It Could Be Worse (4th Season)
Episode 4: Will You Be My Husband?
By Sulia Serafine
[A Protector of the Small fanfic set in an alternate universe; all credit goes to Tamora Pierce. I'm broke, so you can't sue me. Any other copyrighted things that don't belong to me in here in fact belong to other very businesslike people. Could you believe that? I guess that's why I'm broke.
E-mail me at silverwlngaol.com okay? And you know the drill: titles or subjects of emails are fanfiction.net, s.serafine, or icbw.
Rating of this episode: PG-13 for bad moods and bad jokes…
Author's Note: The things we do to please people… This is a Riders' Own episode, but fear not! As always, Keladry's all over it!
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Yuki noh Daiohmoru was not one for convention. In fact, she was staunchly against convention for the simple reason that she did not like being told what was acceptable. She was the one who would have to live with her decisions. She steered toward a career as a demolition expert at a very young age, dropping out of the DJPF Academy to take partial status as a Rider working for the famous Raoul Malorie. She continued to become a pioneer in her field, developing new explosives and trigger mechanism designs. She was even having a scandalous (actually, there was nothing scandalous about it—she just liked pretending) liaison with one of her colleagues, Lerant Eldorne.
The couple did not act anything like a couple except when no one was around. That being the case, hardly anyone outside the Riders' Own knew about it. It wasn't exactly what one would call a relationship as much as a Strange Undefinable Gray Area with Benefits. No. Yuki was not for traditional gushy romance. Nor was she all that passionate about their supposed "forbidden tryst" in which nothing was forbidden and there was very little tryst-ing anyway. To tell the truth, they spent the majority of their time sitting on Yuki's couch watching football or basketball.
There was one thing, however, that made Yuki cringe in the face of convention. A force untouched by age, one that she could never fully stand up to, no matter how hard she tried. It was of a power that existed before Yuki was even born, passed down from generation to generation of the noh Daiohmoru clan. It was not questioned. It was not defied. It was the dynamic duo of duty, her parents.
"You're what?" she stared incredulously at the COMscreen before her.
"We're coming to visit. And we're bringing along Eikichi. He's a nice young man. You'll fall in love and get married and I will have grandchildren, so the gods help me," her mother said almost without pausing for breath. Her stern face told Yuki that if she dare disputed her mother's decision, there would be hell to pay.
Yuki gulped. She knew who Eikichi was. They had grown up on the same street as children. A nice boy, a little boring… But what was he like now? No matter. He could have been the wealthiest, most handsome man in the world and she still wouldn't love him because her mother would have arranged it. And there was no hoping that Eikichi would let his wife run around blowing things up (legally, of course) because if he was lenient like that, her mother wouldn't have bothered choosing him.
She decided very quickly that she had to dodge this matchmaking by any means possible. And so, without further ado, Yuki opened her small mouth and blurted the biggest lie she had ever told.
"But mother, I'm already engaged."
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Keladry backed away in surprise when the elevator doors opened and Yuki stepped through, looking highly distressed and incredibly anxious. Keladry was on her way to Ulliver's floor. If there was anything she had learned while dating Joren and then Ulliver was that she never had to worry about constant fuel costs or car mileage when her boyfriend lived in the same building—two floors down, in this case. She couldn't even imagine what life would be like if, as in Yuki's situation, her boyfriend lived two apartments down. There would simply be too much temptation to see him all the time. When did Yuki and Lerant ever get their space?
"Are you okay?" she ventured shyly, not really wanting to hear Yuki's explanation, but fearing she would sound cold if she didn't say something.
Yuki shook her head. "It's nothing."
Keladry blinked. Well, she was far from being the newspaper advice columnist who helped everyone out with their problems. It was Yuki who had given her advice on what to wear on dates with Liam anyhow. She doubted that she could have been of any real help to the female Rider. It was just too hard to reach forward and make the empathetic connection. Though for some odd reason, Keladry itched to know what the matter was. She rationalized that it couldn't have been that bad.
Ignorance was bliss, she decided. Besides, Yuki had probably just run out of plastique.
She was disappointed when they reached Ulliver's floor and Keladry had to step off. Yuki distractedly said goodbye to her as she pressed the button to close the doors. She had to go to the garage and clean up the mess she had just made as soon as possible. It would be hard and it would cost her dignity and pride, but that was okay. Anything in the war against her parents.
The garage was badly lit, as always. The sky outside was gray. It would rain soon. Yuki thought it was appropriate for the mood. She only hoped that Lerant wouldn't take it as badly as she thought he would. She spotted him sitting on a stool, talking to Qasim, who was lying beneath a squad car about to change the oil. Having the mechanics working for the DJPF cut down on car maintenance costs, causing unfortunates like Qasim to spend nearly all their spare time doing trivial things like changing filters.
"Lerant! Can I talk to you for a second?" she called.
Lerant's head snapped up. He shrugged. "Sure." He leaned down to peer at Qasim under the car. "I'll talk to you later, buddy." He sauntered over, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Yuki noticed that there was a hole in his jeans over the knee. Her mother would never have approved, had Yuki consulted her. She kept her thoughts to herself as he approached. "What's up?"
Yuki began to take a few steps toward the entrance to the garage, just to see him in better light. She very rarely felt flustered, but she found herself uncontrollably bothered by the situation. She toyed with the strap to her overalls to distract herself.
