Thanks for the reviews people! Here's the next chappy! ^_^ Enjoy!
Oh, and I'm gonna change this fics rating to R after this chappy. I don't own stuff! On with the fanfic!
"Cast of Characters!" a narrator voice yelled as it showed the words 'Cast of Characters' written in red with fire behind it.
"Starring Claire Redfield!" the narrator guy yelled as it showed Claire doing that classic pose she does on the cover, strategy guide, ect. She looks at the camera, smiles, waves, pulls out a candy bar, and starts eating.
"Chris Redfield!"
It shows Chris who's trying a very corny attempt to look tough. He pulls out a cigarette, lights it, and smokes it until he starts choking.
"Steve Burnside!"
Shows Steve trying to look sexy, he's laying his arms on an invisible railing and grinning. He puts gel in his hair and grins some more, showing his blindingly white teeth. It blinds the cameraman. A buncha girls, thinking he's Leonardo Decaprio, jump on him.
"Alfred Ashford!"
Shows Alfred putting on makeup and posing in front of a mirror. He pulls out some dolls and starts playing dollhouse. When he sees the camera he smiles and slaps his ass. . Yuck.
"Alexia Ashford!"
Shows Alexia looking all dark and scary. She's brushing her hair and looks in a mirror. You see Alexia I in the mirror grinning. She looks at the camera, gets a halo over her head, and starts drinking tea (yes, with the pinky extended!!!).
"Albert Wesker!"
Shows Wesker standing there, starring. He smiles and you see his eyes glow from behind the sunglasses. Wesker tries to cover his face. He then pulls out a comb and mirror and starts combing his hair.
"Androdrigoraval!"
Shows the black guy for about a quarter of a second.
"In Resident Evil CODE: Veronica Y!!!!"
Some corny action music plays as it shows Claire walking down the dark hallway.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Claire walked down the dark hallway, see, told ya!
"Oohh, a hallway, and it's dark." She said as she turned a corner and walked up to the stairs. When she got to the foot of the stairs, she heard a heart beating. "I hear a heart beating." She made sure to walk up the stairs SLOWLY.
Step.....step......step.......step.......
Claire got annoyed and started running up the stairs. She got to the top and was now in an extremely small graveyard. Rain poured on her heavily.
"Damn! The game just started and I'm already soaking wet!" Claire yelled, agitated. She walked foreword to see a truck crashed through the wall, oil spilling out. "Sheesh, he musta been a pretty crappy driver!" Claire turned around the corner and started walking foreword...
BOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
Claire shit her pants immediately and slowly turned around to see the truck exploded. A body fell out, to her horror it slowly got up, it's flesh missing from its face. It walked towards her.
'Oh crapola! A zombie!!!" Claire screamed in her head. 'Now what do I do? Oh, I know. I'll do that thing Jill always does! I'll fall on my ass! Yeah, that'll work!' Claire fell on her ass and started backing up as the zombie came closer. '....well that didn't work...'
Suddenly the graphics changed to be ten times better and a zombie grabbed onto Claire's hand. "AHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Claire screamed when she saw a zombie's hand in the ground. She threw it off and started backing up more. "Arg! Getting mud on my butt!" Claire bumped into something and turned around to see a naked zombie fresh from the ground standing behind her. "AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Claire screamed so loud that the zombie's head exploded! She sweatdropped and turned to see another zombie walking towards her. "Ewww!! It's all naked!!!" she covered her eyes and slid backwards again. The zombie fell over and just barely missed her. Claire got up and shrieked in horror as zombies now surrounded her.
Back to normal graphics...
"What!? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?" Claire asked herself as she looked at her less detailed hands. When she saw the zombies in front of her, she screamed and turned around, she ran right into a zombie. It grabbed onto her and chomped down on her solder, fake looking blood flew out. "AHHHHH!!!!!!!" Claire screamed, she pushed the zombie back and looked at her arm. She didn't have a scratch on it. "O_o what the!? Oh well! ^_^" Claire started running really robotically out of the graveyard and through the door.
Annoying opening door cinema.....
Claire stepped a few feet into the yard when a bright light shined on her. "Hiiiissssss!!!!!" Claire hissed as she covered her eyes. Bullets started flying everywhere, all missing her by at least three feet. She didn't even notice until a can next to her foot was shot, in which she freaked out and jumped behind a burning truck. "Ouch!" Claire yelled, she looked one what she just sat on to reveal...
Dun dun dun!
The handgun! The person stopped firing. Claire picked it up, cocked it, and started firing at the person with the machine gun. She fired ONE bullet, and it hit the light, shattering it. Claire fired three more times at the guy shooting at her, all three of which missed the guy by at least 6 feet. The person raised his arms.
"Wee wee! Don't shoot!" the voice of a young male yelled.
Claire snickered. "Wee wee!?"
"Erm, I mean, wait wait! Don't shoot!" the boy yelled.
"Who are you!?" Claire asked as she aimed the gun at him again. The boy, looking about 17, looked at Claire from the tower. He pulled out some binoculars and zoomed in on her face, after about 10 seconds...
"What!? You're a human!?"
"No, I'm a lesbian monkey! GET DOWN DAMNIT!!!"
"Hold on, I'll get down."
Claire sighed, the boy jumped down from the tower. "OW!!! MY LEGS!!!!!"
"O_o that's what happens when you JUMP OFF A BUILDING!!!"
"No, wait, they're ok!" the boy said as he slowly stumbled up. He walked out of the shadows to a few feet in front of Claire to reveal he's a 17- year-old boy with blackish brown hair that was cut short and gelled. He smiled at Claire. "Sorrey, I thought you where a zombie that can run, jump, and operate handguns. But I..."
