Okey, sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been depressed and stuff and
slowed WAY down on my fic writing. Oh well, here's the next chappy! I don't
own stuff! And the author SuperShadowx19 helps me out with this fic
sometimes, you should read his fic, Resident Evil 0, boring title for a
parody, but it's really good! Anyway, on with this ficcy!
Chris Redfield ran to the corner of Far Away Dr. and Fast St. and then stopped running and started panting hard.
"*pant* *pant* I don't...*pant* remember *pant* getting tired from running..*pant*..before!" Chris said, trying to catch his breath. He regained his posture and looked around the town. "Now....where am I supposed to go...?"
Meanwhile at Leon's pad...
The phone started ringing. And everyone sighed.
"I KNEW IT!" Jill said. She picked up the phone. "Rockfort Island, Chris."
"Thanks Jill!"
Click!
Jill hung up the phone and stuck her hand out in front of Barry. "That's $30 you owe me, I TOLD you Chris was gonna forget."
Barry muttered something and handed Jill a $20 Bill and a $10 Bill.
Back at the corner of Far Away Dr. And Fast St....
Chris hung up the payphone and looked around. "So, Rockfort Island, how am I gonna get there!?"
A conductor walked out of the train station that happened to be right next to Chris. "Next train ride to Rockfort Island, ALL ABOARD!!!!"
Chris sweatdropped. "Wow, what a coincidence!" Chris run up and hopped onto the passenger train without even paying for the tickets.
Back on Rockfort Island....
Claire stuck the steering wheel into the hole and waited, for a very long time...
............
............
............
............
"Come on! Do something!" Claire yelled annoyed. "Ugh, maybe I need to turn it or something." The biker spun the steering wheel around and what do you know? A submarine came out of the water of the docks! Claire sweatdropped. "Wow, I wonder how THAT worked, I mean, is it a signal or something? Weird." The floor moved foreword, allowing her access to the Sub. She climbed down the ladder.
Annoying ladder sequence thingy...
Claire looked around the sub and turned around to see...
Dun dun dun!
THE SIDE PACK!!!!!
"YAY!!!!" Claire yelled as she ran over to the side pack. "There is a side pack. Take it? Yes-No. Yes!"
The screen went black as you hear Claire strap on the side pack. "Why'd it get so dark!? Am I blind!? AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!.....no wait I'm fine." Claire said as she could see again. She looked in her item pack thingy and grinned. "Now I can carry 10 items! KICKASS!!!!!" Claire did a stupid dance and turned around to see a lever. "O______O Must....pull......"
Claire pulled the lever and the sub started sinking down into the pool, Claire started acting out scenes from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea until the sub stopped suddenly. She got an annoyed look on her face and climbed back up the ladder to be in some weird underwater room. She ran down the hall and walked into another room with a fish tank full of zombies. Their decaying bodies didn't faze Claire as she pulled out the knife; they all instantly ran away screaming. Claire grinned and walked through the door near the fish tank to reveal.....
BUM BUM BUMMMMMMM!!!!!!
"An airplane!" Claire yelled as she saw there was a giant green water cargo plane floating in the water! She ran up to it and her eyes widened... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Claire cried as she fell to the floor in aggravation. In order to get to the plane she had to take this lift thingy down to the airplane door, the problem was, the lift didn't work; she'd have to put three stones in the indentions to activate it. "GODDAMN UMBRELLA AND YOUR STUPIDASS GODDAMN PUZZLES!!!!" Claire started kicking the wall in aggravation. "Sigh, this IS gonna be a long night..."
Then she heard the sound of bats making bat...like...noises. Claire turned around to see a bunch of bats hanging on the ceiling. They jumped off the ceiling and started flying towards her, until Claire pulled out the lighter. They screeched to a halt and all ran into each other when the light shined in their eyes.
"MY EYES!!!! MY EEEEYYYYYYEES!!!!!!! THEY BUUUUUUUURRRRRNNNNNNN!!!!!!" the bats screamed as the feel to the floor and started decomposing. Claire sweatdropped and looked at her lighter.
"Wow, I like this lighter! ^__^" Claire put it back in her pocket and ran out of the room, back into the fish tank room. She walked around the table and when thought the shutter to be back in the room with the airplane. A giant bridge was in front of the plane; if she wanted to escape she'd have to raise the bridge. She ran across the bridge and into the new room.
Blah, stupid puzzles, Claire walked into the room to see there was a giant crate blocking a control panel, and a CONVENIENTLY played crane overhead. There was also the IC-UP-2 airport security door that needed a key, and another door on the second floor of the room that lead to a dead end, she's need a switch to raise the bridge and get across.
The biker grabbed onto the crane controls and pushed up, making the crane move backward and hit a bunch of boxes, Claire sweatdropped. "Oops." She pressed backwards and the crane moved foreword at lightning fast speeds, hitting the wall and making a big crack and a noise loud enough to wake up every zombie on the island. "Ooo...I'll pay for that..." Claire pushed the crane to the right, making it turn left and grab the giant crate. She pressed the big red button and it lifted the box up. "FINALLY!"
She walked back up to the control panel, no longer blocked by the box, and pressed the button, causing an elevator to raise up. Of course, she didn't hear the sounds of the flesh-eating zombies ON the elevator until they where RIGHT NEXT TO HER. About 8 zombies walked towards her, and all their heads exploded when she swung the knife around, causing blood and brains to fly allover Claire.
"Ewwwwww!!!!" Claire shook and whipped some brains off of her face. "This is icky, I'm using the guns from now on....most of the time." She picked up the Bow Gun Arrows she found on a crate and the Keycard. She examined the keycard and saw the word 'Biohazard' on it. "Something tells me this key card will...open a door!" Claire yelled as the gasped and put her hand to her mouth.
Time to run back to that door she passed by on the way to the palace...
*~*~*~*~*~*
Chris sat in a comfy train car chair and laid his head on the window as the train started to move (while the Animal Crossing Theme played). Since it was moving, the window kept bumping his head, causing him to loose MORE brain cells. "Ouuchhhh..."
Chris sighed and laid his head on the chair. "Please forgive me Claire...Please forgive me Claire...Please forgive me Claire...Please forgive me Claire..."
*~*~*~*~*
"I swear, I'm NEVER forgiving Chris for this." Claire said annoyed as she walked back through he path to the prison and spotted a door on the side path. "That must be it, since there's NO room in this game that I can enter that doesn't have something valuable on the other side." Claire opened the door...
