WHAT IT IS: A sequel, to my other Trory, What Happens When. Now, I had no
intentions at all to do a sequel. However, you're getting one, because of
all the Jess/Dean/Rory angst currently on the show—it's stressing me out.
So, since I had decided that fluff was probably all I'd get out of a sequel
and fluff is what I need right now (it's either fluff or unbearable angst
coming out of me right now)—here's a sequel.
WHAT I OWN: Nada.
RATING: PG-13, just to be safe. It is fluff after all.
Rory had been right; it was still warm and light outside. It was the perfect evening for a walk. Jess and Erin walked along the streets holding hands. He'd whispered to come with him, which she had, but he hadn't said another word.
"So, before, in the kitchen," she began.
"That was ... big," he finished lamely.
"Jess, you really want me to stay?"
"Should I not be asking you to? All I can tell you is how I feel, and to be honest with you, that's not my strong suit."
"I know. I don't need that job. I like the job I have, I love my school program and I don't want to transfer. But what I really don't want to do is to let go of something that's happening with us. I want to see where we're going."
Jess stopped walking, and looked into her eyes. "I want that too."
"Where do you think this is going?"
"Erin, I'm going to be completely honest with you. I have no idea. I know that I love you, and I don't want either of us to do anything stupid to wreck it. But I also know that people hurt each other, regardless of how much they love each other."
"So, you're telling me we're just going to end up hurting each other?" she recoiled at his words.
"No, I'm just telling you I can't promise you anything."
She didn't know exactly how to take this. On one hand, she understood that realistically, what he was saying was true. But the romance factor of the man she loved just having proclaimed his love for her who was basically saying 'run for you life, love sucks!' was nil.
"Jess, I don't want you to promise me anything. At all. Maybe, you're just not ready for this," she said, realizing it too vividly for herself as she said it. She pulled her hand from his and started walking back towards the house.
"Erin, wait!" Jess jogged to catch up with her.
"Jess, stop."
"No, listen to me."
"I've heard enough."
"Fine," he whispered, pulling her in towards him and holding her against him as he kissed her. She relented under his touch, kissing him back for a moment, in the middle of the sidewalk. She came to her senses after a moment, pushing him back.
"No! Damn it, Jess! You can't tell me that you don't want to promise me anything because either you think you'll hurt me or you'll get hurt, then kiss it all away. Obviously you don't want this. But don't pull that stuff with me. I deserve better."
"You do deserve better. I want this to work, my views of this stuff are so-- ,"
"Jess, how you feel about me should have nothing to do with your views of what you know relationships to be like. The crappy marriages you've witnessed. Or even the best marriages you've witnessed. It should be about how you feel when you see me. Or how we can't go a day without seeing the other one. Or the fire that runs down your spine with you touch me."
Jess stood there, looking at this woman rant on and on at him. "You're right."
"I am?"
"I'm scared," he whispered, so only she could hear him.
"Well, that's a start. I can't tell you to not be scared, Jess. Do you think it's worth the fear?"
"I know I don't want to walk away from this. From you," he reached out and ran his finger down the side of her cheek.
"I won't ask anymore about what you want from us. If it's too soon to be thinking about that, then fine. I need to think about some things before I make my decision."
"I understand that. I'm sorry, I am. I was enjoying what we have, being together, and when you told me about that job, and your leaving—I felt like all these decisions needed to be made that I'm not ready to make."
"They still do, Jess."
"I know. Can we take a few days, just get some space?"
"Fine. I'm going to call a cab, to take me back to the city."
"I can take you," Jess protested.
"I can't be with you right now. I ... just can't."
With that, she walked away from him, leaving him confused and empty. He rubbed his temples, trying to see where this exactly went wrong. It was perfect in the kitchen earlier. What was so wrong with him not being ready for marriage and a house in the 'burbs and kids? She wanted a commitment, something to make her have a reason to stay, why wasn't what they had enough? Now they were taking space and going back to the city separately. He wanted to scream, to jump out in front of the car that was coming down the road. He shook his head and slowly retraced their steps back to the house.
Lorelai had a sleeping Will in her arms, as they said their goodbyes to Rory and Tristan. Erin stepped into the house as they were making their way out of the house. She said goodbye to the three, and walked past towards the telephone. Rory said goodbye to her family and left Tristan to walk them out. She went to Erin, who looked at her desperately.
"Where's your phone book?"
"Uh, it's in that drawer over there," Rory pointed. "Are you okay?"
