December 8
Between my classes, writing my own stories and Remus, I hardly have time for anything else anymore. Not that I'm complaining, however, I just enjoy coming here and venting all my thoughts, watching them pour out of my mind onto the paper in front of me and weave a story that I hope is one day worth of reading.
Remus and I have grown so much closer. Because he let me in on his secret, Dumbledore called me to his office to discuss it and make sure I was okay with everything. "I've never felt closer to Remus," I told Dumbledore truthfully and his eyes danced with glee.
"It's very hard for someone in Remus' place to find love and acceptance," he told me. "I'm very glad he has such good friends."
Of course, Lily found out shortly afterwards and had the same conversation with Dumbledore. Laying awake one night about a week ago, we were discussing Remus and his condition. "I honestly don't feel any different," Lily whispered into the darkness. "I mean, a lot of people, I'm sure, would be frightened out of their minds. But I don't feel a thing."
"Neither do I," I whispered back. "And I think that's good for him, to realize that his friends won't be swayed by something he has no control over." Of course it crossed my mind to become an Animagus as well so I could join the four of them each month in the hollow of the Whomping Willow. But when I confessed these thoughts to Lily, she proceeded to declare that I was insane.
Two nights ago, Remus and I were feeling extremely adventurous. Hand in hand, we sneaked out of the castle about ten at night and down to the Whomping Willow. Through the passageway we traveled, eventually coming out in the shack in Hogsmeade. "I've always wondered what it looked like inside," I said, everything clicking into place: why Remus was so hesitant as to visiting the shack and why he blanched when I mention the moon being particularly bright that one night. But I still care about him and that's all that matters.
Our little escapade got us into some trouble, though. Both of us were exhausted and we decided to rest on the floor for just a few moments. I awoke nearly eight hours later when the sun was up and shining through the windows; we had fallen asleep! Shaking Remus, I managed to rouse him before dashing off down the long passageway again. We arrived back at the castle just in time to see Professor McGonagall nearly keel over from the sight of us.
"I'm very disappointed," Dumbledore lectured with laughter in his eyes during our meeting with him and the Minister of Magic. "Two of my best students in the school, off gallivanting around the grounds, and with Voldemort on the loose!" He clicked his tongue and winked at us. "Very disappointed indeed."
"Do you think he was putting on a show for the Minister?" Remus asked sarcastically afterwards when we were back in the common room. We both laughed.
"Not at all," I replied. "What would make you think that?"
"Oh, I don't know," he answered, sitting back in the armchair beside the fireplace and closing his eyes. I stared at him for a good, long moment, reflecting on how I've felt about him in the past. In the beginning, I thought he was the goody two-shoes of the group: always the one to go ratting on his friends when they were doing something against school rules. Then he turned out to be the friendly one, not a snitch like I had previously assumed. After a few months, he's become the light of my life. I know that sounds really corny but it's true. He can light up a room just by walking into it and I absolutely adore his smile and the lopsided grins he gives me when he knows I'm teasing him about something.
Forgive me for admitting this but I think I might be falling in love!
Happily yours,
Abby
December 21
Term ends soon and James is fervently trying to persuade Lily to join him and Sirius at James' parents' house. Lily's protesting, only because she says she wants to spend time with me at school, but seeing as Remus will also be here...two's company, three's a crowd, as they say. (Not that I truly believe that when involving my friends because Lily and Remus are close as well, but I know Lily really wants to go spend the holidays with James and meet his parents.)
Speaking on that topic, Remus recently touched on me meeting his parents. "No pressure or anything," he added quickly, "just a friendly encounter."
I'm a little leery on the whole idea, but Lily positively swooned when I told her. "You're lucky!" she told me enviously. "The only way I'll meet James' parents is if I break down his door over the holidays."
"He invited you!" I reminded her.
She grinned slyly. "Not all that willingly," she said. "Sirius likes a girl in James' neighborhood and talked James into inviting me so that Sirius could spend more time with his lady friend."
I laughed aloud at the prospect of Sirius Black having a 'lady friend'. "Whatever the reason," I continued once I had gained control of my laughter, "I still think you should go."
"You would," she teased. "You just want to spend the time alone with Remus."