Claire stuck the gun in his face, which accidentally hit him. "Shut up!.....whoops!"
"OW!!! YOU HIT ME WITH A FRIGGIN GUN!!"
"^_^;; Sorry."
"Ouch....erm...." the boy looked up at her and smiled. "I'm...."
Claire's eyes widened. "LEOOO!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!! IT'S LEONARDO DE'CAPRIO!!!!!!!" the boy fell over as Claire squealed. "Can I get your autograph!" she asked as she held out a pen and paper. "I LOVED your movies! I'm your biggest fan!"
The boy sweatdropped. "I'm not him!"
Claire got a bored look on her face. "Oh...well...you look like him. Oh well..." Claire stuck the gun in his face. "Shut up! Make one wrong move and I'll shoot!"
"Relax there beautiful." The boy said with a grin.
"Aww, you think I'm beautiful!?" Claire asked as she pushed her hand through her hair and blew a kiss at the wall.
The boy sweatdropped again. "I'm Steve, Steve Burnside."
"I'm Bond, James Bond." Claire said.
"O_O WHAT!?" Steve asked.
"....I mean Redfield, Claire Redfield."
"Hello girl named Claire who I'll most likely fall in love with by the end of the game."
"Hello annoying boy who will save my life a lot and most likely fall in love with me by the end of the game."
Steve sweatdropped. "Anyway, I'm a prisoner here on this island."
"Oh, I guess I'm gonna have to put you back in jail again." Claire said with a grin.
"Wait! NO!!!" Steve cried, he fell to the floor and broke down crying. "Don't make me go to the bad place again! DON'T MAKE ME GOOO!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Claire kicked him in the ribs. "Ouch!"
"Sheesh, I was just kidding."
"Oh..." Steve looked around. "So, how do you like my hair?"
"Mmmm, too much hair gel. Get rid of that, and you'll look just like you do in Resident Evil CODE: Veronica X!"
"......what?"
"I have no idea what I just said." Claire said as she blushed.
"Oh well, anyway, I hear there's an airport around here. If I can find it, I can finally get off of this crazy island!" Steve said with a smile.
"And I care because...?"
"Well, you can come with me!"
"Reaaaaaaaalllly!?" Claire asked with a big grin.
"I dunno." Claire hit him in the head with the handle of the handgun. "OUCH!!!"
"You need to work on your social skills. And you have BAD voice acting." Claire said.
"You're one to judge."
"Whatever! Whatever! With my hot body I can do what I want!" Claire said as she stuck her tongue out.
Steve sweatdropped again. "I don't want you to hit me anymore, so...well see ya!" Steve ran to the door.
"Hey wait!" Claire yelled as she tried to run after him. He turned to her.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You'll only slow me down." Steve said, annoyed. "Bye!" he ran and opened the door, Claire threw the gun and it hit him in the back of the head. "OUCH!!!"
"Muahahahahahahahaha!!!" Claire yelled. Steve ran out of the yard and Claire picked up the handgun again. "Handgun. Take it? Yes-No. Yes." Claire smiled and walked through the door.
She ran down the path until she got to a little porch with a stairs. She ran up the stairs, grabbed the Green Herb at the end of the porch and ran through the door.
Shows the annoying door opening sequence...
Claire looked around the mess hall; there was a zombie right next to her. "AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Claire aimed the handgun up and fired, it didn't even faze the zombie. "Damnit!"
"Oooohhhhhhhhhh..." the zombie mumbled as he walked towards her.
"O_o are you having an orgasm or something?"
"Noooooooooooooo." The zombie moaned. Claire sighed and turned around to see another zombie.
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!" the zombie grabbed onto her and bit down on her shoulder. Fake pixelly blood flew everywhere. "Strange, this doesn't hurt as much as you'd think." Claire said, she looked at her arm to see it still didn't have a scratch on it. She pushed the zombie back and held onto her arm.
"I'm in Caution now. Oh no." She said nonchalantly. She ran past the zombie to see another one. "DANG! TOO MANY ZOMBIES!" She fired the handgun at this one; it fell down after about 8 shots. She turned around, ran up the stairs and fired at the zombie up there, killing it in 7 shots. She grabbed the green herb, ran down the stairs, and into the bathroom.
"DIE DEMONS!!!" she yelled as she fired at them. She only had one zombie left, it grabbed onto her. "Ahh!!" Claire flipped around and threw the zombie head first into the toilet. The zombie groaned, Claire flushed the toilet with the zombie's head still in it.
"Ah, I always loved giving people swirlys!" she said with a sigh. Claire pulled out the green herbs. "Combine. Click. Mixed Herbs." Claire said as she combined the herbs and they turned into powdered herbs on a piece of paper. "Now...how am I gonna eat these to send be back to Fine?" Claire contemplated for a little while, and then grinned. "Yeah, this'll be fun!"
Claire rolled the paper with the powdered herbs up, put on sunglasses, and smoked the herbs like someone would be smoking pot. She blew the smoke out, and felt light headed. "Wooooooooooooooow...." Claire, who is now high, said with a dazed look. "I love this shit maaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" She said as she sat in a chair and continued to smoke the herbs.
Later...
Claire shook her head, smiled as she was now back in fine, and walked to the kitchen. "Hmmmm, there's soup here, it's still warm.....who gives a crap!?" Claire asked herself. She turned around and grabbed the map. "Prison Map. Take it? Yes-No? Yes." She said as she stuck the prison map down her bra. "Now to look around more." She said as she walked out the only other door.
