Here's the next chappy! ^_^ I'm glad you guys like this fic so far! Sorry
if I overdid the cussing and stuff, this fic IS rated M...then again I'm
only 13 anyway, XD! I don't cuss in real life actually...ever. ^^;; But
that's not important! Hope ya like this new chappy!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Sir, your tickets please?" the sexy train attendant lady who we shall call The Sexy Train Attendant Lady said as she walked over to the seat Chris was sitting in.
"Wha?" Chris asked as he woke up.
"Tickets?"
'Oh crap...' Chris thought, he looked at the floor then at The Sexy Train Attendant Lady. "I don't need tickets, but I think you need a ticket...to pleasure...?" Chris raised an eyebrow in a VERY bad attempt to be seductive.
"O_o;;"
Later...
The Sexy Train Attendant Lady opened the side door of the train and threw Chris out. The Redfield brother flew across the open field and started rolling across the ground. "OUCH!"
"Thank you for riding Lesbo Express, next time BUY TICKETS YOU FRIGGIN DUMBASS!!!!" The Sexy Train Attendant Lady shouted as she turned around and closed the door behind her.
"Screw you!" Chris yelled back. The train rode off into the distance. "Darn it...now how am I gonna get to Rockfort Island?" he looked around to see he was in the middle of the desert. "Aw crapola..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"(pant, pant) I hate backtracking." Claire said as she stopped back at the palace with her new shiny silver key. She had already placed all the crap except the M-100Ps, handgun, and handgun ammo in the item box, and had also took a First Aid Spray with her just in case.
A soft click was heard as the girl slid the Silver Key into the door on the opposite end of the palace 2nd floor and turned it. Grasping onto the handle, she pushed it open to reveal a lounge room thingy! There was a few slot machines, a bar, a piano, a-
"Ooooo! Piano!" Claire yelled as she ran up to it. "I always wanted to play one of these!" she started smashing the keys with her hands, creating a loud, off key tune that seemed to echo out throughout the Palace. Claire just about as good with the piano as Chris is...and that's pretty bad.
"Aww GOSH DARN IT!!!!" Claire yelled. "Where's Officer Becky when ya need her? Oh well...I bet if I put a piano roll in here it'd unlock a secret door or something...nah."
She walked up to the slot machines, put a quarter in, and pulled the lever. She got two sevens and a nazi sign. A loud beep was made.
"Awww come on!" she put another quarter in and pulled it. She got a lemon, a peach, and a 'Screw You' sign. It beeped again. "Arrgggg...okay ONE MORE." She put her third quarter in and pulled the lever. She got a cherry, a 7, and a lemon. Two quarters fell out. "Yay!" she grabbed them and put them in the slot machine. "Okey just one more..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Dear god she's gonna be doing this forever..." Jill said.
"She's got the gambling virus." Said Barry. "It's too late for her..."
Sherry and Rebecca started crying, everyone sweatdropped.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay, just four more times! Yeah!" Claire put the quarter in and pulled the lever. She continued doing this for about an hour...
One hour later...
";_; My money..." Claire said sadly. "I LOST! I LOST ALL 7 OF MY QUARTERS! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A scream, oh such a horrible scream pierced the silence and echoed throughout the whole island. A scream of sorrow, a scream of anger, a scream of...a 19 year old biker chick crying because she lost her money to a slot machine.
"^_^ Okey I feel better now!" she picked up the two green herbs and walked out. A soft patting noise was made as she ran down the stairs and into the hallway that led to the painting room and the Gold Luger room. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a strange looking midget standing in the middle of the hallway. He was wearing a white tank top and black shorts, two small fairy wings were connected to his back, silently fluttering as he was seemingly dragging a dead body of a zombie across the floor.
"WHO IN HE HELL ARE YOU!!!???" Claire's flesh piecing scream broke the silence, causing the man to jump and scream.
"AAAIIIIEEEEE!!!!" He turned and looked at her with scared, frightened, innocent eyes. "O_O Y-you can see me?"
"Like, yeah!" Claire replied as she raised an eyebrow. "Who are you? And what are you doing here?"
The man stood up straight and saluted. "Bob! Bob the Magical Fairy! Plot hole filling business!"
"O_o Wha?"
"I make sure that everything's nice and clean here, and make sure everything stays out of human logic."
Claire gasped. "So YOU'RE the one that's been dragging the zombie's bodies away while I'm not looking!"
Bob sweatdropped. "Y-yeah. I also transport the other characters into the locked rooms, place boxes of ammo randomly around the place, and other crap like that."
"AHA!" Claire yelled. "...wow you must be working hard!"
"Yeah, I am." Bob said with a benign smile. "But it's all in a hard days work! Another day another quarter!"
"Yeah...right..."
"Anyway, I gotta go!" Bob yelled nervously.
"Hey wait a m-" Bob disappeared in a flash before the girl could finish. "Damnit! How come EVERYONE always runs away from me!? Arg!" with a sigh, she turned and faced the double doors next to her.
"Use the Silver Key? Yes-No? YES STUPIDHEAD!!" she yelled as she slid the key into the hole, turned, and heard a click. The door opened. "Yay! Now I've gone in every room in the palace! XD" she walked into the new room and almost screamed when she saw two Bandersnatches in the meeting room. "Ahhhhhhhh!" okey, she DID scream.
"Roar! Muaha!" the Bandersnatches both extended their arms across the room and bitch slapped the poor girl in the face. She flew into the wall. "Ouch! ;_;"
SLAP!
"Ow!"
GRAB!
"O_o Grab? I mean...aaahhhh!" she cried as the things long pulsating arm grabbed onto her head and lifted her into the air. She started screaming again, the flesh piercing scream cause the monster to let her go and cover its ears in agony.
"AAHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP!!!" she screamed. Claire shook her head, pulled out the M-100Ps, and opened fire.
"DIIIIIEEE!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"AACCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!" the Bandersnatches both fell to the floor, dead.
"W00T! I kick ass!" Claire did the boogie and then regained her classic RE robotic posture. "AHEM! NOW TO CHECK THE ROOOOOOM!"
She clutched her shoulder, she had entered caution. After an annoyed groan she walked around the room. There was a paper on the desk, she picked it up. The words 'HUNK'S REPORT' were written on the front page.
"Wait a sec! Hunk's that guy that escaped from the sewers with the G- Virus!" Claire said. "And I shouldn't know that..." she got a stupid grin on her face and started to read.
'Attn: Mr. Alfred Ashford, head of facility.
Today at 53:66 I arrived successfully at the Umbrella Transport Base with the bigass B.O.W. capsule. Extreme care was taking during transport, and all 123,461,007 check in posts were confirmed condition green, for go. It was a bitch to do, I mean, why do we have to drive all the way to Asia before we could go to Antarctica!? Either way, it is currently being stored in a bigass freezer. We are normally assigned to special missions. But why were we ordered to transport a friggin frozen capsule!? I understand that you might rape and torture me for asking this, but I NEEEED to know! I mean...damn, I wanted to fight someone or something! Like that one time you made me kung fu right with that chick from Eternal Darkness!
I know it's 'top-secret', but without knowledge of its contents....uh...our...SAFETY could be at risk during the transport! Yeah! That's it! This is especially important if the contents are potianticalniously harmful. We would like to ask you to provide us with more info-ma-tion, since we be assigned to similar missions in the future? I mean, come on, it's not like it's your naked sister who faked her own death frozen in a capsule.
I still remember the good old days in the Military Training Center. Nothing has changed since then...right? Please dear god let it be the same! We shall gear up for the next mission today at...um...23:00? I think that's right...
Umbrella Special Forces Unit/Skinny White Guy With A Gun.
HUNK'
"Kewl!" Claire said, she put the file in her personal library and looked at the floor to see another Eagle Plate! "Wow...another one..." with a yawn, she picked it up and shoved it down her pocket.