"Yuki?"
She lifted her eyes to his. "Um, my parents are visiting. They want to meet you."
He scratched his dirty blond head. "Is that all? Okay. Should I clean my place? I can borrow some of Prosper's nice shirts, if you want me to."
Yuki shook her head. "We're going to have to do more than that."
His eyebrows rose. "Oh? Do you want me to get a haircut?"
"I want you to pretend that you've proposed to me and that we're getting married soon."
"WHAT?"
She winced inwardly. Lerant stared at her as if she had just told him that she was pregnant and that she was having a green alien for a baby. He anxiously ran his hand through his hair. His brow creased as his eyebrows drew together in concentration. He shook his head.
"Why would you say something like that?" he asked, genuinely perplexed. "Are you feeling unsatisfied with whatever we have? Are you ashamed or something? You feel you have to lie about—"
"No!" Yuki protested, feeling slightly aggravated. "Don't be stupid. Of course that's not it. It's just that my mother… she can be so intimidating sometimes and I always feel like I have to step up or something. I can't disappoint them."
He glared at her pointedly. "What do you call dropping out of the Academy with a demolition license, then? You used to tell me that you were on your way to becoming a high power administrative figure."
She sighed. "That was different. Raoul came down himself and talked my parents into letting me join his team. They couldn't resist the incentive of bragging to their friends that I worked with a celebrity law enforcement officer. I wouldn't have gotten away with it otherwise."
"Oh. And so you're going to cater to them again by pulling off this stunt. Right."
Oh, gods, he's annoyed. Yuki pouted. "Just a short while. They'll be out of here soon enough. I'll tell them later that we broke up or something. It'll delay them from matchmaking me for now."
The reaction to this statement was what she would later consider something akin to a kettle boiling over. He threw his hands up in the air, an expression of complete irritation on his face. At once, Yuki knew that she should have just hung up on her mother in the first place. The consequences would have been harsh, but not as confrontational as this. She clutched her overalls strap tightly in her hand, unsure of what else to do. He would probably yell at her now—tell her that it was stupid and wrong to lie like that to her own parents about something they would eventually be caught in.
Lerant walked out of the garage entrance and sat down on a concrete barrier surrounding a row of decorative bushes. He gripped his knees tightly, trying to squeeze out all his stress through the muscles of his hands. Being a Rider for so long made his hands strong, so he quickly regretted it and loosened his hold. At last, Lerant folded his arms across his chest, slumped his shoulders, and fixed Yuki with an exhausted eye.
"So what do you expect me to do? Just put on an act for a few days?"
"If you want to."
He snorted. "It doesn't seem like I have a choice. You already told her that we were engaged. You mentioned my name."
"I didn't mention any name. I just said that I had become engaged to a very nice young man and that we were going to have a very small, private wedding soon. That's all." She wanted to run away. It felt cowardly and she was by far not a cowardly person. No. Just this once. She would run away just this once. She promised.
"I…I…" Lerant shook his head. He rubbed his hands over his eyes tiredly. "I can't do that."
Yuki tried to ignore the tiny constrictions in her chest. "That's fine. I don't mind. It's not real anyway. I can ask Prosper or Seaver to do it." She took a deep shuddering breath. "Probably Seaver. He's a field medic. That would go over well with my mother. She would have loved having me as a doctor."
He stood up and nodded. "Okay then."
It was surreal.
It was… a little more than surreal seeing Lerant touch her shoulder. It felt dreamlike how he wished everything would go well for her "great deception". She knew he was being sincere when he told her that nothing would change between them. But as he walked toward the elevator, with some reluctance in his gait, she couldn't feel anything but emptiness. It hadn't been there before.
Why was she getting so worried? They weren't really dating. They were doing something but a good many people wouldn't consider it dating. It was almost like keeping someone company, Yuki reasoned. But she knew that reason had no merit, so she banished it readily from her mind. After the whole affair was over, she would make things up to Lerant. She didn't know how, but she would. He deserved so much more.
The rest of the day had Yuki interviewing her fellow Riders one by one in an effort to determine how each of them were going to help her pull off the greatest con in their widely experienced lives. The majority of them had reservations about putting their skills to use against unknowing civilians, let alone Yuki's parents. After a while, she was able to persuade them into seeing it as an exercise or a drill.
Raoul thought it was a shame that she felt she had to deal with her parents that way, but he enigmatically told her that she'd "learn soon enough" and agreed to whatever plans she would make, as long as they were within reason.
It was an hour until dinner time when she knocked on Keladry Mindelan's door. The First Class female officer was genuinely surprised at having a visitor, but she wasted no time showing Yuki in and offering her a drink. Yuki declined the offer and sat on the couch, clipboard and papers under one arm.
"So, is there something I can help you with?" Keladry asked reluctantly.
Yuki had spent all day long talking about it and she was too exhausted to beat around the bush. "You've heard about my situation?"
Keladry nodded. "Dom dropped by and told me about it. He seems to think it's just asking for trouble, but that he would still do it—for you."
"Yes. I'm glad I've got him," she murmured thoughtfully. "Anyway, Kel, the reason I came here to speak to you is to ask you to stand in as a, uh, best female friend of sorts. There's no question that my mother is going to ask me who my maid of honor is. And seeing as you've had that experience with Lalasa and Roald, I figured that this wouldn't be that big of a stretch for you." She paused. "Would you be willing to do this for me?"
