March 8
Wow. I actually managed to miss a whole month of writing. It doesn't surprise me, though, because this year is absolutely flying by, against my wishes of course. February was insane, with Valentine's Day, followed by another trip to Hogsmeade in which James and Sirius almost got expelled for drinking entirely too much Butterbeer and almost burning down the Three Broomsticks. And the cramming for NEWTs has been nothing short of unbearable. A typical day goes as follows:
I get up in the morning and listen to Lily sing her way through her morning shower. Then we eat breakfast, head off for classes, usually spend our lunch hours desperately trying to finish the homework we didn't want to do the night before, go to afternoon classes, go right to the library and cram until our eyes are ready to fall out.
That's a typical day for the six of us and it really got to wearing on our nerves. Not to mention the fact that Dumbledore is chasing us out of every other classroom to hold secret meetings about what Voldemort is up to and what he's planning next. James is convinced Dumbledore belongs to a secret society that works against dark magic, but Lily thinks he's insane.
I feel like I haven't had a chance to spend much time with any of my friends, nor with Remus, because of the excessive amounts of work that's being piled on us. I lived through my OWL year and thought that was impressive. I'm sadly mistaken now. But I'm enjoying the fact that I get to listen to James and Sirius argue over irrelevant points and hear Peter whining every hour of studying about how he's going to fail. I actually felt kind of bad for him when he kept whining yesterday and Sirius told him to stop or else he was going to turn him into a silent bullfrog. I didn't tell him that I don't think silent bullfrogs exist; that's what separates them from regular frogs.
On the upper side of things, Lily got an owl from home; her sister, Petunia, is getting married to that dolt of her boyfriend, Vernon Dursley. Lily is absolutely terrified at the prospect of these two people mating and producing others just like them. "The thought is too horrible to comprehend," she said, shaking her head violently. The wedding won't take place until the summer and the Evans' expressed their desire to see Lily at the wedding.
"We know you haven't always gotten along with Petunia, nor Vernon, for that matter," her mother wrote, "but she's only going to get married once and it would be nice to have you there."
"Who says she'll only marry once?" Sirius chimed in. "If he's that big of a dolt, you never know; she might get fed up with him after a year and chuck him out on his ear."
Lily shrugged her shoulders. "You're all invited," she declared suddenly. James grabbed the letter out of her hand.
"Where does it say that?"
Lily grinned. "It doesn't. I just want to see the look on Petunia's face when a gaggle of witches and wizards come traipsing through the door."
Remus laughed. "Rebel Lily," he commented and she nodded.
"Damn right."
Remus' comment was innocent but I've noticed a fire being lit under Lily lately. She's no longer meek and quiet most of the time; she becomes violently loud when mentions of Voldemort are made and how he preys on people weaker than him. Of course, we suspect it also has to do with the fact that she's got Muggle parents, but she's under Dumbledore's watch, right? I mean, really. Voldemort is terrified of Dumbledore, I'm sure he's not going to come marching through the door and try to take down the castle.
Or so I hope not.
Your befuddled friend,
Abby
March 15
Lily received an invitation to her sister's wedding this summer. The date is July 23 and Petunia added a small note of her own on the bottom: "If you can't make it, we'll understand. Really."
Lily laughed hollowly when she read this little inscription. "She wishes!" she cried, throwing her arms around James and I. "Not only am I coming; I'm bringing with me five of my best friends!"
James grinned sheepishly at her. "Do I have to?" he questioned, but one look from her kept him quiet. Lily and I discussed later how we found it hard to believe that by the time Petunia and Vernon (a.k.a. the Twit) get married, we'll all be out of school and have left Hogwarts.
"I hope we'll still see one another," she said, fretting over this thought.
"If we want to, we will," I retorted. "Sirius is already talking about getting his own place so the Potters won't have to adopt him and I'm sure Remus will still be kicking around." I smiled at her. "We'll always be friends, Lily; don't ever forget that."
She smiled back at me, grateful for my assurance. I think that's just what she needed at the moment.
I'm sorry if my entries seem so short at the moment but studying for NEWTs is really becoming a headache. Remus and I are spending all of our spare time, pouring over books and practicing curse-deflectors on each other. (I'm happy to announce that so far, neither of us has received any serious injuries, unless you could a brief spell in which both of us lost our voices; we're still not sure how it happened, though.) Remus is certain that we'll all pass our seventh year, but Lily runs about the castle, worrying until she's blue in the face.