I felt my face go red. "I want to figure something out," I confessed. I couldn't tell Lily this and I can't believe I'm writing it here, but I think if Remus and I spend the Christmas break alone together, I can hash out my confused feelings for him and hopefully figure out a direction in which I want to take our relationship.
My mother once told me, years ago, that a girl never has to think twice if she's in love. "You'll automatically know," she informed me. "There's no second guessing it." And until this moment, I didn't really understand what she meant. I'm not second guessing my feelings for Remus; it's obvious in my mind that I'm in love with him. I guess I just want to make sure he feels the same way.
The end of classes is tomorrow and everyone begins leaving on the morning of the twenty-third. My parents wrote me one last time to see if I had changed my mind and wanted to go with them, but I declined. I would love for Remus to meet my parents, but that's something that will have to be eased into. My parents aren't as open-minded as I am.
Our History of Magic class yesterday was rather exciting. James and Sirius decided to start celebrating early and took to decorating Professor Binns at the front of the class while he droned on about something totally unrelated to Christmas. He hardly seemed to notice that Sirius was wrapping his head in tinsel or that James was trying to hang a tree decoration on his nose. The entire class got a kick out of it, however, except for Lily who proceeded to slide down so far in her seat so that her nose was level with the table in front of us.
"Where's your Christmas spirit?" Remus chided her gently.
Lily groaned. "I must have left it in the dorm," she muttered. "But for some reason, I don't feel that decorating our teacher like a Christmas tree is the way to go about having Christmas spirit."
James heard her and rolled his eyes. "Get with it!" he cried to her, tossing a strand of tinsel around her neck. "At my house we do silly things like this all the time so be prepared!"
I stared at Lily and her face took on a crimson color. "Going somewhere for the holidays?" I teased.
"Sirius talked me into it," she explained, sitting up a little straighter. "He really likes James' neighbor."
"Right," I said, sharing a grin with Remus. We both knew that we were going to be two of the only students staying at Hogwarts for the Christmas break, but it didn't bother me all that much. Just more time to keep learning new things about each other.
Class ended shortly after that and Lily and I watched the four Marauders toss snow at one another outside. Lily looked like she had something to say, but was too frozen to speak so I suggested we take a walk inside to defrost a little. Sure enough, as soon as we had stomped the snow off of us and were able to feel our fingers again, she said, "So..."
I smiled and breathed into my hands. "So what?"
She gave me a knowing look. "So you and Remus are going to be alone all Christmas break."
I glared at her. "Yes," I said slowly. "And they call you clever."
She rolled her green eyes. "Have you thought about..." and she nodded her head knowingly. Blankly I stared at her.
"I think about a lot," I said, sitting down on a bench in the hallway by a window that overlooked the courtyard where the boys continued to have snowball fights. "It's part of my nature," I finished.
Lily sat down beside me. "I mean," she said, exasperating filling her voice. "Have you thought any more about your relationship with Remus?"
I smiled into the distance. "I think about our relationship every day," I replied happily. "It's one of my best thoughts."
Lily looked positively frustrated but before she could say anything, Professor McGonagall whisked by us and asked us to help untie Professor Binns from his chair. "It seems some students would find it highly amusing to decorate the poor man," she said, rushing down the hall.
Lily and I grinned at each other.
Last night, we were laying in our beds, staring at the ceiling and talking as usual when Lily picked up her conversation where we left off. "I meant have you thought about taking your relationship to the next level?"
"Lily," I scolded. "I'm seventeen years old. Marriage is a long way off for me."
"Abby!" she cried in annoyance. "I meant have you thought about taking your relationship any further...like to bed."
I clicked my tongue. "Goodnight, Lily," I said, rolling over to face away from her. She giggled softly and whispered her goodnight. Moments later, she was sleeping peacefully, but my mind was still racing. Did Remus really think that I wanted to spend the holidays with him for that reason? Oh, I hate thinking that thought, and I can only hope that it's not true. I want to spend time with him because I enjoy spending time with him, but it's a known fact around school that students who stay at Hogwarts for the summer have things a lot more loose than they do the rest of the school year.