Considering the strange circumstances, there should have been a number of things running through Keladry's mind, much like: is this right? Don't her parents deserve to know the truth? If Yuki doesn't stand up to them now, what will she have to do next? –A great deal of things that reflected Keladry's values… but as it was, she could only think of something else:
By Glory, I'm going to have to wear a horrible bridesmaid dress again.
"Kel?"
"No taffeta," Keladry blurted before she could sort out what she was going to say.
Yuki blinked. "Of… of course not."
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Seaver rested his left ankle on his right knee, lightly scratching his leg. He exhaled deeply. When he had agreed to this charade of Yuki's, he hadn't expected to be so bored. Most of the work was to be done during the actual visit. The preparation for it turned out to be a list unexciting chores that mostly involved memorizing Yuki's middle name and some childhood stories she would have told him.
At the moment, he was sitting on his fellow Rider's couch, watching a basketball game on the Holoscreen. Yuki and Keladry were putting the finishing touches on the presentation of food snacks. They were serving overpriced hors d'oeuvres, obtained when Ulliver cashed in on a favor from a chef friend. It had not shocked Keladry in the least. In fact, she suspected from the way the food tasted that this friend was probably the one to teach Ulliver how to cook.
Keladry applied herself with a zest that she did not remember having during Lalasa's nuptial preparations. Of course, now she felt more obligated to do a better job—and not just because of Yuki's strict parents. After Keladry's initial reaction to Yuki's "maid of honor" proposal, she had asked the Yamani woman why Fianola hadn't been picked for the part. Yuki revealed that Fianola had burst into tears when asked. The girl had been completely distraught at the mention of weddings, managing to shriek Faleron's name before fleeing to her bedroom and slamming the door.
It went without saying that Keladry felt horrible for Fianola. And so she acted with such enthusiasm as she knew Fianola would have applied had Yuki chosen her to be her faux maid of honor. To her delight, Yuki assured her that they would just fake the elaborate planning while her parents were there. There was no way that they would have to actually produce bridesmaid dresses or even floral arrangements. Maybe a seating chart or two, but that was it.
"Just a couple of days. That's all. Now what time is it? They're going to be here soon!" Yuki groaned. She smoothed down her simple sleeveless dress, made of a smooth pastel blue fabric that complimented her creamy complexion.
Seaver sighed. "It had better be. I don't have to kiss you, do I?"
"We discussed this, Seaver," Yuki rolled her eyes. "They'll see right through it if you don't. Just a peck on the cheek, that's all."
"Lerant's going to kill me," he muttered. Yuki pretended not to hear.
The intercom buzzed, indicating someone was at the door. Keladry immediately looked to Yuki in order to gauge her reaction. The demolition woman's face seemed pale and stone like, almost as if she were a statue. Another second's hesitation and she came to life again, hurrying toward the door. Before she peeked out the spy hole in the door, she glared at Seaver, who then stood up and brushed invisible lint off his shoulders.
"Hello! Yuki, we're here!" a woman's crisp, aristocratic voice announced. A imagined bell seemed to toll in the background, letting everyone in the apartment know that the time had come.
Yuki pressed the button for the door and stepped back. As soon as it slid open, she put on a forced smile and held her arms out to her parents.
"Mom! Dad! It's so great to see you!"
The short woman who stepped into the apartment quickly wrapped her arms around her daughter, squeezed her arms around Yuki's waist once, and let go. She moved away so that the accompanying man could do the same. Unlike his wife, he was as tall as Yuki. It was obvious to see who Yuki took after.
Both parents had the same pale creamy complexion as their daughter, but there were scant lines on their face save for the crow's feet at their eyes. There was not even a single gray hair on either parent's head. Their raven tresses were straight and combed back. Her mother wore it in a simple bun at the base of her neck while her father had it cut short and parted on the side. Keladry was aghast to find herself reminded of an Eastern Yamani version of Roald.
"You are looking well, daughter," her father said. Yuki uncharacteristically bowed from the waist, a little wobbly as if she had not done it in a long time.
Yuki swept her arm out to the side in a welcoming gesture. "Come have a seat! I'd like to introduce you to my best friend Keladry Mindelan."
Keladry came forward and bowed. She had studied up on how to traditionally greet someone of Eastern Yamani descent. Though many of their culture had relaxed on old forms of tradition, Yuki's family was still very deeply entrenched in the cultural values that had been handed down for centuries.
Though her gesture was smooth and practiced, Seaver's was a little shakier. He nervously smiled and meekly said, "Hello."
"Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Seaver Tasride. Seaver, these are my parents. My mother, Kimi noh Daiohmoru and my father, Keiji noh Daiohmoru."
"It is so nice to finally meet you. We have heard many great things—" Kimi began to say before the door behind them suddenly opened.
Lerant stepped through, looking only mildly out of breath as he adjusted his neck tie and strode purposefully toward the center of the room. He put one hand on Seaver's shoulder, gently nudging him aside as he took his fellow Rider's place. A smile graced his features as he held out his hand to shake theirs. In the background, Keladry and Yuki stared on in absolute shock and worry.
"Hey, there! Sorry I'm late. I'm Lerant Eldorne. I see you've already met my Best Man here. Seaver's such a great guy. He's my best friend—with the exception, of course, of your lovely daughter." He grasped Keiji's hand before the elder man knew what was going on.