"I don't think I know the counter jinx!" she'll cry in the middle of lunch. She looks like she hasn't slept in days and I'm reporting, for a fact, that she has sneaked off to see James three nights in a row now. Either that or she's got some weird sleepwalking habit, but I'm sure she's fully conscious when she gets up, gets dressed and leaves the dormitory.
Not that I'm much better. Many thoughts of sneaking out to see Remus have crossed my mind. We haven't spent much time together as of late, and the time we do spend with one another is filled with curses, counter- curses, counter-jinxes and incantation memorization. I feel like I haven't been able to sit down and talk with him in forever.
Frustrated in love,
Abby
March 21
Spring is arriving, slowly but surely. You can now see patches of grass between the mounds of snow and it's giving a hope to all of us. It was actually Lily who decided to blow off studying this afternoon and head outside to enjoy the nice weather while it lasts.
The boys went about, playing as usual, while Lily and I dawdled behind, talking. "You know Molly Prewett?" she asked out of the blue.
"Yeah."
She grinned goofily. "She and Arthur Weasley are going out!"
I laughed. "Arthur? The Muggle maniac? He's such a great guy." And this is meant with the utmost respect. I love Arthur because he's the type of guy that can make you laugh with just an untimely comment about something relating to Muggles. He's so intrigued with these items that he spends days at a time, interrogating Lily as to how electricity works and what exactly is an automobile.
Molly Prewett is just the opposite. Somewhat of a fusspot, she's got a heart of gold. She never seems to go anywhere gracefully, always bustling around in a hurry to get somewhere. Never on time for a class, never on time with her homework...Molly's my sort of friend. Unfortunately our paths haven't crossed much during our years at Hogwarts but she and Lily see each other often.
Up ahead of us, Sirius turned around. "Oh, look at the slowpoke girls!" he cried gleefully, trotting upon the lingering snow. "Too prissy to get involved and deal with the real men!" He hulked up his arms and I fought the urge to burst out laughing. Instead, I bent down once he turned around and packed a snowball from the snow remaining on the ground. Lily advised me with her eyes not to throw it so instead I sneaked up behind Sirius as quietly as I could.
"Not so slow after all, are we?" I said, dumping the entire pack of snow down the back of his robes. His eyes went wide as he spun around to face me.
"Cold!" he managed to mutter before shooting me a dark look. Peter laughed aloud, Remus looked shocked and James began pelting Sirius with handfuls of snow.
"That wasn't very nice," Remus said, falling back to walk beside me while Lily hurried ahead to stop James from making a fool of himself. "Sirius didn't deserve that."
I studied his face carefully. "But it was funny," I ventured, watching his face crack into a smile.
"It was funny," he replied, grabbing my hand and holding it close to him. I know this sounds crazy, but in that one grasp, I could sense his need and desire for me. I don't want to sound conceited, but he is seventeen after all. Just because he turns into a werewolf once a month doesn't mean he's lost that desire. And I feel bad because I'm still being a chicken.
Lily and I talk about sex at great lengths. She's admitted to doing a lot with James, but insists she hasn't lost something that can't be replaced. "We're just not ready," she told me, blushing. "If something ever happened...well, James can't look after himself, let alone a baby."
I agreed with her, but deep down inside, my heart is telling me that if anything were to happen with Remus and I, which I'm sure it will eventually, I'm not so much worried about pregnancy or anything like that as opposed to how our relationship will feel afterwards. I've heard stories from other girls in the school that have had sex with their boyfriends, only to be deserted the next day. Or the others (these ones truly terrify me) that say sex changed their entire relationship. "Nothing was the same between us," they say and this frightens me. I don't want anything to change between Remus and I. We're perfect the way we are. Of course, we have our disagreements, but at least we're together, happily. I wouldn't want to wake up one morning and find him gone or something equally silly. I love him too much for that.
Wow. I confessed it again. I want to tell the world that I love Remus Lupin, yet something is holding me back and I can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps it's my own fear of being rejected; what if I go and tell the world that Remus and I are in love and then he turns around and shuts me out for some reason. I think that entirely scenario is incredibly unlikely but anything's possible I suppose.
