"Who was he?" she asked the nurse. "He was lovely."

"He is your friend, my love." Madame Pomfrey didn't always use such affectionate terms with her patients, but she knew what had happened to the girl. "His name is Severus Snape and he is a Slytherin. Will you remember that?"

"Not now that you've given me the potion," Radixa grumbled. "Tell me again if he comes again. He's lovely."

And with a small half-smile on his face, Severus slipped out of the hospital wing. He would have to skip his first lesson of the day, but there was still time to make it to Transfiguration. He darted into his dormitory to grab his books and sprinted off to lessons. The slapping of his shoes against the pavement filled him with something entirely unknown to him, something that swelled and made his heart pound. He would kill whoever did this to her.

Lessons had never been so slow. Severus fidgeted like a child waiting for the bell to sound in every class. "For the love of God, Snape!" Minerva McGonagall, the Transfiguration Professor, recently reinstated in her position after a maternity leave, snapped at the boy. "Sit still!"

Some of the students sniggered. Severus scowled and sat quietly until the end of the class. The bell rang and he sprinted for the Great Hall to get his lunch eaten as quickly as possible and head straight back to the hospital wing. He shoveled down potatoes and meat and dashed up the staircase to the hospital wing.

Radixa's curtain was open this time, and she was sitting up and reading. She looked up as he approached and then looked over questioningly at Madame Pomfrey, who seemed surprised to see him back so soon. "He is Severus Snape, and he is your friend," Madame Pomfrey said once again, evidently used to having to tell the girl things over and over due to the effects of the potion.

Radixa smiled this time, and then cringed a little as she rearranged herself on the bed. She held out a hand and Severus shook it, amused at this display of formality. He couldn't keep the smile off his face. "Hello, Radixa."

"Hello, Severus. Happy to meet you," she said. It was all so strange, having to reintroduce himself to the girl who had occupied his thoughts so much since his first year.

"No, dear, you know him." Madame Pomfrey shot an exasperated look at the bottle of potion on the side table.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Radixa shot back. "You keep giving me that foul mix and it makes me feel like an infant. When will you stop it so I can get back to my life?"

Madame Pomfrey sighed. "I know, I know. There is nothing I can do, my dear."

"Well who can want me to forget this badly?" Radixa asked in exasperation. "And what is it they want me to forget?"

Severus looked at Madame Pomfrey to see how she would handle this. The woman simply shook her head. "I do not know." But Severus knew she was lying. He gave her a look, and the older woman blushed slightly. "There is nothing I can do." She said this more to Severus than Radixa, who sank back onto the pillows with a "hmph" noise.

Madame Pomfrey went out to give them their privacy, and Radixa sighed. "I hate being here," she grumbled. "I can't move, can't remember who I am, or who you are, or anything. I'm supposed to take it every two hours, and it's foul…" She gestured to the bottle of potion.

Severus picked up the bottle. It was common knowledge that he was a Potions prodigy. He inspected the label. "Oblivion Serum," he murmured. He looked at Radixa, who had a clouded cast over her eyes, an aftereffect of the potion. If the eyes are dimmed, so is the mind, he thought. Very clever.No potion bottle ever had its ingredients on the label, but he could figure it out. It was making her forget things… an infusion of lavender to give her peace of mind, passionflower for tranquility, sandalwood for purification and exorcism… that was what was making her forget things. Severus was startled, partially because he had figured out the ingredients so fast, and partly because… had she been possessed? Was that what Dumbledore had meant by Dark Magic?

Severus looked in shock at Radixa, who looked puzzled. "What?" she asked.

"Don't take the potion today," Severus said quietly, so that Madame Pomfrey wouldn't hear.

"Fine by me," Radixa said, crossing her arms. "I've made it quite clear I hate it." She sighed. "So why do you keep visiting me?" she asked.

Severus kicked himself mentally for blushing. "I… I found you that night… in the woods. I just… I thought if I saw for myself you were okay, then …"

"What was I doing in the woods?" Radixa asked, frowning.

Severus admitted that he didn't know either. Radixa frowned and winced again as she readjusted herself on the bed. "That's weird," she said. "I don't remember anything past being on the Quidditch patch and you…" she trailed off and suddenly put her head in her hands. She let out a strangled moan.

That moan turned into a scream and Madame Pomfrey came running. She forced Radixa's hands off her face and fell back with a gasp. Radixa's eyes were red, streaming blood, and her mouth was working as if she was trying to speak. She jerked once, violently, and took a rasping breath. A hissing voice came from her, completely unlike her own.

"Beware, all you who believe in peace," Radixa hissed. "One is coming who will destroy it all, and you will all die." She turned the horrible, bloody gaze on Madame Pomfrey and spit. Then she fell backwards, and lay staring up at the ceiling. Her eyes cleared, leaving bloody streaks on her face, and she coughed once.

Severus had knocked his chair over in shock, and stood shaking against the wall. Madame Pomfrey swallowed hard and went trembling to the girl lying on the cot. Radixa sat up by herself and looked at Madame Pomfrey. "What?" Radixa managed. She touched her face and saw the blood. "What is this?" Real fear filled her eyes. "What is this?"

Neither Severus nor Madame Pomfrey could move at the point. Severus turned shocked eyes on the mediwitch, who moved to shut the curtains around them. "What did you say, girl?" The woman was clearly panicked, abandoning all former niceties.

Radixa wiped her face off. "I didn't say anything." Her hands were shaking, and she looked up at Severus with her eyes full of tears. "Did I?"

Severus nodded. He couldn't help it. Someone… or something… had possessed this girl.