As she sat in the kitchen drinking her milk, Lucy heard a commotion coming from upstairs.
"Don't play horsey with Happy. She doesn't like it." Giggles and decidedly unhappy barking followed, and then a door slammed.
"Great. Looks like I'll be playing babysitter this afternoon."
As she ascended the stairs, Lucy began to get a light-headed, euphoric feeling that increased with each step she took. By the time she had reached the second floor, she was feeling positively giddy. That feeling vanished, however, when she observed the scene in the hallway.
"Hi, Lucy," Sam waved to her, as David rode Happy like a rodeo clown. The heavy preschooler laughed uproariously as Happy tried to buck him from atop her back.
"David, please get off the dog right now," Lucy said, meaning to sound irritated but instead sounding quite pleasant.
"Whoa, horsey!" David shouted as he dismounted the furry white beast. Freed of her burden, Happy ran up to the attic bedroom to hide.
Lucy knelt down to speak to David face-to-face. "Now, David, you know we don't treat Happy like she's a horse. She's old and not strong enough to support a big, heavy boy like you. Think about it this way; would you like it if I sat on you?"
David's eyes grew wide, and he shook his head left and right spastically. "Noooooo."
"OK, then promise me you won't ever sit on Happy again."
"I pwomise."
Lucy stood up, and the euphoric sensation returned. "Ooh, head rush."
"What's a head wush?" asked Sam.
"It's when you feel dizzy from standing up too fast."
David smiled. "I like to be dizzy. It's fun. I like to spin around and around." In order to demonstrate his point, he began spinning with arms out for balance.
"What is with you today, kid-o? Where did you get all this energy from?" Lucy was beginning to resent the facts that her parents were too busy having sex and Simon was too busy having a stomachache to help her babysit the twins. The only other person around to help her was Ruthie. "Oh, Ruthie," she called out to her sister.
"What?" came a voice from upstairs.
"Come downstairs, please."
In a moment, Ruthie's footsteps plodded down the stairs. "Hey, what's wrong with the dog? She's hiding under my bed."
"Don't worry about Happy. She'll be okay." Seeing Ruthie standing there, and with the memory of David riding Happy fresh in her mind, a thought occurred to Lucy. "Listen, I just had a great idea."
Ruthie rolled her eyes and said, "Uh oh."
"No, really, hear me out. It's a beautiful day outside, right?"
"Duh, this is Southern California. It's always a beautiful day outside."
"Well, I was thinking that maybe the four of us could go out to the ranch where you keep your horse and go for a horsey ride."
"Yeah!" shouted David triumphantly.
"Yeah," echoed Sam.
"No!" Ruthie countered.
"Why not?" Lucy pouted.
"Because, my horse is only big enough to fit one person."
"So, we'll just take turns."
"It's not just that, Lucy. It takes lots of practice to ride. You don't want the midgets to fall off and get hurt, do you?"
"We won't fall, Ruthie. Pwease, pwease, pwease let us ride your horsey," David pulled on his sister's shirt as he begged her.
"Yeah, pwease," Sam echoed, as he began pulling on her shirt too.
"And
why should I, you little brownie-stealing trolls?"
David made giant doe eyes. "Because, we
looooooove you."
"Yeah, you're byoooooteeeful," Sam added.
"But I'm not even sure the stable will let me. You guys aren't registered there."
"So take us as your guests," Lucy suggested.
Ruthie sighed. "Fine. But if I get in trouble for this, then I promise I will make all of your lives a living hell for the rest of my days in this house."
***
Before they left, Lucy packed a delicious picnic lunch for the four of them to enjoy, complete with bread, an assortment of lunchmeats, cheese, sliced tomatoes, and various condiments for making sandwiches. She also grabbed some pre-packaged Drumstick brand ice cream cones and designer sodas that just happened to be in the refrigerator, as well as a box of Brenda's Cookies for snacking.
By the time she had loaded the cooler into the back of the electric van, Lucy was positively jazzed. "This is going to be so much fun!"
"Yeah, real fun," Ruthie moped.
"Oh come on, Ruthie. When was the last time we had a picnic lunch together as a family?"
"Um, never."
"Right! So aren't you excited?"
"If it will shut you up and get you behind the wheel, then sure. What the heck? I'm excited," she said with no trace of enthusiasm whatsoever.
Lucy grinned and, unable to prevent any excess glee from overflowing, clapped her hands a few times. She made sure everybody got in the van and strapped themselves in, and then she sped away.
***
Lucy felt positively giddy during the entire drive out to the ranch. Every song that aired on the Contemporary Christian station the foursome was listening to in the van sounded better than the one before it – even the ones Lucy had never liked before! Despite her ecstatic mood, however, she made sure to focus on the road and pay careful attention to Ruthie's verbal directions. The proper way to enjoy the beautiful drive was, of course, to do it safely.
