Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN LOTR!!!! If I did, I'd kill Frodo.
Housework. What is it about sweeping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, and grocery-shopping that makes men sweat? Is it the sheer terror of doing something other than farting and pounding their chests? Or is it the horror of actually......having.........to do........work? Could it be? The horror! (Faints) Those poor men!
Eowyn mutters random words into her pina colada.
Arwen: What was that? Are you having an affair with my Aragorn? You little whore! I knew! I knew! (eyes dart wildly (laughs insanely) But he loves me. ME!
Eowyn: (Gasp) How did you know?!!
Arwen: You can hide nothing from me and my spy cameras!
Eowyn: Oh yeah? Well you and Galadriel have been getting it on! She's your grandmother, for goodness sakes!"
Arwen: You can hide nothing from me and my spy cameras!
Eowyn: (Blink) What?
Arwen: I mean........ (cough)........WHORE!!!
Eowyn: SLUT!!!
Arwen: BITCH!!!!
Eowyn: You have hair the color of shit!
Arwen: You have hair the color of diarrhea!
Eowyn: Your ears are pointy!
Arwen: I'm sorry, but did I just hear you dis my ears?!!!"
Eowyn: (folds arms) Well they are! They're dangerous! What are you planning to do with them, impale Aragorn? Who else would he sleep with but me? Gimli?
Rabid Fanboy (RFB): Oh, that's nothing. There was this one fic where.......
Aragorn and Gimli: NOT LISTENING!!! NOT LISTENING!!!
Arwen: Rabid Fanboy? Are you gay?
RFB: (sobs) NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS!!!!
Lady's Dark Eternity: (Shoves RFB back into plot hole) GET BACK TO THE STORY!!!
Arwen: Where were we? Oh yeah......
Eowyn: DIE BITCH!!!
Both: MEOW!!!!
The catfight that resulted destroyed three towns, but Arwen and Eowyn made up, and calmly returned to their hotel.
Meanwhile, back at home
Faramir: (Comes in with groceries.) (Grins evilly) Aragorn!
Aragorn: What?
Faramir: Guess what I bought?
Aragorn: What?
Faramir: Tampons!
Aragorn: (Looks around fearfully) Don't say that word Faramir! That's begging to call the goddess of PMS (Lady's Eternal Darkness) down on you!
Faramir: Don't worry. I bought her earplugs.
Aragorn: Oh. Why did you buy......tamp.......er............them?
Faramir: To eat, why else?
Aragorn: Faramir! You don't EAT tampons!
Faramir: They're organic.
(A/N: My mother bought organic tampons! ORGANIC!!! Can you believe it? It's like sticking wood up your........you know......)
Aragorn: Oh. In that case................But we still have to be careful.
Two Hours Later. Faramir and Aragorn have eaten almost a whole box.
Legolas: (Comes in). Hey you guys! What are you eating?
Faramir: (Burp) Tampons.
Aragorn: (Looks around fearfully) Don't say that word Faramir! That's begging to call the goddess of PMS (Lady's Eternal Darkness) down on you!
Legolas: You ate tampons?
Aragorn: (Looks around fearfully) Don't say that word! That's begging to call the goddess of PMS (Lady's Eternal Darkness) down on you!
Faramir and Legolas: 0o
LED: I heard that, Aragorn.
Legolas: Fine, I won't say it. You ate woman's...............products?
Faramir: Yup.
Legolas: (Laughs) Do you know what tampons are?
Faramir: Chocolate?
Legolas: Did you read the instructions in the booklet?
Faramir and Aragorn: No.........
Legolas: Read it.
Faramir: Please tell me that's a picture of her mouth.
Legolas: Vagina.
Faramir: I'm sorry. I thought you said it's her va........OH gODS!!!!! It's her what?!!!! EWWWW!!!!
Aragorn: (Runs around screaming wildly) I'M GONNA GET TSS!!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!NOOOOOOOO!!!