"Oh, I see," Yuki's father managed to say. He regained his composure quickly. "Well then, it is a pleasure to meet you, Lerant."
"Yuki! I'm not too late am I?" Lerant asked, fixing Yuki with the most peculiar stare.
The female demolition expert was at a loss for words. She mutely shook her head. He took the opportunity to wink at her. Out of nowhere, Yuki felt a rush of warmth pervade her chest. She ducked her head and murmured something unintelligible before retreating to the kitchenette for the hors d'oeuvres.
Seaver fell back onto the couch, followed by Keladry. It had been quite an unexpected turn of events. They had no idea what to do next. All their careful preparations now seemed flawed and easily upset. Lerant didn't even know the script!
"Please, sit." He waited until the Daiohmoru's were seated comfortably on the couch before he took his place by Seaver's side. He elbowed Seaver in the side. At first, the confused Rider didn't know what Lerant wanted. But as the silence stretched on, and being that Seaver was an intelligent and resourceful member of the Riders' Own, he guessed what his friend wished him to say.
He cleared his throat. "You know, just the other day, the four of us were having a discussion and we did feel awful that you weren't told earlier about all this. The wedding, I mean."
"What else did we say?" Lerant prompted, trying to only appear forgetful.
"We have to get in touch with the minister," Keladry supplied. "You need to get the marriage license, as well."
Seaver coughed. "No, besides that."
"Uh…" Keladry didn't know what either man had in mind, but she wasn't following. She sighed and sat back, willing to let them take control. They seemed to know what they wanted to say.
Yuki returned with the tray. Though she had warned them that her behavior was going to change in her parents' presence, they were not ready for the demure dove that had just appeared. Yuki bent her body with the utmost grace, offering the hors d'oeuvres to first her father then her mother.
"These look adequate. Very good, daughter," Kimi approved, taking a tentative bite. She nodded and swallowed after some very small chewing. "It would have been better had it been the traditional foods I taught you to cook when you were young. Surely you have not forgotten those?"
"You will need them to please your future husband in your kitchen," her father added. Both her parents seemed to put on stern, expressionless masks the likes of which made Keladry jealous. Their stoicism came so naturally. It would have driven any DJPF interrogator crazy trying to read them.
Yuki finally sat after her three friends had taken a bit of food for themselves. Keladry noticed how she did not meet anyone's eyes.
What's wrong now?
They made small conversation for another half hour, spouting random details that Lerant pretended to embarrassingly forgotten (but was, in fact, learning the master plan as they spoke). After a while, her parents claimed that they were tired from their trip and had better check into the hotel for rest. Yuki and Lerant walked them to the door, Lerant's hand resting uncharacteristically at the base of Yuki's back. Keladry could see the demolition expert tense at the unusual display of affection, though slight it was.
When the door opened, Kimi turned around and spoke something to Yuki in their native language. Yuki's eyes widened imperceptibly, but she bowed her head and responded with what everyone else assumed was the affirmative.
Then her parents were gone and a slightly shaken Yuki noh Daiohmoru was left in their wake.
"What did they say?" Seaver asked.
Yuki did not express her emotion on her face, but her voice betrayed it all. It was weak and disheartened. "My father has retired. They've acquired enough money that they can stay here visiting for however long until we have the wedding. Apparently they're putting up the pretense of not wanting to miss anymore of my 'precious' moments like rehearsal dinner and bridesmaid dress try-on's. After all, I'm their only child." She sank into her armchair and exhaled deeply. "Really, I think they just want to make sure I don't back out of the match."
"Match?" Keladry frowned.
"Marriage. They mean marriage. Every traditional marriage was arranged by match, so they often interchange the two words." She didn't say anything else about it, but they all knew the implications. Lerant fidgeted. He appeared as if he wanted to scream and curse but was barely holding himself in check.
"We have to go all the way now. Just as I feared."
"We'll get through it. Come on! Let's get to planning, shall we?" Lerant struck up, giving out an optimistic aura that at least lifted Keladry and Seaver's spirits, even if it did nothing to assuage the anxieties of the 'couple' involved.
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Keladry finally got to her apartment late that night. Yuki had gone on a wedding dress hunt while she had been delegated the task of informing the rest of the conspirators of the new developments. The men were annoyed at the idea of having to wear tuxedos again. At least Fianola didn't cry this time around when Keladry approached her about it, though Buri appeared absolutely murderous at having to put on another formal dress. Keladry appeased her by explaining that it was a private, low scale ceremony anyway. Buri did not need to dress up quite so much, so as to avoid upstaging the bride.
Seaver and Lerant had run away somewhere that she did not know promptly after Yuki's departure. It was clear by the look on the groom's face that he wanted to speak with Yuki, but she had left in search of a dress as soon as her parents had pulled out of the parking lot in their rented luxury car. Keladry felt slightly sorry for Seaver. Lerant was in sore need of venting his displeasure and Seaver was sure to get the brunt end of it, wherever they were.
She scolded herself not to worry. Lerant was a level-headed person, even with his newly revealed temper. He was probably being tutored by Seaver in the plans that they had made—and making up new ones while they were at it. Yuki had only anticipated a short visit in which she would have taken her parents out to dinner, held a small pre-wedding get together with friends, and sent them home again thinking that their little girl was on her path toward normalcy.