Troubled in paradise,
Abby
Between my classes, writing my own stories and Remus, I hardly have time for anything else anymore. Not that I'm complaining, however, I just enjoy coming here and venting all my thoughts, watching them pour out of my mind onto the paper in front of me and weave a story that I hope is one day worth of reading.
Remus and I have grown so much closer. Because he let me in on his secret, Dumbledore called me to his office to discuss it and make sure I was okay with everything. "I've never felt closer to Remus," I told Dumbledore truthfully and his eyes danced with glee.
"It's very hard for someone in Remus' place to find love and acceptance," he told me. "I'm very glad he has such good friends."
Of course, Lily found out shortly afterwards and had the same conversation with Dumbledore. Laying awake one night about a week ago, we were discussing Remus and his condition. "I honestly don't feel any different," Lily whispered into the darkness. "I mean, a lot of people, I'm sure, would be frightened out of their minds. But I don't feel a thing."
"Neither do I," I whispered back. "And I think that's good for him, to realize that his friends won't be swayed by something he has no control over." Of course it crossed my mind to become an Animagus as well so I could join the four of them each month in the hollow of the Whomping Willow. But when I confessed these thoughts to Lily, she proceeded to declare that I was insane.
Two nights ago, Remus and I were feeling extremely adventurous. Hand in hand, we sneaked out of the castle about ten at night and down to the Whomping Willow. Through the passageway we traveled, eventually coming out in the shack in Hogsmeade. "I've always wondered what it looked like inside," I said, everything clicking into place: why Remus was so hesitant as to visiting the shack and why he blanched when I mention the moon being particularly bright that one night. But I still care about him and that's all that matters.
Our little escapade got us into some trouble, though. Both of us were exhausted and we decided to rest on the floor for just a few moments. I awoke nearly eight hours later when the sun was up and shining through the windows; we had fallen asleep! Shaking Remus, I managed to rouse him before dashing off down the long passageway again. We arrived back at the castle just in time to see Professor McGonagall nearly keel over from the sight of us.
"I'm very disappointed," Dumbledore lectured with laughter in his eyes during our meeting with him and the Minister of Magic. "Two of my best students in the school, off gallivanting around the grounds, and with Voldemort on the loose!" He clicked his tongue and winked at us. "Very disappointed indeed."
"Do you think he was putting on a show for the Minister?" Remus asked sarcastically afterwards when we were back in the common room. We both laughed.
"Not at all," I replied. "What would make you think that?"
"Oh, I don't know," he answered, sitting back in the armchair beside the fireplace and closing his eyes. I stared at him for a good, long moment, reflecting on how I've felt about him in the past. In the beginning, I thought he was the goody two-shoes of the group: always the one to go ratting on his friends when they were doing something against school rules. Then he turned out to be the friendly one, not a snitch like I had previously assumed. After a few months, he's become the light of my life. I know that sounds really corny but it's true. He can light up a room just by walking into it and I absolutely adore his smile and the lopsided grins he gives me when he knows I'm teasing him about something.
Forgive me for admitting this but I think I might be falling in love!
Happily yours,
Abby
December 21
Term ends soon and James is fervently trying to persuade Lily to join him and Sirius at James' parents' house. Lily's protesting, only because she says she wants to spend time with me at school, but seeing as Remus will also be here...two's company, three's a crowd, as they say. (Not that I truly believe that when involving my friends because Lily and Remus are close as well, but I know Lily really wants to go spend the holidays with James and meet his parents.)
Speaking on that topic, Remus recently touched on me meeting his parents. "No pressure or anything," he added quickly, "just a friendly encounter."
I'm a little leery on the whole idea, but Lily positively swooned when I told her. "You're lucky!" she told me enviously. "The only way I'll meet James' parents is if I break down his door over the holidays."
"He invited you!" I reminded her.
She grinned slyly. "Not all that willingly," she said. "Sirius likes a girl in James' neighborhood and talked James into inviting me so that Sirius could spend more time with his lady friend."
I laughed aloud at the prospect of Sirius Black having a 'lady friend'. "Whatever the reason," I continued once I had gained control of my laughter, "I still think you should go."
"You would," she teased. "You just want to spend the time alone with Remus."