"I need the number of the cab company."
"Why?"
"I need a ride back to the city."
"Isn't Jess going back tonight?"
"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know, it doesn't matter."
"Erin, slow down, what happened?"
She took a deep breath and looked up at Rory. "We're taking a breather. He isn't ready for any of this, Rory. He just isn't and nothing I can do will make him ready."
"He told you that?"
"Yes. I won't wait around for him to grow up. He's 24, he's an adult. If he can't handle adult relationships, fine. He can find someone else to mess around with."
"Erin, you guys were fine earlier. More than fine," she reminded.
"Rory, it doesn't matter if he loves me. It doesn't matter. He isn't ready for it."
Rory sat in silence as Erin called the cab and gathered her things. She thanked her for dinner and watched for the cab. Rory didn't know what to say to her, at all. Jess couldn't be doing this again. Not again. He'd done it to her, and she hoped if nothing else, he'd learned his lesson.
Outside, Tristan had seen the Danes' off, and saw Jess walking up slowly as they pulled away. Tristan walked over to Jess, who was noticeably upset.
"You alright, man?"
"No, not really."
"What happened?"
Jess took out a cigarette and lit it up. Tristan nodded, realizing he really wasn't okay. His nerves were shot and he looked like he was going to be sick.
"It's falling apart. There's a moment, there's always a moment, where I should audibly be able to hear it all go to hell. That at least would make it fair. But it just happens, and then it's over."
"What the hell happened?"
"We're taking a break, the first death nail in any relationship. I'm happy where we're at, she isn't."
"She loves you."
"That seems to be the problem."
"She wants more?"
"Give the man a prize," he took a longer drag on his cigarette.
"So, what's the matter?"
"I see no point in changing what's working."
"It doesn't work that way."
The cab pulled up, causing Jess to swear. Tristan looked on confused, until he saw Erin emerging from the house with her things. He stepped back as she brushed by, Jess calling to her.
"Damn it, Erin, I'll take you home!"
"Back off, Jess. You've made things crystal clear."
She got into the cab and it took off. Jess sat back, half sitting, half falling onto the porch. Tristan leaned against the railing in front of Jess.
"Didn't want to be with you right now?"
"Women are impossible."
"No, not impossible."
"Tell me, Tristan. You've conquered a rare breed of woman, a Gilmore. What am I missing?"
Tristan laughed a little at this comment. He would never say he'd conquered Rory. If anything, it was the other way around.
"Look, if you have some time away from her, use it wisely. You'll know the right thing to do."
"And if I fuck it up?"
"Then, there'll be other women."
"I don't want there to be any other women."
"Then you already know what to do."
With that last remark, Tristan left Jess to his thoughts. Jess sat out on the porch for another half hour, plenty of time for Tristan and Rory to discuss what was going on. He heard footsteps behind him, but didn't turn. Rory sat down next to him.
"We've got a really comfortable couch if you'd like to stay."
"I should get back."
"Jess, tonight didn't seem to be your best night. You probably shouldn't be alone."
"Thanks, but I should get going. Really. I have some stuff to think about."
"You'll work it out."
"He told you?"
"She did, actually. I like her, Jess, I like you with her."
"I do, too."
Rory patted Jess' shoulder and stood up, making her way inside again. Jess got up and strode out to his car, heading back to the city. Rory watched him go, and turned back into the kitchen. Tristan was loading plates into the dishwasher. Rory silently began to help him clear away the dinner dishes.
"So, maybe we shouldn't have any more dinner parties."
"The first one does seem to have been a disaster."
"He's going to screw this up, isn't he?"
"I hope not. But she seemed pretty pissed when she got into the cab."
"I got really lucky with you, didn't I?" she mused.
"Well, I think so," he teased, putting the last dish in and closing the dishwasher. He turned it on and stepped in closer to his wife.
"So, how are you feeling lately?"
"Good. No aches, pains, or nausea. I could get used to this."
"Excellent. I have some plans for you," he informed her, pulling her closer to him.
"Are they evil plans?" she played along, letting him entrap her into his arms.
"Well, to be honest, some of them are sort of dirty," he said softly, in the perfect tone to melt her.
"Tell me more," she whispered as she kissed him.
Jess drove the distance from the house to the city in record time. He was pissed, angry with himself, the situation, and her a little for putting him in it. He loved her, why wasn't that enough? Why wasn't it ever enough? He pulled down her street, long forgetting the idea of going home tonight. He was going to straighten this out right now. He knocked on her door and waited. She looked through the peephole and saw it was Jess.