"Looks like I'll have to go back to the Prison to use this..." She said as she pulled out the plate and the medicine for Rodrigo. "Damnit I HATE backtracking!"
With a sigh, she got up and started jogging back to the prison.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So...thirsty..." Chris muttered as he slowly crawled across the desert.
"Chriiiiiisssssssss..." a dark voice yelled. Chris looked ahead to see three stone towers around each other creating a portal. "Chrrrrriiiiiissssss..."
"Oooo...portal..." he started crawling towards it. "Wait a sec; I've played Eternal Darkness. NO WAY IN HELL I'M GOING THERE!"
"Damnit!" the dark evil voice yelled. Chris turned around and started crawling the other direction.
Later...
The ALREADY dehydrated man looked ahead and spotted something only about 20 meters away. It looked like a military base. "Whoa..." he walked up to the fence and saw a soldier standing near the gate. "Hey, where am I?"
"AREA 51!!!!!! SIR!!!!" the soldier screamed at the top of his lungs, causing Chris to jump.
"Area 51!? Holy crap!" Chris looked at the base. "Where's the nearest town? Do you know?"
"I CANT TELL YOU!!!!!! SIR!!!!!!!!"
Chris jumped and covered his ears. "W-why!?"
"WE CANNOT GIVE AWAY THE LOCATION OF AREA 51!!!!!!!! SIR!!!!!"
"Ouch!" Chris covered his ears again. "Do you have to scream?"
"SIR YES SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Chris raised an eyebrow and looked at the sign next to the solider. It was a drawing of the U.S. There was an arrow pointing to the middle of Texas with the words 'You Are Not Here' written. Chris sweatdropped.
"Pleeeaaaaseeeeeee tell me!" the S.T.A.R.S. member whined. "I neeeed to know where I am! ;_;"
"I WILL NOT TAKE THAT ORDER!!!!!!!!!! SIR!!!!!!!!"
Chris's face suddenly turned red and his eyes started to bulge. "LISTEN PUNK!!!!! I'VE SPENT THREE YEARS IN THE AIR FORCE AND I HAVE THE AUTHORITE' AND THE POWER TO KICK YOUR PUNK WHITE ASS!!!! BITCH!!!!!! TELL ME THE LOCATION OR I WILL PERSONALLY CALL MY AIR FORCE BUDDIES TO FLY BY AND SHOOT DOWN YOUR BLOODY ARSE!!!! NOW TELL ME, SOLDIER!!!!!!!!!!!"
The soldier's legs started shaking and his eyes started watering. He saluted. "PERMISSION TO CRY!!!!! SIR!!!!!"
"PERMISSION GRANTED!!!!!!" Chris screamed. The soldier started crying.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! SIR!!!!!!"
"NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 20!!!!!!" the soldier dropped to the floor and started doing pushups. "^_^ Man I miss those Air Force days..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire stopped at the prison gates and tried to catch her breath. "Maaan...that was a nice jog..."
After catching her breath, she hopped the gate again, crawling over and falling off of the other side. "Oof!"
"Ooooohhhhh..." Claire looked ahead to see a few zombies were now in the yard. The zombies looked at her and their eyes widened. "AAAHHHHHHH!!!! IT'S HER AGAIN!!!!!!"
All the zombies turned around and ran away screaming, Claire sweatdropped and got up. "Icky mud. Okey, now to give this medicine to Rodrigo, because it's the NICE thing to do! ^_^" she walked through the door to the graveyard and saw all the butt naked Graveyard Zombies. A swing of the knife took care of THEM though. ^_^
"Boom baby!" Claire yelled with a grin as she started walking to Rodrigo's Cell. "Hmmm...I wonder what Chris is doing right now..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chris walked up to a general and saluted, the General Saluted back.
"CHRIS REDFIELD! SIR!!" Chris screamed, the General sweatdropped.
"Uh...General Carvil. Who are you? A Marine?"
"AIR FORCE SIR!!!!!!!!!"
"O_o;; Oh I know you, I heard about ya, you're Chris Redfield. You got kicked out of the Air Force for pissing in that guys coffee, right?"
Chris sweatdropped. 'Oh crap...' he thought. "Um...I THINK YOU HEARD ME WRONG SIR! I SAID MY NAME'S BILLY COEN!!!!!!! MARINES!!!!! SIR!!!!!!!"
"Oh..." he said. "Wait a second, weren't you arrested for killing 23 people?"
"....DAMNIT!" Chris screamed. "I mean, my names...JILL VALENTINE!!! HOT CHICK FROM RESIDENT EVIL ONE AND THREE!!!!!! SIR!!!!!!"
"O_o;;;" All the soldiers in the entire base looked at him.
"....can I see the aliens now? ^^;;" Chris asked as he scratched the back of his head.
"Shoot him." General Carvil said calmly, Chris's eyes widened as everyone started shooting at him.
"AHHHHH!!!!" Chris started running, somehow dodging all the bullets, and jumped into a randomly placed jet. "MUAHAHAHA! You can't get me now!"
"HE'S IN A JET!!!!! SIR!!!!!"
"Yes I know, I know." Carvil said. "Okey Jill. Calm down. We wont hurt you if you come out of the jet."
"NEVAAAAHH!!" Chris screamed. "See ya! MUAHAHAHA!" He turned the jet on and pressed a bunch of buttons, it didn't move. "O_o What!?"
"OH YEAH!!! NO FUEL IS IN THE JET!!! SIR!!!" a soldier yelled. Chris fell over.
"Get him!" Carvil yelled. Everyone started shooting at him. Chris's eyes widened and everything went negative. He could hear his heart beating and two sentences appeared in front of him.
'Hide in the jet'
'Eject'
"Kewl! I'm all negative! ^_^" Chris said as he looked at his negative arms. He sweatdropped when a bullet flew passed him in slow motion. "Ahhh! Okey, okey, what do I choose!?" He looked at both choices, the second sounded better. Everything went back to normal colors and he smashed his fist into the Eject Button. He and his seat shot WAYYYY up and into the clouds. "AHHHHHH!!!!!"
All the people at the base sweatdropped.
"HOLY CRAP!!!! SIR!!!!!" a soldier yelled. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE JUST DID!!!!????? SIR!!!!!!!??????"
"Premature Ejection..." Carvil muttered. Everyone looked at the floor and sad music played.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire stepped down the dark hallway, her lighter illuminating the whole hall for her to see. She was back in the basement of the prison, going back to where this whole journey started. She walked through the door into the cell room and saw Rodrigo still hunched over in the chair, looking dead.
She walked up to his desk; he suddenly jumped up and aimed his gun at her.
"W-what are you doing here!?" he asked. "I thought I told you to go..."
"I brought this, for you." Claire held up the medicine capsule. "Here, homosexual medicine."
"Homeostatic" Rodrigo corrected her.
"Same thing. ^^;" She said.
"Homeostatic Medicine...how kind of you." He said.
"HOW KIND OF ME!?" Claire asked/screamed. "I JUST WENT THROUGH A LOT OF HELL TO GET THIS FOR YOU AND THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY!?"
"Yes."
Claire fell over.
"I told you to go..." he said, he covered his face with his hand and shook his head. "Sigh, white girls. They never listen..." he started to try and open the capsule.
"Let me help you with that..." Claire said.
"No! I can do it myself!" he said as he tried with all his might to open the capsule.
"LET ME HELP DAMNIT!!!!!" Claire screamed, Rodrigo sweatdropped and gave her the capsule. Her veins showed in her muscles as she slowly pulled the cap off and gave him the medicine. "^_^ There."
"Thanks." Rodrigo said, he put the capsule to his mouth, swallowed 14 pills, and took a sip of beer. Claire sweatdropped.
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Nah, I'm used to it.," he said. "And getting shot hurts like a bitch."
"I guess...." Claire said as she put the lighter on the table. "Here, my brother gave it to me as a birthday present. I wont need it anymore."
"O_o;; You're brother gave you a lighter for your birthday?"