I felt my face go red. "I want to figure something out," I confessed. I couldn't tell Lily this and I can't believe I'm writing it here, but I think if Remus and I spend the Christmas break alone together, I can hash out my confused feelings for him and hopefully figure out a direction in which I want to take our relationship.
My mother once told me, years ago, that a girl never has to think twice if she's in love. "You'll automatically know," she informed me. "There's no second guessing it." And until this moment, I didn't really understand what she meant. I'm not second guessing my feelings for Remus; it's obvious in my mind that I'm in love with him. I guess I just want to make sure he feels the same way.
The end of classes is tomorrow and everyone begins leaving on the morning of the twenty-third. My parents wrote me one last time to see if I had changed my mind and wanted to go with them, but I declined. I would love for Remus to meet my parents, but that's something that will have to be eased into. My parents aren't as open-minded as I am.
Our History of Magic class yesterday was rather exciting. James and Sirius decided to start celebrating early and took to decorating Professor Binns at the front of the class while he droned on about something totally unrelated to Christmas. He hardly seemed to notice that Sirius was wrapping his head in tinsel or that James was trying to hang a tree decoration on his nose. The entire class got a kick out of it, however, except for Lily who proceeded to slide down so far in her seat so that her nose was level with the table in front of us.
"Where's your Christmas spirit?" Remus chided her gently.
Lily groaned. "I must have left it in the dorm," she muttered. "But for some reason, I don't feel that decorating our teacher like a Christmas tree is the way to go about having Christmas spirit."
James heard her and rolled his eyes. "Get with it!" he cried to her, tossing a strand of tinsel around her neck. "At my house we do silly things like this all the time so be prepared!"
I stared at Lily and her face took on a crimson color. "Going somewhere for the holidays?" I teased.
"Sirius talked me into it," she explained, sitting up a little straighter. "He really likes James' neighbor."
"Right," I said, sharing a grin with Remus. We both knew that we were going to be two of the only students staying at Hogwarts for the Christmas break, but it didn't bother me all that much. Just more time to keep learning new things about each other.
Class ended shortly after that and Lily and I watched the four Marauders toss snow at one another outside. Lily looked like she had something to say, but was too frozen to speak so I suggested we take a walk inside to defrost a little. Sure enough, as soon as we had stomped the snow off of us and were able to feel our fingers again, she said, "So..."
I smiled and breathed into my hands. "So what?"
She gave me a knowing look. "So you and Remus are going to be alone all Christmas break."
I glared at her. "Yes," I said slowly. "And they call you clever."
She rolled her green eyes. "Have you thought about..." and she nodded her head knowingly. Blankly I stared at her.
"I think about a lot," I said, sitting down on a bench in the hallway by a window that overlooked the courtyard where the boys continued to have snowball fights. "It's part of my nature," I finished.
Lily sat down beside me. "I mean," she said, exasperating filling her voice. "Have you thought any more about your relationship with Remus?"
I smiled into the distance. "I think about our relationship every day," I replied happily. "It's one of my best thoughts."
Lily looked positively frustrated but before she could say anything, Professor McGonagall whisked by us and asked us to help untie Professor Binns from his chair. "It seems some students would find it highly amusing to decorate the poor man," she said, rushing down the hall.
Lily and I grinned at each other.
Last night, we were laying in our beds, staring at the ceiling and talking as usual when Lily picked up her conversation where we left off. "I meant have you thought about taking your relationship to the next level?"
"Lily," I scolded. "I'm seventeen years old. Marriage is a long way off for me."
"Abby!" she cried in annoyance. "I meant have you thought about taking your relationship any further...like to bed."
I clicked my tongue. "Goodnight, Lily," I said, rolling over to face away from her. She giggled softly and whispered her goodnight. Moments later, she was sleeping peacefully, but my mind was still racing. Did Remus really think that I wanted to spend the holidays with him for that reason? Oh, I hate thinking that thought, and I can only hope that it's not true. I want to spend time with him because I enjoy spending time with him, but it's a known fact around school that students who stay at Hogwarts for the summer have things a lot more loose than they do the rest of the school year.
Troubled in paradise,
Abby