I cannot believe him. I seriously can't believe his nerve! He pulled me out BY MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!
Does he have any idea of how much being pulled out of a cave by your hair hurts??? Well, I'll tell you how much. It hurts like being dumped by a treasured boyfriend, losing your favorite doll/book/movie/whatever, and hitting your head on a brick wall. THAT, my friends, is how much it hurt.
Well, I showed him! I dragged him around the clearing by the scruff of his neck, making sure his face bumped into some roots and poison ivy. Then I ran. Again.
Seriously, it seems like all I'm doing nowadays is running. Well, anyway, I ran away, leaving dear Prince Edri to his moans and groans and fevered itching of his nose and cheek bones, and eventually found another shelter where all my hair could fit in, which was really a miracle.
So, I pulled out my favorite book from my sack, and opened it up. The title? Fairy Tales for Idiots. Yes, yes, I know Edri likes it too, but this was the only copy of a fairy tale book that I was given, and I enjoy it very much.
Only a few of these books remain in print, so it's actually worth a lot of money. Forty nine cents, actually. Okay, okay, so it's worthless. Who really cares?
Anyway, I was flipping through the book, looking for an interesting fairy tale to read, when I realized that something weird had happened to my book. Right where Snow White and the Seven Dwarves used to be, was a new title.
Princess Lucy's Great Adventure. A little confused, I turned the page and gasped. There was a picture of me, pushing Edri out of the window of the tower.
I started reading and laughed aloud at some of the words. It included details of conversations I'd had, how I pushed Edri out of the window, and how I had dragged Edri around and around the forest clearing. But when I turned the page to see what happened after I found this new shelter, it was blank. And so were the next few pages.
So, I supposed that I was to make the rest of the story myself. And interesting predicament, I thought to myself, but I had always wanted to write a book. In a way, I supposed I was.
So, very exhausted and tired, I closed my book, shut my eyes, and went to sleep.
The next morning, I continued on my way, just feeling so happy. Why? Because I was walking in grass that I hadn't seen or felt for nearly 7 years. I was touching trees, leaves, and dirt that I hadn't touched for almost half my life!
I was seeing animals up close, I was living life how it was meant to be lived! I was so happy, so blissfully ignorant that even though beauty existed, I neglected the fact that evil still existed as well. That was why I was unprepared for what happened next.
I had been eating bread, cheese, and salted meat for a few days now, so I was very tired of the same things to eat, so you'll understand that when I saw a beautiful, sweet-smelling house, I wasn't thinking very clearly.
I approached it cautiously, having never smelled anything so sweet. I touched a window pane, and it crumbled off into my hand. I jumped slightly, sniffed it, and licked it. My eyes brightened at once. It tasted as good as it smelled-nae, better!
So, immediately, I licked the wall to the house, and licked my lips eagerly as I continued to snack on the house.
Suddenly, the door creaked open, and an old crone stumbled out, her face angry. "Nibble, nibble, like a mouse!" she croaked. "Who's eating at my house?"
All of a sudden, it all clicked in. Hansel and Gretel! My mind screamed at me, "Get out, now!"
"Um, I'm sorry, ma'am," I said, flustered, trying to sneak away from her. "I didn't realize-"
But by then, the witch realized that I was a human-or rather, edible. "Oh, no," she crooned at me, stretching her arms out. "Please, come inside and eat some better food. The sweets on my house are old, decaying. I can give you something so much better." I didn't realize that the witch was using her words to spin a spell around me.
My last conscious thought, as I entered the candy house, was "I wish I had a good brain. Then I could weasel out of this using my wits. Oh, well, maybe I'll-"
Then everything went black.
When I awoke, I was in a cage, my hair draped all over me, making me sneeze violently. "Oh, you're awake," a young, girly, British voice said to my right. Trying to turn my head, I nearly strangled myself as I choked on my blond hair.
"That is it," I grumbled to myself as I pulled hair out of my throat. "I am getting this stupid, inconceivably long hair cut!"
I managed to look at the girl. She was filthy, her pretty blonde hair matted and filled with nits, I'm sure, with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Hi, I'm Lucy," I said to her. "I'm presuming you're Gretel." The girl nodded meekly. "You aren't supposed to be in this story," she protested. "Somebody got the pages mixed up," I said to her, rolling my eyes. "You can never trust publishing companies." This at least brought a small smile to her face.
"So, Grets," I said to her. "Where's Hansel?" "Over there," Gretel pointed to the ceiling, where Hansel hung from a steel cage, where the witch was showering him with food, trying to make him plump.
"How will we get out of this?" Gretel whispered, starting to cry again. "Hey, don't worry about it, Grets," I comforted her. "Listen, when the witch asks you to test the oven for its hotness, don't go in. Simple!"
