I do not own X-men: Evolution.
I admit it. I'm a talker. Always have been, ever since childhood. I'd run off of the school bus excited about the days events. My mother would have some sort of snack ready; and I'd talk her ear off, retelling the day's events, while she cooked dinner and folded laundry. She'd get a much need break from her daughter the chatterbox, when my father came home from work a couple hours later. Then he'd get the same treatment. Looking back, I can see how sometimes they just wanted me to shut up, but they never told me to. Maybe if they had, I wouldn't have the problems that I have today. I like to be the center of attention. I remember the few times as a child I thought my parents weren't listening, I'd throw a fit. Sometimes, I still do.
I worry that I may always be this way.
It's like this. Once I start babbling, it takes the power of a thousand suns to shut me up. I think that's something that has always bothered Rogue about me... my inability to be silent. In some ways, I'm envious of her ability to just sit in silence and seem content. I'm sure it isn't always the most preferred situation for her, but she doesn't seem afraid of the silence.
Unfortunately, a babbling mouth brings the tendency to say things you don't mean. Or in some cases, thing you do mean, but should never have spoken. I just haven't perfected the talent of thinking before I speak, which is most likely one of the reasons I am not trusted with secrets. I don't mean to blab. I just don't think.
There is one question tumbling around my head as I try to sleep tonight. When a person is angry, are they really, truly responsible for the words that fly out of their mouth?
I remember the few times my parents fought in front of me. They always ended up saying horrible things to each other. But a few "I'm sorrys" later, everything would be perfect again. I wonder, is that how love really works? Can a person forgive anything, no matter how bad?
I admit it I wasn't just angry that night. I was livid. My boyfriend was trying to get us kicked out of school. How should I have felt? And, of course, I told him the first thing that came to my mind. I called him a hood. But that statement begged the question: Was it something I blurted out without thinking about, or was it something I felt was true but should have never said?
First of all, Lance does have a temper. I could see that much; when I passed by the brotherhood house one day, not long after Pietro's betrayal. There was a huge hole in the upstairs where he shook Pietro's room into the yard. I know he didn't think about the fact that there would be a huge hole before he did it. That's Lance. He doesn't think about his actions. It is something we have in common. I don't think before I speak, and, sometimes, he doesn't think before he acts. Sometimes, he just doesn't see the big picture. That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person.
He tried to get me out of the battle at the mall. He should have known I wouldn't have leave, but the sentiment was the same. He was worried, and he wanted me safe. It was a weird feeling, being angry and happy at the same time. Sure, I was happy that he cared, but the "Woe is Kitty, damsel in distress" assumptions made me more than a little angry. He genuinely cared. He mostly acted as a gentlemen, besides the regular adolescent "trying to be a big man" attitude.
Those things don't make a hood.
Just because someone was born into a bad childhood and has a propensity to make foolish and bad decisions doesn't make them a thug. Lance tried; he honestly tried, to do the right thing... most of the time. But that night he acted like a hood. He wasn't one, but he sure played the part like a pro.
What I should have said was "Lance you idiot! Quit acting like an ass!" or something to that extent. Well, I take that back. I was pissed, and that is how he was acting. But that isn't who he is. I guess I just answered my own question. At that point in time, I meant the "hood" comment.
At least, I meant it until I saw his reaction. That tore my heart out.
Right. I'll NEVER be good enough for YOU.
That statement came from a subconscious place similar to where my hood comment came from. It just hurt to realize that this obviously wasn't the first time I made him feel inferior. It made me angry at myself. And everyone else.
Everyone else.
The Brotherhood and their constant teasing and comments, my friends' attitudes toward him, the questioning stares that seemed to ask why I deal with him, the rolled eyes, Scott and Jean's lectures... They were all catalysts, but, essentially, it was my own attitude that decided our fate. I didn't have to let them get to me, but I did. And now, everything is in perpsective. I can see every bad reaction I ever had with him. My pouts, when I thought he wasn't listening; my sighs, when something didn't go my way; my eye rolls, when something wasn't up to my standards; it would be enough to break anyone. I really am a premadonna princess.
As I said, I'm a talker. Always have been. Probably always will.
AN: First off many thanks to Caliente, who is the best beta. She bled all over this and made it better. It helped me make this better. Secondly, this has been going around in my head for awhile now. I got tired of all the Lance angsting about Kitty "Hood" comment, and decided to write a Kitty one. Please review.