I have to go now. Sirius is letting loose dung bombs in the library and I don't want to be here for this.
Compressed in Hogwarts,
Abby
March 27
Today is my mother's birthday. I sent her an owl a week ago and have yet to receive a reply. But I'm assuming Daddy took her somewhere special, like France again, so I'm not concerned just yet. Although Dumbledore's incessant warnings about Voldemort aren't helping the situation any. It was reported just three days ago that four Ministry officials on the committee dedicated to finding and stopping Voldemort have turned up dead. Dumbledore was in a right state when he heard this and he even threatened to close down the school until it's all over, for our own safety.
Thankfully he retracted that statement thirty minutes later and reassured us that Hogwarts is completely safe. "It's obvious that he's just pissed with the Ministry's sloppy work," Sirius reasoned while we hunkered down around the fireplace in the common room. "I mean, Dumbledore doesn't lose control. He's just made because the Ministry is making such careless work of seeking out Voldemort."
"I agree," laughed James. "I mean, they're practically sending people out, door to door, asking if anyone's seen Voldemort.
"I, for one, am terrified," Lily announced, holding fast to James' hand. "I hate the thought that someone is trying to rid our world of people with Muggle parentage." She shuddered and I saw James look fearful for a fleeting second. "I mean, if Voldemort would only open his eyes to see that Muggles can be useful, too..." Her voice trailed off, leaving us in silence. I don't think anyone knew what to say.
It seems trivial to be worrying about teenage relationships during a time like this, but my relationship with Remus is dominating my mind right now. Well, and other things, like NEWTs, but that's rather minor compared to the rest of this stuff. Remus and I finally had our big talk about sex and he assured me that nothing would happen until we were both ready. He asked me if I was ready yet and I said no. Then I asked him if he was ready and he changed the subject.
Never a good sign.
I just don't know what to do anymore, but I am sure of one thing: I am so incredibly grateful that I started this diary. I told you that I felt this year was going to be an insane one and it turns out that I was right!
Psychically yours,
Abby
Wow. I actually managed to miss a whole month of writing. It doesn't surprise me, though, because this year is absolutely flying by, against my wishes of course. February was insane, with Valentine's Day, followed by another trip to Hogsmeade in which James and Sirius almost got expelled for drinking entirely too much Butterbeer and almost burning down the Three Broomsticks. And the cramming for NEWTs has been nothing short of unbearable. A typical day goes as follows:
I get up in the morning and listen to Lily sing her way through her morning shower. Then we eat breakfast, head off for classes, usually spend our lunch hours desperately trying to finish the homework we didn't want to do the night before, go to afternoon classes, go right to the library and cram until our eyes are ready to fall out.
That's a typical day for the six of us and it really got to wearing on our nerves. Not to mention the fact that Dumbledore is chasing us out of every other classroom to hold secret meetings about what Voldemort is up to and what he's planning next. James is convinced Dumbledore belongs to a secret society that works against dark magic, but Lily thinks he's insane.
I feel like I haven't had a chance to spend much time with any of my friends, nor with Remus, because of the excessive amounts of work that's being piled on us. I lived through my OWL year and thought that was impressive. I'm sadly mistaken now. But I'm enjoying the fact that I get to listen to James and Sirius argue over irrelevant points and hear Peter whining every hour of studying about how he's going to fail. I actually felt kind of bad for him when he kept whining yesterday and Sirius told him to stop or else he was going to turn him into a silent bullfrog. I didn't tell him that I don't think silent bullfrogs exist; that's what separates them from regular frogs.
On the upper side of things, Lily got an owl from home; her sister, Petunia, is getting married to that dolt of her boyfriend, Vernon Dursley. Lily is absolutely terrified at the prospect of these two people mating and producing others just like them. "The thought is too horrible to comprehend," she said, shaking her head violently. The wedding won't take place until the summer and the Evans' expressed their desire to see Lily at the wedding.
"We know you haven't always gotten along with Petunia, nor Vernon, for that matter," her mother wrote, "but she's only going to get married once and it would be nice to have you there."
