DISCLAIMER: Me no own LotR or Austin Powers.
Faramir: So, Aragorn, cooking or vacuuming? (puts hands on his hips)
Aragorn:" (smirks) Vacuuming (mutters to self): The poor fool. He obviously doesn't know how dangerous cooking is...........hehehehehehehe (thinks about chicken humping Elrond and chuckles evilly)
Faramir: I DO SO!!!!! I burned my finger once!
Aragorn: (sweatdrop) Oo
Faramir: I mean (cough), okay. You vacuum, I'll cook.
Aragorn: (pulls vacuum out of musty closet) Hmmmm. I wonder how you turn this thing on.......
Vacuum: (evil face appears) Drop your pants.
Aragorn: (drops vacuum) Excuse me?!!!!!
Vacuum: That's how you turn me on, babe.
Aragorn: Oo
NOT THAT WAY YOU PERVERT!!!!!
Vacuum: Darn..............he looked hot.........THROW ME A FRIKIN' BONE HERE!!!! I TRY TO CONQUER THE WORLD AND I GET STOPPED BY: (camera zooms inpinkie evil thingy) AUSTIN POWERS!!!
Aragorn: Oo
Lady's Eternal Darkness: Darn? You're an evil world-conquering vacuum, and you say darn?!!!!
Vacuum: Shut up. You wrote this!
LED: Oh yeah..............hehehehehehehehehe...............oops...........
Aragorn: HOLY SHIT!!!!
Vacuum: What?
Aragorn: (points shaking finger at vacuum) You're...........you're.............you're a...........a...........MALE!!!!!
Vacuum: So?
Aragorn: And................you told me to drop my pants, which implies that you...............you...........like me.................so........................MY VACUUM IS GAY!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Vacuum: You are so immature. I am homosexual.
Aragorn: Arwen? Is that you?
Vacuum: oO Arwen's gay? No way! Dude, that's SO COOL!!!!!
LED: (cough) Actually, no, she isn't. I just have a sick mind.
Vacuum: Oh. No, Aragorn, I'm not Arwen. But I'm telling her you said that unless you pay me: (camera zoom) One MILLION dollars!!! (dances excitedly)
LED: Vacuums dance?
Number 2 (Gollum): (cough)
Vacuum: What?!!!
Gollum: Um...........one million dollarsssss issssn't a lot of money thessssse days..........MYPRECIOUS!GIVEITTOUS!KILLBAGGINSESSSS!!DIEFRODO!!! INC. alone makesssss $5000000000000000000000000 per year..........
Vacuum: WELL I'VE BEEN FROZEN FOR 30 FRIKIN' YEARS!!! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? THROW ME A FRIKIN' RING OF POWER HERE!!!
Gollum: MY PRECIOUS!!!! GIVE IT TO US!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!! (bites at imaginary Frodoses)
All: Oo
LED:Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiigggggggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttttttt...........(zaps Gollum with lightning) Back to the fic!!!
Vacuum: Where was I? Ah, yes............ (grows teeth) MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Aragorn: (slaps vacuum) PERVE!
Vacuum: (latches onto Aragorn's.................er..........well, let's put it this way: place where the Sun don't dare shine!)
Aragorn: YOU PERVERT!!!!! LET GO OF MY HAPPY PLACE!!!!!!! (slap)
Vacuum: Ow! You slapped me! FAG!
Aragorn: (sulks) It was a horizontal karate chop.
——————————————————MEANWHILE——————————————————————————————————————
Faramir: Okay, three eggs, two cups of flour, a teaspoon of baking soda, ah hell, just throw in everything and paint it and put pretty garnish on and no one will notice the difference.
————————————————————————AT DINNER————————————————————————————————
Faramir's Child (FC): Daddy, why does the bread look like a lump of indigestible owl puke painted golden brown and covered in varnish? Is it (pokes the bread) alive?
Bread: (attacks FC's finger.)
FC: AAHHHHHHH!!!! DADDY, IT'S EATING ME!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!
Faramir: (whacks bread, knocking it unconscious) Don't be silly shifty eyeses It's not that! It doesn't have a whole box of Tampax in it!!!!! Hahahahahahhahaha! How silly........(eyeses shift nervously)
FC: Oo leaves the room
Faramir: Where are you going young er..........(whispers: Oh no! It looks mannish, but it has long hair, what is it? Think, Faramir, Think!)...............er.......young IT!!!!!!!!!
FC: To hang myself.
Faramir: Why?
FC: So I won't have to eat your cooking. It'll be a faster death.
Faramir: Fine you little bastard!!! Go hang yourself! See if I care!!!
Aragorn: (sitting on an ice pack) Um, Faramir?
Faramir: What?!!!!
Aragorn: If your kid hangs............um.............itself, then what will Eowyn say?
A/N: Me no own Tampax.