"^^;; Yeah." Claire said.
Rodrigo sweatdropped. "And you're giving it to me?"
"Yeah, I was trying to find a reason to sell it anyway." Claire said. "It's a kinda crappy lighter, I mean, the flame's 2-D.
"Good point." The man said. "Thanks, here, it's all I can give you." He pulled a lock pick out of the desk and gave it to her.
"O_o Weird how female RE characters *always* get a lock pick, eh?"
"Yeah."
"Well...uh...thanks." Claire said.
"You'd better get out of here while your still able."
"Yeah I know I know." Claire rolled her eyes. "See ya dude. And if you see my brother, please don't tell him I gave you my B-day present from him."
"Sure sure."
"Thanks."
Claire turned and walked out the door.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
".........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!! OOF!!!!!!!!!!!" Chris yelled as he fell 50+ feet from the sky and landed on the desert floor in the jet seat. "Ouch! _"
He slowly got off of the seat and looked around, he was in the middle of nowhere again. "Sigh, how am I gonna get out of here?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire placed the Eagle Plate in the door next to the guillotine, the blade came smashing down onto the hard wood next to her, she jumped and the door opened. Two zombies stood on the other end and horror music played.
"AHHH!!! TWO ZOMBIES!!!!! TWO!!!!!!! MORE THAN ONE!!!!!!" Claire screamed, she pulled out the knife and slashed it. Both the zombie's heads exploded and she walked through with a stupid grin on her face.
The next room was FULL of zombies, but of course, there was a CONVENIENTLY place barrel next to them, she aimed at the barrel and fired. The second the bullet touched it it exploded, sending the zombies flying every direction.
"OWWWWW!!!!!!"
"^^;; Sorry." Claire turned and walked through the door to her left.
She was now in some sort of medical room. There was a body that had like a bazillion needles in it on a bed, and a first aid spray on the shelf. There was a little...uh...doorway that led to a disturbingly small office on the left wall, and a door in the back of the room.
"Wow, a hospit-EEEEEEEEE!" Claire screamed as she saw a body on the bed COVERED in shots. "Ugh...I hate needles!"
She walked over to the little office area thingy and read a random book on the desk.
'Anatomist's Note
There's a leprechaun in my mind. It tells me to burn things, and steal people's shoes. I can't control its fierce impulses that the leprechaun drives me to act upon. It is a brutal ceremony. With the leprechaun next to me, I enjoy watching Spongebob Square Pants and Dragon Tales, maybe Hamtaro every once in a while.....Oh yeah, I also enjoy long sunsets on the beach, stoplights that blink a lot, and watching people agonize in pain while screaming and convulsing repeatedly as they die. Why I am writing this, I have no friggin idea.
But, Sir Alfy was kind enough to acknowledge me, and has given me the facilities, the chemicals, and the "equipment" (and no I don't mean THAT you sicko, you shouldn't be reading my diary anyway!) necessary to study EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I must never betray Sir Alfred's kindness. It is especially critical that no one discovers the sacred place that only he and I know about. In which, if you're not me and you're reading this, I screwed up big time.
I swear. Shit. See? I sweared. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHUHUHAWEEEE!!!!!
Wait a sec, that's not what I meant to write. I swear the basement of this medical building will be kept secret. Of course, I keep the key to the sacred place with me at ALL times, and I mean *AT ALL* times. Even in the shower...not very comfortable...uh...anyway, even if an outsider sees it, they will never be able to tell that it is the key. I must remember that my life ends when I lose Sir Alfred's trust.
P.S. THE KEY IS THE GLASS EYEBALL I HAVE IN MY POCKET!!!!!!'
"Umbrella people scare meh!" Claire said as she put the book down and got in a thinking pose. "I wonder what the key is...if only I could get a hint..."
Eyeing a body bag in the corner, the dark haired girl walked through the door. Little did she know that SOMETHING IN THE BODY BAG WAS MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Scaring you yet?
Annoying door opening sequence...
"Ewwwww!" Claire yelled. The whole room was a torture chamber, DRENCHED IN BLOOD!!!!!!!!! "Ew ew ew! It's like...a torture chamber, and its drenched in blood. Icky!"
"Ooooohhhhhhh..."
"Eh?" Claire turned and saw a zombie next to her; she turned around and saw a zombie ahead of her too. "Aw crap. Where's the AI controlled partner character when you need em?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Right here! ^_^" Billy, Rebecca, Ada, Sherry, and Carlos yelled as they raised their hand.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire shook her head and pulled out the handgun. "DIE DAMN YOU!!!!!" She screamed dramatically as she unloaded the clip into the zombie's chests. They each let out the SAME EXACT SOUNDING groan and fell to the floor. Corny looking animated blood spread in a pool around their rotting corpses as Claire casually stepped over them.
This torture chamber made the one in RE0 look really lame, it was COVERED in blood, literally.
"Bah, stupid blood." Claire said. "It's like...bloody!" she saw a brief case on a shelf. "Ooooooooooo! BRIEFCASE! MUST OPEN!!!!!!" she ran up to it and picked it up. "Wait a second, what the hell is this doing here? Oh well." She looked closely at the lock. "Open the briefcase? Yes-No? Yes. It's secured with a simple lock. Use the lock-pick? Yes damnit!" she pulled out the lock-pick and jammed it into the keyhole. The very second it touched the hole the case opened. Revealing a.... Duh duh duh DUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!!!
Handgun Parts!
Claire pulled out some custom handgun parts, which conveniently were for the EXACT same handgun she had. "Kewlies! Now I can show Leon who's really got the kickass handgun!" using her great mechanical skills, she clipped the parts onto her handgun, creating a SUPER HANDGUN!!!! "Muahahaha! Time to kick some zombie arse!"
She ran back to the door and put her face EXTREMELY close to the knob.
Heartbeat...
Heartbeat...
Heartbeat...
OPENING DOOR SOUND!!!!!!!...
Heartbeat.....
Heartbeat....
.......
.......
.......
Claire hit herself in the chest.
Heartbeat...
"That's better! ^_^" She walked through the door and raised and eyebrow when she heard a REALLY wet crunching sound. "Hmmm, I WONDER what's around the corner..."
She turned around the corner and wasn't so horrified to see a doctor zombie munching on the body full of needles. It looked over to her and grinned.
"OooooohhhhhhGUUUUUUUUhhhhhhhGLUGGLUGGLUG!!!!" it screamed. Claire sweatdropped, the zombie started RUNNING towards her!
"O_O EVIL RUNNING DOCTOR ZOMBIES OF DOOOOOM!!!!!" Claire screamed, before she could even pull out the custom handgun, the zombie grabbed onto her and bit onto her arm. "Ouch! That...kinda hurts!" she pushed the zombie and held her stomach like she was in danger. "O_O;; Oh shit..." she instantly pulled out the handgun. "DIE DEMONS!!!!!!" she started firing the semi- automatic weapon like crazy. Bullets pieced and dug into the zombie's weak flesh, causing it to fall to the floor, spasm, and finally die. "YAY!"
Claire looked ahead to see the zombie that was on the bed was walking towards her, she sighed and casually shot the poor thing in the head. "^_^ This handguns neat!" she stuck another clip up the weird...metal rod...thingy and reloaded the gun. "Ouch...my body hurts! ;_;"
Claire pulled a first aid spray out of her pocket. "Okay...how does this work again?"
She pressed down on the cap and a small spray...sprayed on her.
Sssssssssss...
She sprayed it on her arms.
Sssssssssss.....
She sprayed it on her legs...
Sssssssssss....
She sprayed it on her bellybutton, giggling the whole time.
Sssssssssss....
She sprayed it in her hair, like hair spray! XD
Sssssssssss....
She started spraying it in the air like air freshener, slowly going from Danger to Fine. "This is taking too long...ugh..."
Sssssssssssssssss......
10 minutes later....
The can finally ran out, and she went back to Fine. "FINALLY! Sheesh, these are WAY less fun than mixed herbs! Ugh!"