I admit it. I'm a talker. Always have been, ever since childhood. I'd run off of the school bus excited about the days events. My mother would have some sort of snack ready; and I'd talk her ear off, retelling the day's events, while she cooked dinner and folded laundry. She'd get a much need break from her daughter the chatterbox, when my father came home from work a couple hours later. Then he'd get the same treatment. Looking back, I can see how sometimes they just wanted me to shut up, but they never told me to. Maybe if they had, I wouldn't have the problems that I have today. I like to be the center of attention. I remember the few times as a child I thought my parents weren't listening, I'd throw a fit. Sometimes, I still do.
I worry that I may always be this way.
It's like this. Once I start babbling, it takes the power of a thousand suns to shut me up. I think that's something that has always bothered Rogue about me... my inability to be silent. In some ways, I'm envious of her ability to just sit in silence and seem content. I'm sure it isn't always the most preferred situation for her, but she doesn't seem afraid of the silence.
Unfortunately, a babbling mouth brings the tendency to say things you don't mean. Or in some cases, thing you do mean, but should never have spoken. I just haven't perfected the talent of thinking before I speak, which is most likely one of the reasons I am not trusted with secrets. I don't mean to blab. I just don't think.
There is one question tumbling around my head as I try to sleep tonight. When a person is angry, are they really, truly responsible for the words that fly out of their mouth?
I remember the few times my parents fought in front of me. They always ended up saying horrible things to each other. But a few "I'm sorrys" later, everything would be perfect again. I wonder, is that how love really works? Can a person forgive anything, no matter how bad?
I admit it I wasn't just angry that night. I was livid. My boyfriend was trying to get us kicked out of school. How should I have felt? And, of course, I told him the first thing that came to my mind. I called him a hood. But that statement begged the question: Was it something I blurted out without thinking about, or was it something I felt was true but should have never said?
First of all, Lance does have a temper. I could see that much; when I passed by the brotherhood house one day, not long after Pietro's betrayal. There was a huge hole in the upstairs where he shook Pietro's room into the yard. I know he didn't think about the fact that there would be a huge hole before he did it. That's Lance. He doesn't think about his actions. It is something we have in common. I don't think before I speak, and, sometimes, he doesn't think before he acts. Sometimes, he just doesn't see the big picture. That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person.
He tried to get me out of the battle at the mall. He should have known I wouldn't have leave, but the sentiment was the same. He was worried, and he wanted me safe. It was a weird feeling, being angry and happy at the same time. Sure, I was happy that he cared, but the "Woe is Kitty, damsel in distress" assumptions made me more than a little angry. He genuinely cared. He mostly acted as a gentlemen, besides the regular adolescent "trying to be a big man" attitude.
Those things don't make a hood.
Just because someone was born into a bad childhood and has a propensity to make foolish and bad decisions doesn't make them a thug. Lance tried; he honestly tried, to do the right thing... most of the time. But that night he acted like a hood. He wasn't one, but he sure played the part like a pro.
What I should have said was "Lance you idiot! Quit acting like an ass!" or something to that extent. Well, I take that back. I was pissed, and that is how he was acting. But that isn't who he is. I guess I just answered my own question. At that point in time, I meant the "hood" comment.
At least, I meant it until I saw his reaction. That tore my heart out.
Right. I'll NEVER be good enough for YOU.
That statement came from a subconscious place similar to where my hood comment came from. It just hurt to realize that this obviously wasn't the first time I made him feel inferior. It made me angry at myself. And everyone else.
Everyone else.
The Brotherhood and their constant teasing and comments, my friends' attitudes toward him, the questioning stares that seemed to ask why I deal with him, the rolled eyes, Scott and Jean's lectures... They were all catalysts, but, essentially, it was my own attitude that decided our fate. I didn't have to let them get to me, but I did. And now, everything is in perpsective. I can see every bad reaction I ever had with him. My pouts, when I thought he wasn't listening; my sighs, when something didn't go my way; my eye rolls, when something wasn't up to my standards; it would be enough to break anyone. I really am a premadonna princess.
As I said, I'm a talker. Always have been. Probably always will.
AN: First off many thanks to Caliente, who is the best beta. She bled all over this and made it better. It helped me make this better. Secondly, this has been going around in my head for awhile now. I got tired of all the Lance angsting about Kitty "Hood" comment, and decided to write a Kitty one. Please review.