Something That Will Never Happen, but Did Anyway
By Sad WTF
Chapter 2. When Integral and Maxwell Had Finally Ceased Their Screaming (Because That's What Word Named the Chapter by Default)
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When Integral and Maxwell had finally ceased their screaming, it was already the next day. Maxwell was about to drink a glass of water before he resumed his screaming, when Integral stopped him by knocking the glass out of his hand.
"This is your fault!" she snarled at him, looking more intimidating now that she was taller. That, and the fact that it would be very disquieting to find yourself yelling at you. "Something bad happens every time you appear!"
"That's not true!" protested Maxwell, knowing very well that it was mostly true. "It's altogether your fault! If you hadn't come here meddling in my dealing with Iscariot's problems, this wouldn't have happened!"
Integral started to open her mouth to argue, when she decided that hearing Maxwell's voice coming from such a close proximity as inside her mouth, and the prospect of them arguing pointlessly and wasting time turned her off to the idea of coming up with a counterattack. Integral merely turned away and decided to shoot him instead, when she realized that he was the one who was now carrying her weapons. The bastard.
"You bastard," was all Integral said, because that was all she could think of, and mostly what she thought on the rare occasions he came to her mind. Maxwell looked at her with a rather offended look, which looked stupid on her face. Not that an expression like that wouldn't look stupid on his face. But the idea of him using his disgusting expressions on her face was revolting to her.
They stood in silence for a moment, not really knowing what to do, seeing as they didn't know where to find the Major to murder him. The approaching dawn yielded nothing, and Integral finally sighed, severely annoyed. Oh, how Alucard would laugh at her if he found out!
"Alright, Maxwell. As much as this situation is highly uncomfortable beyond any words of disgust I could conjure up to describe, we have no choice but to return to our respective headquarters and try to track down the other bastard." Integral glared and folded her arms in front of her chest, and was surprised to recall that she no longer had one.
Maxwell now framed her poor face with another one of his idiotic expressions, this time with a look of horror. Integral was about to demand why he made such an unappealing grimace when he nearly screeched at her.
"I'm not leaving you out of my sight!" he exclaimed, pointing at her. "Besides, what will they think when I return to Iscariot like this?"
Integral rolled her eyes. "You idiot! I'm going to Iscariot! You're going to my mansion!"
"Oh," said Maxwell, still looking suspicious. Integral started to march towards the direction he came from, when his lingering suspicious look annoyed her enough to stop and glare at him.
They stared at each other a moment before Integral opened her mouth. "What?" she snapped.
"You better not do anything inappropriate with my body! I'll get in trouble for that!" was his reply.
Integral felt her jaw tighten as she fought the overwhelming urge to throttle him. Seeing as she could not harm her own body, she finally controlled herself enough to keep her hands from flying to his throat. She merely flung off the annoying blanket-type-scarf thing that was hanging about her neck and threw it at his face.
"Isn't that what I should be telling you?" she pointed out.
They glared again at each other, suspicious of what the other might do, now that the perverse idea had popped in their minds, but they finally managed to calm down enough to just walk away. And away they walked, right back to their headquarters.
Maxwell trudged up to the Hellsing mansion, draping his beloved blanket over his shoulders as he gazed up at his temporary home. When he reached the door, he began pounding on it loudly, disregarding the nearly hidden doorbell. Hellsing did not get many visitors, and those who came usually called in advance. Finally, Maxwell noticed the doorbell and began ringing it just as furiously. Walter practically ran to get the door before the mansion exploded. He was quite surprised to find who he believed to be Integral herself standing in the doorway, looking rather odd with a sullen expression on her face and a blanket resting across her shoulders.
"Sir? I did not expect to find you here at the front door. Is something the matter?" he asked, noticing that she didn't look quite right.
"No, I ran into that Major. From Millennium," Maxwell stammered, not really sure how to address the butler, whose name he had forgotten.
"Are you all right?" Walter began to ask, alarmed. Maxwell waved his hand dismissively at his face before he could continue, however.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. You don't happen to know where he lives though, do you?" he asked, hopefully.
Walter stared at him, bewildered. "Of course not, sir. We've been trying to track him down for ages."
Maxwell frowned. "Oh, you seemed like the type who would know that kind of thing. Oh, well. I'm going to that wo-...err...my...office."
Walter bowed, and Maxwell couldn't find anything to say to stop him as he left. Now he was left stranded in a huge mansion, with no idea where anything was, including Integral's damned office.
Maxwell started wandering around the whole mansion, opening and closing doors for several hours before he finally found the room he was looking for. He was annoyed to find Walter there, holding a tray in his hands.
"Oh, I'm glad to find you have arrived," said Walter. "I was worried when I noticed you weren't here as you said you would be."
"Well, mind your own business!" snapped Maxwell, startling Walter once again. The poor butler was wondering what was up with Integral today. He sighed and placed the tray on her desk before turning to leave. He stopped and turned at the doorway, bowing slightly. "I'll be here if you need anything, Sir Hellsing," he said, before closing the doors behind him.
"Yeah, whatever," said Maxwell, finally able to sit and have some time to himself.
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To be continued and stuff. Not much is happening yet. There will be more "interesting" things happening soon. Who knows? I'm making this up as I go along! Hahahahahahaha.