Turning around, she spotted something REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY shiny in the doctor's pocket, so shiny that you could easily see it even when covered in cloth!
She picked it up. "Ooooooo...A glass eyeball? Ewwwww!" She threw it up in the air and juggled it, trying to touch it as little as possible, as she ran to the butt ugly statue in the doc's office. She put the eyeball in the statue, and another 'oh so secret' door opened behind her. "Sheesh..."
Annoying walking-down-stairs sequence...
Step...
Step...
Step...
Trip...
Bam...
Bang...
BAM!
BOOM!
"OUCH!!!!"
Got up and shook her head. "Stupid stairs! Too dark to see!" Not even seeming to realize she almost broke her neck, Claire continued to walk down the hallway until she heard bats. She darted her eyes around. "You think you can hurt me!? Well take THIS!" she pulled out the lock pick and held it in her hand, then realized it wasn't her lighter a little too late. "._. Oh crap..." She started running as fast as she could as the bats, oh the bats, chased her. She ran up to the door and took her precious time in opening it, somehow they didn't attack her and she ran through.
"Ack! Not another torture chamber!" She cried as she looked around another torture chamber, it was pretty neat and fancy, but covered in blood and objects of torture, of course. There was a comfy couch in the middle of the room with a fancy desk with a glass of wine in it. Zombies littered the room. Claire's eyes widened. "O_o This is one FUCKED up corporation!" she walked up to the wine glass and drank all the wine in it, throwing it to the floor after that. "Leaving a full glass of perfectly good wine here like this...sick I tell ya!"
"Um...oooooohhhhhhhhhhhh......" Claire sighed and shot all the zombies in the room with her kewl new handgun. She then turned and walked down the stairs in the corner of the room, all the way down to the basements basements basement. She walked through the door and into a strange room with a bunch of statues on it.
The biker girl didn't even bother to look around for traps or anything, when she spotted a shiny sword that was in the hands of a statue, she squealed with excitement. "Ooo! A swoooorrdddddd!" She grinned and grabbed the sword, she immediately swung it around. "I could be like that chick from Eternal Darkness! Schweet!"
Clink!
"Wha oh..." Claire turned around to see the statues arm had moved, the statue behind her raised a few feet above the ground and the room started filling with poisonous gas. "....ah crapola! I shoulda saw this coming! -- ;;" Claire turned around, panicking immediately. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHATDOIDOWHATDOIDO!!!!??????"
She looked at the statue behind her and looked to see a bar sticking out that wasn't there before. There was a sign posted in the middle of the floor which said...
'Listen stupidass! PUSH THE LEVER THINGY SO THE STATUE TURNS AROUND! DO IT! NOW!!!!!!! YOU FRIGGIN MORON!!!!!!'
Ten seconds after reading the sign, it finally hit her and she jumped. Pushing the statue all the way around, the gas turned off. "YAY! That was easy! ^_^;;"
The statue once holding the sword spun around to reveal a closed iron maiden. A slit was in the middle.
"...................damnit! I wanted to keep the kewl sword! ;_;" Claire said. With a sigh, she slid the sword into the slit, then started pumping it in and out and in and out by instinct. After doing this ten times she realized what she was doing, stopped, and left the blade there. A soft click was heard.
BAM!
"OUCH!" Claire cried as the iron maiden swung open and hit her in the face. She fell to the floor and looked up to see a zombie standing there.
"ARE YOU THE ONE WHO STABBED ME WITH THIS!?" The extremely pissed off zombie asked as he pointed at the sword, which was now in his back.
"Um..............yes...."
"I SHALL EAT THEE!!!!" the zombie screamed as it literally jumped. Claire rolled out of the way and it landed face first on the floor, breaking its head off immediately. "Damnit!"
"^^;; Sorry..." Claire looked and saw a piano roll lying at the bottom of the iron maiden. "O_o What the fuck is that doing all the way down here!? Oh well..." she picked it up. "Piano Roll. Take it? Yes-No? Yes." She shoved it down her pants and turned. "Great, now I have to walk ALL THE WAY BACK to the palace. Ugh..." she sighed and ran out the door. "This BETTER be over soon!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Tired...thirsty...need...water..." Chris said as his dried up tongue hangeded out of his mouth. He fell to the sandy floor of the desert. "Waaaaatttteeeeerrrrrr..."
"Chrrriiiiiiissssss..." a feminine voice said. Chris plucked his head out of the sand and looked ahead to see Jill Valentine wearing her alternate outfit, the military uniform, from RE1. Her hands were on her hips and she had about 6 bottles of water tied around her belt.
"Jill..." Chris said, dazed.
"Come on Chris, don't ya wanna 'drink'...?" Jill got a grin on her face and slapped her ass. If Chris had any water left in his body, he would of sweatdropped.
"YES!!!!!" Chris jumped up like a Crimson Head and ran towards Jill at a bazillion miles and hour; a crazed look was on his face. "Jiiilllllyyyy! ^_^" He jumped up in the air, but instead of landing in Jill's arms he landed headfirst into sand. "Oof!"
Groaning loudly, the black haired man slowly got up and groaned. "Stupid mirage! ARG!!!!" he ran around, kicking sand everywhere. "STUPID DESERT!! AARRRGGG!!!!!!"
Vroom! Vroom!
Chris stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, it sounded like a motorbike. "Claire!?" he looked ahead to see a road, one of those old country roads that seemed to lead forward forever. "Yay!" he ran up the road and saw a motorbike was about a quarter of a mile away, making a loud vroom sound.
'Okey Christopher, remember the rules of hitch hiking. Don't stop unless it's a hot chick, Claire, or someone with lots of money.......wait, that's when I'M driving...' Nervously, the guy raised his thumb up. Surely enough, the motorbike stopped when it got up to him! 'Yay!'
"Where ya goin?" a female voice said. He looked at the biker; she pulled her helmet off to reveal a tall, pretty, blonde woman with blue eyes. She was wearing a red and blue biker uniform.
"Wow..."
"What?" the biker asked.
"Um...nothing. I'm going to Rockfort Island."
"Rockfort Island?" the female biker asked. "Never heard of it."
"It's like Hawaii, but near South America, in the Atlantic Ocean, and filled with zombies and monsters." Chris said with a stupid grin.
"Oooooooaaaaaahhhhhh!" The biker said. "Um...well, I could get ya to a harbor near the island, how about that?" She biker pulled out an extra helmet and tossed it at him. Unfortunately Chris cant catch, and the thing hit him in the head. "Oo...are you okay?
"I'm fine!" Chris's dizzy voice said as he passed out.
Later...
Chris's eyes opened and he was shocked to see the girl was passionately kissing him, he grinned and slipped her some tongue; she spit in his mouth and jumped up.
"Eww!" she yelled. "You're not supposed to do that when given mouth to mouth!"
"Oh.....^^;; Sorry."
The blonde girl sighed. "It's okey. My bad, I thought you could catch it. Are you okay?"
"Yeah." Chris said as he shook his head and got up. "My mommy dropped me on my head a lot when I was a baby, I'm used to it."
The girl sweatdropped. "Um...right. Anyway, you still want the ride?"
"Yeah, thanks!" Chris said as he tried to put the helmet on.
"Good, you can ride behind me." she said as she put the helmet on and got up. "And DON'T get any funny ideas, I know karate and I've got 18 gallons of pepper spray."
"Roger!"
The girl sat on her bike and turned around to see Chris put the helmet on backwards.
"AHHHHHH!!! I'M BLIND!!!!!" Chris screamed. The girl sighed, walked up to him, and spun the helmet around. "Oh...nevermind! ^^;;"
"Let's go." She said as she walked over to her bike and got on. Chris ran up to the bike and hopped on too. "What's your name?"
"Chris." He said. "Yours?"
"Elza." The girl said. "Elza Walker."
"Nice name..." he said.