Insert kinda scary dramatic music here...
The ground shook as Claire looked around the yard. Her eyes widened when she saw what looked like a big pile of shit moving towards her incredibly fast. Right when it got in front of her, a giant worm thingy burst out of the ground, causing dirt to fly everywhere. "HOLY CRAP IT'S MY MATH TEACHER!!!!!" Claire screamed as the worm jumped to try and eat her alive, she, doing what she does best, jumped out of the way in the nick of time. The worm missed her and dived back underground. Claire got back up. "Ohshitohshitohshitoh...DOOR!!!" Claire ran into the front double doors of the Military Training Facility, she then got up and opened the doors REALLY slowly, as usual, but managed to get out just in time.
She tried to catch her breath as she looked around the room, it was a cold empty hallway, this MUST be the Military Training Facility. Some horns suddenly blared in Claire's ears, making her jump, confetti flew everywhere as giant colored letters saying 'Military Training Facility' on it appeared in front of her.
"WELCOME TO THE MILITARY TRAINING FACILITY!!!!" a extremely loud happy male voice yelled. Then all the stuff disappeared without a trace. Claire sweatdropped and checked her Sanity Meter, yup, it was low.
She sighed and walked up the stairs to her right and down the hall. She opened the door and entered a cozy room with a window looking into a lab. There was a desk filled with papers and...
Dun dun dun!!
A bow gun!
"YAY!!!!" Claire yelled as she ran up to it. Some Zelda music played as she slowly picked it up and raise it above her head.
Duh duh duh DUUUUHHHHH!!!!!!
Some letters appeared underneath her.
'You got the bow gun. It's like in RE2, but really crappy now. Unless you mix it with gunpowder! In which it'll kick any monsters ASS!'
The biker girl shoved the bowgun down her extremely large pockets and picked up the document that was underneath it...
'Memo on the pass number...
The lock for the biology experiment room can only be unlocked with the 4- digit number that is not 16, 15, 15, 16. I REALLY hope you remember this, because you can't remember stuff for crap. I mean, seriously, do you even remember what you ate for breakfast this morning? I didn't think so. You're an idiot. How did you manage to get Umbrella to hire you anyway? Dork. *makes a loser sign* Anyway, the guy in the big suit says we should change the number periodically. So I hope you don't forget THIS thing, you stupidass.
About 2 seconds ago I came up with an idea, ya know that painting of the humorously creepy skeleton in the biology experiment room? I'm going to use the number signed on that paper for no reason by god only knows as the pass code.
Well, I do think you'll need it, because you're an idiot. I hate you. Go to hell. BTW I'm the one that slept with your girlfriend, HA! But you probably wont remember this by the time you finish reading because you're so STUPID! Mr. STUPIDHEAD!!!'
Claire sweatdropped and put the paper in her own personal library for her to read when she's bored. "Something tells me that the guy who wrote this isn't friends with the guy it was written to." Claire shrugged and turned to walkout of the room until...
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Claire heard the alarm noise and looked at the window that overlooked the biology room. She put her hand to the window and peered through, a man in a lab suit smashed against the window and started beating it with his hands. He looked at Claire desperately and turned to look at something she couldn't see. "LET ME OUT! LETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUT!!!!!!!" he screamed.
Claire looked at the door. "I can't open the door!" she yelled.
Suddenly something grabbed onto the back of his head and smashed his head into the window, his head bounced back. "Ouch! That really hurt..." the guy said as he rubbed his forehead. Claire sweatdropped. "Get me out of here!"
"I told you, I can't open the damn door."
Suddenly something grabbed him from behind again and pushed his head against the window again. "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Some horror music played as the thing wrapped around his neck and he got a blank look on his face.
"O_O Who are you!?" Claire asked.
The man looked at her with a blank look. "....none of your busyness...." He said with a creepy voice.
"W-what do you want!?"
"...you...to....dieeeeee......" he muttered again. Claire raised an eyebrow and turned around, annoyed. "No! Wait come back! I was only kidding! I have candy!"
"No thanks." Claire said as she opened the door and walked out of the room. Right when she closed the door behind her the alarms went off and a female computer voice was heard!
'WARNING! THE SELF-DESTRUCT.....no wait, no BIOHAZARDOUS OUTBREAK HAS...uhhhhh....HAPPENED! ALL SECURITY DOOR WILL SHUT STARTING......NOW! RUN BITCH RUN!!!!!!!!'
Claire's eyes widened and she broke into a sprint, when she turned the corner and looked down the stairs the shutter was starting to close, she ran as fast as she could, on the 4th step down the stairs she tripped. "AAHHH!!!!" she started rolling down the steps like a ball and managed to slide under the shutter .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000001 seconds before it close.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Phew!" Barry said, "What was a close one..."
"DON'T SAY IT!" Jill screamed.
"A second late, and she would of fit nicely into a sandwich!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Jill grabbed her head, ran outside, and started screaming into the sky. Everyone sweatdropped.
"Actually she'd morely be sliced in half," Ada said. "So she'd be like a Claire sandwich sliced in two for lunch."
"Mmmmmmm....Claire sandwich..." Rebecca said as he got a dazed look on her face. "I'd like to take a bite out of her..."
Everyone sweatdropped.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire nervously opened the door to the locker room and then shrieked in horror.
"AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!! THE BOYS LOCKER ROOM!!!!!!" the biker covered her eyes when she saw a bunch of zombies wearing nothing but towels.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! THERE'S A GIRL IN HERE!!!!" a zombie yelled as he covered his crotch. Claire closed her eyes and started running in a random direction until she eventually rammed headfirst into the door to the shower room, causing it to fly off its hinges and her to land on top of it. "OUCH!!! Goddamnit!"
"Don't forget to bring a towel!" a zombie with a high voice said as he whipped her ass with a wet towel.
"Ouch!" Claire grabbed the towel. "Thanks I guess..."
Claire walked into the shower room and opened the door of the sauna. She took off ALL her clothes and put on a towel in less then a second. Then sat down next to a zombie whose body was rotting away from the heat. "Hey dude are you okay?"
"I'm a rotting corpse! AM I EVER OKAY!?" the zombie asked as he covered his eyes and started crying, Claire sweatdropped.
"Wait a sec......I'm sittin in a sauna with a ZOMBIE! AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" Claire jumped out of the sauna and closed the door; she turned the heat up to 200000000000000º.
"Ack! The heat! The heat! Damn I'm hot!" the zombie inside the sauna yelled, it then exploded, its guts and stuff splattered against the window.