"Go away, Jess. This isn't called space."
"Let me in, I'm not playing this game."
"This isn't a game. This is me deciding to stay or leave. You're making the decision easier."
"Just let me in. Let me talk to you."
"Say what you need to say."
"Look, if we keep this up, your neighbors will call the cops. Just let me in," he pleaded once more.
He heard the door unlock and she opened it a crack. She looked terrible, hair messy, tears staining her face. She looked how he felt.
"Five minutes. Then you have to leave."
"Fine."
He walked in past her, and she shut the door. He went into the living room of the small apartment and sat down. She sat across from him and stared at him.
"Are you leaving?"
"I don't know."
"Is this about me not wanting to move forward?"
"How can it be about anything else?"
"I love you. You love me. Why isn't that enough?"
"Because if you don't want to be with me, that doesn't matter."
"Of course I want to be with you! God, how can you even think otherwise? I told you, I didn't want you to leave!"
"Then you started spouting off about how you can't promise me anything ever, cause love bites!"
"So what? I'm a realist, you know that. I thought you were too," he was growing tired. His head hurt and he just wanted her to understand his point of view.
"I am a realist. But as a realist, I know that marriages are just promises. They aren't anything but promises. And you won't promise me anything, so why even go farther than this? Why not move and make a new start?"
Jess stared at her in disbelief. "You want to get married?"
"Eventually. To someone," she muttered, looking away from him.
"You think I meant I don't want to marry you."
"How would it look to you?"
"Erin, I never said I didn't want to be with you. Just because I'm not ready to get married right now, doesn't mean I won't ever want to. Or that I wouldn't want to marry you."
They sat, neither speaking, both digesting information. Both tired from screaming, and from the whole of events of the day.
"Would you?" her voice was small and soft.
"Yes."
She looked up at him again and nodded. He looked sincere, and she finally saw the love in his eyes. It wasn't covered with fear or desperation any longer. It was clear to her. It wasn't her he wasn't sure of. They could work through anything else.
"I'll stay then."
He stood up and closed the distance between them, and for once, she let him kiss everything better. He was good at it, after all. He led her back to her bedroom, and for the first time, he started making promises to this woman he loved.
AN: That was a little Jess-centric. Just had some angst built up in me, good to get it out. We'll get back to the main event in the next chapter, I promise.
WHAT I OWN: Nada.
RATING: PG-13, just to be safe. It is fluff after all.
Rory had been right; it was still warm and light outside. It was the perfect evening for a walk. Jess and Erin walked along the streets holding hands. He'd whispered to come with him, which she had, but he hadn't said another word.
"So, before, in the kitchen," she began.
"That was ... big," he finished lamely.
"Jess, you really want me to stay?"
"Should I not be asking you to? All I can tell you is how I feel, and to be honest with you, that's not my strong suit."
"I know. I don't need that job. I like the job I have, I love my school program and I don't want to transfer. But what I really don't want to do is to let go of something that's happening with us. I want to see where we're going."
Jess stopped walking, and looked into her eyes. "I want that too."
"Where do you think this is going?"
"Erin, I'm going to be completely honest with you. I have no idea. I know that I love you, and I don't want either of us to do anything stupid to wreck it. But I also know that people hurt each other, regardless of how much they love each other."
"So, you're telling me we're just going to end up hurting each other?" she recoiled at his words.
"No, I'm just telling you I can't promise you anything."
She didn't know exactly how to take this. On one hand, she understood that realistically, what he was saying was true. But the romance factor of the man she loved just having proclaimed his love for her who was basically saying 'run for you life, love sucks!' was nil.
"Jess, I don't want you to promise me anything. At all. Maybe, you're just not ready for this," she said, realizing it too vividly for herself as she said it. She pulled her hand from his and started walking back towards the house.
"Erin, wait!" Jess jogged to catch up with her.
"Jess, stop."
"No, listen to me."
"I've heard enough."
"Fine," he whispered, pulling her in towards him and holding her against him as he kissed her. She relented under his touch, kissing him back for a moment, in the middle of the sidewalk. She came to her senses after a moment, pushing him back.
"No! Damn it, Jess! You can't tell me that you don't want to promise me anything because either you think you'll hurt me or you'll get hurt, then kiss it all away. Obviously you don't want this. But don't pull that stuff with me. I deserve better."
