Disclaimer:  I don't own anything except the plot

Summary:  Courtney and Jax left Port Charles over 16 years ago, but what happens when a tragic event forces Courtney to come home and face the mess she left behind?

Author's Note:  Wow! You guys are really spoiling me with the reviews, I appreciate them so much.  I have decided that it is going to be Journey.  I was originally going to have it be a Jason & Robin with Casper, but I suck at writing Robin.  So instead of butchering Robin, I am going to write Courtney and Jason, because I feel like I can write that couple the best.  As always, let me know what you think. Thanks and enjoy!

 

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I'm sorry that I hurt you.  It's something that I must live with everyday.

                                                                                                          Hoobastank

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"Jason," she whispered his name once more.  It took her a second to recognize that it was actually him standing in front of her, holding a conversation with her son of all people.  She refused to meet Jay's gaze, because she knew that he knew.  Her only hope was that Jason had not figured it out yet.  She wanted to tell him herself and explain it all to him.  Who was she kidding? Jason wasn't going to listen to her explanation; he was going to focus on the betrayal and shut her out.

                "How have you been?" His low timber brought her back to reality.  She took in his appearance.  Jeans, T-shirt, and a black leather jacket…something's never changed. His physique and look was much the same if not a little more grown up.  He was leaner and his hair was shorter than she remembered, but that was about it.  He was still gorgeous and sadly, elicited the same butterflies in her stomach.  She was thirty-eight years old and still getting giddy over a guy.  She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at her own immaturity.

                "I've been good, you?" She answered suddenly remembering the question he asked her.

                "I can't complain…I'm sorry about Jax," he offered with remorse in his eyes.  If anyone understood the loss of a spouse, it was him and Courtney was grateful that he knew what she was going through.  Carly could offer all the condolences she wanted, but would never understand the shear pain of losing your significant other.

                "I'm sorry about Robin," she replied trying to provide him the same solace that he just gave her.  A look of surprise clouded his hazy blue eyes.  "Carly told me about it." He nodded and a silence fell over the group until Jay cleared his throat somewhat noisily. She looked over at her son sympathetically, but he looked away. 

                "I need to get away for awhile," Jay's voice was soft as he headed off away from his mother.

                "Jay, wait." Courtney called, but the young man just shook his head.

                "I'll see you later at the hotel, Mom." He bellowed, continuing on his way.

                "That's quite a kid you got there," Jason commented and Courtney laughed.

                "Yeah, he's the best…" she whispered.  She slid a shaky hand through her hair as the silence engulfed them.  There was so many things that she wanted to say, but none seemed appropriate right now.  Oh yeah, by the way Jay is your son.  I've kept him a secret from you for the last sixteen years, sorry… The look on his face would be priceless; he would probably order a hit on her in his next breath.  It wasn't right to make light of the situation, but she needed to do something that would ease her mind, because all hell was sure to break lose once the truth came out.  She could care less what happened to her, but wanted to make sure that her son was not hurt in the chaos.  He didn't deserve the snide remarks and looks of disgust that were sure to be thrown her way.  

                "Aw Bunny, is that you?" Faith's voice caught her off guard.

                "I thought I told you to get lost," Jason muttered before Courtney could get a response out.

                "Yeah, well I was on my way out when I saw Courtney Cottontail and decided to come over and welcome her back and offer my sincerest apology on the death of Jax."  Faith replied innocently.  "So dear, what brings you back to good old PC?"

                "Leave me alone, Faith." The blond grumbled.  Another thing that never changed in Port Charles:  Faith Roscoe.  The woman looks like she's had more plastic surgery than Cher, which mixed with her dyed blond hair made her look not a year over thirty.

                "Oh pumpkin, is that anyway to treat your dear old friend?" Faith's smile was plastered to her face.

                "You couldn't pay me enough to be friends with you," Courtney laughed.

                "How disappointing you are.  I come all the way over here to offer my condolences on the loss of your husband and you smite me.  Don't you have any manners?" The younger blonde rolled her eyes, which caused an annoyed Faith to turn to Jason.  "What happened to our little friend?" Courtney's ear perked up.  If she's talking about Jay, I'll kill her.

                "What's wrong, Faith?  Scared of a teenager?" Jason smirked.

                "I simply want the picture," Faith replied.