"Ewwww!" Claire yelled as she stepped back, the tripped and fell down the stairs behind her, landing on another zombie and crushing its bones with her inferno weight. "Ew! Icky poopy zombie head!" Claire yelled as she jumped up and kicked the zombie in the face, its head flew off and hit the wall. "^_^;; Oops...sorry."
"No problem!" the zombie yelled.
Claire turned around and looked at the extremely shallow swimming pool. "An extremely shallow swimming pool!" she yelled and jumped into the pool without a second though. "Cool! My pants aren't getting wet even though I'm under water!" Claire smiled and dove into the pool. Some sexy music played as the jumped out soaking wet and waved her hair back and forth in slow motion. "I'm too sexy for my vest! To sexy for my vest! Too sexy, YEAH BABY YEAH!" Claire said as she started unbuttoning her vest. "Wait...this isn't Leon's room..." Claire buttoned her vest back up and started looking around the pool until she saw...
Dun dun dun!
A valve handle!
"YAY!" Claire ran up to the valve handle and turned it immediately, the water spewing out of the fountain stopped, showing an EXTREMELY shiny key under the water. "Shinyyyyyy!" Claire tried to pull the valve handle out of its socket, but it wouldn't come out. "Awww! I wanted to lug it around everywhere like in RE2! --;;" Claire let go of the valve handle and walked over to the shiny key, she picked it up. "A Shiny Key! Pick it up!? Yes-No? YES!!!!" Claire shoved the key in her butt pocket and jumped out of the pool.
5 minutes later...
Claire got to a room with a big copy machine, some computers, an empty locker, and about 3 ½ zombies. She pulled out the bow gun, aimed it at a zombie, and fired. After shooting about 30 times, she threw the bowgun to the floor. "GODDAMN THIS GUN SUCKS!!!!!" all the zombies started snickering, Claire looked at them pissed off and pulled out the knife.
"O_O! No! Wait! NOOOOOOO!!!!"
Claire swung the knife and their heads exploded, sending 50 gallons of pixelly blood splashing upon Claire.
"Ewwwwwww!" Claire yelled. "Hey! They didn't tell me there'd be so much blood!? Where's the message!?"
Oh yeah...
'This game contains scenes of explicit violence and Gore!'
"Al Gore?"
Yes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!" Claire ran around screaming until she ran into the copy machine. "Ouch! Ooooo.....copy machine!" Claire pulled her pants down and hopped on the top of the machine, she started photocopying her ass. "Weeeeeee!"
12 minutes later...
After about 50 copies, Claire hopped off the machine and looked at the photos of her ass. "Damn I'm hot! ^_^" she walked up to the locker and used the Shiny Key. It opened to reveal some.....
Dun dun dun!
Bow Gun Powder!
"Gasp!" Claire yelled. She picked up the bowgun powder as holy music played and held it above her head. "This is what I need to make the kick ass arrows!" She put it in her huge pockets and turned around. "Now time to continue Claire's Big Adventure 2!"
Claire raised her hand in the air and started running. She ran out back to the hall and used the Biohazard Card on the security door. The door opened, revealing another hallway with a single door at the end. Claire walked into the hall, the security door closed behind her!
"Aw crapola!" Claire yelled as she turned and saw the security door close. With a sigh she turned around and walked through the door. She was now in the Inner Courtyard.
She walked halfway into the court when she saw a sniper laser go up her leg SLOOOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLYYYYYY. After 10 minutes, it finally got to her head and she looked up to see Alfred standing on the balcony. Alfred fired; the bullet landed 12 feet away from Claire, hitting an oilcan, causing it to explode. Claire sweatdropped. "WORK. ON. YOUR. AIM!!!!!!!" Alfred aimed the sniper laser at her head again. He fired, the bullet landed BEHIND him. "O_o what in the hell!?" Claire sighed and ran up to the stairs, she started jogging up, when she was halfway there, Alfred ran through one of the doors and locked it behind him, Claire grabbed the handle. "Damnit! You're lucky I'm not smart enough to shoot this lock off!" Claire screamed. She heard Alfred's giggling as a response. "Ugh..." Claire turned around and walked through the next door.
She walked down the hall and picked up all the items and stuff in the room, she walked through the nearest door and sighed when she heard the Save Room music play. She walked into the nice comfy room and looked inside the Item Box to see all the items she put in the Palace now in this box.
"Gotta love these magical item boxes! ^_^"
Claire placed all her items except the Biohazard Card, mixed red and green herbs and the M-100P's in the box. She looked on the couch to see a medicine capsule! She picked it up and read the words on the cover.
"Ho....mophobic...medicine?" Claire tried to read the tiny letters
FLASH!
The guy opened the door, nodded, and walked to his chair. He sat down and pulled out a medicine capsule.
"Perfect!" he yelled as he threw the medicine on the floor in aggravation. "Go on! Get out! This place is finished! I dunno, it musta been a Special Forces team. But in any case this prison's been taken over. Our soldiers got distracted by something shiny."
UNFLASH!
"Oh yeeeaaaaahhhh..." Claire said. She put the medicine in the item box, saved her progress, and left the room.
She walked to the other door in the hall and put her hand on the knob, suddenly she heard a loud noise and turned around to see the shutter closing! Looked to the floor and saw a mouse running for the door. They both ran towards the door, the mouse made it under, but she ran headfirst into the security door.
"OUCH! DAMNIT!" Claire rubbed her head. An extremely gay and annoying voice interrupter her cussing.
"Weeeelcome Claaaaaaaiiiiiirrrrrreeeeee!"
"AH!" Claire jumped and turned around; Alfred's voice was heard over the radio on the shelf near the ceiling.
"Please come to Alfred's Neverland Ranch, I have built a special...playground, juuuust for yoooooouuuuu!"
"O_o Um...thanks."
"Pleeease tryyyy to keep me amuuuused by not dieing to sooooon! I am soooooo going to enjoooy this...mmyes!" Alfred started giggling like a little girl again and the radio turned off. Claire got her PMSing look on her face and walked over to the door again.
"I'm so gonna beat his ass when I get out of this..."
Claire put her hand on the door and felt her slow steady heartbeat, trying to take EXTRA long to open THIS door. After about 10 minutes of looking at the doorknob closely, she opened the door and entered a big storage room. She was on a catwalk. There was a stairs that led down to a locked door and something extremely shiny in the corner of the catwalk. She walked over to the end of the catwalk to see...
