Disclaimer: Don't own lotr.....never will and don't plan to...too much
paperwork.
In the Shadows
Chapter Six – Pensive
**
They still haven't figured out who my mother's cousin is. Typical. I expected......I don't know what I expected, but it was a lot more than this. After Aragorn recounted what had happened at Helms Deep, they all fell into a strange silence, and have remained that way since.
I wondered if the travellers knew each other so well something almost like a mental link had occurred; they knew each other's exact thoughts so do not waste their energy talking. I find this strange since they are not kin, just close friends. I have not seen anything like this. Sometimes Gimli opens his mouth to talk, but closes it again and only makes eye contact with Aragorn and Legolas. They sometimes nod, or make noises of agreement and then fall into the long silence again.
The silence is making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I have never been so close to so many males for a long time so I do not know how to act or talk around them. I've tried talking to them already today, but they are uncommunicative. The silence leaves me at the mercy of my own thoughts and I never really thought about how deeply one can think when left with nothing else to do. More than once since I've been in this cell have I pondered how Sauron could become so powerful so quickly. Another question I've exhausted is: Why are we here in this Middle Earth?
I have often dreamt about the Undying Lands, as one tends to do when the present is full of unspeakable horrors. My dreams are frightening. I dread visions and try to block them when I feel one coming on. It never works of course although I can refuse to make sense of what I see. These days my visions come few and far between, though I've had at least three since I've been here. My visions are full of screaming, screams that chill my already frozen body to the bone. I see a great battle and often see a tall dark figure. I have reasoned that he cannot be Sauron since this figure does not feel like him. There is no sense of dread or fear around this figure; he is a welcome character in my visions.
I have begun to notice the subtle changes in light that Legolas notices. The noises from above are faint, but I can still hear just about everything that is said. This morning: an argument between an officer and guard about who Sauron received the ring from, a whispered conversation between a prisoner and a friendly "dark" elf, a prisoner receiving a hefty kick for being impolite to a guard and a guard boasting about how many elves he had killed. The conversations, no matter how depressing, are a welcome break in the cruel silence.
**
I asked Legolas how many days I had been here. He replied: "Ten, as far as I can tell."
I cannot believe it. The hunger and cold is making my mind numb, I cannot think of any intelligible thing to say except complain about how hungry I am, and I dare not do that. The food came yesturday, I think, and it was the foulest, but most welcome, thing I've ever tasted. It consisted of moldy bread, water so thick I nearly didn't drink it thinking 'surely this must be poisoned!', rock-hard cheese and rotten oranges.
It all came with a goblet with gems laid in it. It was half full with a dark, musky smelling liquid. The guards grinned toothless grins when I inspected it with interest.
"Be gentlemen and let the lady drink it first" One roared with laughter, enjoying our desperate, hungry looks. His partner glared at Gimli and mumbled something in his direction. I didn't pay any attention, just looked hopefully at the food.
"Eat up now, our master wouldn't want you dying on him. Think how inconvenient that would be!"
They then left, laughing at our expense. I waited patiently until they were out of earshot, then quickly divided up the food and tossed a fair share to each of the travellers. I looked at the goblet with some interest, but didn't drink any of the strange liquid. Instead, I put it on the floor and sat behind it. I felt my way to the light stone and lit it, closing my eyes against the sudden brightness.
I looked at my share of food dismally. It would do nothing to, not even dent, my hunger. The cheese and bread looked deadly and I wondered if I would be better off without.
"You'd best eat it all now." Gimli said gently, watching me as I stared at the food. "We've tried not eating, and ended up nearly unconscious with hunger. They had to feed us proper food then, but not after we'd suffered three days of absolute agony."
Legolas ate slowly and carefully, leaving not even a crumb behind. "Don't think about rationing either, doesn't work. The food is barely eatable now. If you try to save it until next time, you'll probably die from food poisoning. Last time we tried to ration, Aragorn didn't wake up for two days after eating the last of the orange."
I ate and can still taste the foul food in my mouth. The orange was sweet in a sickening way. I tried not to retch as I ate the fruit. I nearly tossed it to Gimli who had already devoured his, but decided that I should eat all that I could. The bread and cheese were nearly impossible, but I managed. The water nearly brought everything up, but I forced it down, feeling awful after I had.
After the foul food, I picked up the goblet, looking hopefully at the others. They all stood up at the same time.
"Don't!" They cried, Legolas, who was faster than the others, ran over and knocked the goblet from my hand. The dark liquid spilt all over the ground and the goblet rolled away into an unlit corner.
I must have looked awfully confused, for Legolas' face instantly softened and he came and sat next to me.