Annoying Door Opening Sequence...
Claire walked down the bedroom, hearing a creepy tapping noise. She saw a journal in the hand of a dead body. She grabbed onto it. The hand didn't let go. "Hey! Let go!" Claire yelled as she tried to pry the dead hands open. She finally got it open when she pulled with all her might. The hand let go and she fell on the floor. "Urg! Now lets read this mans diary..."
'November 32 1998,
I'm in a prison. There's an annoying 17-year-old guy here who keeps on stealing my underwear named Steve Burnsomethingorother. The place stinks. The man that sleeps above me keeps calling me his bitch. I like cheese. I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!
December 2 1998
The guy who calls me his bitch says he got put in the Umbrella Prison because of a tiny little mistake, he 'Accidentally' peed on Master Alfred's coffee. Prisoners keep on getting taken away, and they never return. Michel J. said that they're taken to a room with stuff in it. A room with stuff in it!? THIS IS ONE SICK COMPANY!!! I WANT OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
December 3 1998,
...UUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!
December 7 1998,
I'm the only one here left besides about 20 other people, I'm so lonely. I must get out! I MUST GET OUUUUUUUUTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went to check out that building. I heard screaming, maniacal laughter, and a sound of a rubber ducky. WHAT THE HELL!!!??? I WANT OOOOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay goodnight! ^_^'
She has filed out the diary thingy...
"Weird..." Claire said, the whole time she was reading, she heard that tapping noise. "I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!" Claire yelled, she ran to place where the tapping was heard to see a zombie against the window. "A zombie against the window!" she yelled dramatically. She looked at the handgun bullets by the shelf. "Hmm, I WONDER what will happen." She said, she grabbed onto the handgun bullets, and the zombie burst through the window! "AHHHH!!!! WHAT a surprise!" Claire yelled as she fell over with the zombie. It got up and two guns fell outta it's pockets. Claire got up and turned around to see two more zombies! "Aww crapola!" she yelled.
Claire pulled out her gun and pulled the trigger, she heard a loud CLICK. "HOLY CRAP!!!!" she screamed as she realized she was out of ammo. She pulled out the knife. "I'm screwed..." she slashed the knife on the first zombie and all the sudden, all three zombies heads exploded!!! "O_O WTF!?" Claire asked. She looked at the knife. "Whoa, they were serious when they said the knife is stronger in RECV!"
Claire sweatdropped and picked up the two guns. "M-100P Pistols. Take it? Yes-No? Yes." Claire put it in her pockets. "Sheesh, I don't remember having such big pockets!" she yelled, she turned and walked out the door after grabbing the handgun bullets.
Later...
Claire walked back out the door, rain fell from the sky, she walked to the steps of the porch and walked down...
Two zombie dogs were playing poker under the porch when they smelled Claire Redfield.
"Eww! That girl stinks!" Dog#1 yelled.
"Oh well, let's eat her!" Dog#2 yelled.
"Okay, after this game..." Dog#1 said as he laid down a deck of cards...
Claire walked down the path and turned around the corner where she saw a dead bloodied up body with its legs inside the building. The body was slowly dragged away and into underneath the building. "Creeeeeeeepy." Claire said, she continued to walk nonchalantly down the path until she got to another door.
She opened it and walked into the new yard. A bunch of zombies were in the yard, moaning and walking slowly towards her.
"Ew! Get it away! Get it away!" Claire screamed as she tried to push the zombies back with her hand. She took out the knife and swung it once, all the zombies in the room's heads exploded. "I like this knife!" she yelled. She walked to the door and opened it to be in a new hallway. She walked foreword until a little box next to her opened.
"Please place all metal items in the security box." The female computer voice said. Claire shrugged and walked past the box. A metal shield covered all the doors and windows in the room as an alarm sounded. "PUT THE METAL ITEMS IN THE BOX DAMNIT!!!!" the computer voice yelled.
"Alright! Alright! Jeez!" Claire yelled as she placed all her metal items in the box, including the lighter. She pressed the button and walked past the box again. The alarms sounded again and the metal shield covered the doors and windows.
"Looks like you still have some metal items!" the computer said. Claire sighed and pulled out her bike keys. She put them in the box, pressed the button and walked into the hall again. She alarm and the shields went off again. "Sheesh, put ALL your metal items in the box damnit!" the comp yelled.
"I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE METAL ITEMS!!" Claire screamed.
"Yes you do!" yelled the computer.
"Well there's the metal plate in my head from that bike accident but COME ON! I can't take THAT out."
"Well you'll have to in order to get through." Said the computer.
"ARG!!!" Claire yelled, she pulled out the M-100P Pistols and fired at the computer, the alarms kept on going and the doors started opening and closing.
"Mal-mal-mal-function-function!" yelled the computer, which was now glitching up.
"DIE BITCH!!!" Claire screamed as she kept on shooting the security computer.
"F-f-f-u-uck you-uck you!" the computer yelled as it started short- circuiting. Claire kicked the computer and it exploded! Sending the girl flying down the hallway.
"Ouch!" Claire yelled as she landed on her face. She turned around and looked at the computer, which was now on fire. "Grrr, I HATE computers." She said as she grabbed her items off the floor. "This country would be better without them..." she muttered as she limped away.
Later...
Claire opened the door to hear the sound of someone typing on a computer. She walked farther into the room to see... "Steve!"
Steve turned around to look in her eyes. He shrugged and looked back at the computer where it had a bio and picture of her brother! "Chris Redfield..."
"Chris? I've been looking for him!" Claire said as she walked up to the computer with Steve.