                "Picture of what?" Courtney interjected herself into the conversation. 

                "It's none of your concern, Bunny."

                "Bullshit.  If you come near my son, I swear to God, Faith…you'll be sorry." Courtney's voice was dangerously low and a look of surprise came across the other woman's face.  Jason stood back, preparing himself to get involved only if it was necessary. 

                "I should have known! Well, if you could just talk to your precious baby boy and explain the importance of that roll of film he has and why I need it, than everything should be just fine."  Faith edged closer to the younger blond, who remained in the same strong stance.  Courtney had never once backed down to anyone and she would be damned if things changed now.  "After all, we wouldn't want him ending up like his father." A sharp smack resounded through the crisp autumn air as Courtney's hand connected with Faith's cheek.

                "Listen to me very carefully, because I am only going to say it one more time.  You come near my son and you're done.  I'll make sure that you end up six feet under without giving it a second thought." Courtney growled and her response was enough to shock the two people near her.  Obviously, the Massachusetts suburbs had hardened the once sugary sweet Matthews and Jason had to admit that he was impressed by it.  If there was one thing that he learned from Carly, it was that you never came between a mother and her child, but Faith had obviously skipped that lesson.  The older woman stepped back in a show of fear, but threw a glare over her shoulder before retreating back into the direction she came from.  

                "Hey!" Jason called out to Courtney who was practically running away from him. 

                "What?" She asked the look of defiance on her face was replaced with worry.

                "Where are you going?"

                "I have to find Jay before she does," was the response as she continued up towards the park exit.  Jason let out a sigh, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his already ringing cell phone.  She seemed uninterested in the conversation he was having with Meyers until a comment caught her attention.

                "Yeah, I need you to track down a kid.  His name's Jay Jacks and should be somewhere in the vicinity of Port Charles Park." Courtney looked at him confused, but he continued on.  "He's about seventeen. Light hair and blue eyes, traveling on foot." He described before flipping his phone shut.

                "You didn't have to do that…" his ex wife whispered quietly, but he shrugged his shoulders.

                "Meyers will find him faster than you can," he responded before turning to the cell phone that was once again ringing in his hand.  She looked at him hopefully, but after checking the caller ID; he shook his head. The phone continued to ring, but he chose to ignore it until finally he couldn't resist the incessant beeping any longer.

                "I'll call you back later, Carly…" he greeted.

                "But I really need to talk to you!" Carly replied into the phone.

                "Are the boys alright?"

                "Yeah…"

                "Is Sonny alright?"

                "Yeah…"

                "Then whatever it is cannot be that important.  I'll talk to you later," He replied before disconnecting the call.  Courtney would have laughed if she was not so worried about finding Jay.  She wasn't even sure where she was walking to, but continued on her trek along with Jason.  Her gaze roamed through the crowds trying to discern faces, but she was having a hard time.  Everything seemed like a blur to her.

                "Courtney…Did you hear me?" Jason tugged on her sleeve forcing her to focus on him.

                "You found him?" Her eyes lit up when he nodded.

                "Meyers picked him up and is taking him back to the hotel," she wrapped her arms around his neck in embrace and felt him stiffen slightly in hesitation.  She pulled away, sheepishly and nodded an apology for her forwardness, but he shook his head.  They shared a tender moment and Courtney almost could not stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth.   Jason, he's your son! Her mind screamed, but she clamped her mouth shut.  She stumbled off in the direction of her hotel before she disclosed the truth at the worst of times.  There's never going to be a good time, she reasoned.

                "Thank you," she called once she was a good distance away from him and he couldn't see the worry in her eyes any longer.

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                Jason watched her hurry away, before shaking his head.  The afternoon left his mind restless.  The fact that she could still evoke the same feelings within him was enough to cause worry, but she had a son.  He couldn't put his finger on the exact reason why Jay threw him off balance, but had a hunch.  No way…Snap out of it, Morgan.  There is no chance that he is yours.  She wouldn't keep something like that from you.  He tried to shake the assumption out of his mind, but it still lingered in the back.  His cell phone began ringing again and Carly's number popped up on the screen; he considered ignoring it, but knew that she would continue calling back.

                "Didn't I say that I was going to call you back?" He grumbled into the phone.

                "Yeah, but what is so urgent that you don't have time for your best friend?" Carly pouted into the phone.