"It's poison." He said, then, realizing that the whole meal had been like poison, smiled and corrected himself. "It's real poison, it'll kill you if you drink it."
I looked at Aragorn and Gimli who had been standing, alert and concerned. "Let me guess," I said, feeling weak. "You tried it?"
None of them looked amused. "Gimli did." Aragorn said, sounding sad. He slumped to the floor, now that the threat had passed, and hung his head. "He nearly died."
"Fever lasted days. He was taken away by a dark elf and returned a week later. The guards kept going on about how he'd only had a drop and how the suffering would have stopped if he'd drunk the whole thing." Legolas said quietly.
No one spoke after that. After a while, I picked up the light stone and extinguished its light and felt my hope extinguish with it.
**
Today two guards came. One cleared away the food scraps, and the other took Gimli away.
**
Two days have passed. Aragorn looks feverish and Legolas is dreadfully pale. I feel awful. Gimli hasn't returned.
**
I wish I had heard what the guard said to Gimli when he came to give us the food. Had Gimli done something wrong before I came here? It feels colder, if it's possible. I wish I could help Aragorn, he looks so ill.
I wonder if Sauron realises that Aragorn is heir to the throne of Gondor. I remember Lady Galadriel saying something about it once when I was with my mother in her company. It was just after the Fellowship had left Lothlórien.
I have tried asking Legolas and Aragorn about Gimli but Aragorn was too sick to answer and Legolas didn't show any sign of hearing any of my words. I was too cold to move so instead of trying to do anything I let my dreams come.
**
I dreamt of a world without shadow. I dreamt of a land without flaw. I dreamt of a people without cruelty and or animals who knew no pain. In this land, I was happy. I floated through it, enjoying the sun on the hills and the shadows made by the trees. The children of the land were happy, they were not human, hobbit, elf or dwarf, but all three at the same time.
They spoke a funny language that I didn't understand. I tried to talk to them, but they smiled at my foreign words and looked even happier.
The adults tended their thriving gardens and smiled. They laughed with each other, never at each other. Everyone was in charge of themselves. They were in peace and harmony with nature and each other.
I spent days in this land, quickly falling in love with the simple beauty of a flower or an insect.
One day, I saw a shadow in the distant hills. It looked threatening. I felt scared. I looked at the others, but they couldn't see the threat. They kept tending their gardens and minding their children, and caring for the animals. The shadow grew bigger. Every time I looked away, it grew at an alarming rate. I tried to watch it, but something enchanted me into a sleep and the shadow grew and grew until it was nearly upon us.
I screamed at the wonderfully peaceful people, to warn them, to warn them away from the evil shadow. They just smiled and twittered in their funny language and kept looking after their families.
The shadow grew; devouring the very land before me.....it was upon me.....suffocating....restricting. I tried to fight, but I felt so dreadfully tired. Wind roared in my ears and I could barely see. I saw the outlines of the peaceful people. They were sleeping, tossing fitfully in their grass beds. They usually slept so peacefully, looking happy as the slept, but the shadow made them see awful things. Their faces twisted in pain as they experienced hate and cruelty.
A red sun rose. A sun that was an eye. The eye of Sauron.
A dreadful voice spoke inside my head.
"I.....seeeeee.....yooouuuu"
**
I jerked out of my dream, panting heavily, my heart beating wildly in my chest. Aragorn looked better and was watching me, looking concerned. Legolas was leaning over something that I could barely make out in the gloom. Then I realised that the something was Gimli.
I stood shakily and found the light stone in the pocket of my nightdress, the one I was wearing when I woke up in Lady Galadriels room. I spoke the words for a light spell and the stone began to shimmer dimly.
I looked at it in horror and realised that the stones power was waning. I closed my eyes and spoke the words again, concentrating on strengthening the light. When I opened my eyes, the stone was shining brightly again.
I heaved a sigh of relief, but knew that the stones power would not last much longer.
I walked over and knelt next to Gimli. As soon as I did, I instantly regretting it. Gimli was a mess.
**
Gimli's injuries are serious, but I can tell that the creature that did this to him wanted him to live, even if he is to be stuck down here for eternity. That gives me some hope, but I know Gimli will be in unspeakable pain.
Legolas ignored me when I asked when Gimli had been returned. He gestured roughly to the warm water and bandages the guards thoughtfully left behind. I felt like screaming in frustration: "What do you want from us?!"
I have bandaged Gimli's injuries as well as I can, but he'll have no relief from the pain that will plague him until he recovers, if he ever really recovers.
After I had attended to Gimli, I sat down in front of Legolas and Aragorn and demanded that they listen to me.