Gretel looked at me like I was crazy, and I'm sure I sounded like I was. "Okay," she said slowly, trying to decide if I was insane and dangerous, or truthful and insane. Either one was probably not a comforting idea to a girl her age.
Days passed slowly, my hair stifling me, Gretel's incessant weeping getting annoying, my stomach growling constantly. One time the witch tried to cut off my hair, just because, as she put it, "Hair doesn't go well with freshly baked human."
But Gretel and I managed to...how shall I put this...persuade her not to touch it. That witch was clutching her middle for weeks. giggle So funny, that thought.
Anyway, eventually the witch got impatient for her wonderfully delicious Hansel casserole, so, as I knew she would, she let Gretel out of the cage and asked her to test the oven's heat. I nodded at her, and she said, "I don't know how."
"Just stick your head in there, and see!" the witch said crossly, getting relatively hungry. "Why don't you show me?" Gretel suggested. I prayed the witch would succumb to dumbness as a result of her extreme state of hunger, and she did. She stuck her head in, and Gretel shoved her inside the oven and locked it.
"Aw, right, Grets!" I cheered, drowning out the evil woman's shrieks. Gretel grabbed the keys from the wall where they hung, and unlocked the door for me. "Here, let me help you down, Han," I said to Hansel, quickly helping him down from his cage.
"Princess Lucy, you have our undying gratitude," Hansel addressed me, holding his sister's hand tightly. "How can we ever thank you?" Gretel asked.
I smiled. "Stay away from sweets: not only will they give you a stomach- ache, but you might have to suffer at the hands of a wicked witch. Just a hint."
The siblings stared at me like I was crazy. "Riiight," they said together. "Well, bye!" And they ran off, Gretel saying to her brother, "I know she saved us, but I think we ought to report her to Bellevue."
I smiled again. Kids these days. I continued to walk after gathering candy from the witch's house, and walked on, enjoying the day.
A wicked witch was dead because of me. Well, mostly Gretel, but-hey, I helped.
Okay, whoever is creating what's happening in my story-stop! Because Edri just ran up to me and started blethering about wanting to marry me. I swear, when this story is finished and I live happily ever after, I am going to kill whoever created the idea for this story...oh, qwi13, is it?
Just you wait, qwi! I will hunt you down, and make you pay for my suffering!! But right now, I'm going to run...ooh! I hate my life!!
Does he have any idea of how much being pulled out of a cave by your hair hurts??? Well, I'll tell you how much. It hurts like being dumped by a treasured boyfriend, losing your favorite doll/book/movie/whatever, and hitting your head on a brick wall. THAT, my friends, is how much it hurt.
Well, I showed him! I dragged him around the clearing by the scruff of his neck, making sure his face bumped into some roots and poison ivy. Then I ran. Again.
Seriously, it seems like all I'm doing nowadays is running. Well, anyway, I ran away, leaving dear Prince Edri to his moans and groans and fevered itching of his nose and cheek bones, and eventually found another shelter where all my hair could fit in, which was really a miracle.
So, I pulled out my favorite book from my sack, and opened it up. The title? Fairy Tales for Idiots. Yes, yes, I know Edri likes it too, but this was the only copy of a fairy tale book that I was given, and I enjoy it very much.
Only a few of these books remain in print, so it's actually worth a lot of money. Forty nine cents, actually. Okay, okay, so it's worthless. Who really cares?
Anyway, I was flipping through the book, looking for an interesting fairy tale to read, when I realized that something weird had happened to my book. Right where Snow White and the Seven Dwarves used to be, was a new title.
Princess Lucy's Great Adventure. A little confused, I turned the page and gasped. There was a picture of me, pushing Edri out of the window of the tower.
I started reading and laughed aloud at some of the words. It included details of conversations I'd had, how I pushed Edri out of the window, and how I had dragged Edri around and around the forest clearing. But when I turned the page to see what happened after I found this new shelter, it was blank. And so were the next few pages.
So, I supposed that I was to make the rest of the story myself. And interesting predicament, I thought to myself, but I had always wanted to write a book. In a way, I supposed I was.
So, very exhausted and tired, I closed my book, shut my eyes, and went to sleep.
The next morning, I continued on my way, just feeling so happy. Why? Because I was walking in grass that I hadn't seen or felt for nearly 7 years. I was touching trees, leaves, and dirt that I hadn't touched for almost half my life!
I was seeing animals up close, I was living life how it was meant to be lived! I was so happy, so blissfully ignorant that even though beauty existed, I neglected the fact that evil still existed as well. That was why I was unprepared for what happened next.