"TIME TO BURN RUBBER BABY!!!!!" Elza screamed as she started up the bike, before Chris knew it they were already going 700 MPH and zooming down the road.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Sir, your tickets please?" the sexy train attendant lady who we shall call The Sexy Train Attendant Lady said as she walked over to the seat Chris was sitting in.
"Wha?" Chris asked as he woke up.
"Tickets?"
'Oh crap...' Chris thought, he looked at the floor then at The Sexy Train Attendant Lady. "I don't need tickets, but I think you need a ticket...to pleasure...?" Chris raised an eyebrow in a VERY bad attempt to be seductive.
"O_o;;"
Later...
The Sexy Train Attendant Lady opened the side door of the train and threw Chris out. The Redfield brother flew across the open field and started rolling across the ground. "OUCH!"
"Thank you for riding Lesbo Express, next time BUY TICKETS YOU FRIGGIN DUMBASS!!!!" The Sexy Train Attendant Lady shouted as she turned around and closed the door behind her.
"Screw you!" Chris yelled back. The train rode off into the distance. "Darn it...now how am I gonna get to Rockfort Island?" he looked around to see he was in the middle of the desert. "Aw crapola..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"(pant, pant) I hate backtracking." Claire said as she stopped back at the palace with her new shiny silver key. She had already placed all the crap except the M-100Ps, handgun, and handgun ammo in the item box, and had also took a First Aid Spray with her just in case.
A soft click was heard as the girl slid the Silver Key into the door on the opposite end of the palace 2nd floor and turned it. Grasping onto the handle, she pushed it open to reveal a lounge room thingy! There was a few slot machines, a bar, a piano, a-
"Ooooo! Piano!" Claire yelled as she ran up to it. "I always wanted to play one of these!" she started smashing the keys with her hands, creating a loud, off key tune that seemed to echo out throughout the Palace. Claire just about as good with the piano as Chris is...and that's pretty bad.
"Aww GOSH DARN IT!!!!" Claire yelled. "Where's Officer Becky when ya need her? Oh well...I bet if I put a piano roll in here it'd unlock a secret door or something...nah."
She walked up to the slot machines, put a quarter in, and pulled the lever. She got two sevens and a nazi sign. A loud beep was made.
"Awww come on!" she put another quarter in and pulled it. She got a lemon, a peach, and a 'Screw You' sign. It beeped again. "Arrgggg...okay ONE MORE." She put her third quarter in and pulled the lever. She got a cherry, a 7, and a lemon. Two quarters fell out. "Yay!" she grabbed them and put them in the slot machine. "Okey just one more..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Dear god she's gonna be doing this forever..." Jill said.
"She's got the gambling virus." Said Barry. "It's too late for her..."
Sherry and Rebecca started crying, everyone sweatdropped.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay, just four more times! Yeah!" Claire put the quarter in and pulled the lever. She continued doing this for about an hour...
One hour later...
";_; My money..." Claire said sadly. "I LOST! I LOST ALL 7 OF MY QUARTERS! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A scream, oh such a horrible scream pierced the silence and echoed throughout the whole island. A scream of sorrow, a scream of anger, a scream of...a 19 year old biker chick crying because she lost her money to a slot machine.
"^_^ Okey I feel better now!" she picked up the two green herbs and walked out. A soft patting noise was made as she ran down the stairs and into the hallway that led to the painting room and the Gold Luger room. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a strange looking midget standing in the middle of the hallway. He was wearing a white tank top and black shorts, two small fairy wings were connected to his back, silently fluttering as he was seemingly dragging a dead body of a zombie across the floor.
"WHO IN HE HELL ARE YOU!!!???" Claire's flesh piecing scream broke the silence, causing the man to jump and scream.
"AAAIIIIEEEEE!!!!" He turned and looked at her with scared, frightened, innocent eyes. "O_O Y-you can see me?"
"Like, yeah!" Claire replied as she raised an eyebrow. "Who are you? And what are you doing here?"
The man stood up straight and saluted. "Bob! Bob the Magical Fairy! Plot hole filling business!"
"O_o Wha?"
"I make sure that everything's nice and clean here, and make sure everything stays out of human logic."
Claire gasped. "So YOU'RE the one that's been dragging the zombie's bodies away while I'm not looking!"
Bob sweatdropped. "Y-yeah. I also transport the other characters into the locked rooms, place boxes of ammo randomly around the place, and other crap like that."
"AHA!" Claire yelled. "...wow you must be working hard!"
"Yeah, I am." Bob said with a benign smile. "But it's all in a hard days work! Another day another quarter!"
"Yeah...right..."
"Anyway, I gotta go!" Bob yelled nervously.
"Hey wait a m-" Bob disappeared in a flash before the girl could finish. "Damnit! How come EVERYONE always runs away from me!? Arg!" with a sigh, she turned and faced the double doors next to her.
"Use the Silver Key? Yes-No? YES STUPIDHEAD!!" she yelled as she slid the key into the hole, turned, and heard a click. The door opened. "Yay! Now I've gone in every room in the palace! XD" she walked into the new room and almost screamed when she saw two Bandersnatches in the meeting room. "Ahhhhhhhh!" okey, she DID scream.
"Roar! Muaha!" the Bandersnatches both extended their arms across the room and bitch slapped the poor girl in the face. She flew into the wall. "Ouch! ;_;"
SLAP!
"Ow!"
GRAB!
"O_o Grab? I mean...aaahhhh!" she cried as the things long pulsating arm grabbed onto her head and lifted her into the air. She started screaming again, the flesh piercing scream cause the monster to let her go and cover its ears in agony.
"AAHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP!!!" she screamed. Claire shook her head, pulled out the M-100Ps, and opened fire.
"DIIIIIEEE!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"AACCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!" the Bandersnatches both fell to the floor, dead.
"W00T! I kick ass!" Claire did the boogie and then regained her classic RE robotic posture. "AHEM! NOW TO CHECK THE ROOOOOOM!"
She clutched her shoulder, she had entered caution. After an annoyed groan she walked around the room. There was a paper on the desk, she picked it up. The words 'HUNK'S REPORT' were written on the front page.
"Wait a sec! Hunk's that guy that escaped from the sewers with the G- Virus!" Claire said. "And I shouldn't know that..." she got a stupid grin on her face and started to read.
'Attn: Mr. Alfred Ashford, head of facility.
Today at 53:66 I arrived successfully at the Umbrella Transport Base with the bigass B.O.W. capsule. Extreme care was taking during transport, and all 123,461,007 check in posts were confirmed condition green, for go. It was a bitch to do, I mean, why do we have to drive all the way to Asia before we could go to Antarctica!? Either way, it is currently being stored in a bigass freezer. We are normally assigned to special missions. But why were we ordered to transport a friggin frozen capsule!? I understand that you might rape and torture me for asking this, but I NEEEED to know! I mean...damn, I wanted to fight someone or something! Like that one time you made me kung fu right with that chick from Eternal Darkness!
I know it's 'top-secret', but without knowledge of its contents....uh...our...SAFETY could be at risk during the transport! Yeah! That's it! This is especially important if the contents are potianticalniously harmful. We would like to ask you to provide us with more info-ma-tion, since we be assigned to similar missions in the future? I mean, come on, it's not like it's your naked sister who faked her own death frozen in a capsule.
I still remember the good old days in the Military Training Center. Nothing has changed since then...right? Please dear god let it be the same! We shall gear up for the next mission today at...um...23:00? I think that's right...
Umbrella Special Forces Unit/Skinny White Guy With A Gun.
HUNK'
"Kewl!" Claire said, she put the file in her personal library and looked at the floor to see another Eagle Plate! "Wow...another one..." with a yawn, she picked it up and shoved it down her pocket.
"Looks like I'll have to go back to the Prison to use this..." She said as she pulled out the plate and the medicine for Rodrigo. "Damnit I HATE backtracking!"