"Has this happened before?" I demanded, watching their faces to see if they were really listening.
"Yes" Aragorn grumbled in reply. He looked pained and his eyes wouldn't settle. They flickered between my face, the floor and Gimli's unconscious form in the corner.
"To who?" I asked, watching Aragorn carefully. His face was giving a lot away. He clearly did not wish to reply, or talk at all, but I persisted. I needed to know.
"Gimli. It has always happened to Gimli."
I was shocked. Aragorn was implying that this had happened more than once.
"How many times?" I asked breathlessly.
"This is the third." Aragorn replied, this time with no emotion in his face or tone. I could see in his eyes, which were illuminated by the waning strength of the light stone, pain and horror.
"Why?" I whispered. I was terrified of his reply, but felt that if I knew, I would know what to expect if they came for me.
"He—"
"He killed a guard and tried to knife Sauron." Legolas broke in angrily. He looked dangerously angry; there was a strange glint in his eyes.
"Is that enough for you? Can you stop questioning now?" He had stood up and was advancing in my direction. I stood as well and backed away, holding my hands out in front of me.
"Yes, I just wanted—"
"Will you ever be content? Why can't you just leave us alone for a while? Why must you always talk?" He backed me against the wall and leaned right in towards me, his fists balled.
"Why can't you just shut up?" He demanded, reaching up to shake me. I was absolutely terrified. I didn't know what to do. I certainly could not strike him, as he was a prince. I looked away from his penetrating gaze.
"Just LEAVE us ALONE!" He yelled in my face, his face turning red with rage. I immediately realised that he was desperate to let loose all his rage and energy. Sitting idle makes just about anyway stir crazy.
I pushed my hands against his chest lightly and spoke soothingly in elvish; hoping to calm him down enough to get away, not that there was any place to hide. I could see Aragorn out of the corner of my eye, looking sad. He hadn't even TRIED to help me.
"Come on, Legolas." I whispered in Sindarin. "Calm down, you know I meant no harm. What was done to Gimli cannot be undone."
Legolas looked defiant, but his rage was crumbling to reveal deep sorrow.
"But why? Why us?" He whimpered. He then began to cry. I held him as he let out just some of his sorrow. He didn't sob, just cried until he could cry no more.
**
They came for me this morning, what horrors await me, I dare not guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another update! Hehe, sorry for being so lazy, I really don't have much computer or internet access. Please r&r!
In the Shadows
Chapter Six – Pensive
**
They still haven't figured out who my mother's cousin is. Typical. I expected......I don't know what I expected, but it was a lot more than this. After Aragorn recounted what had happened at Helms Deep, they all fell into a strange silence, and have remained that way since.
I wondered if the travellers knew each other so well something almost like a mental link had occurred; they knew each other's exact thoughts so do not waste their energy talking. I find this strange since they are not kin, just close friends. I have not seen anything like this. Sometimes Gimli opens his mouth to talk, but closes it again and only makes eye contact with Aragorn and Legolas. They sometimes nod, or make noises of agreement and then fall into the long silence again.
The silence is making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I have never been so close to so many males for a long time so I do not know how to act or talk around them. I've tried talking to them already today, but they are uncommunicative. The silence leaves me at the mercy of my own thoughts and I never really thought about how deeply one can think when left with nothing else to do. More than once since I've been in this cell have I pondered how Sauron could become so powerful so quickly. Another question I've exhausted is: Why are we here in this Middle Earth?
I have often dreamt about the Undying Lands, as one tends to do when the present is full of unspeakable horrors. My dreams are frightening. I dread visions and try to block them when I feel one coming on. It never works of course although I can refuse to make sense of what I see. These days my visions come few and far between, though I've had at least three since I've been here. My visions are full of screaming, screams that chill my already frozen body to the bone. I see a great battle and often see a tall dark figure. I have reasoned that he cannot be Sauron since this figure does not feel like him. There is no sense of dread or fear around this figure; he is a welcome character in my visions.
I have begun to notice the subtle changes in light that Legolas notices. The noises from above are faint, but I can still hear just about everything that is said. This morning: an argument between an officer and guard about who Sauron received the ring from, a whispered conversation between a prisoner and a friendly "dark" elf, a prisoner receiving a hefty kick for being impolite to a guard and a guard boasting about how many elves he had killed. The conversations, no matter how depressing, are a welcome break in the cruel silence.
**
I asked Legolas how many days I had been here. He replied: "Ten, as far as I can tell."
I cannot believe it. The hunger and cold is making my mind numb, I cannot think of any intelligible thing to say except complain about how hungry I am, and I dare not do that. The food came yesturday, I think, and it was the foulest, but most welcome, thing I've ever tasted. It consisted of moldy bread, water so thick I nearly didn't drink it thinking 'surely this must be poisoned!', rock-hard cheese and rotten oranges.