***
When the four young Camdens reached the Glenoak Acres Ranch and Paddock, Ruthie hopped out and said, "Wait here. I'll go sign us all in."
Lucy gleefully nodded, then helped Sam and David unbuckle their seatbelts and step out of the van. Ruthie returned shortly with a man in a cowboy hat and tan leather jacket.
"Hi. My name's Rex Kennedy, and I own this ranch. Ruthie says you four want to go for a ride today."
"We sure do," Lucy beamed.
"You gotta sign these disclaimers first. They state that you won't hold us liable for any injuries you might incur while you're riding. You know, pretty standard stuff to make the lawyers happy."
He handed Lucy a pen and she signed the papers.
"Well, now. I've got a few ponies that take pretty kindly to strangers like yourselves. I could loan them to you for the afternoon for, oh, I don't know. Fifty dollars apiece? A hundred fifty total?"
"A hundred fifty dollars! I don't have that kind of money!" Lucy shrieked.
Ruthie smirked.
"Now, hold on a minute, don't get your britches in a twist. I'd be willing to come down to a hundred dollars total. That's just over thirty-three bucks per pony. Pretty fair, wouldn't you say?"
"I have no idea how fair it is, but I still can't afford it."
"Hmm." Rex frowned and stroked the ends of his mustache. "I tell you what. Those two are little ones," he nodded toward Sam and David. "I figure one of them could sit on Sir Trots-a-Lot with Ruthie, and the other could share a pony with you. Now, Ruthie's a Riding Club member and her dues are all paid up, so you'd only have to pay for one other pony. Fifty dollars for the afternoon. My final offer."
Lucy sighed. "That's still a lot of money. What happened to thirty-three dollars per pony?"
"That was back when we were still talking three ponies. Now we're talking one."
This guy was trying to ruin Lucy's perfect day. At a loss for words, she stomped her foot and pouted her lips.
Ruthie's smirk broke into a smile.
Rex scratched the back of his neck. "Young lady, do you realize how expensive it is to raise horses?"
Lucy shrugged. "Not really, no."
"Well it ain't cheap. And with the way this economy has been, I've had riders canceling left and right, and I'm losing money out the ying-yang. I'll probably still lose money on the afternoon even with your fifty bucks. Now are you going to take my offer, or are you going to leave it?"
Ruthie's smile grew ever more smug, because she knew the answer. "There's no way she'll take it. She and her boyfriend Kevin are going on a date tonight, and Kevin always makes her go dutch because he's such a cheapskate. So she can't afford to pay you."
Lucy glared at Ruthie. "Oh yeah?" She pulled out her wallet and, with much effort, rounded up a twenty, a ten, three fives, three ones, six quarters, and some other random change. "There. Fifty dollars. Shows what you know." She stuck her tongue out at Ruthie before handing the money to Rex, who momentarily looked at it in disbelief before re-counting it.
Ruthie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. First her stupid little brothers had stolen her brownies, and now they were getting a free ride at her ranch. Life wasn't fair.
As Ruthie stood and pondered the inequities of the universe, Sam and David picked their noses and, unnoticed by anyone, wiped their findings on the hem of her shirt.
***
After Ruthie had briefly trained Lucy in the riding circle regarding the basics of making Tony the Pony go and stop, the foursome was ready to ride into the woods for their grand picnic. Lucy still felt a bit upset about having spent fifty dollars to do something she thought should be free, and she wished Ruthie would lose the attitude, but she wasn't going to let those minor roadblocks ruin such a wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous and lovely day.
"Wook at the pwetty bird," Sam said as he pointed to a cardinal in an evergreen.
"I see it!" chirped Lucy. "But remember what Ruthie said when we mounted Tony the Pony. Don't let go of his mane, or you might lose your balance and fall off."
"OK," Sam said as he took a firm grip of the pony's stringy hair. The animal whinnied in response, and Sam let out a high-pitched giggle at the noise. Perhaps set off by the child's shrill laughter, Tony the Pony became startled and broke into a trot.
"Um, Ruthie? What do I do to slow this thing down?" asked Lucy, her voice disrupted by each bounce.
"Pull back on the reins, dummy!"
Lucy did, but instead of slowing, Tony sped to a gallop.
"Eek! Ruthie, make this thing stop!" Lucy pleadingly shouted.
"Whee! This is fun!" Sam shouted.
Lucy tried to adjust herself more securely onto Tony's back, but it was too late. She saw the ground careening up toward her, and then the sky twisting above her, and then the ground again, closer this time. Then, a mere instant later, the ground pummeled her repeatedly until her unconscious body rolled to rest amongst some overgrown weeds.