"Who says she'll only marry once?" Sirius chimed in. "If he's that big of a dolt, you never know; she might get fed up with him after a year and chuck him out on his ear."
Lily shrugged her shoulders. "You're all invited," she declared suddenly. James grabbed the letter out of her hand.
"Where does it say that?"
Lily grinned. "It doesn't. I just want to see the look on Petunia's face when a gaggle of witches and wizards come traipsing through the door."
Remus laughed. "Rebel Lily," he commented and she nodded.
"Damn right."
Remus' comment was innocent but I've noticed a fire being lit under Lily lately. She's no longer meek and quiet most of the time; she becomes violently loud when mentions of Voldemort are made and how he preys on people weaker than him. Of course, we suspect it also has to do with the fact that she's got Muggle parents, but she's under Dumbledore's watch, right? I mean, really. Voldemort is terrified of Dumbledore, I'm sure he's not going to come marching through the door and try to take down the castle.
Or so I hope not.
Your befuddled friend,
Abby
March 15
Lily received an invitation to her sister's wedding this summer. The date is July 23 and Petunia added a small note of her own on the bottom: "If you can't make it, we'll understand. Really."
Lily laughed hollowly when she read this little inscription. "She wishes!" she cried, throwing her arms around James and I. "Not only am I coming; I'm bringing with me five of my best friends!"
James grinned sheepishly at her. "Do I have to?" he questioned, but one look from her kept him quiet. Lily and I discussed later how we found it hard to believe that by the time Petunia and Vernon (a.k.a. the Twit) get married, we'll all be out of school and have left Hogwarts.
"I hope we'll still see one another," she said, fretting over this thought.
"If we want to, we will," I retorted. "Sirius is already talking about getting his own place so the Potters won't have to adopt him and I'm sure Remus will still be kicking around." I smiled at her. "We'll always be friends, Lily; don't ever forget that."
She smiled back at me, grateful for my assurance. I think that's just what she needed at the moment.
I'm sorry if my entries seem so short at the moment but studying for NEWTs is really becoming a headache. Remus and I are spending all of our spare time, pouring over books and practicing curse-deflectors on each other. (I'm happy to announce that so far, neither of us has received any serious injuries, unless you could a brief spell in which both of us lost our voices; we're still not sure how it happened, though.) Remus is certain that we'll all pass our seventh year, but Lily runs about the castle, worrying until she's blue in the face.
"I don't think I know the counter jinx!" she'll cry in the middle of lunch. She looks like she hasn't slept in days and I'm reporting, for a fact, that she has sneaked off to see James three nights in a row now. Either that or she's got some weird sleepwalking habit, but I'm sure she's fully conscious when she gets up, gets dressed and leaves the dormitory.
Not that I'm much better. Many thoughts of sneaking out to see Remus have crossed my mind. We haven't spent much time together as of late, and the time we do spend with one another is filled with curses, counter- curses, counter-jinxes and incantation memorization. I feel like I haven't been able to sit down and talk with him in forever.
Frustrated in love,
Abby
March 21
Spring is arriving, slowly but surely. You can now see patches of grass between the mounds of snow and it's giving a hope to all of us. It was actually Lily who decided to blow off studying this afternoon and head outside to enjoy the nice weather while it lasts.
The boys went about, playing as usual, while Lily and I dawdled behind, talking. "You know Molly Prewett?" she asked out of the blue.
"Yeah."
She grinned goofily. "She and Arthur Weasley are going out!"
I laughed. "Arthur? The Muggle maniac? He's such a great guy." And this is meant with the utmost respect. I love Arthur because he's the type of guy that can make you laugh with just an untimely comment about something relating to Muggles. He's so intrigued with these items that he spends days at a time, interrogating Lily as to how electricity works and what exactly is an automobile.
Molly Prewett is just the opposite. Somewhat of a fusspot, she's got a heart of gold. She never seems to go anywhere gracefully, always bustling around in a hurry to get somewhere. Never on time for a class, never on time with her homework...Molly's my sort of friend. Unfortunately our paths haven't crossed much during our years at Hogwarts but she and Lily see each other often.