Bumbumbumbumbumbum! BumbumbumbumbumbumBUUUUUUMMMM!!!!!!!
"The Sub-Machine Guns!" Claire yelled with glee as the grabbed the two guns; she was disappointed to see that there were no bullets in it. "Aww poop! No bullets!"
She walked back to the door she entered the room in, but when she got to it, it locked! The shutter next to where she picked up the guns opened and a large hand attached to a huge pulsating arm reached out and grabbed the railing. Claire's eyes widened in horror as a butt ugly creature jumped out and onto the catwalk. It had yellowish skin, a very messed up face, and most importantly, a huge pulsating right arm. Some corny horror music played as the thing stretched its arm across the entire room and grabbed the pipe above Claire's head and pulled itself up to her! Claire screamed and dropkicked the thing in the face.
"Ouch!" The creature yelled as it covered its face, Claire sweatdropped and pulled out the M-100Ps.
"DIE BITCH!!!!" Claire shot the thing repeatedly until it finally fell to the floor and died. "DAMN I KICK ASS!" Claire squealed as she got in a victory pose, she looked at the thing and poked it with a stick. "What the heck is this thing!? Big pulsating arm, I'll call it a BANDERSNATCH! Yeah! That's it!" Claire smiled, the door on the bottom floor suddenly opened. "Gasp! The door on the bottom floor suddenly opened!" She jogged down the stairs and walked though the door...
And her eyes widened when she saw another Bandersnatch drop from the ceiling and land in front of her! Before she could even move, it extended its arm and bitch slapped her in the face. "ACK!" Claire flew into a bunch of boxes; the creature grabbed her head and raised her above it. You could hear her skull start to crack as she tried to break free from the things grasp. "NO! MUST...ESCAPE...SOMEONE HEEEELLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
As if on que, well, actually it WAS on que, Steve burst through the window above Claire and the Bandersnatch and did a Matrix like camera shot. Time froze everything but Steve as the camera moved around him, Steve started doing his hair in mid air, then turned to the monster and fired two shots into its back with the Gold Lugers. Time unfroze as the creature screamed and fell over, dropping Claire. Steve landed next to Claire and stared at her.
"O.O She's beeeaaaauuuuuuutttttiiiiifffuuuuul!" He said as he looked at her, dazed. The Bandersnatch got up.
"Um...I'm still here," it said.
"Oh yeah," Steve said, he turned and fired two more shots into the monster, knocking it back again. He then started repeatedly firing with style, knocking the monster back with every shot, Steve then kicked the monster in the gut and it fell to the floor, then he did a slow dramatic final shot into the creatures head, killing it. He got a stupid grin on his face and turned to Claire. "Are you okay?"
"I ALMOST HAD MY SKULL CAVE IN! WHAT DO YOU THINK!?"
"I think Halo and Metroid Prime are overrated."
"I-" Claire stopped and got in a thinking pose. "Ya know, you're right..."
Steve smiled again, showing his disgustingly white teeth. "Don't worry Claire! Your knight in shining armor is here!" he said as he kneeled down next to her, Claire looked at the Gold Lugers in his hand and the piano note played.
"Yeah RIGHT." Claire said as she got up, Steve sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Anyway, here, these are for you." Claire held the sub-machine guns in her hand.
"Machine Guns!? For meeeee!?" Steve asked as he got a halo on his head.
"Merry Christmas!" Claire said.
"This is the happiest day of my short miserable life!" Steve yelled as he reached for the machine guns. Claire pulled them back.
"In exchange for your Lugers."
"O.o You REALLY are gonna give me MACHINE guns for puny little LUGERS? You're pretty stupid eh-OUCH!" Steve cried as Claire hit him over the head with the machine gun. "Sorry sorry, just kidding!"
"Good, you betta be!" Claire said as she gave him the Sub-Machine guns, he gave her the Gold Lugers. "Pleasure doing business with you."
"I've got Machine Guns! Shweet!" Steve yelled.
"AHEM! SUB-Machine guns." Claire said.
"Yeah, whatever! Yes! Haha!" Steve aimed the guns at the wall and pulled the trigger, he heard a click. "W-what!? No ammo!?"
Claire couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! DAMN I'M FUNNY!!!!"
Steve looked at Claire sadly. "You cheated me...;_;"
Claire sweatdropped. "Sorry, look, up there. Ammo, just for you." She pointed at the top of the box where the machine gun ammo was.
"YAY!" Steve yelled. "Wait a tick, what the hell's it doing up there!?"
"Don't ask me, almost everything in Resident Evil seems out of place, I mean, I once found a Grenade Launcher in a police storage locker!"
Steve sweatdropped. "Well, how do we get up there!?"
"Give me a lift, I'll get it for ya."
"Okay!" Steve kneeled over and got on his hands and knees. Claire hopped on his back. "AAAAAARRRGGGUUUUUUAAAAAAAA!!!!! DAMN YOU'RE HEAVY! HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH!? 500 POUNDS!?" Claire kicked him in the back of the head. "OUCH!"
"Shuddap!" Claire said with a smile. Some corny love music started to play as she picked up the machine gun ammo and hopped off Steve. Don't ask me WHAT'S romantic about machine gun ammo, but, eh, Capcom's weird. Anyway, Claire held it in front of him. "Here you go."
"Thanks." Steve said, "Man Billy made it look easy..."
The ground beneath them shook for a sec and started to descend, they both looked around and realized that they were on a cargo elevator. They heard Alfred's voice.
"Now that your knight has arrived, he can join you into your decent into daaaarrkneeessss! Mmyes!" Alfred started giggling over the intercom and the screen went black.
"Oooo, creepy..." Claire said as they descended down to the basement of the facility...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay I bet you $50 Claire and Steve fall in love by the end of the game." Kenneth said.
"YOU'RE ON!" Billy yelled.
"Sigh, boys." Jill said.
"Leon is Claire-chan going to survive?" Sherry asked with an innocent voice.
"Of course not honey! ^_^" Leon said as he patted her on the head. Sherry sweatdropped and started to cry.
"Don't worry Sherry," Rebecca said as she kneeled next to her. "Claire will survive, you'll see."
"Reeeeeaaaaallllllyyyy?" Sherry asked.
"Of course!" Rebecca smiled and punched Leon in the face. "Jackass!"
"Ouch! Sorry!" Leon yelled.
"This is so horrible!" Jill yelled. "Claire, stuck on a monster with flesh eating islands and an a bunch of idiots! Death and disconnection surround her!"
