A/N: Second chapter. Strange it is. grins Thanks for the reviews, the girl is called Ashleigh. Thanks for all the suggestions as well!
So this is a new totally CRAZY and WEIRD fic of mine and it's not a serious fic, just something I thought about while I took a shower.
Disclaimer: What if I did own PotC…I would be kissing Jack senseless right now instead of writing this piece of strange fic…
When I Stepped Out Of My Shower
- Chapter One -
Is That Poodle Shagging My Leg?
This had to be some weird dream. Perhaps I really did fall asleep in my bright purple coloured shower? And soon Mrs Next-Door-Neighbour will come banging on my door with her walking-stick because I'm snoring so loudly and I'll wake up! Yeah…that must be what's going on. Lovely dream though…
Tortuga.
Hehe.
I usually have pretty nice dreams, well, except the fact that everyone thinks I'm a sea monster, I'm wearing a neon green towel and I'm covered in pink shampoo or soap or whatever in this one.
Deciding that it would be a good idea to look around this Trotuga-looking place, I tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness (I believe in a thing called love…) and found out that I was standing in front of a tavern called the 'Faithful Bride'. Hmm, ok.
A funny feeling stirred inside my stomach. What if I really were in a place called Tortuga and I time-travelled with my bright purple coloured shower-closet into the Golden Age of Piracy? I gulped. It didn't sound too good for a girl wearing only her neon green towel and pink shampoo in her head to be standing here almost naked when pirates ran around her.
Wait.
There were no pirates around.
Where were they?
This was getting exciting! Hehe…
But with no pirates around, it was a bit boring though…
I sat down on a large stone to think things straight. Placing a finger on my chin, I started to think really hard. Hmm, could I really be in Tortuga? Why were there no pirates around? Perhaps it was too late to be up, but pirates didn't care if it was late of not. I had to get some answers so I jumped up, made sure the knot on the front of my neon green towel would not open and sauntered inside the 'Faithful Bride', hopefully not scaring anyone in there.
A sound of snores filled my ears. I had to give some credit. These were even worse than my snores!
"CAN I HELP YOU, MISTER?" A voice shouted in my ear. I jumped slightly and turned to glare at a pirate with an eye patch over his left eye.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH 'MISTER', MISTER? I AM NO MISTER!" I shouted back over the snores. All the pirates had passed out. Great. Or not. Well, yes in fact. No. Yes. No. Yes. NO! YES!
"I'M SORRY! YOU LOOK LIKE A MISTER, MISS!" the pirate shouted, eyeing me up and down with his only eye. I rolled my both eyes.
"SURE! SOMEONE EVEN SAID I RESEMBLED A SEA MONSTER SO A MISTER SOUNDS BETTER, MISTER!" I yelled with a grin. If those pirates are ever going to wake up, I'm going to give them my trophy which I won in a snoring contest back in high school.
"I AM NOT A MISTER, MISS! I'M A PIRATE! ARR!" he yelled at me, exposing his blackened teeth and his bad breath. Yuck!
"NICE TO KNOW, PIRATE DUDE! I'M AN UNEMPLOYED CRAZY GIRL WHO FANCIES PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!" I had to say that, well, yell that. The pirate blushed into a crimson red which made me wondering, but he never mentioned it. Neither did I ask for the matter…
"CAN I STILL HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?" the pirate dude yelled. I lifted a finger to my chin and started to think again. I wanted to know if this really was Tortuga.
"UMM, YEAH, PIRATE DUDE! I WAS JUST WONDERING WHERE I AM?" I shouted over the noise.
"IN TORTUGA, MISTER!" he yelled. I had to roll my both eyes again.
"I'M NOT A MISTER! I'M A –" I felt something against my leg. When I looked down I saw a cute poodle, shagging my leg. Hehe, he was shagging my leg, hehe. "IS THAT POODLE SHAGGING MY LEG?" I shouted at the one-eyed pirate dude. He nodded. "HEHE, THAT POODLE IS SHAGGING MY LEG! HEHE, I'M VERY TICKLISH!" I added. The poodle just continued to shag my leg.
"NO! STOP, DOWN BOY! DOWN!" a new manly voice shouted behind us. Turning my head I saw someone very familiar running towards me and the poodle. Oh My Ticklish God…
It was – it was – I can't breathe…
When I choked, the new person, who was a pirate as well, grabbed the poodle and lifted it into his arms.