Marriage is normalcy. Neal was right. Joren would never have stood for it. He would never have married me. Loved me, he would have. Marry me, never. It would be against his nature.
Keladry dragged her feet as she went to her closet in search of her dress from Lalasa's wedding. She carelessly removed the plastic draped over the dress and flung it to the floor. There was nothing better on a Friday night than to try on an old bridesmaid's dress in hopes that it would still fit. It did. Keladry hadn't expected any problems. She was just as fit as the day she put it on. It had been less than a year ago, after all.
The door intercom buzzed. Keladry glanced at the clock. With her dress still on, she marched to the door and pressed the intercom button. "Who is it?"
It is so indecently late. I would yell at the person if I weren't so tired.
"It's me," Ulliver's voice reached her ears. "We were supposed to rent that scary movie… you know, the one we keep saying we'll watch when there aren't any shrieking and scared people surrounding us in a theater?"
Keladry groaned inwardly. She had completely forgotten. In the rush to reformulate new plans, she had stood Ulliver up on their appointed Date Night. She sighed and pressed the button again. "I'm sorry. Yuki's got this whole mess on her hands now and I just forgot. I'm really sorry."
"Can I come in? Or will I have just have to kiss the intercom speaker goodnight?"
She smirked. "Actually, I was thinking that the speaker was in need of some loving."
"Jerk," he replied, feigning hurt.
Keladry opened the door, leaning on the frame as Ulliver came into view. His eyebrows rose just a bit and his mouth formed a little 'O' when he saw her in her baby blue dress. The dress did its duty in flattering her athletic figure, despite the decorative but annoying sash that tied into a complicated bow at the back. He gave a low whistle, running his hand through his short dark hair as he stepped inside.
"Wow."
She fidgeted. "It's not that great a dress."
Ulliver shrugged. "Well, I think it's hot."
Blushing is perhaps the one involuntary body function I could do without, she thought. Before she could think of a clever response, Ulliver closed the apartment door behind him and was slipping an arm around her waist. Her heart started beating a little faster. His other arm copied the actions of the first. There was very little space now separating their bodies.
"This dress," he whispered into her ear, his warm breath tickling the tiny hairs on the back of her neck, "is a bit too hot, don't you think? I regret to say it might get in the way…"
She tensed.
"Anyway, let's not talk about that. Do I get to see this dress of yours before Sunday?"
"What are you getting at?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nothing big. Can't I act like any other Joe and want to see you in your nice, frighteningly expensive gown?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Uh-huh. And I'm sure the dress wouldn't survive to see the weekend if your prowling hands were near."
"If it gets in the way, it's a tragic casualty. Not my fault." He grinned and leaned forward.
"Ulliver—" she gasped, a strangled sound that immediately alerted him to her distress. He instantly backed off, terrified that he had come on too strong and scared her in the process.
He let go, arms falling to his sides and eyes shooting up to look her in the eyes. But she wouldn't have it. Keladry averted her gaze to the side, afraid of the old memory that had resurfaced against her will.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and turned to go.
Keladry's head snapped up. She quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him back from the door. "No! Don't be upset. It's not what you think. I've just…" She sighed in frustration. "I've had a long day."
"Then I should probably let you rest."
"No, no. Stay," she pleaded softly, feeling like an absolute monster for the rejection that she was sure he was experiencing. Keladry led him to the couch and pushed him to sit. "I'll change out of this dress and we can order the movie on Pay-per-View. Just stay put."
A short while later, Keladry was almost dozing off in the SWAT member's arms with the background sounds of terrorized actors on screen fought off a psychotic killer with a machete. It had indeed been a very trying day, not just for her, but everyone she knew. Plans that had before seemed fool-proof were now under revision and who even knew what relationship problems Lerant and Yuki were going to get from this?
There was, however, one thing that Keladry was sure of. She was going to put her First Class salary to use again. There was absolutely no question about it. Too many memories and complications. It just wasn't worth it!
She had to get a new bridesmaid dress.
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Dom could tell that Neal was a little miffed about being excluded from the wedding rehearsal dinner guest list. Initially, all the Riders had been given basic scripts of things to mention at a tiny get-together in order to give the illusion that Yuki had actually planned a wedding. Since Kel was going, Dom had thought to invite Neal so as to avoid snubbing the officer. The younger man was having such a difficult time lately with being "left out."
As it was, now that they had a real wedding to go through, Neal had to play a part. Qasim was given the job of calling Lerant while in the presence of Yuki's parents and making it seem as if their reservation for a certain hall had been unwittingly moved up. This way, they could get prepare for the false wedding, get it over with, and send her parents home. Neal, as did the others, now had real acting parts. Some of them, like Qasim, were now forced to relinquish their roles as 'friends' to pose as banquet hall owners or nameless ushers.
"Oh come on, it's not that bad. You get a really cool part," Dom consoled.
"A cool part? Dom, I have to put gray hair dye on and whatever other disguise materials Fia has stashed in her kit. Like a… a beard or a mole or something."
"I thought you'd be honored to be posing as the minister marrying the couple," his elder godbrother said. He patted Neal on the shoulder. "You get to say the infamous lines. We are gathered here today to witness the union of—"
"You're not helping," Neal warned through gritted teeth.
Dom rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you're still hung up about not hitting on Yuki while you still had the chance, are you? They're not really getting married, Neal, or have you missed the whole concept of it being a fake wedding?"
"Shut up."