"Ah, so you're siblings! That makes sense." Steve said as he pointed to Chris's Bio.
It shows a picture of a teenage Chris with an Afro, he has a goofy grin on his face.
Name: Chris Redfield Age: 25 Sex: Male Fav Color: Green Fav Pastime: Saying 'Please forgive me Claire' over and over. IQ: -26 Location: Paris, France Family: Claire Redfield, Christina Redfield, Clyde Redfield Email: Forgivemeclaire@aol.com Screen Name: Fridge128 Likes: Sunsets, fighting, doing impressions of the Incredible Hulk, eating Take Out, annoying people. Dislikes: Thinking, playing the piano, Umbrella, umbrellas (He doesn't believe in them), any man that's name starts with W and ends with esker.'
"Yep, that's Chris." Claire said with a sigh. "Man, I'm gonna kill him when I get my hands on him, I've gone through hell to try and find him and get his sorry ass back home."
"Well, it seems Umbrella is keeping Chris under surveillance." Steve said.
"WHAT!?" Claire asked. She pushed Steve over (making him fall on the floor) and grabbed the mouse. "I've got to email Leon and tell him about this."
"Leon?" Steve asked.
"Yeah, he and I escaped Raccoon City together along with Sherry."
"What happened to him?"
"I dunno..." Claire said as she looked at the ceiling. "But we got in a fight and left after we escaped Raccoon..."
"A fight? What did you fight about?" Steve asked.
"Lets see if I can remember..." Claire said as she looked at the ceiling and everything got all blurry.
Flashback!
Leon: Sherry's gonna stay with me.
Claire: WHAT!? She's too cute for you! She's MINE!
Leon: C'mon!!!!!! I've got a $200,000,000 offer to hand her over as a water girl for Pimp Dog Snoop!
Claire: Hell no! She's coming to stay with me, I'm gonna be her new older sister person thing!
Leon: Hell no!
Claire: MORALITY!
Leon: POLITICS!
Claire: MORALITY!
Leon: POLITICS!!!
Claire: MORALITY!!!!
Leon: POLITICS!!!!!
Claire: MORALITY!!!!!!
Leon: PPPPPPPOOOOOLLLLLIIIIITTTTTTTIIIIICCCCCSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sherry: *cries* I WANNA GO HOMEEEEEE!!!!!!
Leon: Pimp Dog Snoop is your home! You'd be surprised! He COULD be a home! After all, he DOES have a REALLY big---
Claire: No, Sherry! You're coming with me! I don't have a house, but you can live between my br---
Leon: No, she can live in---
Claire: Shut up Leon!
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Sherry: *crying*
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Sherry: NEVER MIND!!!!! Leon, does Pimp Dog Snoop have a cool pad?
Leon: *Holds up a pic of the club, which looks like an under-water retro dance-club*
Sherry: Claire, sorry, but...screw your social caring. I need a PAD!
Leon: Ha! Take that Claire! *points at her*
Claire: O_O;;
Sherry: WAIT! Leon, can I dance at the club and get free drinks?
Leon: Hell yeah! You're supposed to be the one that gets down all the good stuff that wasn't sold, so they can get more stuff in!
Sherry: What KIND of good stuff...?
Leon: Puff the Magic Dragon, Pikachu', Cubans, Hooch, Bay of Pigs Numb Juice, Mary Jane...And all kinds of other goodies that you play hide-n-go seek with the cops.
Sherry: Do you mean you want to empty all the illegal narcotics in the club into me so you'll be traced clean on inspection for selling drugs?
Leon: *Looks around suspiciously*....Uh.....heheahahahah....uhhh...*In Clint Eastwood record speed, takes out dueling gun that he got from Baddy Daddy John Kennedy and Claire drops down without a hint of impact, which there never was for millions of years, until an archaeologist found the skull of an "Unknown species", and the bullet, having traveled so fast that it delayed time, had just so happened to return to a Miami trip, and hit the archaeologist in the hand.*
Claire: *gets back up* WTF!?
Sherry: ^_^;;
Leon: Let's go Sherry.
Sherry: Okay! Bye Claire! *holds Leon's hand and walks down the train track*
Claire: *reaches hand out dramatically* No! Sherry! FUCK YOU LEON!!!!!!
Leon stuck up the middle finger. Claire sighed, turned around and started to walk to Raccoon Forest....
End Flashback!
Claire shook her head. "Wait a minute, Leon was a bastard! Grr! Oh well, he's Chris's only hope now." She said as she typed in Leon's email address: Kickasscop@aol.com.
Steve sweatdropped. "Weird..." he walked over to a control both thingy and tapped his hands on it. "Ya know, they have the coordinates of this island on this computer. Heh, you can just send them to Leon and get Chris to come for you."
Claire jumped up, put on a pair of glasses, and took them off dramatically. "Great Scott! I think you've got it! I'll do that!"
Steve turned to her and started to talk in VERY bad voice acting. "Hey, I was just kidding!"
"What?" Claire asked.
"They'll never come! People wont come for you!"
"Yes they will, I know it!" Claire said. She turned back to the computer.
"No they wont! Friends wont help you! They don't care! Believe me! I know it!" Steve yelled dramatically as he ran out the door, Claire kept her eyes on the computer.
"Yeah me too, whatever." Claire said, completely ignoring what he just said. "Might as well check my website while I'm here!" she said as she typed in her website's address and clicked Go.
Hope ya liked the chappy! Boy that was long! Hee! One more thing, that fight between Claire and Leon was made by SuperShadowx19, who's an author here. Please R&R! Thanks! ^_^
Oh, and I'm gonna change this fics rating to R after this chappy. I don't own stuff! On with the fanfic!