With a sigh, she got up and started jogging back to the prison.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So...thirsty..." Chris muttered as he slowly crawled across the desert.
"Chriiiiiisssssssss..." a dark voice yelled. Chris looked ahead to see three stone towers around each other creating a portal. "Chrrrrriiiiiissssss..."
"Oooo...portal..." he started crawling towards it. "Wait a sec; I've played Eternal Darkness. NO WAY IN HELL I'M GOING THERE!"
"Damnit!" the dark evil voice yelled. Chris turned around and started crawling the other direction.
Later...
The ALREADY dehydrated man looked ahead and spotted something only about 20 meters away. It looked like a military base. "Whoa..." he walked up to the fence and saw a soldier standing near the gate. "Hey, where am I?"
"AREA 51!!!!!! SIR!!!!" the soldier screamed at the top of his lungs, causing Chris to jump.
"Area 51!? Holy crap!" Chris looked at the base. "Where's the nearest town? Do you know?"
"I CANT TELL YOU!!!!!! SIR!!!!!!!!"
Chris jumped and covered his ears. "W-why!?"
"WE CANNOT GIVE AWAY THE LOCATION OF AREA 51!!!!!!!! SIR!!!!!"
"Ouch!" Chris covered his ears again. "Do you have to scream?"
"SIR YES SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Chris raised an eyebrow and looked at the sign next to the solider. It was a drawing of the U.S. There was an arrow pointing to the middle of Texas with the words 'You Are Not Here' written. Chris sweatdropped.
"Pleeeaaaaseeeeeee tell me!" the S.T.A.R.S. member whined. "I neeeed to know where I am! ;_;"
"I WILL NOT TAKE THAT ORDER!!!!!!!!!! SIR!!!!!!!!"
Chris's face suddenly turned red and his eyes started to bulge. "LISTEN PUNK!!!!! I'VE SPENT THREE YEARS IN THE AIR FORCE AND I HAVE THE AUTHORITE' AND THE POWER TO KICK YOUR PUNK WHITE ASS!!!! BITCH!!!!!! TELL ME THE LOCATION OR I WILL PERSONALLY CALL MY AIR FORCE BUDDIES TO FLY BY AND SHOOT DOWN YOUR BLOODY ARSE!!!! NOW TELL ME, SOLDIER!!!!!!!!!!!"
The soldier's legs started shaking and his eyes started watering. He saluted. "PERMISSION TO CRY!!!!! SIR!!!!!"
"PERMISSION GRANTED!!!!!!" Chris screamed. The soldier started crying.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! SIR!!!!!!"
"NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 20!!!!!!" the soldier dropped to the floor and started doing pushups. "^_^ Man I miss those Air Force days..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire stopped at the prison gates and tried to catch her breath. "Maaan...that was a nice jog..."
After catching her breath, she hopped the gate again, crawling over and falling off of the other side. "Oof!"
"Ooooohhhhh..." Claire looked ahead to see a few zombies were now in the yard. The zombies looked at her and their eyes widened. "AAAHHHHHHH!!!! IT'S HER AGAIN!!!!!!"
All the zombies turned around and ran away screaming, Claire sweatdropped and got up. "Icky mud. Okey, now to give this medicine to Rodrigo, because it's the NICE thing to do! ^_^" she walked through the door to the graveyard and saw all the butt naked Graveyard Zombies. A swing of the knife took care of THEM though. ^_^
"Boom baby!" Claire yelled with a grin as she started walking to Rodrigo's Cell. "Hmmm...I wonder what Chris is doing right now..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chris walked up to a general and saluted, the General Saluted back.
"CHRIS REDFIELD! SIR!!" Chris screamed, the General sweatdropped.
"Uh...General Carvil. Who are you? A Marine?"
"AIR FORCE SIR!!!!!!!!!"
"O_o;; Oh I know you, I heard about ya, you're Chris Redfield. You got kicked out of the Air Force for pissing in that guys coffee, right?"
Chris sweatdropped. 'Oh crap...' he thought. "Um...I THINK YOU HEARD ME WRONG SIR! I SAID MY NAME'S BILLY COEN!!!!!!! MARINES!!!!! SIR!!!!!!!"
"Oh..." he said. "Wait a second, weren't you arrested for killing 23 people?"
"....DAMNIT!" Chris screamed. "I mean, my names...JILL VALENTINE!!! HOT CHICK FROM RESIDENT EVIL ONE AND THREE!!!!!! SIR!!!!!!"
"O_o;;;" All the soldiers in the entire base looked at him.
"....can I see the aliens now? ^^;;" Chris asked as he scratched the back of his head.
"Shoot him." General Carvil said calmly, Chris's eyes widened as everyone started shooting at him.
"AHHHHH!!!!" Chris started running, somehow dodging all the bullets, and jumped into a randomly placed jet. "MUAHAHAHA! You can't get me now!"
"HE'S IN A JET!!!!! SIR!!!!!"
"Yes I know, I know." Carvil said. "Okey Jill. Calm down. We wont hurt you if you come out of the jet."
"NEVAAAAHH!!" Chris screamed. "See ya! MUAHAHAHA!" He turned the jet on and pressed a bunch of buttons, it didn't move. "O_o What!?"
"OH YEAH!!! NO FUEL IS IN THE JET!!! SIR!!!" a soldier yelled. Chris fell over.
"Get him!" Carvil yelled. Everyone started shooting at him. Chris's eyes widened and everything went negative. He could hear his heart beating and two sentences appeared in front of him.
'Hide in the jet'
'Eject'
"Kewl! I'm all negative! ^_^" Chris said as he looked at his negative arms. He sweatdropped when a bullet flew passed him in slow motion. "Ahhh! Okey, okey, what do I choose!?" He looked at both choices, the second sounded better. Everything went back to normal colors and he smashed his fist into the Eject Button. He and his seat shot WAYYYY up and into the clouds. "AHHHHHH!!!!!"
All the people at the base sweatdropped.
"HOLY CRAP!!!! SIR!!!!!" a soldier yelled. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE JUST DID!!!!????? SIR!!!!!!!??????"
"Premature Ejection..." Carvil muttered. Everyone looked at the floor and sad music played.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire stepped down the dark hallway, her lighter illuminating the whole hall for her to see. She was back in the basement of the prison, going back to where this whole journey started. She walked through the door into the cell room and saw Rodrigo still hunched over in the chair, looking dead.
She walked up to his desk; he suddenly jumped up and aimed his gun at her.
"W-what are you doing here!?" he asked. "I thought I told you to go..."
"I brought this, for you." Claire held up the medicine capsule. "Here, homosexual medicine."
"Homeostatic" Rodrigo corrected her.
"Same thing. ^^;" She said.
"Homeostatic Medicine...how kind of you." He said.
"HOW KIND OF ME!?" Claire asked/screamed. "I JUST WENT THROUGH A LOT OF HELL TO GET THIS FOR YOU AND THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY!?"
"Yes."
Claire fell over.
"I told you to go..." he said, he covered his face with his hand and shook his head. "Sigh, white girls. They never listen..." he started to try and open the capsule.
"Let me help you with that..." Claire said.
"No! I can do it myself!" he said as he tried with all his might to open the capsule.
"LET ME HELP DAMNIT!!!!!" Claire screamed, Rodrigo sweatdropped and gave her the capsule. Her veins showed in her muscles as she slowly pulled the cap off and gave him the medicine. "^_^ There."
"Thanks." Rodrigo said, he put the capsule to his mouth, swallowed 14 pills, and took a sip of beer. Claire sweatdropped.
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Nah, I'm used to it.," he said. "And getting shot hurts like a bitch."
"I guess...." Claire said as she put the lighter on the table. "Here, my brother gave it to me as a birthday present. I wont need it anymore."
"O_o;; You're brother gave you a lighter for your birthday?"
"^^;; Yeah." Claire said.
Rodrigo sweatdropped. "And you're giving it to me?"