"You do deserve better. I want this to work, my views of this stuff are so-- ,"
"Jess, how you feel about me should have nothing to do with your views of what you know relationships to be like. The crappy marriages you've witnessed. Or even the best marriages you've witnessed. It should be about how you feel when you see me. Or how we can't go a day without seeing the other one. Or the fire that runs down your spine with you touch me."
Jess stood there, looking at this woman rant on and on at him. "You're right."
"I am?"
"I'm scared," he whispered, so only she could hear him.
"Well, that's a start. I can't tell you to not be scared, Jess. Do you think it's worth the fear?"
"I know I don't want to walk away from this. From you," he reached out and ran his finger down the side of her cheek.
"I won't ask anymore about what you want from us. If it's too soon to be thinking about that, then fine. I need to think about some things before I make my decision."
"I understand that. I'm sorry, I am. I was enjoying what we have, being together, and when you told me about that job, and your leaving—I felt like all these decisions needed to be made that I'm not ready to make."
"They still do, Jess."
"I know. Can we take a few days, just get some space?"
"Fine. I'm going to call a cab, to take me back to the city."
"I can take you," Jess protested.
"I can't be with you right now. I ... just can't."
With that, she walked away from him, leaving him confused and empty. He rubbed his temples, trying to see where this exactly went wrong. It was perfect in the kitchen earlier. What was so wrong with him not being ready for marriage and a house in the 'burbs and kids? She wanted a commitment, something to make her have a reason to stay, why wasn't what they had enough? Now they were taking space and going back to the city separately. He wanted to scream, to jump out in front of the car that was coming down the road. He shook his head and slowly retraced their steps back to the house.
Lorelai had a sleeping Will in her arms, as they said their goodbyes to Rory and Tristan. Erin stepped into the house as they were making their way out of the house. She said goodbye to the three, and walked past towards the telephone. Rory said goodbye to her family and left Tristan to walk them out. She went to Erin, who looked at her desperately.
"Where's your phone book?"
"Uh, it's in that drawer over there," Rory pointed. "Are you okay?"
"I need the number of the cab company."
"Why?"
"I need a ride back to the city."
"Isn't Jess going back tonight?"
"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know, it doesn't matter."
"Erin, slow down, what happened?"
She took a deep breath and looked up at Rory. "We're taking a breather. He isn't ready for any of this, Rory. He just isn't and nothing I can do will make him ready."
"He told you that?"
"Yes. I won't wait around for him to grow up. He's 24, he's an adult. If he can't handle adult relationships, fine. He can find someone else to mess around with."
"Erin, you guys were fine earlier. More than fine," she reminded.
"Rory, it doesn't matter if he loves me. It doesn't matter. He isn't ready for it."
Rory sat in silence as Erin called the cab and gathered her things. She thanked her for dinner and watched for the cab. Rory didn't know what to say to her, at all. Jess couldn't be doing this again. Not again. He'd done it to her, and she hoped if nothing else, he'd learned his lesson.
Outside, Tristan had seen the Danes' off, and saw Jess walking up slowly as they pulled away. Tristan walked over to Jess, who was noticeably upset.
"You alright, man?"
"No, not really."
"What happened?"
Jess took out a cigarette and lit it up. Tristan nodded, realizing he really wasn't okay. His nerves were shot and he looked like he was going to be sick.
"It's falling apart. There's a moment, there's always a moment, where I should audibly be able to hear it all go to hell. That at least would make it fair. But it just happens, and then it's over."
"What the hell happened?"
"We're taking a break, the first death nail in any relationship. I'm happy where we're at, she isn't."
"She loves you."
"That seems to be the problem."
"She wants more?"
"Give the man a prize," he took a longer drag on his cigarette.
"So, what's the matter?"
"I see no point in changing what's working."
"It doesn't work that way."
The cab pulled up, causing Jess to swear. Tristan looked on confused, until he saw Erin emerging from the house with her things. He stepped back as she brushed by, Jess calling to her.
"Damn it, Erin, I'll take you home!"
"Back off, Jess. You've made things crystal clear."
She got into the cab and it took off. Jess sat back, half sitting, half falling onto the porch. Tristan leaned against the railing in front of Jess.
"Didn't want to be with you right now?"
"Women are impossible."
"No, not impossible."
"Tell me, Tristan. You've conquered a rare breed of woman, a Gilmore. What am I missing?"
Tristan laughed a little at this comment. He would never say he'd conquered Rory. If anything, it was the other way around.