Remember boys and girls: Tampons are friends. Not food.
Housework. What is it about sweeping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, and grocery-shopping that makes men sweat? Is it the sheer terror of doing something other than farting and pounding their chests? Or is it the horror of actually......having.........to do........work? Could it be? The horror! (Faints) Those poor men!
Eowyn mutters random words into her pina colada.
Arwen: What was that? Are you having an affair with my Aragorn? You little whore! I knew! I knew! (eyes dart wildly (laughs insanely) But he loves me. ME!
Eowyn: (Gasp) How did you know?!!
Arwen: You can hide nothing from me and my spy cameras!
Eowyn: Oh yeah? Well you and Galadriel have been getting it on! She's your grandmother, for goodness sakes!"
Arwen: You can hide nothing from me and my spy cameras!
Eowyn: (Blink) What?
Arwen: I mean........ (cough)........WHORE!!!
Eowyn: SLUT!!!
Arwen: BITCH!!!!
Eowyn: You have hair the color of shit!
Arwen: You have hair the color of diarrhea!
Eowyn: Your ears are pointy!
Arwen: I'm sorry, but did I just hear you dis my ears?!!!"
Eowyn: (folds arms) Well they are! They're dangerous! What are you planning to do with them, impale Aragorn? Who else would he sleep with but me? Gimli?
Rabid Fanboy (RFB): Oh, that's nothing. There was this one fic where.......
Aragorn and Gimli: NOT LISTENING!!! NOT LISTENING!!!
Arwen: Rabid Fanboy? Are you gay?
RFB: (sobs) NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS!!!!
Lady's Dark Eternity: (Shoves RFB back into plot hole) GET BACK TO THE STORY!!!
Arwen: Where were we? Oh yeah......
Eowyn: DIE BITCH!!!
Both: MEOW!!!!
The catfight that resulted destroyed three towns, but Arwen and Eowyn made up, and calmly returned to their hotel.
Meanwhile, back at home
Faramir: (Comes in with groceries.) (Grins evilly) Aragorn!
Aragorn: What?
Faramir: Guess what I bought?
Aragorn: What?
Faramir: Tampons!
Aragorn: (Looks around fearfully) Don't say that word Faramir! That's begging to call the goddess of PMS (Lady's Eternal Darkness) down on you!
Faramir: Don't worry. I bought her earplugs.
Aragorn: Oh. Why did you buy......tamp.......er............them?
Faramir: To eat, why else?
Aragorn: Faramir! You don't EAT tampons!
Faramir: They're organic.
(A/N: My mother bought organic tampons! ORGANIC!!! Can you believe it? It's like sticking wood up your........you know......)
Aragorn: Oh. In that case................But we still have to be careful.
Two Hours Later. Faramir and Aragorn have eaten almost a whole box.
Legolas: (Comes in). Hey you guys! What are you eating?
Faramir: (Burp) Tampons.
Aragorn: (Looks around fearfully) Don't say that word Faramir! That's begging to call the goddess of PMS (Lady's Eternal Darkness) down on you!
Legolas: You ate tampons?
Aragorn: (Looks around fearfully) Don't say that word! That's begging to call the goddess of PMS (Lady's Eternal Darkness) down on you!
Faramir and Legolas: 0o
LED: I heard that, Aragorn.
Legolas: Fine, I won't say it. You ate woman's...............products?
Faramir: Yup.
Legolas: (Laughs) Do you know what tampons are?
Faramir: Chocolate?
Legolas: Did you read the instructions in the booklet?
Faramir and Aragorn: No.........
Legolas: Read it.
Faramir: Please tell me that's a picture of her mouth.
Legolas: Vagina.
Faramir: I'm sorry. I thought you said it's her va........OH gODS!!!!! It's her what?!!!! EWWWW!!!!
Aragorn: (Runs around screaming wildly) I'M GONNA GET TSS!!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!NOOOOOOOO!!!
Remember boys and girls: Tampons are friends. Not food.