Title: Remember Me This Way
Author: Shinigami Liliz Black
Summary: Remus thinks about a special friend who couldn't stay long for him to really love... RL/SB
Rating: PG-13
Status: BETAED by thrnbrooke
Remember Me This Way
He placed the hot mug of tea down looking out at the window of his flat. It was snowing, Christmas was close. It was December 24, of 1999, months after the war against the Dark Lord ended. The Great Harry Potter impressed everyone by killing the Dark Lord with a simple push of a gun's trigger, and blasting the Lord's brain out.
It was a horrible and disgusting scene, to see a brain splattered around the room at Riddle Manor while Harry collapsed into a twitching mess of agony as the lighting bolt scar busted with blood and then succumbing finally to unconsciousness.
It was not pleasant for Remus to know Harry had been unconscious for two weeks after the war. Harry was the only thing left for him to take care off and he would have blamed himself if anything horrible happens to the boy.
Of course Remus Lupin was the kind of man who would blame himself for everything if you let him. People joked that he'd start saying there's no air in space because he didn't work hard on it.
Not only that, Remus was a very quiet and pacific man, who despises the beast inside of him. While the years pass, many people got together and awards were given to many hero and helpers, including him. He was honored for his loyalty and courage to fight off the pack of werewolves that endangered a Muggle zone.
Remus was surprised to hear Lucius Malfoy had been named for a great support against a dark attack during the war. Who would have thought a plan launched by Harry, Draco and Ron on a chilly night just right when the war began to help Lucius Malfoy escape from Azkaban?
Even Remus didn't believed the fact Harry and Draco turned out to be best friends in merely days and Ron and Draco ended up falling for each other. Hell! Remus was shocked to find out months ago Severus was having secret night meetings with none other than Hermione Granger and that Harry had a crush on Lucius Malfoy.
How much worse can things get?
If something was very amusing it had to be how Narcissa reacted to all those things. The shrilling woman prayed, begged Lucius not to ask for a divorce. Of course Narcissa was a woman who had grown accustomed to being rich to suddenly losing every luxury she had received from Lucius Malfoy, but Lucius Malfoy was not a man who pitied, not especially with a woman who never liked their son and made Lucius' life hell.
Everyone was happy... everyone... expects Remus...
Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
Remus, even if he felt happy for his friends, he was lonely; extremely lonely. Remus lost something... a part of himself in the heart of a raven man.
He remembered seeing the shock on his lover's face...
The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.
He gripped the mug hard...
It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backwards through the ragged veil hanging from the arch...
The mug cracked from his strong grip and exploded in tiny pieces. Remus stood up, bumping the chair back at the process and breathing heavily.
It was painful, painful to remember how the love of your life, sank into a veil helpless, how you feel a part of your heart falling with him and suddenly knowing he wouldn't reappear from the other side any second...
"SIRIUS!" Harry yelled, "SIRIUS!"
Remus was forced to grab Harry around the chest, holding him back...
"There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing... he's gone," he heard himself saying holding the tears that definitely threatened to fall.
He has been empty since that day...
He lost Sirius Black...
He felt hot tears building in his honey eyes, his hands began to tremble at the process. "No!" he growled out.
He gritted his teeth, his breathing intensifying. Shaking his head desperately, he tried to block the memories...
"He can't come back..."
Something seemed to rip inside Remus, something nasty and angry, boiling his blood. He took hold of the table and threw it hard against the wall, smashing the mirror at the process.
"HE'S NOT GONE!" he screamed, all of the air rushing out of his lungs, Anger pumping in his blood. He took hold of the chair and felt how the wood cracked from his grip. He was about to smash the chair against the same wall he had thrown the table when he took a glimpse of his face in the shattered mirror.
I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay
There was a man, with sharp long fangs, gleaming with saliva as two scarlet- amber eyes stared back with anger. He felt the chair slipping from his grasp as his eyes slowly change back to normal.
"I've become a monster..." he mumbled slumping to the floor drawing his knees together. He began to rock back and forward...
"I'm still a beast," he sobbed shaking his head violently, tears falling desperately.
"I'M A BEAST!" he yelled, slamming his fist down on the ground. "I'm..."
Blood came out of his knuckles as he lay down on the floor drying his eyes helplessly. "Why is life so miserable for me?" he whispered hoarsely.
"Why does everyone else get to be happy and I can't? God Sirius I need you..."
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
Hmm........... this way
The window slide open and a cold breeze suddenly caressed his hair and the warmness of invisible hands trailing down his cheeks made him take a sharp breath. Despise the cold snow coming from the opened window, Remus felt warm.
What shocked him the most was the warmness he felt...