It all came with a goblet with gems laid in it. It was half full with a dark, musky smelling liquid. The guards grinned toothless grins when I inspected it with interest.
"Be gentlemen and let the lady drink it first" One roared with laughter, enjoying our desperate, hungry looks. His partner glared at Gimli and mumbled something in his direction. I didn't pay any attention, just looked hopefully at the food.
"Eat up now, our master wouldn't want you dying on him. Think how inconvenient that would be!"
They then left, laughing at our expense. I waited patiently until they were out of earshot, then quickly divided up the food and tossed a fair share to each of the travellers. I looked at the goblet with some interest, but didn't drink any of the strange liquid. Instead, I put it on the floor and sat behind it. I felt my way to the light stone and lit it, closing my eyes against the sudden brightness.
I looked at my share of food dismally. It would do nothing to, not even dent, my hunger. The cheese and bread looked deadly and I wondered if I would be better off without.
"You'd best eat it all now." Gimli said gently, watching me as I stared at the food. "We've tried not eating, and ended up nearly unconscious with hunger. They had to feed us proper food then, but not after we'd suffered three days of absolute agony."
Legolas ate slowly and carefully, leaving not even a crumb behind. "Don't think about rationing either, doesn't work. The food is barely eatable now. If you try to save it until next time, you'll probably die from food poisoning. Last time we tried to ration, Aragorn didn't wake up for two days after eating the last of the orange."
I ate and can still taste the foul food in my mouth. The orange was sweet in a sickening way. I tried not to retch as I ate the fruit. I nearly tossed it to Gimli who had already devoured his, but decided that I should eat all that I could. The bread and cheese were nearly impossible, but I managed. The water nearly brought everything up, but I forced it down, feeling awful after I had.
After the foul food, I picked up the goblet, looking hopefully at the others. They all stood up at the same time.
"Don't!" They cried, Legolas, who was faster than the others, ran over and knocked the goblet from my hand. The dark liquid spilt all over the ground and the goblet rolled away into an unlit corner.
I must have looked awfully confused, for Legolas' face instantly softened and he came and sat next to me.
"It's poison." He said, then, realizing that the whole meal had been like poison, smiled and corrected himself. "It's real poison, it'll kill you if you drink it."
I looked at Aragorn and Gimli who had been standing, alert and concerned. "Let me guess," I said, feeling weak. "You tried it?"
None of them looked amused. "Gimli did." Aragorn said, sounding sad. He slumped to the floor, now that the threat had passed, and hung his head. "He nearly died."
"Fever lasted days. He was taken away by a dark elf and returned a week later. The guards kept going on about how he'd only had a drop and how the suffering would have stopped if he'd drunk the whole thing." Legolas said quietly.
No one spoke after that. After a while, I picked up the light stone and extinguished its light and felt my hope extinguish with it.
**
Today two guards came. One cleared away the food scraps, and the other took Gimli away.
**
Two days have passed. Aragorn looks feverish and Legolas is dreadfully pale. I feel awful. Gimli hasn't returned.
**
I wish I had heard what the guard said to Gimli when he came to give us the food. Had Gimli done something wrong before I came here? It feels colder, if it's possible. I wish I could help Aragorn, he looks so ill.
I wonder if Sauron realises that Aragorn is heir to the throne of Gondor. I remember Lady Galadriel saying something about it once when I was with my mother in her company. It was just after the Fellowship had left Lothlórien.
I have tried asking Legolas and Aragorn about Gimli but Aragorn was too sick to answer and Legolas didn't show any sign of hearing any of my words. I was too cold to move so instead of trying to do anything I let my dreams come.
**
I dreamt of a world without shadow. I dreamt of a land without flaw. I dreamt of a people without cruelty and or animals who knew no pain. In this land, I was happy. I floated through it, enjoying the sun on the hills and the shadows made by the trees. The children of the land were happy, they were not human, hobbit, elf or dwarf, but all three at the same time.
They spoke a funny language that I didn't understand. I tried to talk to them, but they smiled at my foreign words and looked even happier.
The adults tended their thriving gardens and smiled. They laughed with each other, never at each other. Everyone was in charge of themselves. They were in peace and harmony with nature and each other.
I spent days in this land, quickly falling in love with the simple beauty of a flower or an insect.
One day, I saw a shadow in the distant hills. It looked threatening. I felt scared. I looked at the others, but they couldn't see the threat. They kept tending their gardens and minding their children, and caring for the animals. The shadow grew bigger. Every time I looked away, it grew at an alarming rate. I tried to watch it, but something enchanted me into a sleep and the shadow grew and grew until it was nearly upon us.