"I think you said that wrong..." Ada said.
Barry came in the room. "Popcorns ready!"
"YAY!" Everyone crowded around the popcorn bowl, Jill fell over.
Chris Redfield ran to the corner of Far Away Dr. and Fast St. and then stopped running and started panting hard.
"*pant* *pant* I don't...*pant* remember *pant* getting tired from running..*pant*..before!" Chris said, trying to catch his breath. He regained his posture and looked around the town. "Now....where am I supposed to go...?"
Meanwhile at Leon's pad...
The phone started ringing. And everyone sighed.
"I KNEW IT!" Jill said. She picked up the phone. "Rockfort Island, Chris."
"Thanks Jill!"
Click!
Jill hung up the phone and stuck her hand out in front of Barry. "That's $30 you owe me, I TOLD you Chris was gonna forget."
Barry muttered something and handed Jill a $20 Bill and a $10 Bill.
Back at the corner of Far Away Dr. And Fast St....
Chris hung up the payphone and looked around. "So, Rockfort Island, how am I gonna get there!?"
A conductor walked out of the train station that happened to be right next to Chris. "Next train ride to Rockfort Island, ALL ABOARD!!!!"
Chris sweatdropped. "Wow, what a coincidence!" Chris run up and hopped onto the passenger train without even paying for the tickets.
Back on Rockfort Island....
Claire stuck the steering wheel into the hole and waited, for a very long time...
............
............
............
............
"Come on! Do something!" Claire yelled annoyed. "Ugh, maybe I need to turn it or something." The biker spun the steering wheel around and what do you know? A submarine came out of the water of the docks! Claire sweatdropped. "Wow, I wonder how THAT worked, I mean, is it a signal or something? Weird." The floor moved foreword, allowing her access to the Sub. She climbed down the ladder.
Annoying ladder sequence thingy...
Claire looked around the sub and turned around to see...
Dun dun dun!
THE SIDE PACK!!!!!
"YAY!!!!" Claire yelled as she ran over to the side pack. "There is a side pack. Take it? Yes-No. Yes!"
The screen went black as you hear Claire strap on the side pack. "Why'd it get so dark!? Am I blind!? AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!.....no wait I'm fine." Claire said as she could see again. She looked in her item pack thingy and grinned. "Now I can carry 10 items! KICKASS!!!!!" Claire did a stupid dance and turned around to see a lever. "O______O Must....pull......"
Claire pulled the lever and the sub started sinking down into the pool, Claire started acting out scenes from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea until the sub stopped suddenly. She got an annoyed look on her face and climbed back up the ladder to be in some weird underwater room. She ran down the hall and walked into another room with a fish tank full of zombies. Their decaying bodies didn't faze Claire as she pulled out the knife; they all instantly ran away screaming. Claire grinned and walked through the door near the fish tank to reveal.....
BUM BUM BUMMMMMMM!!!!!!
"An airplane!" Claire yelled as she saw there was a giant green water cargo plane floating in the water! She ran up to it and her eyes widened... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Claire cried as she fell to the floor in aggravation. In order to get to the plane she had to take this lift thingy down to the airplane door, the problem was, the lift didn't work; she'd have to put three stones in the indentions to activate it. "GODDAMN UMBRELLA AND YOUR STUPIDASS GODDAMN PUZZLES!!!!" Claire started kicking the wall in aggravation. "Sigh, this IS gonna be a long night..."
Then she heard the sound of bats making bat...like...noises. Claire turned around to see a bunch of bats hanging on the ceiling. They jumped off the ceiling and started flying towards her, until Claire pulled out the lighter. They screeched to a halt and all ran into each other when the light shined in their eyes.
"MY EYES!!!! MY EEEEYYYYYYEES!!!!!!! THEY BUUUUUUUURRRRRNNNNNNN!!!!!!" the bats screamed as the feel to the floor and started decomposing. Claire sweatdropped and looked at her lighter.
"Wow, I like this lighter! ^__^" Claire put it back in her pocket and ran out of the room, back into the fish tank room. She walked around the table and when thought the shutter to be back in the room with the airplane. A giant bridge was in front of the plane; if she wanted to escape she'd have to raise the bridge. She ran across the bridge and into the new room.
Blah, stupid puzzles, Claire walked into the room to see there was a giant crate blocking a control panel, and a CONVENIENTLY played crane overhead. There was also the IC-UP-2 airport security door that needed a key, and another door on the second floor of the room that lead to a dead end, she's need a switch to raise the bridge and get across.
The biker grabbed onto the crane controls and pushed up, making the crane move backward and hit a bunch of boxes, Claire sweatdropped. "Oops." She pressed backwards and the crane moved foreword at lightning fast speeds, hitting the wall and making a big crack and a noise loud enough to wake up every zombie on the island. "Ooo...I'll pay for that..." Claire pushed the crane to the right, making it turn left and grab the giant crate. She pressed the big red button and it lifted the box up. "FINALLY!"
She walked back up to the control panel, no longer blocked by the box, and pressed the button, causing an elevator to raise up. Of course, she didn't hear the sounds of the flesh-eating zombies ON the elevator until they where RIGHT NEXT TO HER. About 8 zombies walked towards her, and all their heads exploded when she swung the knife around, causing blood and brains to fly allover Claire.
"Ewwwwww!!!!" Claire shook and whipped some brains off of her face. "This is icky, I'm using the guns from now on....most of the time." She picked up the Bow Gun Arrows she found on a crate and the Keycard. She examined the keycard and saw the word 'Biohazard' on it. "Something tells me this key card will...open a door!" Claire yelled as the gasped and put her hand to her mouth.
Time to run back to that door she passed by on the way to the palace...
*~*~*~*~*~*
Chris sat in a comfy train car chair and laid his head on the window as the train started to move (while the Animal Crossing Theme played). Since it was moving, the window kept bumping his head, causing him to loose MORE brain cells. "Ouuchhhh..."
Chris sighed and laid his head on the chair. "Please forgive me Claire...Please forgive me Claire...Please forgive me Claire...Please forgive me Claire..."
*~*~*~*~*
"I swear, I'm NEVER forgiving Chris for this." Claire said annoyed as she walked back through he path to the prison and spotted a door on the side path. "That must be it, since there's NO room in this game that I can enter that doesn't have something valuable on the other side." Claire opened the door...
Insert kinda scary dramatic music here...