Sirius' warmness...
"Please," he begged, "Don't do this to me..."
The window closed shut and everything stopped as a sharp knock came from the door. He looked at the room hastily realizing the wreck he had made.
The one knocking became persistent, forcing Remus up to his feet. "I'm coming!" he called whipping the dried tears away. He shook his robes and opened the door.
What came, took Remus by surprise. A strong blast of cold wind made him lose his balance and he fell down knocking the small table nearby. A figure suddenly stood on his doorstep, looking weary and gaunt; his long raven hair falling loosely about his face and his robes were completely ragged, exposing many weird marks on his skin...
Remus was scared, he didn't know why but he was terrified out of his mind. The figure came in approaching him, his footsteps echoing loudly around the house. He kept crawling away, never ripping his gaze from the silent figure.
Remus felt a hand on his shoulder and screamed turning to face his attacker. "Shh, I'm here," the figure whispered now behind Remus. He moved his hair from his face and Remus gasped as two gray eyes looked deep into his own and smile.
I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more apart of time, you're everywhere
I'll always cares
Remus felt his eyes watering, his hands trembling reaching for Sirius' face. "Is it you?" he asked hoarsely.
Sirius pressed for Remus' hand closest to his cheek and kissed it. "It is."
Remus never felt so much joy on a Christmas day; he couldn't stop the river of tears falling down. He pushed the man into a bear hug thinking the raven haired man might pop away into thin air.
"I'm not going anywhere Remus."
"Gosh, it was so painful! I needed you Siri! Why did you leave me?"
"Shh," Sirius silenced the man by pressing his finger on his lips. "Nothing else matters now... I'm here."
Remus gripped the raven man's robe and buried his face on his shoulder. "I missed you!"
Sirius captured him in a searing passionate kiss. Remus responded immediately, like a man drowning. He cupped Sirius' face in his hands and pressed him closer. Sirius thrust his fingers inside the sandy hair of the werewolf, remembering the feeling of his warm body against his own.
He finally broke the kiss and was about to move when Remus grabbed his forearm. "Please, let's stay here; I don't care if it's a horrible conformity."
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
Hmm........... this way
"Remus..."
"I want this to last," he whispered his red puffy eyes begging Sirius.
"Remus I can't stay long..."
"What do you mean?"
"I was granted this wish from the Veil Keeper after hearing your painful calls."
"No, NO!" Remus said shaking his head. "You can't leave me! NO!" he said desperately clinging to the man's robes.
"Remus, let make this the best-"
"NO! I don't want this to be the best! I want you to stay here with me!"
"You know I can't!"
"You can't let me live this misery, Sirius! I've already had too much!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I caused you so much pain! I thought that maybe this would stop some of the pain."
"Help me? I get one day and then have to wake up and find you gone!? You thought that was going to help, Sirius!? It will kill me, make me grieve more, and go insane!"
"Please Remus stop this-"
"Can't you understand?! I love you! I need you!"
"I do!" Sirius said fighting the tears as the werewolf trembled violently. "I know-"
"Then why did you come!? To see me one day and let me remember this for the rest of my life? This is suicide Sirius!" The werewolf slumped down onto the ground, his legs no longer supporting his weight. "This is..."
Sirius fell to his knees and pulled the werewolf into a tight embrace. Remus broke into sobs as he trembled slightly from his touch. He kissed the werewolf's head and rocked him back and forward.
"Forgive me for making your life filled with this pain but please, promise me you will find someone to love and continue your life Remus. I hate to see you like this."
"I can't! I love you only!"
"Remus, I can no longer live, I'm gone and you have to face it."
"But-"
"Do this for me; I'll be with you always. My heart will always stay with yours."
Remus looked up at the raven man feeling the salty tears of his lover touching his dried cheek. "Promise me..."
Like a dream, Sirius began to fade and Remus suddenly felt his eyelids heavy.
And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe
He slowly opened his eyes feeling the coldness of the Christmas Day. He looked around and realized he was lying flat on his stomach in the middle of the wrecked room, his cheeks all salty and dried.
"Sirius?" He sat up and looked out of the window; there was a box lying on the window frame, while the white curtains shook violently.
Slowly, he walked to the window and picked up the box. It was black and silky under his touch; he snapped it opened and gasped.
A small silver tear fell down his honey eyes as he looked at the message and container inside.
Happy Christmas Remus
A silver band with a scarlet ruby gleamed up at him...
"Happy Christmas to you! Love, Sirius..."
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
Hmm........... this way
The End
Notes: I dunno what lured me to write this. Yes it sounds complex and stupid but the song was wonderful! I really cried a lot.