"Cast of Characters!" a narrator voice yelled as it showed the words 'Cast of Characters' written in red with fire behind it.
"Starring Claire Redfield!" the narrator guy yelled as it showed Claire doing that classic pose she does on the cover, strategy guide, ect. She looks at the camera, smiles, waves, pulls out a candy bar, and starts eating.
"Chris Redfield!"
It shows Chris who's trying a very corny attempt to look tough. He pulls out a cigarette, lights it, and smokes it until he starts choking.
"Steve Burnside!"
Shows Steve trying to look sexy, he's laying his arms on an invisible railing and grinning. He puts gel in his hair and grins some more, showing his blindingly white teeth. It blinds the cameraman. A buncha girls, thinking he's Leonardo Decaprio, jump on him.
"Alfred Ashford!"
Shows Alfred putting on makeup and posing in front of a mirror. He pulls out some dolls and starts playing dollhouse. When he sees the camera he smiles and slaps his ass. . Yuck.
"Alexia Ashford!"
Shows Alexia looking all dark and scary. She's brushing her hair and looks in a mirror. You see Alexia I in the mirror grinning. She looks at the camera, gets a halo over her head, and starts drinking tea (yes, with the pinky extended!!!).
"Albert Wesker!"
Shows Wesker standing there, starring. He smiles and you see his eyes glow from behind the sunglasses. Wesker tries to cover his face. He then pulls out a comb and mirror and starts combing his hair.
"Androdrigoraval!"
Shows the black guy for about a quarter of a second.
"In Resident Evil CODE: Veronica Y!!!!"
Some corny action music plays as it shows Claire walking down the dark hallway.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Claire walked down the dark hallway, see, told ya!
"Oohh, a hallway, and it's dark." She said as she turned a corner and walked up to the stairs. When she got to the foot of the stairs, she heard a heart beating. "I hear a heart beating." She made sure to walk up the stairs SLOWLY.
Step.....step......step.......step.......
Claire got annoyed and started running up the stairs. She got to the top and was now in an extremely small graveyard. Rain poured on her heavily.
"Damn! The game just started and I'm already soaking wet!" Claire yelled, agitated. She walked foreword to see a truck crashed through the wall, oil spilling out. "Sheesh, he musta been a pretty crappy driver!" Claire turned around the corner and started walking foreword...
BOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
Claire shit her pants immediately and slowly turned around to see the truck exploded. A body fell out, to her horror it slowly got up, it's flesh missing from its face. It walked towards her.
'Oh crapola! A zombie!!!" Claire screamed in her head. 'Now what do I do? Oh, I know. I'll do that thing Jill always does! I'll fall on my ass! Yeah, that'll work!' Claire fell on her ass and started backing up as the zombie came closer. '....well that didn't work...'
Suddenly the graphics changed to be ten times better and a zombie grabbed onto Claire's hand. "AHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Claire screamed when she saw a zombie's hand in the ground. She threw it off and started backing up more. "Arg! Getting mud on my butt!" Claire bumped into something and turned around to see a naked zombie fresh from the ground standing behind her. "AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Claire screamed so loud that the zombie's head exploded! She sweatdropped and turned to see another zombie walking towards her. "Ewww!! It's all naked!!!" she covered her eyes and slid backwards again. The zombie fell over and just barely missed her. Claire got up and shrieked in horror as zombies now surrounded her.
Back to normal graphics...
"What!? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?" Claire asked herself as she looked at her less detailed hands. When she saw the zombies in front of her, she screamed and turned around, she ran right into a zombie. It grabbed onto her and chomped down on her solder, fake looking blood flew out. "AHHHHH!!!!!!!" Claire screamed, she pushed the zombie back and looked at her arm. She didn't have a scratch on it. "O_o what the!? Oh well! ^_^" Claire started running really robotically out of the graveyard and through the door.
Annoying opening door cinema.....
Claire stepped a few feet into the yard when a bright light shined on her. "Hiiiissssss!!!!!" Claire hissed as she covered her eyes. Bullets started flying everywhere, all missing her by at least three feet. She didn't even notice until a can next to her foot was shot, in which she freaked out and jumped behind a burning truck. "Ouch!" Claire yelled, she looked one what she just sat on to reveal...
Dun dun dun!
The handgun! The person stopped firing. Claire picked it up, cocked it, and started firing at the person with the machine gun. She fired ONE bullet, and it hit the light, shattering it. Claire fired three more times at the guy shooting at her, all three of which missed the guy by at least 6 feet. The person raised his arms.
"Wee wee! Don't shoot!" the voice of a young male yelled.
Claire snickered. "Wee wee!?"
"Erm, I mean, wait wait! Don't shoot!" the boy yelled.
"Who are you!?" Claire asked as she aimed the gun at him again. The boy, looking about 17, looked at Claire from the tower. He pulled out some binoculars and zoomed in on her face, after about 10 seconds...
"What!? You're a human!?"
"No, I'm a lesbian monkey! GET DOWN DAMNIT!!!"
"Hold on, I'll get down."
Claire sighed, the boy jumped down from the tower. "OW!!! MY LEGS!!!!!"
"O_o that's what happens when you JUMP OFF A BUILDING!!!"
"No, wait, they're ok!" the boy said as he slowly stumbled up. He walked out of the shadows to a few feet in front of Claire to reveal he's a 17- year-old boy with blackish brown hair that was cut short and gelled. He smiled at Claire. "Sorrey, I thought you where a zombie that can run, jump, and operate handguns. But I..."