I had been eating bread, cheese, and salted meat for a few days now, so I was very tired of the same things to eat, so you'll understand that when I saw a beautiful, sweet-smelling house, I wasn't thinking very clearly.
I approached it cautiously, having never smelled anything so sweet. I touched a window pane, and it crumbled off into my hand. I jumped slightly, sniffed it, and licked it. My eyes brightened at once. It tasted as good as it smelled-nae, better!
So, immediately, I licked the wall to the house, and licked my lips eagerly as I continued to snack on the house.
Suddenly, the door creaked open, and an old crone stumbled out, her face angry. "Nibble, nibble, like a mouse!" she croaked. "Who's eating at my house?"
All of a sudden, it all clicked in. Hansel and Gretel! My mind screamed at me, "Get out, now!"
"Um, I'm sorry, ma'am," I said, flustered, trying to sneak away from her. "I didn't realize-"
But by then, the witch realized that I was a human-or rather, edible. "Oh, no," she crooned at me, stretching her arms out. "Please, come inside and eat some better food. The sweets on my house are old, decaying. I can give you something so much better." I didn't realize that the witch was using her words to spin a spell around me.
My last conscious thought, as I entered the candy house, was "I wish I had a good brain. Then I could weasel out of this using my wits. Oh, well, maybe I'll-"
Then everything went black.
When I awoke, I was in a cage, my hair draped all over me, making me sneeze violently. "Oh, you're awake," a young, girly, British voice said to my right. Trying to turn my head, I nearly strangled myself as I choked on my blond hair.
"That is it," I grumbled to myself as I pulled hair out of my throat. "I am getting this stupid, inconceivably long hair cut!"
I managed to look at the girl. She was filthy, her pretty blonde hair matted and filled with nits, I'm sure, with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Hi, I'm Lucy," I said to her. "I'm presuming you're Gretel." The girl nodded meekly. "You aren't supposed to be in this story," she protested. "Somebody got the pages mixed up," I said to her, rolling my eyes. "You can never trust publishing companies." This at least brought a small smile to her face.
"So, Grets," I said to her. "Where's Hansel?" "Over there," Gretel pointed to the ceiling, where Hansel hung from a steel cage, where the witch was showering him with food, trying to make him plump.
"How will we get out of this?" Gretel whispered, starting to cry again. "Hey, don't worry about it, Grets," I comforted her. "Listen, when the witch asks you to test the oven for its hotness, don't go in. Simple!"
Gretel looked at me like I was crazy, and I'm sure I sounded like I was. "Okay," she said slowly, trying to decide if I was insane and dangerous, or truthful and insane. Either one was probably not a comforting idea to a girl her age.
Days passed slowly, my hair stifling me, Gretel's incessant weeping getting annoying, my stomach growling constantly. One time the witch tried to cut off my hair, just because, as she put it, "Hair doesn't go well with freshly baked human."
But Gretel and I managed to...how shall I put this...persuade her not to touch it. That witch was clutching her middle for weeks. giggle So funny, that thought.
Anyway, eventually the witch got impatient for her wonderfully delicious Hansel casserole, so, as I knew she would, she let Gretel out of the cage and asked her to test the oven's heat. I nodded at her, and she said, "I don't know how."
"Just stick your head in there, and see!" the witch said crossly, getting relatively hungry. "Why don't you show me?" Gretel suggested. I prayed the witch would succumb to dumbness as a result of her extreme state of hunger, and she did. She stuck her head in, and Gretel shoved her inside the oven and locked it.
"Aw, right, Grets!" I cheered, drowning out the evil woman's shrieks. Gretel grabbed the keys from the wall where they hung, and unlocked the door for me. "Here, let me help you down, Han," I said to Hansel, quickly helping him down from his cage.
"Princess Lucy, you have our undying gratitude," Hansel addressed me, holding his sister's hand tightly. "How can we ever thank you?" Gretel asked.
I smiled. "Stay away from sweets: not only will they give you a stomach- ache, but you might have to suffer at the hands of a wicked witch. Just a hint."
The siblings stared at me like I was crazy. "Riiight," they said together. "Well, bye!" And they ran off, Gretel saying to her brother, "I know she saved us, but I think we ought to report her to Bellevue."
I smiled again. Kids these days. I continued to walk after gathering candy from the witch's house, and walked on, enjoying the day.
A wicked witch was dead because of me. Well, mostly Gretel, but-hey, I helped.
Okay, whoever is creating what's happening in my story-stop! Because Edri just ran up to me and started blethering about wanting to marry me. I swear, when this story is finished and I live happily ever after, I am going to kill whoever created the idea for this story...oh, qwi13, is it?
Just you wait, qwi! I will hunt you down, and make you pay for my suffering!! But right now, I'm going to run...ooh! I hate my life!!