"Yeah, I was trying to find a reason to sell it anyway." Claire said. "It's a kinda crappy lighter, I mean, the flame's 2-D.
"Good point." The man said. "Thanks, here, it's all I can give you." He pulled a lock pick out of the desk and gave it to her.
"O_o Weird how female RE characters *always* get a lock pick, eh?"
"Yeah."
"Well...uh...thanks." Claire said.
"You'd better get out of here while your still able."
"Yeah I know I know." Claire rolled her eyes. "See ya dude. And if you see my brother, please don't tell him I gave you my B-day present from him."
"Sure sure."
"Thanks."
Claire turned and walked out the door.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
".........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!! OOF!!!!!!!!!!!" Chris yelled as he fell 50+ feet from the sky and landed on the desert floor in the jet seat. "Ouch! _"
He slowly got off of the seat and looked around, he was in the middle of nowhere again. "Sigh, how am I gonna get out of here?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire placed the Eagle Plate in the door next to the guillotine, the blade came smashing down onto the hard wood next to her, she jumped and the door opened. Two zombies stood on the other end and horror music played.
"AHHH!!! TWO ZOMBIES!!!!! TWO!!!!!!! MORE THAN ONE!!!!!!" Claire screamed, she pulled out the knife and slashed it. Both the zombie's heads exploded and she walked through with a stupid grin on her face.
The next room was FULL of zombies, but of course, there was a CONVENIENTLY place barrel next to them, she aimed at the barrel and fired. The second the bullet touched it it exploded, sending the zombies flying every direction.
"OWWWWW!!!!!!"
"^^;; Sorry." Claire turned and walked through the door to her left.
She was now in some sort of medical room. There was a body that had like a bazillion needles in it on a bed, and a first aid spray on the shelf. There was a little...uh...doorway that led to a disturbingly small office on the left wall, and a door in the back of the room.
"Wow, a hospit-EEEEEEEEE!" Claire screamed as she saw a body on the bed COVERED in shots. "Ugh...I hate needles!"
She walked over to the little office area thingy and read a random book on the desk.
'Anatomist's Note
There's a leprechaun in my mind. It tells me to burn things, and steal people's shoes. I can't control its fierce impulses that the leprechaun drives me to act upon. It is a brutal ceremony. With the leprechaun next to me, I enjoy watching Spongebob Square Pants and Dragon Tales, maybe Hamtaro every once in a while.....Oh yeah, I also enjoy long sunsets on the beach, stoplights that blink a lot, and watching people agonize in pain while screaming and convulsing repeatedly as they die. Why I am writing this, I have no friggin idea.
But, Sir Alfy was kind enough to acknowledge me, and has given me the facilities, the chemicals, and the "equipment" (and no I don't mean THAT you sicko, you shouldn't be reading my diary anyway!) necessary to study EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I must never betray Sir Alfred's kindness. It is especially critical that no one discovers the sacred place that only he and I know about. In which, if you're not me and you're reading this, I screwed up big time.
I swear. Shit. See? I sweared. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHUHUHAWEEEE!!!!!
Wait a sec, that's not what I meant to write. I swear the basement of this medical building will be kept secret. Of course, I keep the key to the sacred place with me at ALL times, and I mean *AT ALL* times. Even in the shower...not very comfortable...uh...anyway, even if an outsider sees it, they will never be able to tell that it is the key. I must remember that my life ends when I lose Sir Alfred's trust.
P.S. THE KEY IS THE GLASS EYEBALL I HAVE IN MY POCKET!!!!!!'
"Umbrella people scare meh!" Claire said as she put the book down and got in a thinking pose. "I wonder what the key is...if only I could get a hint..."
Eyeing a body bag in the corner, the dark haired girl walked through the door. Little did she know that SOMETHING IN THE BODY BAG WAS MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Scaring you yet?
Annoying door opening sequence...
"Ewwwww!" Claire yelled. The whole room was a torture chamber, DRENCHED IN BLOOD!!!!!!!!! "Ew ew ew! It's like...a torture chamber, and its drenched in blood. Icky!"
"Ooooohhhhhhh..."
"Eh?" Claire turned and saw a zombie next to her; she turned around and saw a zombie ahead of her too. "Aw crap. Where's the AI controlled partner character when you need em?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Right here! ^_^" Billy, Rebecca, Ada, Sherry, and Carlos yelled as they raised their hand.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire shook her head and pulled out the handgun. "DIE DAMN YOU!!!!!" She screamed dramatically as she unloaded the clip into the zombie's chests. They each let out the SAME EXACT SOUNDING groan and fell to the floor. Corny looking animated blood spread in a pool around their rotting corpses as Claire casually stepped over them.
This torture chamber made the one in RE0 look really lame, it was COVERED in blood, literally.
"Bah, stupid blood." Claire said. "It's like...bloody!" she saw a brief case on a shelf. "Ooooooooooo! BRIEFCASE! MUST OPEN!!!!!!" she ran up to it and picked it up. "Wait a second, what the hell is this doing here? Oh well." She looked closely at the lock. "Open the briefcase? Yes-No? Yes. It's secured with a simple lock. Use the lock-pick? Yes damnit!" she pulled out the lock-pick and jammed it into the keyhole. The very second it touched the hole the case opened. Revealing a.... Duh duh duh DUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!!!
Handgun Parts!
Claire pulled out some custom handgun parts, which conveniently were for the EXACT same handgun she had. "Kewlies! Now I can show Leon who's really got the kickass handgun!" using her great mechanical skills, she clipped the parts onto her handgun, creating a SUPER HANDGUN!!!! "Muahahaha! Time to kick some zombie arse!"
She ran back to the door and put her face EXTREMELY close to the knob.
Heartbeat...
Heartbeat...
Heartbeat...
OPENING DOOR SOUND!!!!!!!...
Heartbeat.....
Heartbeat....
.......
.......
.......
Claire hit herself in the chest.
Heartbeat...
"That's better! ^_^" She walked through the door and raised and eyebrow when she heard a REALLY wet crunching sound. "Hmmm, I WONDER what's around the corner..."
She turned around the corner and wasn't so horrified to see a doctor zombie munching on the body full of needles. It looked over to her and grinned.
"OooooohhhhhhGUUUUUUUUhhhhhhhGLUGGLUGGLUG!!!!" it screamed. Claire sweatdropped, the zombie started RUNNING towards her!
"O_O EVIL RUNNING DOCTOR ZOMBIES OF DOOOOOM!!!!!" Claire screamed, before she could even pull out the custom handgun, the zombie grabbed onto her and bit onto her arm. "Ouch! That...kinda hurts!" she pushed the zombie and held her stomach like she was in danger. "O_O;; Oh shit..." she instantly pulled out the handgun. "DIE DEMONS!!!!!!" she started firing the semi- automatic weapon like crazy. Bullets pieced and dug into the zombie's weak flesh, causing it to fall to the floor, spasm, and finally die. "YAY!"
Claire looked ahead to see the zombie that was on the bed was walking towards her, she sighed and casually shot the poor thing in the head. "^_^ This handguns neat!" she stuck another clip up the weird...metal rod...thingy and reloaded the gun. "Ouch...my body hurts! ;_;"
Claire pulled a first aid spray out of her pocket. "Okay...how does this work again?"
She pressed down on the cap and a small spray...sprayed on her.
Sssssssssss...
She sprayed it on her arms.
Sssssssssss.....
She sprayed it on her legs...
Sssssssssss....
She sprayed it on her bellybutton, giggling the whole time.
Sssssssssss....
She sprayed it in her hair, like hair spray! XD
Sssssssssss....
She started spraying it in the air like air freshener, slowly going from Danger to Fine. "This is taking too long...ugh..."
Sssssssssssssssss......
10 minutes later....
The can finally ran out, and she went back to Fine. "FINALLY! Sheesh, these are WAY less fun than mixed herbs! Ugh!"
Turning around, she spotted something REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY shiny in the doctor's pocket, so shiny that you could easily see it even when covered in cloth!