Claire stuck the gun in his face, which accidentally hit him. "Shut up!.....whoops!"
"OW!!! YOU HIT ME WITH A FRIGGIN GUN!!"
"^_^;; Sorry."
"Ouch....erm...." the boy looked up at her and smiled. "I'm...."
Claire's eyes widened. "LEOOO!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!! IT'S LEONARDO DE'CAPRIO!!!!!!!" the boy fell over as Claire squealed. "Can I get your autograph!" she asked as she held out a pen and paper. "I LOVED your movies! I'm your biggest fan!"
The boy sweatdropped. "I'm not him!"
Claire got a bored look on her face. "Oh...well...you look like him. Oh well..." Claire stuck the gun in his face. "Shut up! Make one wrong move and I'll shoot!"
"Relax there beautiful." The boy said with a grin.
"Aww, you think I'm beautiful!?" Claire asked as she pushed her hand through her hair and blew a kiss at the wall.
The boy sweatdropped again. "I'm Steve, Steve Burnside."
"I'm Bond, James Bond." Claire said.
"O_O WHAT!?" Steve asked.
"....I mean Redfield, Claire Redfield."
"Hello girl named Claire who I'll most likely fall in love with by the end of the game."
"Hello annoying boy who will save my life a lot and most likely fall in love with me by the end of the game."
Steve sweatdropped. "Anyway, I'm a prisoner here on this island."
"Oh, I guess I'm gonna have to put you back in jail again." Claire said with a grin.
"Wait! NO!!!" Steve cried, he fell to the floor and broke down crying. "Don't make me go to the bad place again! DON'T MAKE ME GOOO!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Claire kicked him in the ribs. "Ouch!"
"Sheesh, I was just kidding."
"Oh..." Steve looked around. "So, how do you like my hair?"
"Mmmm, too much hair gel. Get rid of that, and you'll look just like you do in Resident Evil CODE: Veronica X!"
"......what?"
"I have no idea what I just said." Claire said as she blushed.
"Oh well, anyway, I hear there's an airport around here. If I can find it, I can finally get off of this crazy island!" Steve said with a smile.
"And I care because...?"
"Well, you can come with me!"
"Reaaaaaaaalllly!?" Claire asked with a big grin.
"I dunno." Claire hit him in the head with the handle of the handgun. "OUCH!!!"
"You need to work on your social skills. And you have BAD voice acting." Claire said.
"You're one to judge."
"Whatever! Whatever! With my hot body I can do what I want!" Claire said as she stuck her tongue out.
Steve sweatdropped again. "I don't want you to hit me anymore, so...well see ya!" Steve ran to the door.
"Hey wait!" Claire yelled as she tried to run after him. He turned to her.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You'll only slow me down." Steve said, annoyed. "Bye!" he ran and opened the door, Claire threw the gun and it hit him in the back of the head. "OUCH!!!"
"Muahahahahahahahaha!!!" Claire yelled. Steve ran out of the yard and Claire picked up the handgun again. "Handgun. Take it? Yes-No. Yes." Claire smiled and walked through the door.
She ran down the path until she got to a little porch with a stairs. She ran up the stairs, grabbed the Green Herb at the end of the porch and ran through the door.
Shows the annoying door opening sequence...
Claire looked around the mess hall; there was a zombie right next to her. "AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Claire aimed the handgun up and fired, it didn't even faze the zombie. "Damnit!"
"Oooohhhhhhhhhh..." the zombie mumbled as he walked towards her.
"O_o are you having an orgasm or something?"
"Noooooooooooooo." The zombie moaned. Claire sighed and turned around to see another zombie.
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!" the zombie grabbed onto her and bit down on her shoulder. Fake pixelly blood flew everywhere. "Strange, this doesn't hurt as much as you'd think." Claire said, she looked at her arm to see it still didn't have a scratch on it. She pushed the zombie back and held onto her arm.
"I'm in Caution now. Oh no." She said nonchalantly. She ran past the zombie to see another one. "DANG! TOO MANY ZOMBIES!" She fired the handgun at this one; it fell down after about 8 shots. She turned around, ran up the stairs and fired at the zombie up there, killing it in 7 shots. She grabbed the green herb, ran down the stairs, and into the bathroom.
"DIE DEMONS!!!" she yelled as she fired at them. She only had one zombie left, it grabbed onto her. "Ahh!!" Claire flipped around and threw the zombie head first into the toilet. The zombie groaned, Claire flushed the toilet with the zombie's head still in it.
"Ah, I always loved giving people swirlys!" she said with a sigh. Claire pulled out the green herbs. "Combine. Click. Mixed Herbs." Claire said as she combined the herbs and they turned into powdered herbs on a piece of paper. "Now...how am I gonna eat these to send be back to Fine?" Claire contemplated for a little while, and then grinned. "Yeah, this'll be fun!"
Claire rolled the paper with the powdered herbs up, put on sunglasses, and smoked the herbs like someone would be smoking pot. She blew the smoke out, and felt light headed. "Wooooooooooooooow...." Claire, who is now high, said with a dazed look. "I love this shit maaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" She said as she sat in a chair and continued to smoke the herbs.
Later...
Claire shook her head, smiled as she was now back in fine, and walked to the kitchen. "Hmmmm, there's soup here, it's still warm.....who gives a crap!?" Claire asked herself. She turned around and grabbed the map. "Prison Map. Take it? Yes-No? Yes." She said as she stuck the prison map down her bra. "Now to look around more." She said as she walked out the only other door.
Annoying Door Opening Sequence...