"Okay. So you do have hang ups."
Neal abruptly got up from the table. He directly went to the refrigerator and retrieved a can of beer. Dom pressed his luck.
"Can I have one?" His eyes widened and his hands darted up to catch the beer can that was thrown straight at his head. "Hey now! Don't have that kind of attitude! You're still in the wedding. I'd think you'd have been more offended if we'd left you out of the plans, the way you're always going about seeking sympathy for your loneliness."
"Shut up already! I said I'd do it!"
"Well then stop being a damn baby about it and act like a man!" Dom yelled back.
Neal popped the lid on his drink and took a large gulp. He wiped the cold perspiration from the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. He set the can down on the table and sat down again, straddling the chair backwards. Dom took a deep breath and nodded his head.
"That's a bit more like it."
"What does Kel think about all this?"
"I don't know. Why don't you ask her?"
The younger man shrugged. "I did. She said something about being pissed off that she had to buy another dress. When I asked her why she didn't re-use the other one, she ignored me." He took another long gulp. "I bet the wedding plans reminds her of Joren."
"On a first name basis with the dearly departed, now are we?" Dom questioned sardonically.
"He's not that departed."
"He's departed enough."
Another large sip. Dom hadn't even opened his and Neal's was probably half gone.
"You understand though, don't you?" Neal asked. "You and I are the only guys that really know him."
"Knew him," he corrected again.
There was a pause. Neal began speaking again, after efficiently finishing the rest of his can. Dom made a mental note to steal Neal's supply and hide it away from the man until he was in a better mood. "Dom, do you… Do you want him to come back?"
"Truthfully? No. I love the man like a prodigal brother, but things are better this way. You?"
Neal slumped over the edge of the table with a doleful expression. "Me neither."
---------------------------
It was a week and a half later and Keladry found herself in the center of the worst wedding she had ever imagined. They had pulled some strings and found their "wedding hall" to once again be the Shriner's lodge that had hosted Raoul's presidential welcoming banquet. Qasim and Prosper had spent a whole day disguising the outside of the building and setting up chairs and an altar inside.
There were very little decorations. Asides from a few plastic flowers surrounding the altar (it was really a dais from a local theatrical group, with a white wicker arch from a local garden club on top), the entire place seemed quite drab. There were very few rows of collapsible metal chairs because the guest list was so small. The Riders, Raoul included, were central to the entire farce. Then there came Buri, Flyndon, Ulliver, Wolset, and some of the other homicide detectives and bomb squad members to fill up space.
They had even been reduced to playing organ music on a CD. The entire cost of the would-be wedding hadn't been that much at all. Every member of the Riders had pitched in by calling in favors from various organizations around town, the Magnificent Marigolds Garden Club included (Seaver had once rescued a rare species of flower and had presented it to the MM's as a gift).
"Do I even have a cake?" Yuki murmured listlessly as Keladry pinned her veil to her hair.
"Yes. Fianola baked one last night. You know how surprisingly good she is at making desserts."
Yuki peered out from the makeshift dressing room. "How… how is Lerant?"
Keladry frowned. "I'll check." She picked up a walkie talkie from the table and held down the call button.
"This is Sierra Tango reporting in. Over," Seaver's voice came out, a little static covering up his voice since the walkie talkies were old and nearly obsolete.
"Hey, Seaver, this is Kel. How's Lerant?" she asked. She waited a bit, but received no response. She rolled her eyes and added, "Over."
"You know, Kel, you can at least use the code talk. It's not like we're bending over backwards to communicate. Over."
She glared hard at the walkie talkie in front of her face. "Fine. Sierra Tango, how is our groom? Over."
"Do you think you could say: 'What is Groom's status?' Over."
"Seaver!"
"Sierra Tango, please. And use the lingo! Over."
"Fine," Keladry grated out. "Sierra Tango, what is Groom's status? Over."
"Lima Echo is currently taking a piss. Can I say that? Is there some sort of code for—"
"Seaver! Get back on track! I want the two of you at the altar, waving to guests as they come in. Make sure Qasim hits the music on time and… and give Neal a minor sedative of some kind that will keep him lucid during the ceremony. I'm afraid he's going to have a melodramatic outburst."
"You want me to drug our minister? Over," Seaver's incredulous voice squeaked.
"You're good with medicine. I'm sure you can find something besides alcohol. Just do it."
"Roger! This is Sierra Tango, over and out!"
Keladry threw the walkie talkie to the floor in a rare burst of annoyance and withheld the urge to crush it with the heel of her shoe. Yuki looked on, slightly amused.
---------------------------
The time had come. Yuki's parents had arrived and had been ushered into the front row of guests. Qasim and Dom acted as ushers while Lerant and Seaver stood nervously at the altar where Neal (now sporting gray streaks, fake wrinkle lines, and a bristly mustache) was presiding. Qasim rushed towards the back of the room. He saw Keladry peek out of the place where they were waiting. She gave him the thumbs up. Without further ado, Qasim pressed the play button on the stereo. The pre-recorded organ music flowed out.
"Here comes the bride," Seaver distractedly sang in a low voice. Lerant discreetly kicked him in the heel to shut him up. Neal remained unperturbed. He actually appeared euphoric.
Fianola came first. Since they had no flower girl, Fianola was the one chosen to fling out flower petals she had picked in the local park that morning. She looked teary-eyed. Her lip was already trembling. When she had finished her walk down the aisle she wavered as she stood next to Prosper, who looked very concerned.