The ground shook as Claire looked around the yard. Her eyes widened when she saw what looked like a big pile of shit moving towards her incredibly fast. Right when it got in front of her, a giant worm thingy burst out of the ground, causing dirt to fly everywhere. "HOLY CRAP IT'S MY MATH TEACHER!!!!!" Claire screamed as the worm jumped to try and eat her alive, she, doing what she does best, jumped out of the way in the nick of time. The worm missed her and dived back underground. Claire got back up. "Ohshitohshitohshitoh...DOOR!!!" Claire ran into the front double doors of the Military Training Facility, she then got up and opened the doors REALLY slowly, as usual, but managed to get out just in time.
She tried to catch her breath as she looked around the room, it was a cold empty hallway, this MUST be the Military Training Facility. Some horns suddenly blared in Claire's ears, making her jump, confetti flew everywhere as giant colored letters saying 'Military Training Facility' on it appeared in front of her.
"WELCOME TO THE MILITARY TRAINING FACILITY!!!!" a extremely loud happy male voice yelled. Then all the stuff disappeared without a trace. Claire sweatdropped and checked her Sanity Meter, yup, it was low.
She sighed and walked up the stairs to her right and down the hall. She opened the door and entered a cozy room with a window looking into a lab. There was a desk filled with papers and...
Dun dun dun!!
A bow gun!
"YAY!!!!" Claire yelled as she ran up to it. Some Zelda music played as she slowly picked it up and raise it above her head.
Duh duh duh DUUUUHHHHH!!!!!!
Some letters appeared underneath her.
'You got the bow gun. It's like in RE2, but really crappy now. Unless you mix it with gunpowder! In which it'll kick any monsters ASS!'
The biker girl shoved the bowgun down her extremely large pockets and picked up the document that was underneath it...
'Memo on the pass number...
The lock for the biology experiment room can only be unlocked with the 4- digit number that is not 16, 15, 15, 16. I REALLY hope you remember this, because you can't remember stuff for crap. I mean, seriously, do you even remember what you ate for breakfast this morning? I didn't think so. You're an idiot. How did you manage to get Umbrella to hire you anyway? Dork. *makes a loser sign* Anyway, the guy in the big suit says we should change the number periodically. So I hope you don't forget THIS thing, you stupidass.
About 2 seconds ago I came up with an idea, ya know that painting of the humorously creepy skeleton in the biology experiment room? I'm going to use the number signed on that paper for no reason by god only knows as the pass code.
Well, I do think you'll need it, because you're an idiot. I hate you. Go to hell. BTW I'm the one that slept with your girlfriend, HA! But you probably wont remember this by the time you finish reading because you're so STUPID! Mr. STUPIDHEAD!!!'
Claire sweatdropped and put the paper in her own personal library for her to read when she's bored. "Something tells me that the guy who wrote this isn't friends with the guy it was written to." Claire shrugged and turned to walkout of the room until...
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Claire heard the alarm noise and looked at the window that overlooked the biology room. She put her hand to the window and peered through, a man in a lab suit smashed against the window and started beating it with his hands. He looked at Claire desperately and turned to look at something she couldn't see. "LET ME OUT! LETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUT!!!!!!!" he screamed.
Claire looked at the door. "I can't open the door!" she yelled.
Suddenly something grabbed onto the back of his head and smashed his head into the window, his head bounced back. "Ouch! That really hurt..." the guy said as he rubbed his forehead. Claire sweatdropped. "Get me out of here!"
"I told you, I can't open the damn door."
Suddenly something grabbed him from behind again and pushed his head against the window again. "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Some horror music played as the thing wrapped around his neck and he got a blank look on his face.
"O_O Who are you!?" Claire asked.
The man looked at her with a blank look. "....none of your busyness...." He said with a creepy voice.
"W-what do you want!?"
"...you...to....dieeeeee......" he muttered again. Claire raised an eyebrow and turned around, annoyed. "No! Wait come back! I was only kidding! I have candy!"
"No thanks." Claire said as she opened the door and walked out of the room. Right when she closed the door behind her the alarms went off and a female computer voice was heard!
'WARNING! THE SELF-DESTRUCT.....no wait, no BIOHAZARDOUS OUTBREAK HAS...uhhhhh....HAPPENED! ALL SECURITY DOOR WILL SHUT STARTING......NOW! RUN BITCH RUN!!!!!!!!'
Claire's eyes widened and she broke into a sprint, when she turned the corner and looked down the stairs the shutter was starting to close, she ran as fast as she could, on the 4th step down the stairs she tripped. "AAHHH!!!!" she started rolling down the steps like a ball and managed to slide under the shutter .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000001 seconds before it close.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Phew!" Barry said, "What was a close one..."
"DON'T SAY IT!" Jill screamed.
"A second late, and she would of fit nicely into a sandwich!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Jill grabbed her head, ran outside, and started screaming into the sky. Everyone sweatdropped.
"Actually she'd morely be sliced in half," Ada said. "So she'd be like a Claire sandwich sliced in two for lunch."
"Mmmmmmm....Claire sandwich..." Rebecca said as he got a dazed look on her face. "I'd like to take a bite out of her..."
Everyone sweatdropped.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire nervously opened the door to the locker room and then shrieked in horror.
"AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!! THE BOYS LOCKER ROOM!!!!!!" the biker covered her eyes when she saw a bunch of zombies wearing nothing but towels.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! THERE'S A GIRL IN HERE!!!!" a zombie yelled as he covered his crotch. Claire closed her eyes and started running in a random direction until she eventually rammed headfirst into the door to the shower room, causing it to fly off its hinges and her to land on top of it. "OUCH!!! Goddamnit!"
"Don't forget to bring a towel!" a zombie with a high voice said as he whipped her ass with a wet towel.
"Ouch!" Claire grabbed the towel. "Thanks I guess..."
Claire walked into the shower room and opened the door of the sauna. She took off ALL her clothes and put on a towel in less then a second. Then sat down next to a zombie whose body was rotting away from the heat. "Hey dude are you okay?"
"I'm a rotting corpse! AM I EVER OKAY!?" the zombie asked as he covered his eyes and started crying, Claire sweatdropped.
"Wait a sec......I'm sittin in a sauna with a ZOMBIE! AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" Claire jumped out of the sauna and closed the door; she turned the heat up to 200000000000000º.
"Ack! The heat! The heat! Damn I'm hot!" the zombie inside the sauna yelled, it then exploded, its guts and stuff splattered against the window.