Claire walked down the bedroom, hearing a creepy tapping noise. She saw a journal in the hand of a dead body. She grabbed onto it. The hand didn't let go. "Hey! Let go!" Claire yelled as she tried to pry the dead hands open. She finally got it open when she pulled with all her might. The hand let go and she fell on the floor. "Urg! Now lets read this mans diary..."
'November 32 1998,
I'm in a prison. There's an annoying 17-year-old guy here who keeps on stealing my underwear named Steve Burnsomethingorother. The place stinks. The man that sleeps above me keeps calling me his bitch. I like cheese. I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!
December 2 1998
The guy who calls me his bitch says he got put in the Umbrella Prison because of a tiny little mistake, he 'Accidentally' peed on Master Alfred's coffee. Prisoners keep on getting taken away, and they never return. Michel J. said that they're taken to a room with stuff in it. A room with stuff in it!? THIS IS ONE SICK COMPANY!!! I WANT OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
December 3 1998,
...UUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!
December 7 1998,
I'm the only one here left besides about 20 other people, I'm so lonely. I must get out! I MUST GET OUUUUUUUUTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went to check out that building. I heard screaming, maniacal laughter, and a sound of a rubber ducky. WHAT THE HELL!!!??? I WANT OOOOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay goodnight! ^_^'
She has filed out the diary thingy...
"Weird..." Claire said, the whole time she was reading, she heard that tapping noise. "I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!" Claire yelled, she ran to place where the tapping was heard to see a zombie against the window. "A zombie against the window!" she yelled dramatically. She looked at the handgun bullets by the shelf. "Hmm, I WONDER what will happen." She said, she grabbed onto the handgun bullets, and the zombie burst through the window! "AHHHH!!!! WHAT a surprise!" Claire yelled as she fell over with the zombie. It got up and two guns fell outta it's pockets. Claire got up and turned around to see two more zombies! "Aww crapola!" she yelled.
Claire pulled out her gun and pulled the trigger, she heard a loud CLICK. "HOLY CRAP!!!!" she screamed as she realized she was out of ammo. She pulled out the knife. "I'm screwed..." she slashed the knife on the first zombie and all the sudden, all three zombies heads exploded!!! "O_O WTF!?" Claire asked. She looked at the knife. "Whoa, they were serious when they said the knife is stronger in RECV!"
Claire sweatdropped and picked up the two guns. "M-100P Pistols. Take it? Yes-No? Yes." Claire put it in her pockets. "Sheesh, I don't remember having such big pockets!" she yelled, she turned and walked out the door after grabbing the handgun bullets.
Later...
Claire walked back out the door, rain fell from the sky, she walked to the steps of the porch and walked down...
Two zombie dogs were playing poker under the porch when they smelled Claire Redfield.
"Eww! That girl stinks!" Dog#1 yelled.
"Oh well, let's eat her!" Dog#2 yelled.
"Okay, after this game..." Dog#1 said as he laid down a deck of cards...
Claire walked down the path and turned around the corner where she saw a dead bloodied up body with its legs inside the building. The body was slowly dragged away and into underneath the building. "Creeeeeeeepy." Claire said, she continued to walk nonchalantly down the path until she got to another door.
She opened it and walked into the new yard. A bunch of zombies were in the yard, moaning and walking slowly towards her.
"Ew! Get it away! Get it away!" Claire screamed as she tried to push the zombies back with her hand. She took out the knife and swung it once, all the zombies in the room's heads exploded. "I like this knife!" she yelled. She walked to the door and opened it to be in a new hallway. She walked foreword until a little box next to her opened.
"Please place all metal items in the security box." The female computer voice said. Claire shrugged and walked past the box. A metal shield covered all the doors and windows in the room as an alarm sounded. "PUT THE METAL ITEMS IN THE BOX DAMNIT!!!!" the computer voice yelled.
"Alright! Alright! Jeez!" Claire yelled as she placed all her metal items in the box, including the lighter. She pressed the button and walked past the box again. The alarms sounded again and the metal shield covered the doors and windows.
"Looks like you still have some metal items!" the computer said. Claire sighed and pulled out her bike keys. She put them in the box, pressed the button and walked into the hall again. She alarm and the shields went off again. "Sheesh, put ALL your metal items in the box damnit!" the comp yelled.
"I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE METAL ITEMS!!" Claire screamed.
"Yes you do!" yelled the computer.
"Well there's the metal plate in my head from that bike accident but COME ON! I can't take THAT out."
"Well you'll have to in order to get through." Said the computer.
"ARG!!!" Claire yelled, she pulled out the M-100P Pistols and fired at the computer, the alarms kept on going and the doors started opening and closing.
"Mal-mal-mal-function-function!" yelled the computer, which was now glitching up.
"DIE BITCH!!!" Claire screamed as she kept on shooting the security computer.
"F-f-f-u-uck you-uck you!" the computer yelled as it started short- circuiting. Claire kicked the computer and it exploded! Sending the girl flying down the hallway.
"Ouch!" Claire yelled as she landed on her face. She turned around and looked at the computer, which was now on fire. "Grrr, I HATE computers." She said as she grabbed her items off the floor. "This country would be better without them..." she muttered as she limped away.
Later...
Claire opened the door to hear the sound of someone typing on a computer. She walked farther into the room to see... "Steve!"
Steve turned around to look in her eyes. He shrugged and looked back at the computer where it had a bio and picture of her brother! "Chris Redfield..."
"Chris? I've been looking for him!" Claire said as she walked up to the computer with Steve.
"Ah, so you're siblings! That makes sense." Steve said as he pointed to Chris's Bio.