Keladry followed. She tried to smile as best she could for Yuki's parents to see. It was hard when she saw the emotionless Yamani masks that the Daiohmoru's presented. She caught Ulliver's eye and was glad to see the approval there. He had liked the soft purple dress she now wore even better than the old one. And for that, she gratefully had no qualms or lingering traces of guilt.
At last, Yuki stepped into the aisle. With a bouquet of pink roses clutched in her hands, she walked forward in the infamous step-pause march that brides had been doing for centuries. She kept her gaze focused ahead, not at Lerant, not at Neal, not even at her parents. She had slipped into something of a trance. When she reached the front, she appropriately stopped and turned to face her would-be groom. Both their faces were unreadable. Keladry hoped that her parents would just take it to be signs of nervousness, not apathy.
The music stopped. Neal smiled kindly at everyone in the room.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness and to celebrate the sacred union of Yuki noh Daiohmoru and Lerant Eldorne…"
Fianola began sobbing in the background. Prosper turned scarlet red and put a comforting arm around the young woman as she loudly hiccupped and blubbered. Neal paused for a moment and waited for the outburst to at least decrease in volume. He cleared his throat and began again.
"The feeling of unity between Yuki and Lerant, which we here recognize and honor is an emotion that this couple has created out of selflessness and kindness. Their loyalty to one another is like none they have ever felt before."
When he paused an especially long time after this, Seaver worried if he had put a little too much of his diluted sedative into Neal's glass of water.
To his relief, Neal began again, smiling wider than before. Keladry raised one eyebrow in suspicion.
"They base these feelings on love, on mutual respect and acceptance. They base them on the reasonability of an open mind, and upon the strong belief that the wisdom and insights of a man and woman, which might falter separately, can endure and deepen together."
Fianola sobbed louder.
Oh, she's never going to stop, Keladry thought morosely. At least Neal sounds normal.
Seaver and Keladry came forward with the rings since they had no ring-bearer. Neal made a small speech about the symbolism of rings (she would never have expected him to be so poetic when he was drugged. His poetry was bad enough when he was chemical-free) and proceeded into the final part of the ceremony.
"Do you, Lerant Eldorne, take this…"
A loud snore caught her attention. Please don't tell me that Raoul is dozing off! He's going to give us away!
Keladry's fears were immediately put to rest when Buri sharply elbowed her colleague in the side. He sat up straight instantly, mid snore. The Kmir woman rolled her eyes and shot an apologetic look in her direction. Raoul had the humility to blush.
"…to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live?"
I never realized how many prepositional phrases were in this speech, she thought absently. Her feet were starting to hurt from standing in the heels for too long. She glanced toward Ulliver, who grinned at her. She allowed herself a small smile before returning her attention to the ceremony.
"…And do you, Yuki noh Daiohmoru, take this…"
Fianola had now officially collapsed into Prosper's arms, wailing. The longest standing member of the Riders nervously took a handkerchief from his pocket and brotherly held it up to her nose for her to blow in. She did, causing a few to turn heads and look at the loud, embarrassing spectacle.
Neal went on, unperturbed.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."
If there was any one part of the ceremony that looked fake, Keladry would decide later, it was the part when Yuki and Lerant kissed. In her opinion, it had been so clear. She could see the tension between them. They both attempted to smile as they leaned toward each other, but one could see the anxiety and the reluctance in each their eyes. Keladry would have thought Yuki would have been more comfortable doing this with Lerant rather than Seaver. Now she realized that Yuki would have been better off with anyone but the one person who mattered.
It was too close to the real thing. But it was fake. It was a tease to both persons involved. Would they ever go through the real ceremony together? Or would their sorry excuse for a relationship just peter off into the realm of "the-one-I-did-that-thing-with-one-time"?
Keladry's heart fluttered achingly. She feared she might have to join Fianola on the crying bench soon.
The ending organ music played as Lerant and Yuki glided down the aisle and toward the waiting photographer outside in front of the limousine. Roald was the limo driver, of course. Lalasa stood by with a camera and a tripod.
She eyed Yuki's parents, who stood up gracefully and waited for the official wedding party to go down the aisle before they followed. She could not see them as she headed out the door, but she ran over to Lalasa to make sure she took the pictures quickly and got a few of the Daiohmoru's as well. They would need a lot of photographs to support the illusion. Real weddings would have full albums of pictures. She saw in retrospect that the fact that no guest had brought cameras could have been a tip off.
A few moments later, Keladry nearly jumped out of her skin when Keiji noh Daiohmoru tapped on her shoulder from behind. She turned around and bowed graciously to Yuki's father.
"I assume you are one of the master architects of this scheme?"
She cringed inwardly. On the outside, she continued to pose the model of innocence. "Scheme, sir?"
The man leaned in close so that he could whisper in her ear. "I know what this is, Ms. Mindelan. I just wanted to congratulate you and your friends on a fine job. I would never have known had I not been a play actor as a boy. I can tell when a man is wearing a fake mustache, having worn many in my youth as well."
He means Neal… she thought, horrified.
Noting her pending distress, he calmed her. "Do not worry. I won't tell my wife. I understand that my daughter only wished to please us." He paused and made a little noise that she supposed was a sigh. "I only hope that she'll marry someone someday. I would be proud and happy then." He smiled slightly. "In the meantime, I'll be sure to keep my wife from prying into their non-existent home life. You kids these days…"
He bowed to her and rejoined his wife where Lalasa was taking pictures.