I screamed at the wonderfully peaceful people, to warn them, to warn them away from the evil shadow. They just smiled and twittered in their funny language and kept looking after their families.
The shadow grew; devouring the very land before me.....it was upon me.....suffocating....restricting. I tried to fight, but I felt so dreadfully tired. Wind roared in my ears and I could barely see. I saw the outlines of the peaceful people. They were sleeping, tossing fitfully in their grass beds. They usually slept so peacefully, looking happy as the slept, but the shadow made them see awful things. Their faces twisted in pain as they experienced hate and cruelty.
A red sun rose. A sun that was an eye. The eye of Sauron.
A dreadful voice spoke inside my head.
"I.....seeeeee.....yooouuuu"
**
I jerked out of my dream, panting heavily, my heart beating wildly in my chest. Aragorn looked better and was watching me, looking concerned. Legolas was leaning over something that I could barely make out in the gloom. Then I realised that the something was Gimli.
I stood shakily and found the light stone in the pocket of my nightdress, the one I was wearing when I woke up in Lady Galadriels room. I spoke the words for a light spell and the stone began to shimmer dimly.
I looked at it in horror and realised that the stones power was waning. I closed my eyes and spoke the words again, concentrating on strengthening the light. When I opened my eyes, the stone was shining brightly again.
I heaved a sigh of relief, but knew that the stones power would not last much longer.
I walked over and knelt next to Gimli. As soon as I did, I instantly regretting it. Gimli was a mess.
**
Gimli's injuries are serious, but I can tell that the creature that did this to him wanted him to live, even if he is to be stuck down here for eternity. That gives me some hope, but I know Gimli will be in unspeakable pain.
Legolas ignored me when I asked when Gimli had been returned. He gestured roughly to the warm water and bandages the guards thoughtfully left behind. I felt like screaming in frustration: "What do you want from us?!"
I have bandaged Gimli's injuries as well as I can, but he'll have no relief from the pain that will plague him until he recovers, if he ever really recovers.
After I had attended to Gimli, I sat down in front of Legolas and Aragorn and demanded that they listen to me.
"Has this happened before?" I demanded, watching their faces to see if they were really listening.
"Yes" Aragorn grumbled in reply. He looked pained and his eyes wouldn't settle. They flickered between my face, the floor and Gimli's unconscious form in the corner.
"To who?" I asked, watching Aragorn carefully. His face was giving a lot away. He clearly did not wish to reply, or talk at all, but I persisted. I needed to know.
"Gimli. It has always happened to Gimli."
I was shocked. Aragorn was implying that this had happened more than once.
"How many times?" I asked breathlessly.
"This is the third." Aragorn replied, this time with no emotion in his face or tone. I could see in his eyes, which were illuminated by the waning strength of the light stone, pain and horror.
"Why?" I whispered. I was terrified of his reply, but felt that if I knew, I would know what to expect if they came for me.
"He—"
"He killed a guard and tried to knife Sauron." Legolas broke in angrily. He looked dangerously angry; there was a strange glint in his eyes.
"Is that enough for you? Can you stop questioning now?" He had stood up and was advancing in my direction. I stood as well and backed away, holding my hands out in front of me.
"Yes, I just wanted—"
"Will you ever be content? Why can't you just leave us alone for a while? Why must you always talk?" He backed me against the wall and leaned right in towards me, his fists balled.
"Why can't you just shut up?" He demanded, reaching up to shake me. I was absolutely terrified. I didn't know what to do. I certainly could not strike him, as he was a prince. I looked away from his penetrating gaze.
"Just LEAVE us ALONE!" He yelled in my face, his face turning red with rage. I immediately realised that he was desperate to let loose all his rage and energy. Sitting idle makes just about anyway stir crazy.
I pushed my hands against his chest lightly and spoke soothingly in elvish; hoping to calm him down enough to get away, not that there was any place to hide. I could see Aragorn out of the corner of my eye, looking sad. He hadn't even TRIED to help me.
"Come on, Legolas." I whispered in Sindarin. "Calm down, you know I meant no harm. What was done to Gimli cannot be undone."
Legolas looked defiant, but his rage was crumbling to reveal deep sorrow.
"But why? Why us?" He whimpered. He then began to cry. I held him as he let out just some of his sorrow. He didn't sob, just cried until he could cry no more.
**
They came for me this morning, what horrors await me, I dare not guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another update! Hehe, sorry for being so lazy, I really don't have much computer or internet access. Please r&r!