                "Nothing now.  So, what was so important?"

                "Courtney is back in town," Carly rushed the words out and Jason had to suppress a laugh.

                "Yeah I know that." He replied as his friend took in a deep breath, which could only mean one thing…she was about to launch herself into a long one-sided conversation.  "Carly, please don't start. I'm fine, everything is fine." He tried to stop her before she began.

                "Are you sure?"  Her protectiveness of him had been switched into high gear when Robin died and she wanted to make sure that he wasn't just trying to pacify her.

                "Yup, I mean I was surprised, but that wore off."

                "Ok." She backed off, at least for now.  "So, what were you doing that cut into our phone time?"

                "Oh, I was helping a friend," it wasn't a complete lie.

                "Who?"

                "No one important. So, dinner tonight, right?" He asked trying to divert her attention and it seemed to work.

                "Yeah, Michael is coming home, which means the whole family will be together!" She could barely contain the excitement in her voice and it made him smile.  His nephew's visits were become less frequent with each passing year and he had truly missed having him around.  "See ya around seven?"

          "I'll be there," he replied before shutting his phone.  Carly had taken his mind off Courtney for a few minutes at least, but the blond resurfaced and his thoughts soon centered on her again.  When's this going to end? His mind wondered, but knew that as long as Courtney was in town she would remain the focal point in his head.

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                "Thanks Meyers," Courtney offered the man who was guarding the door to her hotel room a huge smile.

                "It's good to see you, again." The older gentleman replied moving out of the way and offering a curt wave before disappearing down the hall.  The room was dark when she entered.  The only light was being emitted from the small desk lamp where Jay was positioned in the chair. 

                "So, that's him?" It was more of a statement than a question and the only response Courtney had was a small nod.  "He seems like a good guy."

                "Yeah…" her voice was shaky. She took an uneasy seat on the corner of the bed closest to the desk.  She was so unprepared on how to handle this situation and didn't want to screw it up.  Jay seemed more at ease than he was at the park, which calmed her slightly, but not much. 

"Will you tell me about him?" He was thirsty for information about the man he just learned was his father. His mother was unsure, however.  How am I going to do this?  She sat there in silence for a few moments before deciding to give her son a short summary of Jason.

                "His name is Jason Morgan.  He owns a coffee importing business with Sonny, you remember him, right?" Her son nodded in response as she wracked her brain for more information. 

                "How did you meet him?"

                "Sonny actually had him guarding me," she left out the part about the strip club and "Daisy".  "At the time it wasn't very safe to be Sonny Corinthos's little sister.  After awhile, we fell in love." A smile fell across her face as she remembered a simpler time.

                "What happened?"

                "Well, my brother was dead set against us being together, but he eventually warmed up to the idea and gave us his blessing to marry. So we got married in France, it was beautiful…" she continued wistfully.  "Anyways, things happened and it turned out that I wasn't cut out for his lifestyle."

                "That's it?" Her son wasn't buying it, not that she blamed him.  It was too tough to go into details without him finding out about things that he did not need to worry about.

                "Yeah, basically..." she confirmed her eyes glued to the floor.  "Then I met your Dad and you know the rest from there."

                "I don't understand.  Were you and Jason still married when you got pregnant?" Jay asked with an arched eyebrow.

                "No," she whispered with slight shame.  "Jason was engaged to another woman and I was seeing Jax when we slept together."

                "Did you even love Dad?"

                "Of course I loved him!  It was just a very complicated time and I was confused.  I know that it doesn't excuse what I did, but it's the truth." She replied.

                "You still love Jason, though."

                "He'll always hold a special place in my heart," was all she said and Jay looked to uncomfortable too force the topic any longer.  "How mad are you at me, right now?"

                "Everyone makes mistakes, Ma," he said softly.  "When are you going to tell him? Or are you?"

                "I'm going to tell him." She confirmed, but found herself unable to give him an exact time frame.  The information seemed to suffice, but Courtney couldn't help but wonder when Jay was going to get curious again.  Someday I'll tell him the whole story, her mind promised.  She watched her son get up and head towards his bed placing a soft kiss on her cheek on the way by.  He amazed her everyday with his maturity as well as understanding; any other sixteen year old would probably freak out, but not her son.  No, he was extraordinary and she thanked her lucky stars everyday.