"Ewwww!" Claire yelled as she stepped back, the tripped and fell down the stairs behind her, landing on another zombie and crushing its bones with her inferno weight. "Ew! Icky poopy zombie head!" Claire yelled as she jumped up and kicked the zombie in the face, its head flew off and hit the wall. "^_^;; Oops...sorry."
"No problem!" the zombie yelled.
Claire turned around and looked at the extremely shallow swimming pool. "An extremely shallow swimming pool!" she yelled and jumped into the pool without a second though. "Cool! My pants aren't getting wet even though I'm under water!" Claire smiled and dove into the pool. Some sexy music played as the jumped out soaking wet and waved her hair back and forth in slow motion. "I'm too sexy for my vest! To sexy for my vest! Too sexy, YEAH BABY YEAH!" Claire said as she started unbuttoning her vest. "Wait...this isn't Leon's room..." Claire buttoned her vest back up and started looking around the pool until she saw...
Dun dun dun!
A valve handle!
"YAY!" Claire ran up to the valve handle and turned it immediately, the water spewing out of the fountain stopped, showing an EXTREMELY shiny key under the water. "Shinyyyyyy!" Claire tried to pull the valve handle out of its socket, but it wouldn't come out. "Awww! I wanted to lug it around everywhere like in RE2! --;;" Claire let go of the valve handle and walked over to the shiny key, she picked it up. "A Shiny Key! Pick it up!? Yes-No? YES!!!!" Claire shoved the key in her butt pocket and jumped out of the pool.
5 minutes later...
Claire got to a room with a big copy machine, some computers, an empty locker, and about 3 ½ zombies. She pulled out the bow gun, aimed it at a zombie, and fired. After shooting about 30 times, she threw the bowgun to the floor. "GODDAMN THIS GUN SUCKS!!!!!" all the zombies started snickering, Claire looked at them pissed off and pulled out the knife.
"O_O! No! Wait! NOOOOOOO!!!!"
Claire swung the knife and their heads exploded, sending 50 gallons of pixelly blood splashing upon Claire.
"Ewwwwwww!" Claire yelled. "Hey! They didn't tell me there'd be so much blood!? Where's the message!?"
Oh yeah...
'This game contains scenes of explicit violence and Gore!'
"Al Gore?"
Yes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!" Claire ran around screaming until she ran into the copy machine. "Ouch! Ooooo.....copy machine!" Claire pulled her pants down and hopped on the top of the machine, she started photocopying her ass. "Weeeeeee!"
12 minutes later...
After about 50 copies, Claire hopped off the machine and looked at the photos of her ass. "Damn I'm hot! ^_^" she walked up to the locker and used the Shiny Key. It opened to reveal some.....
Dun dun dun!
Bow Gun Powder!
"Gasp!" Claire yelled. She picked up the bowgun powder as holy music played and held it above her head. "This is what I need to make the kick ass arrows!" She put it in her huge pockets and turned around. "Now time to continue Claire's Big Adventure 2!"
Claire raised her hand in the air and started running. She ran out back to the hall and used the Biohazard Card on the security door. The door opened, revealing another hallway with a single door at the end. Claire walked into the hall, the security door closed behind her!
"Aw crapola!" Claire yelled as she turned and saw the security door close. With a sigh she turned around and walked through the door. She was now in the Inner Courtyard.
She walked halfway into the court when she saw a sniper laser go up her leg SLOOOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLYYYYYY. After 10 minutes, it finally got to her head and she looked up to see Alfred standing on the balcony. Alfred fired; the bullet landed 12 feet away from Claire, hitting an oilcan, causing it to explode. Claire sweatdropped. "WORK. ON. YOUR. AIM!!!!!!!" Alfred aimed the sniper laser at her head again. He fired, the bullet landed BEHIND him. "O_o what in the hell!?" Claire sighed and ran up to the stairs, she started jogging up, when she was halfway there, Alfred ran through one of the doors and locked it behind him, Claire grabbed the handle. "Damnit! You're lucky I'm not smart enough to shoot this lock off!" Claire screamed. She heard Alfred's giggling as a response. "Ugh..." Claire turned around and walked through the next door.
She walked down the hall and picked up all the items and stuff in the room, she walked through the nearest door and sighed when she heard the Save Room music play. She walked into the nice comfy room and looked inside the Item Box to see all the items she put in the Palace now in this box.
"Gotta love these magical item boxes! ^_^"
Claire placed all her items except the Biohazard Card, mixed red and green herbs and the M-100P's in the box. She looked on the couch to see a medicine capsule! She picked it up and read the words on the cover.
"Ho....mophobic...medicine?" Claire tried to read the tiny letters
FLASH!
The guy opened the door, nodded, and walked to his chair. He sat down and pulled out a medicine capsule.
"Perfect!" he yelled as he threw the medicine on the floor in aggravation. "Go on! Get out! This place is finished! I dunno, it musta been a Special Forces team. But in any case this prison's been taken over. Our soldiers got distracted by something shiny."
UNFLASH!
"Oh yeeeaaaaahhhh..." Claire said. She put the medicine in the item box, saved her progress, and left the room.
She walked to the other door in the hall and put her hand on the knob, suddenly she heard a loud noise and turned around to see the shutter closing! Looked to the floor and saw a mouse running for the door. They both ran towards the door, the mouse made it under, but she ran headfirst into the security door.
"OUCH! DAMNIT!" Claire rubbed her head. An extremely gay and annoying voice interrupter her cussing.
"Weeeelcome Claaaaaaaiiiiiirrrrrreeeeee!"
"AH!" Claire jumped and turned around; Alfred's voice was heard over the radio on the shelf near the ceiling.
"Please come to Alfred's Neverland Ranch, I have built a special...playground, juuuust for yoooooouuuuu!"
"O_o Um...thanks."
"Pleeease tryyyy to keep me amuuuused by not dieing to sooooon! I am soooooo going to enjoooy this...mmyes!" Alfred started giggling like a little girl again and the radio turned off. Claire got her PMSing look on her face and walked over to the door again.
"I'm so gonna beat his ass when I get out of this..."
Claire put her hand on the door and felt her slow steady heartbeat, trying to take EXTRA long to open THIS door. After about 10 minutes of looking at the doorknob closely, she opened the door and entered a big storage room. She was on a catwalk. There was a stairs that led down to a locked door and something extremely shiny in the corner of the catwalk. She walked over to the end of the catwalk to see...
Bumbumbumbumbumbum! BumbumbumbumbumbumBUUUUUUMMMM!!!!!!!