Keladry hesitated for all of three seconds before taking off her uncomfortable heeled shoes and walking back into the church to sit down. She needed some time to think.
---------------------------
"My head hurts so much," Neal groaned into Keladry's couch cushion.
"Seaver, I thought I told you just to give him something to relax," she whispered fiercely.
The Rider shrugged. He nonchalantly acknowledged her as he let one of his pet snakes curl around his arm, causing Keladry to inch away. "It was so last minute. I didn't think mixing some vodka and Listerine would be a big deal. I mean, you saw him during the ceremony. You said lucid and I definitely made him lucid."
Keladry snorted. "Just give him some absinthe next time, why don't you…"
"Absinthe?! Were you two trying to kill me?" Neal cried.
"No. Of course not," Seaver laughed. "I mean, I think not." He caught Keladry's glare and stood up. "Um, come on, Neal. In absence of your father's medical advisory, I order you to bed right now." He extracted a bottle of aspirin from his pocket and placed it in Neal's hand. "And in the most clichéd of clichés, take two of these and call me in the morning."
Neal swiped at him with a fist, but Seaver jumped back before the blow could land.
"Help him to his bed, please," Keladry asked, too exhausted to deal with either man.
Seaver reached down and slung one of Neal's arm over his shoulder. They stumbled to the door, which was already opening. Ulliver was entering with a bag of wedding food in his hands, a fourth of Fianola's scrumptious cake included. He stepped to the side as the pair went past.
"What happened to Neal?" he asked as he put the bag down on the counter and began to empty the Tupperware contents.
She stretched out her body on the couch and moaned. "Don't ask."
After a few moments, she felt the couch cushion lower at the opposite end where Ulliver had chosen to sit down. She opened her eyes and watched him peacefully. One by one, the SWAT captain removed his shoes and began to stretch out beside her. She silently moved to accommodate him room.
"What's the final report?" she asked quietly.
Lerant unclipped the walkie talkie from his belt and set it on the floor beside them. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. "Roald says he dropped them off at one of the nice four-star hotels downtown."
She yawned sleepily and nestled her face into the crook of her arm. "And who called in that favor?"
"Buri, I think."
"I'll send a Thank You card," Keladry thought aloud. "That's the thing about this wedding. The only real things are the cards and the dresses."
He ran his thumb down the shoulder strap of her dress. "It is a nice dress."
"Uh-huh." Keladry closed her eyes and exhaled deeply.
Ulliver leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. He whispered, "Do you want me to carry you to bed?"
"No. That's okay. I was going to get up and put the food away. You just go downstairs. I'll be fine."
He peered at her intently. "You sure?"
"Yeah." She opened her eyes again and made a shooing motion. "Go sleep. You've been a big help."
"You're the one who pulled it all off," he teased and kissed her again, this time on the lips. He slid off the couch and straightened his clothing. "Alright. Goodnight."
"'Night," she murmured.
As he headed toward the door, Keladry suddenly sat up. "Ulliver!"
"Yeah?"
She brushed some of her bangs from her face. "Do you think Yuki and Lerant are going to be okay?"
Scratching the back of his head, he continued to back away towards the door. "Sure they are. They have obstacles. We have obstacles."
"Yeah, but what if it doesn't work out…for them?" she added as a hasty afterthought.
He pressed the button that slid open the door. Ulliver looked away. "If it doesn't, then they'll have a lot of good memories at least."
Keladry blinked. "Oh. Okay. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Kel."
When the door had closed, Keladry got up and went to her kitchenette. She placed most of the food into her refrigerator. She fell into a trance, something like what Yuki had done earlier that day. As her hands were performing the task, she let her mind wander far off the path of safety—down the road with the crooked sign.
Yes. At least she had good memories.
"The blue… It's faded from your eyes. It's like… shades of gray," she murmured.
"You're right about what you said," he told her in a way that felt like they were sharing a dear secret that no one else could ever know.
"I am?"
His lips formed a bittersweet smile. "I have nothing to lose because there is nothing in me to be lost." He leaned forward to further concrete the confidentiality of their secret. "It's already empty inside."
Keladry hesitantly brushed his cheek with her fingertips. She laughed nervously with tears in her eyes when he reached up and held her hand there. Her heart was beating a million times a minute, and her stomach was fluttery, like butterflies had taken flight there.
Joren could not help but laugh a little, too. The moisture in his eyes almost restored the color in his irises, but Keladry saw that it was still a little dark. She took a deep shuddering breath.
"Well then," she whispered. "If you're empty, then we'll just have to fill you up with all new things. Better things. A chance to start over."
"Can it be done?" he frowned.
"We'll just have to see, won't we?"
He nodded. And though neither of them could explain it… that felt right, too.
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Author's notes:
Oy. It's May 16, 2004 and it's 11:48 pm. I graduate tomorrow night at 7 pm, so I'm not going to bother to edit this. I'M GRADUATING! FINALLY! Which means a whole new world of freedom like none I have ever experienced… Yeah, okay, so that was a bit overdramatic. I'm going to sleep now, kiddies, so enjoy the episode.
Next time:
True friends are irreplaceable, incredible, undeceiving, unselfish, and… unforgettable.