A/N – "Thoughts"

Chapter 5 - Forgiveness Is Never Easy

Lizzie slowly opened Miranda's bedroom door and looked inside the room. She found Miranda lying on her bed, facing away from her, and staring at the wall. Lizzie walked over and sat on the other edge of the bed.

"You ok?" she asked softly.

Miranda just snorted and wrapped her arms around herself. Lizzie sighed and looked at her face. Miranda's eyes were red and there were tear tracks down her cheeks. Lizzie shook her head, "Will you listen to me for a second without getting mad?"

Miranda just shrugged her shoulders and continued to stare at the wall.

Taking a deep breath, Lizzie started talking. "What Gordo did was horrible but you know he would never intentionally hurt you. He must've had his reasons for doing something this stupid."

Miranda looked over her shoulder and glared at Lizzie. "How the hell can you defend him? He made me look a complete idiot!" she snapped at her.

"Mir, do you remember in Junior High when Gordo was trying to tutor Ethan and we kept interrupting them because we wanted Ethan to notice us?" Lizzie said slowly.

Sitting up, Miranda nodded. "And he called us stupid."

"Because we used him to get something we wanted and didn't care what we did to him. How do you think that made him feel?"

"This is completely different," Miranda snapped again.

"Yes, the situation is different. But we've abused his friendship in countless ways for as long as I can remember, how many times has Gordo abused our friendship?"

"Rarely," Miranda muttered under her breath.

Lizzie grinned slightly as she noticed Miranda moving away from angry and upset to just upset. "Look, I'm not defending what he did. I think what he did was stupid. But Gordo has been our friend for years and he would never try and hurt you. I'm not saying forget everything and let's go back to normal but give him a chance to apologize and explain."

"So what should I do?" Miranda asked softly, the anger disappearing from her voice.

"Talk to Gordo, let him grovel at your feet for your forgiveness," Lizzie joked with a smile.

Miranda snickered and grinned a little. "Why should I make the first move?"

"Cause it'll take weeks if you don't. You know Gordo; he'll go into hiding and brood over this for days. Plus, if you force the issue now, it'll give him less time to come up with an excuse and you'll get a real answer."

"I'll do it tomorrow. Right now, I just don't want to see him," Miranda said as she laid back down, this time on her back.

"Ok," Lizzie said as she reached over and flipped on the radio and then leaned back against the wall at the head of the bed.

True to her words, Miranda and Lizzie didn't see or hear from Gordo all day at school. Ethan had apologized and Miranda told him he did nothing really wrong aside from keeping the secret from her. Larry on the other hand, spent all day apologizing and trying to keep out of Miranda's swing range. Miranda would forgive him eventually, but right now she didn't want to talk to him.

That afternoon, Miranda found herself standing in front of Gordo's bedroom door. Taking a deep breath, she slowly opened it and quietly entered the room.

She found Gordo with his back to her, working on something at his desk. As he started talking to himself, it was all she could do to keep quiet or run from the room.

"Damn it David, think," Gordo snarled at himself. "I knew I shouldn't have done that stupid idea. It's fucked up everything."

Miranda watched as Gordo rested his forehead against his palms.

"What the hell can I say to make everything right?"

"Try the truth."

Gordo slammed whatever he was working on shut, jumped out of his chair and spun around in surprise. "Miranda," he said breathlessly and his voice cracking.

"Yea," Miranda said looking at him with an expressionless face.

Gordo opened his mouth to say something but then stopped. He studied her for a moment and sighed. "Sit down please. I need to tell you something." Miranda sat down on the bed and looked up at Gordo, waiting for him to start.

"I..." he started but trailed off. Gordo ran a hand through his hair and sat down next to her. "I never wanted to hurt you. I've watched those idiots you go out with treat you like a piece of property. Larry's a nice guy, beneath the weird exterior, and he would treat you the way you should be treated."

Miranda looked at him for a moment. "How should I be treated?" She watched in amusement as Gordo's face suddenly become flushed.

"Uh…I...err," Gordo stuttered and then cleared his throat. "Just better then you have been," he answered as he looked at the wall. "I'm sorry about the letters. I just wanted you to be with someone who would treat you right. I thought that if I did those stupid letters and you got together with Larry, you'd be with someone who knows how special you are."

The corners of Miranda's twitched into a smile but she fought it off and just nodded. Gordo looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't. I don't exactly forgive you, at least not yet anyway. But we've been through too much to let this break us up," Miranda told him. She then snickered, "You grovel well," she said sarcastically. They shared a nervous smile and Gordo gave her a light hug while apologizing again.

She then watched as Gordo glanced over at his desk, then back at Miranda, then back at the desk. Miranda looked at him curiously, "What?"

Gordo took a deep breath and walked over to his desk. Picking something up, he walked back and as he sat down next to her again, he handed it to her. "I want you to have this."

"Cyrano de Bergerac," she read aloud from the cover. "This where Larry got his plan from right?" she asked Gordo, who nodded. Just as she was about to open the book, he stopped her.

"I put an inscription in there that I don't want you to read right now. You're still ticked at me and it would be misunderstood, especially given the circumstances," Gordo told her.

She looked at him oddly, "Then when can I read it?"

Gordo paused for a few seconds, thinking of the right words. "Sometime in the future. When all this is just a memory."

"It better be worth the wait Gordo," she told him half serious, half sarcastically.

Gordo swallowed the big lump in his throat. "It will be," he said softly.