Up ahead of us, Sirius turned around. "Oh, look at the slowpoke girls!" he cried gleefully, trotting upon the lingering snow. "Too prissy to get involved and deal with the real men!" He hulked up his arms and I fought the urge to burst out laughing. Instead, I bent down once he turned around and packed a snowball from the snow remaining on the ground. Lily advised me with her eyes not to throw it so instead I sneaked up behind Sirius as quietly as I could.
"Not so slow after all, are we?" I said, dumping the entire pack of snow down the back of his robes. His eyes went wide as he spun around to face me.
"Cold!" he managed to mutter before shooting me a dark look. Peter laughed aloud, Remus looked shocked and James began pelting Sirius with handfuls of snow.
"That wasn't very nice," Remus said, falling back to walk beside me while Lily hurried ahead to stop James from making a fool of himself. "Sirius didn't deserve that."
I studied his face carefully. "But it was funny," I ventured, watching his face crack into a smile.
"It was funny," he replied, grabbing my hand and holding it close to him. I know this sounds crazy, but in that one grasp, I could sense his need and desire for me. I don't want to sound conceited, but he is seventeen after all. Just because he turns into a werewolf once a month doesn't mean he's lost that desire. And I feel bad because I'm still being a chicken.
Lily and I talk about sex at great lengths. She's admitted to doing a lot with James, but insists she hasn't lost something that can't be replaced. "We're just not ready," she told me, blushing. "If something ever happened...well, James can't look after himself, let alone a baby."
I agreed with her, but deep down inside, my heart is telling me that if anything were to happen with Remus and I, which I'm sure it will eventually, I'm not so much worried about pregnancy or anything like that as opposed to how our relationship will feel afterwards. I've heard stories from other girls in the school that have had sex with their boyfriends, only to be deserted the next day. Or the others (these ones truly terrify me) that say sex changed their entire relationship. "Nothing was the same between us," they say and this frightens me. I don't want anything to change between Remus and I. We're perfect the way we are. Of course, we have our disagreements, but at least we're together, happily. I wouldn't want to wake up one morning and find him gone or something equally silly. I love him too much for that.
Wow. I confessed it again. I want to tell the world that I love Remus Lupin, yet something is holding me back and I can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps it's my own fear of being rejected; what if I go and tell the world that Remus and I are in love and then he turns around and shuts me out for some reason. I think that entirely scenario is incredibly unlikely but anything's possible I suppose.
I have to go now. Sirius is letting loose dung bombs in the library and I don't want to be here for this.
Compressed in Hogwarts,
Abby
March 27
Today is my mother's birthday. I sent her an owl a week ago and have yet to receive a reply. But I'm assuming Daddy took her somewhere special, like France again, so I'm not concerned just yet. Although Dumbledore's incessant warnings about Voldemort aren't helping the situation any. It was reported just three days ago that four Ministry officials on the committee dedicated to finding and stopping Voldemort have turned up dead. Dumbledore was in a right state when he heard this and he even threatened to close down the school until it's all over, for our own safety.
Thankfully he retracted that statement thirty minutes later and reassured us that Hogwarts is completely safe. "It's obvious that he's just pissed with the Ministry's sloppy work," Sirius reasoned while we hunkered down around the fireplace in the common room. "I mean, Dumbledore doesn't lose control. He's just made because the Ministry is making such careless work of seeking out Voldemort."
"I agree," laughed James. "I mean, they're practically sending people out, door to door, asking if anyone's seen Voldemort.
"I, for one, am terrified," Lily announced, holding fast to James' hand. "I hate the thought that someone is trying to rid our world of people with Muggle parentage." She shuddered and I saw James look fearful for a fleeting second. "I mean, if Voldemort would only open his eyes to see that Muggles can be useful, too..." Her voice trailed off, leaving us in silence. I don't think anyone knew what to say.
It seems trivial to be worrying about teenage relationships during a time like this, but my relationship with Remus is dominating my mind right now. Well, and other things, like NEWTs, but that's rather minor compared to the rest of this stuff. Remus and I finally had our big talk about sex and he assured me that nothing would happen until we were both ready. He asked me if I was ready yet and I said no. Then I asked him if he was ready and he changed the subject.
Never a good sign.
I just don't know what to do anymore, but I am sure of one thing: I am so incredibly grateful that I started this diary. I told you that I felt this year was going to be an insane one and it turns out that I was right!
Psychically yours,
Abby