"Look, if you have some time away from her, use it wisely. You'll know the right thing to do."
"And if I fuck it up?"
"Then, there'll be other women."
"I don't want there to be any other women."
"Then you already know what to do."
With that last remark, Tristan left Jess to his thoughts. Jess sat out on the porch for another half hour, plenty of time for Tristan and Rory to discuss what was going on. He heard footsteps behind him, but didn't turn. Rory sat down next to him.
"We've got a really comfortable couch if you'd like to stay."
"I should get back."
"Jess, tonight didn't seem to be your best night. You probably shouldn't be alone."
"Thanks, but I should get going. Really. I have some stuff to think about."
"You'll work it out."
"He told you?"
"She did, actually. I like her, Jess, I like you with her."
"I do, too."
Rory patted Jess' shoulder and stood up, making her way inside again. Jess got up and strode out to his car, heading back to the city. Rory watched him go, and turned back into the kitchen. Tristan was loading plates into the dishwasher. Rory silently began to help him clear away the dinner dishes.
"So, maybe we shouldn't have any more dinner parties."
"The first one does seem to have been a disaster."
"He's going to screw this up, isn't he?"
"I hope not. But she seemed pretty pissed when she got into the cab."
"I got really lucky with you, didn't I?" she mused.
"Well, I think so," he teased, putting the last dish in and closing the dishwasher. He turned it on and stepped in closer to his wife.
"So, how are you feeling lately?"
"Good. No aches, pains, or nausea. I could get used to this."
"Excellent. I have some plans for you," he informed her, pulling her closer to him.
"Are they evil plans?" she played along, letting him entrap her into his arms.
"Well, to be honest, some of them are sort of dirty," he said softly, in the perfect tone to melt her.
"Tell me more," she whispered as she kissed him.
Jess drove the distance from the house to the city in record time. He was pissed, angry with himself, the situation, and her a little for putting him in it. He loved her, why wasn't that enough? Why wasn't it ever enough? He pulled down her street, long forgetting the idea of going home tonight. He was going to straighten this out right now. He knocked on her door and waited. She looked through the peephole and saw it was Jess.
"Go away, Jess. This isn't called space."
"Let me in, I'm not playing this game."
"This isn't a game. This is me deciding to stay or leave. You're making the decision easier."
"Just let me in. Let me talk to you."
"Say what you need to say."
"Look, if we keep this up, your neighbors will call the cops. Just let me in," he pleaded once more.
He heard the door unlock and she opened it a crack. She looked terrible, hair messy, tears staining her face. She looked how he felt.
"Five minutes. Then you have to leave."
"Fine."
He walked in past her, and she shut the door. He went into the living room of the small apartment and sat down. She sat across from him and stared at him.
"Are you leaving?"
"I don't know."
"Is this about me not wanting to move forward?"
"How can it be about anything else?"
"I love you. You love me. Why isn't that enough?"
"Because if you don't want to be with me, that doesn't matter."
"Of course I want to be with you! God, how can you even think otherwise? I told you, I didn't want you to leave!"
"Then you started spouting off about how you can't promise me anything ever, cause love bites!"
"So what? I'm a realist, you know that. I thought you were too," he was growing tired. His head hurt and he just wanted her to understand his point of view.
"I am a realist. But as a realist, I know that marriages are just promises. They aren't anything but promises. And you won't promise me anything, so why even go farther than this? Why not move and make a new start?"
Jess stared at her in disbelief. "You want to get married?"
"Eventually. To someone," she muttered, looking away from him.
"You think I meant I don't want to marry you."
"How would it look to you?"
"Erin, I never said I didn't want to be with you. Just because I'm not ready to get married right now, doesn't mean I won't ever want to. Or that I wouldn't want to marry you."
They sat, neither speaking, both digesting information. Both tired from screaming, and from the whole of events of the day.
"Would you?" her voice was small and soft.
"Yes."
She looked up at him again and nodded. He looked sincere, and she finally saw the love in his eyes. It wasn't covered with fear or desperation any longer. It was clear to her. It wasn't her he wasn't sure of. They could work through anything else.
"I'll stay then."
He stood up and closed the distance between them, and for once, she let him kiss everything better. He was good at it, after all. He led her back to her bedroom, and for the first time, he started making promises to this woman he loved.
AN: That was a little Jess-centric. Just had some angst built up in me, good to get it out. We'll get back to the main event in the next chapter, I promise.