She picked it up. "Ooooooo...A glass eyeball? Ewwwww!" She threw it up in the air and juggled it, trying to touch it as little as possible, as she ran to the butt ugly statue in the doc's office. She put the eyeball in the statue, and another 'oh so secret' door opened behind her. "Sheesh..."
Annoying walking-down-stairs sequence...
Step...
Step...
Step...
Trip...
Bam...
Bang...
BAM!
BOOM!
"OUCH!!!!"
Got up and shook her head. "Stupid stairs! Too dark to see!" Not even seeming to realize she almost broke her neck, Claire continued to walk down the hallway until she heard bats. She darted her eyes around. "You think you can hurt me!? Well take THIS!" she pulled out the lock pick and held it in her hand, then realized it wasn't her lighter a little too late. "._. Oh crap..." She started running as fast as she could as the bats, oh the bats, chased her. She ran up to the door and took her precious time in opening it, somehow they didn't attack her and she ran through.
"Ack! Not another torture chamber!" She cried as she looked around another torture chamber, it was pretty neat and fancy, but covered in blood and objects of torture, of course. There was a comfy couch in the middle of the room with a fancy desk with a glass of wine in it. Zombies littered the room. Claire's eyes widened. "O_o This is one FUCKED up corporation!" she walked up to the wine glass and drank all the wine in it, throwing it to the floor after that. "Leaving a full glass of perfectly good wine here like this...sick I tell ya!"
"Um...oooooohhhhhhhhhhhh......" Claire sighed and shot all the zombies in the room with her kewl new handgun. She then turned and walked down the stairs in the corner of the room, all the way down to the basements basements basement. She walked through the door and into a strange room with a bunch of statues on it.
The biker girl didn't even bother to look around for traps or anything, when she spotted a shiny sword that was in the hands of a statue, she squealed with excitement. "Ooo! A swoooorrdddddd!" She grinned and grabbed the sword, she immediately swung it around. "I could be like that chick from Eternal Darkness! Schweet!"
Clink!
"Wha oh..." Claire turned around to see the statues arm had moved, the statue behind her raised a few feet above the ground and the room started filling with poisonous gas. "....ah crapola! I shoulda saw this coming! -- ;;" Claire turned around, panicking immediately. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHATDOIDOWHATDOIDO!!!!??????"
She looked at the statue behind her and looked to see a bar sticking out that wasn't there before. There was a sign posted in the middle of the floor which said...
'Listen stupidass! PUSH THE LEVER THINGY SO THE STATUE TURNS AROUND! DO IT! NOW!!!!!!! YOU FRIGGIN MORON!!!!!!'
Ten seconds after reading the sign, it finally hit her and she jumped. Pushing the statue all the way around, the gas turned off. "YAY! That was easy! ^_^;;"
The statue once holding the sword spun around to reveal a closed iron maiden. A slit was in the middle.
"...................damnit! I wanted to keep the kewl sword! ;_;" Claire said. With a sigh, she slid the sword into the slit, then started pumping it in and out and in and out by instinct. After doing this ten times she realized what she was doing, stopped, and left the blade there. A soft click was heard.
BAM!
"OUCH!" Claire cried as the iron maiden swung open and hit her in the face. She fell to the floor and looked up to see a zombie standing there.
"ARE YOU THE ONE WHO STABBED ME WITH THIS!?" The extremely pissed off zombie asked as he pointed at the sword, which was now in his back.
"Um..............yes...."
"I SHALL EAT THEE!!!!" the zombie screamed as it literally jumped. Claire rolled out of the way and it landed face first on the floor, breaking its head off immediately. "Damnit!"
"^^;; Sorry..." Claire looked and saw a piano roll lying at the bottom of the iron maiden. "O_o What the fuck is that doing all the way down here!? Oh well..." she picked it up. "Piano Roll. Take it? Yes-No? Yes." She shoved it down her pants and turned. "Great, now I have to walk ALL THE WAY BACK to the palace. Ugh..." she sighed and ran out the door. "This BETTER be over soon!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Tired...thirsty...need...water..." Chris said as his dried up tongue hangeded out of his mouth. He fell to the sandy floor of the desert. "Waaaaatttteeeeerrrrrr..."
"Chrrriiiiiiissssss..." a feminine voice said. Chris plucked his head out of the sand and looked ahead to see Jill Valentine wearing her alternate outfit, the military uniform, from RE1. Her hands were on her hips and she had about 6 bottles of water tied around her belt.
"Jill..." Chris said, dazed.
"Come on Chris, don't ya wanna 'drink'...?" Jill got a grin on her face and slapped her ass. If Chris had any water left in his body, he would of sweatdropped.
"YES!!!!!" Chris jumped up like a Crimson Head and ran towards Jill at a bazillion miles and hour; a crazed look was on his face. "Jiiilllllyyyy! ^_^" He jumped up in the air, but instead of landing in Jill's arms he landed headfirst into sand. "Oof!"
Groaning loudly, the black haired man slowly got up and groaned. "Stupid mirage! ARG!!!!" he ran around, kicking sand everywhere. "STUPID DESERT!! AARRRGGG!!!!!!"
Vroom! Vroom!
Chris stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, it sounded like a motorbike. "Claire!?" he looked ahead to see a road, one of those old country roads that seemed to lead forward forever. "Yay!" he ran up the road and saw a motorbike was about a quarter of a mile away, making a loud vroom sound.
'Okey Christopher, remember the rules of hitch hiking. Don't stop unless it's a hot chick, Claire, or someone with lots of money.......wait, that's when I'M driving...' Nervously, the guy raised his thumb up. Surely enough, the motorbike stopped when it got up to him! 'Yay!'
"Where ya goin?" a female voice said. He looked at the biker; she pulled her helmet off to reveal a tall, pretty, blonde woman with blue eyes. She was wearing a red and blue biker uniform.
"Wow..."
"What?" the biker asked.
"Um...nothing. I'm going to Rockfort Island."
"Rockfort Island?" the female biker asked. "Never heard of it."
"It's like Hawaii, but near South America, in the Atlantic Ocean, and filled with zombies and monsters." Chris said with a stupid grin.
"Oooooooaaaaaahhhhhh!" The biker said. "Um...well, I could get ya to a harbor near the island, how about that?" She biker pulled out an extra helmet and tossed it at him. Unfortunately Chris cant catch, and the thing hit him in the head. "Oo...are you okay?
"I'm fine!" Chris's dizzy voice said as he passed out.
Later...
Chris's eyes opened and he was shocked to see the girl was passionately kissing him, he grinned and slipped her some tongue; she spit in his mouth and jumped up.
"Eww!" she yelled. "You're not supposed to do that when given mouth to mouth!"
"Oh.....^^;; Sorry."
The blonde girl sighed. "It's okey. My bad, I thought you could catch it. Are you okay?"
"Yeah." Chris said as he shook his head and got up. "My mommy dropped me on my head a lot when I was a baby, I'm used to it."
The girl sweatdropped. "Um...right. Anyway, you still want the ride?"
"Yeah, thanks!" Chris said as he tried to put the helmet on.
"Good, you can ride behind me." she said as she put the helmet on and got up. "And DON'T get any funny ideas, I know karate and I've got 18 gallons of pepper spray."
"Roger!"
The girl sat on her bike and turned around to see Chris put the helmet on backwards.
"AHHHHHH!!! I'M BLIND!!!!!" Chris screamed. The girl sighed, walked up to him, and spun the helmet around. "Oh...nevermind! ^^;;"
"Let's go." She said as she walked over to her bike and got on. Chris ran up to the bike and hopped on too. "What's your name?"
"Chris." He said. "Yours?"
"Elza." The girl said. "Elza Walker."
"Nice name..." he said.
"TIME TO BURN RUBBER BABY!!!!!" Elza screamed as she started up the bike, before Chris knew it they were already going 700 MPH and zooming down the road.