"I'M SORRY MISTER! THE POODLE LIKES MEN! IT'S GAY!" he yelled at me.
I choked.
Anger washed over me. I was a sea monster AND a man?! What kind of Tortuga was this?! I don't even look like a man! I have long blonde hair (now covered with pink shampoo) and a very neon green towel around me! Shouldn't these bloody pirates notice a girl who was almost naked? Perhaps it was the shampoo…
"HEHE, IT'S A-ALRIGHT! E-EXCEPT THAT I A-AM N-NOT A M-MISTER!" I stuttered, you would've stuttered as well if you saw the person who was patting the cute poodle in his arms right in front of me.
I'm trying again.
It was – it was – I think I'm fainting…
The man looked me up and down before grimacing. "ARE YOU A SEA MONSTER THEN?" he asked me.
"N-NOOOO! I'M A G-GIRL! A W-WOMAN! U-UNEMPLOYED A-AND CRAZY!" I yelled in answer. His mouth formed a small 'o' as he seemed to get the hang of it. Really, Thick Pirates of the Caribbean…? He eyed me up and down once again.
"I'M CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AND THIS IS MY LOVELY POODLE JACK WHO IS GAY!" he shouted, extending his hand. I stared at it, shaking from head to toe like a leaf. Hehe…I'm wearing a neon green towel with pink shampoo in my hair in front of Jack Sparrow! When is Mrs Next-Door-Neighbour going to come banging at my door with her walking-stick? I must be dreaming…a very lovely dream.
"M-MY NAME I-IS A-ASHLEIGH! C-CALL ME A-ASH!" …Sparrow, I added in my mind. Please marry me Jack!
I grabbed his hand and shook it violently, too violently in fact. The poodle leaped off his arms towards me. I screamed (not that anyone would've heard it) and ducked out of the way. I turned just in time to watch as Jack's poodle Jack flew out of the window.
"JAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKK!" Jack yelled and suddenly the snoring stopped. All the pirates woke up as he yelled and looked around flabbergasted.
"What's happenin'? Who yelled?" they asked. "Did Sparrow lose his gay poodle again?!"
Should I give them the trophy like now or after I've ran away?
"O-oops." I stuttered as I stared dreamily at Jack whose lip trembled as he watched the window, hoping that his poodle would appear flying back to him. I think I'm in trouble. Anger showed in his dark eyes. I watched as his face turned from a lovely tan colour to a tomato red of anger.
"YOU!" he yelled at my face. "Jack just wanted to lick your face, and now he's gone because you didn't allow it!" he told me. I was still staring at him with a dreamy expression on my face, despite the fact that he was really, really angry at me.
"G-go ahead a-and l-lick my f-face, Captain…" that was meant as a thought. I blushed. And grinned in embarrassment. "Hehe." Perhaps it was my time to leave? "Ta, dudes!" I said before turning on my heels and scrambling out of the door, wondering what I was doing when I left JACK SPARROW inside there with lots of pirates who had only just awoken! Damn I'm stupid.
I stopped outside the tavern but didn't make far before I felt something against my leg once more. I looked down to see the horny poodle shagging my leg again. Where was Jack to rescue me from his own crazy animal? "Hey, get off, you mangy cad!" I grinned widely. Jack used those two words in the movie. Hehe. (I always knew we were meant to each other). Plus I wasn't stuttering anymore. Perhaps it happened only in Jack Sparrow's company? I tried to shake my leg to get the poodle off, but no, the cute poodle was too stubborn or just too clingy. I shook my leg again, taking a step forward. The poodle wouldn't budge.
After figuring out that Jack the Poodle looked like a cute new (shagging) boot, I started walking down the street, wondering once again what to do. Now I had my neon green towel around me, my pink shampoo on my head and a new shagging poodle-boot clung to my leg. Now I would NOT wonder if someone thought I was a sea monster…
To Be Continued…
Hehe…
Author's Note: Did I really write that stuff? Hmm…I think I did. That was a bit weird though. But you could tell me in a review what YOU think. Rum goes to: TPfan333, Timra and Alori Kesi Aldercy! Thanksssssssss!
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