"The Sub-Machine Guns!" Claire yelled with glee as the grabbed the two guns; she was disappointed to see that there were no bullets in it. "Aww poop! No bullets!"
She walked back to the door she entered the room in, but when she got to it, it locked! The shutter next to where she picked up the guns opened and a large hand attached to a huge pulsating arm reached out and grabbed the railing. Claire's eyes widened in horror as a butt ugly creature jumped out and onto the catwalk. It had yellowish skin, a very messed up face, and most importantly, a huge pulsating right arm. Some corny horror music played as the thing stretched its arm across the entire room and grabbed the pipe above Claire's head and pulled itself up to her! Claire screamed and dropkicked the thing in the face.
"Ouch!" The creature yelled as it covered its face, Claire sweatdropped and pulled out the M-100Ps.
"DIE BITCH!!!!" Claire shot the thing repeatedly until it finally fell to the floor and died. "DAMN I KICK ASS!" Claire squealed as she got in a victory pose, she looked at the thing and poked it with a stick. "What the heck is this thing!? Big pulsating arm, I'll call it a BANDERSNATCH! Yeah! That's it!" Claire smiled, the door on the bottom floor suddenly opened. "Gasp! The door on the bottom floor suddenly opened!" She jogged down the stairs and walked though the door...
And her eyes widened when she saw another Bandersnatch drop from the ceiling and land in front of her! Before she could even move, it extended its arm and bitch slapped her in the face. "ACK!" Claire flew into a bunch of boxes; the creature grabbed her head and raised her above it. You could hear her skull start to crack as she tried to break free from the things grasp. "NO! MUST...ESCAPE...SOMEONE HEEEELLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
As if on que, well, actually it WAS on que, Steve burst through the window above Claire and the Bandersnatch and did a Matrix like camera shot. Time froze everything but Steve as the camera moved around him, Steve started doing his hair in mid air, then turned to the monster and fired two shots into its back with the Gold Lugers. Time unfroze as the creature screamed and fell over, dropping Claire. Steve landed next to Claire and stared at her.
"O.O She's beeeaaaauuuuuuutttttiiiiifffuuuuul!" He said as he looked at her, dazed. The Bandersnatch got up.
"Um...I'm still here," it said.
"Oh yeah," Steve said, he turned and fired two more shots into the monster, knocking it back again. He then started repeatedly firing with style, knocking the monster back with every shot, Steve then kicked the monster in the gut and it fell to the floor, then he did a slow dramatic final shot into the creatures head, killing it. He got a stupid grin on his face and turned to Claire. "Are you okay?"
"I ALMOST HAD MY SKULL CAVE IN! WHAT DO YOU THINK!?"
"I think Halo and Metroid Prime are overrated."
"I-" Claire stopped and got in a thinking pose. "Ya know, you're right..."
Steve smiled again, showing his disgustingly white teeth. "Don't worry Claire! Your knight in shining armor is here!" he said as he kneeled down next to her, Claire looked at the Gold Lugers in his hand and the piano note played.
"Yeah RIGHT." Claire said as she got up, Steve sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Anyway, here, these are for you." Claire held the sub-machine guns in her hand.
"Machine Guns!? For meeeee!?" Steve asked as he got a halo on his head.
"Merry Christmas!" Claire said.
"This is the happiest day of my short miserable life!" Steve yelled as he reached for the machine guns. Claire pulled them back.
"In exchange for your Lugers."
"O.o You REALLY are gonna give me MACHINE guns for puny little LUGERS? You're pretty stupid eh-OUCH!" Steve cried as Claire hit him over the head with the machine gun. "Sorry sorry, just kidding!"
"Good, you betta be!" Claire said as she gave him the Sub-Machine guns, he gave her the Gold Lugers. "Pleasure doing business with you."
"I've got Machine Guns! Shweet!" Steve yelled.
"AHEM! SUB-Machine guns." Claire said.
"Yeah, whatever! Yes! Haha!" Steve aimed the guns at the wall and pulled the trigger, he heard a click. "W-what!? No ammo!?"
Claire couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! DAMN I'M FUNNY!!!!"
Steve looked at Claire sadly. "You cheated me...;_;"
Claire sweatdropped. "Sorry, look, up there. Ammo, just for you." She pointed at the top of the box where the machine gun ammo was.
"YAY!" Steve yelled. "Wait a tick, what the hell's it doing up there!?"
"Don't ask me, almost everything in Resident Evil seems out of place, I mean, I once found a Grenade Launcher in a police storage locker!"
Steve sweatdropped. "Well, how do we get up there!?"
"Give me a lift, I'll get it for ya."
"Okay!" Steve kneeled over and got on his hands and knees. Claire hopped on his back. "AAAAAARRRGGGUUUUUUAAAAAAAA!!!!! DAMN YOU'RE HEAVY! HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH!? 500 POUNDS!?" Claire kicked him in the back of the head. "OUCH!"
"Shuddap!" Claire said with a smile. Some corny love music started to play as she picked up the machine gun ammo and hopped off Steve. Don't ask me WHAT'S romantic about machine gun ammo, but, eh, Capcom's weird. Anyway, Claire held it in front of him. "Here you go."
"Thanks." Steve said, "Man Billy made it look easy..."
The ground beneath them shook for a sec and started to descend, they both looked around and realized that they were on a cargo elevator. They heard Alfred's voice.
"Now that your knight has arrived, he can join you into your decent into daaaarrkneeessss! Mmyes!" Alfred started giggling over the intercom and the screen went black.
"Oooo, creepy..." Claire said as they descended down to the basement of the facility...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay I bet you $50 Claire and Steve fall in love by the end of the game." Kenneth said.
"YOU'RE ON!" Billy yelled.
"Sigh, boys." Jill said.
"Leon is Claire-chan going to survive?" Sherry asked with an innocent voice.
"Of course not honey! ^_^" Leon said as he patted her on the head. Sherry sweatdropped and started to cry.
"Don't worry Sherry," Rebecca said as she kneeled next to her. "Claire will survive, you'll see."
"Reeeeeaaaaallllllyyyy?" Sherry asked.
"Of course!" Rebecca smiled and punched Leon in the face. "Jackass!"
"Ouch! Sorry!" Leon yelled.
"This is so horrible!" Jill yelled. "Claire, stuck on a monster with flesh eating islands and an a bunch of idiots! Death and disconnection surround her!"
"I think you said that wrong..." Ada said.
Barry came in the room. "Popcorns ready!"
"YAY!" Everyone crowded around the popcorn bowl, Jill fell over.