It shows a picture of a teenage Chris with an Afro, he has a goofy grin on his face.
Name: Chris Redfield Age: 25 Sex: Male Fav Color: Green Fav Pastime: Saying 'Please forgive me Claire' over and over. IQ: -26 Location: Paris, France Family: Claire Redfield, Christina Redfield, Clyde Redfield Email: Forgivemeclaire@aol.com Screen Name: Fridge128 Likes: Sunsets, fighting, doing impressions of the Incredible Hulk, eating Take Out, annoying people. Dislikes: Thinking, playing the piano, Umbrella, umbrellas (He doesn't believe in them), any man that's name starts with W and ends with esker.'
"Yep, that's Chris." Claire said with a sigh. "Man, I'm gonna kill him when I get my hands on him, I've gone through hell to try and find him and get his sorry ass back home."
"Well, it seems Umbrella is keeping Chris under surveillance." Steve said.
"WHAT!?" Claire asked. She pushed Steve over (making him fall on the floor) and grabbed the mouse. "I've got to email Leon and tell him about this."
"Leon?" Steve asked.
"Yeah, he and I escaped Raccoon City together along with Sherry."
"What happened to him?"
"I dunno..." Claire said as she looked at the ceiling. "But we got in a fight and left after we escaped Raccoon..."
"A fight? What did you fight about?" Steve asked.
"Lets see if I can remember..." Claire said as she looked at the ceiling and everything got all blurry.
Flashback!
Leon: Sherry's gonna stay with me.
Claire: WHAT!? She's too cute for you! She's MINE!
Leon: C'mon!!!!!! I've got a $200,000,000 offer to hand her over as a water girl for Pimp Dog Snoop!
Claire: Hell no! She's coming to stay with me, I'm gonna be her new older sister person thing!
Leon: Hell no!
Claire: MORALITY!
Leon: POLITICS!
Claire: MORALITY!
Leon: POLITICS!!!
Claire: MORALITY!!!!
Leon: POLITICS!!!!!
Claire: MORALITY!!!!!!
Leon: PPPPPPPOOOOOLLLLLIIIIITTTTTTTIIIIICCCCCSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sherry: *cries* I WANNA GO HOMEEEEEE!!!!!!
Leon: Pimp Dog Snoop is your home! You'd be surprised! He COULD be a home! After all, he DOES have a REALLY big---
Claire: No, Sherry! You're coming with me! I don't have a house, but you can live between my br---
Leon: No, she can live in---
Claire: Shut up Leon!
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Sherry: *crying*
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Leon: DOG HOUSE!!!
Claire: BRAN OF RAISINS!!
Sherry: NEVER MIND!!!!! Leon, does Pimp Dog Snoop have a cool pad?
Leon: *Holds up a pic of the club, which looks like an under-water retro dance-club*
Sherry: Claire, sorry, but...screw your social caring. I need a PAD!
Leon: Ha! Take that Claire! *points at her*
Claire: O_O;;
Sherry: WAIT! Leon, can I dance at the club and get free drinks?
Leon: Hell yeah! You're supposed to be the one that gets down all the good stuff that wasn't sold, so they can get more stuff in!
Sherry: What KIND of good stuff...?
Leon: Puff the Magic Dragon, Pikachu', Cubans, Hooch, Bay of Pigs Numb Juice, Mary Jane...And all kinds of other goodies that you play hide-n-go seek with the cops.
Sherry: Do you mean you want to empty all the illegal narcotics in the club into me so you'll be traced clean on inspection for selling drugs?
Leon: *Looks around suspiciously*....Uh.....heheahahahah....uhhh...*In Clint Eastwood record speed, takes out dueling gun that he got from Baddy Daddy John Kennedy and Claire drops down without a hint of impact, which there never was for millions of years, until an archaeologist found the skull of an "Unknown species", and the bullet, having traveled so fast that it delayed time, had just so happened to return to a Miami trip, and hit the archaeologist in the hand.*
Claire: *gets back up* WTF!?
Sherry: ^_^;;
Leon: Let's go Sherry.
Sherry: Okay! Bye Claire! *holds Leon's hand and walks down the train track*
Claire: *reaches hand out dramatically* No! Sherry! FUCK YOU LEON!!!!!!
Leon stuck up the middle finger. Claire sighed, turned around and started to walk to Raccoon Forest....
End Flashback!
Claire shook her head. "Wait a minute, Leon was a bastard! Grr! Oh well, he's Chris's only hope now." She said as she typed in Leon's email address: Kickasscop@aol.com.
Steve sweatdropped. "Weird..." he walked over to a control both thingy and tapped his hands on it. "Ya know, they have the coordinates of this island on this computer. Heh, you can just send them to Leon and get Chris to come for you."
Claire jumped up, put on a pair of glasses, and took them off dramatically. "Great Scott! I think you've got it! I'll do that!"
Steve turned to her and started to talk in VERY bad voice acting. "Hey, I was just kidding!"
"What?" Claire asked.
"They'll never come! People wont come for you!"
"Yes they will, I know it!" Claire said. She turned back to the computer.
"No they wont! Friends wont help you! They don't care! Believe me! I know it!" Steve yelled dramatically as he ran out the door, Claire kept her eyes on the computer.
"Yeah me too, whatever." Claire said, completely ignoring what he just said. "Might as well check my website while I'm here!" she said as she typed in her website's address and clicked Go.
Hope ya liked the chappy! Boy that was long! Hee! One more thing, that fight between Claire and Leon was made by SuperShadowx19, who's an author here. Please R&R! Thanks! ^_^