The next day, I continued walking, and I suddenly realized that I had no idea where I was headed. I didn't really even have a purpose! All I really knew was, I had to get somewhere, and that somewhere had to be away from Prince Edri.

So, as I ran aimlessly through the forest, Prince Edri huffing and puffing threats and romantic sweet-talk behind me, I decided I would become a wanderer. I'd invade other stories. (Now, I realize that it was rude and impolite, but back then I had no proper up-bringing.)

Eventually I lost him, and when I saw another wood cabin, I was relieved beyond reason. So, I stopped by. Unfortunately, nobody was there. Well, actually, that's not quite true. A small, blonde girl was sitting inside the cabin before three bowls of what looked like oatmeal-only with way more lumps than was good for you. The worst thing was, she was sampling the horrid stuff one bowl at a time! I nearly threw up just thinking about eating it.

"Hmm...this one's too cold," the girl decided, and tasted the next one. A pleased look sprang up on her face and she sighed, "This one's just right!" I rolled my eyes. It was all too clear where I had wandered into now. Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Could this get any worse?

I plopped down on the seat next to her, and a surprised look came over her face, and then she only looked annoyed. In a snotty voice she asked, "And whom, may I ask, are you? You aren't scheduled to be in this fairy tale." "I'm Lucy," I said, sticking out my hand. She only looked at it in disdain, her pretty little nose wrinkled. "How unpleasant to meet you," she grimaced to me.

I withdrew my hand. "Don't you realize it's rude to cut into MY time in the spotlight?" Goldi asked me. "Don't you realize it's rude to cut into someone ELSE'S house, eat their food, wreck their chairs, and sleep in their beds?" I shot back. She had no answer for that one.

I eventually headed upstairs, where I set my bag down on the floor and got out my book. I did a little reading while I rested on the windowsill, but unfortunately I got a little drowsy and fell asleep.

I remember thinking, "Some famous fairy tale stars are just not all they're cracked up to be. Goldi here is proof of that I suppose. I guess I'd better forget asking for Her Majesty's autograph..."

The next thing I knew, I was jolted awake by a furry hand-or should I say paw? I froze, and slowly looked up to see an angry bear looking at me. I smiled sheepishly. "Um, hi?" I squeaked. I could tell these bears meant business, so in a flash I had grabbed my bag and was falling out of the windowsill.

As I hit the ground and turned my fall into a roll and started running, I heard Goldi's terrified scream in the distance. "Good," I thought, "maybe the baby bear sat on her. That'll bring Her Majesty down a peg or two."

My pleasure at hearing Goldi's fear soon turned to blatant annoyance as I once again heard that dratted Prince Edri proclaiming his wondrous love and hatred for me.

But this time I had had enough. I let my bag down, and turned to see him rushing towards me at full speed. So, as he drew within arms reach of me, I let my fist fly right into his face. It was like he had hit a brick wall. He fell with a thud, and I realized that one of his teeth was embedded in my fist. I dug it out, and put it into his loosely curled fist where he lay unconscious on the ground, and continued.

That image always provides me with such amusement! I'm sorry, but it's just so funny, I can't stop laughing, I can't-

Ahem. Right. You're not interested in my amusement, are you? I didn't think so. Okay, well, moving right along.

I wandered around in the forest for a few more days, just hoping that I would eventually find somewhere to rest, maybe eat a few crumbs of bread, maybe cut my hair or...I don't know. Actually experience a day of joy for the first time in my life.

I wanted to go dancing, I wanted to go and drink myself under the table, and then I would eat a half-pound steak and THEN I would sleep for 48 hours straight. Yeah. Right. Maybe in a thousand years or so!

But, when I spotted a lodge up ahead, I figured, what the heck? Edri's out cold, anyway, it's not like he'll be able to track me real fast, I mean, why not have a little fun?

So, I hiked up to the lodge, where it was warm, light, and very spacious. There were lots of men there, but they didn't bother me as they probably figured it'd be hard to make out with my hair in the way. So, I ordered myself an extra-dry martini. (I'd always wanted one of those, and they're still my favorite drink today! I want EXTRA dry martinis though-no wet. Just dry. As in desert dry.)

So, as I sipped the most delicious drink on the planet, I watched as the people held a little sing-along, singing the praises of some...Gaston fellow or other. Then it hit me.

Once more, I had stumbled into yet ANOTHER story-line. This time, I was apparently gonna ruin Beauty's life. Well, anyway, this Gaston fellow had had too much to drink and was totally flirting with me.

I won't give any explicit details as this is a G-rated fairy tale book, but let's just say he was really, really, REALLY drunk. I knew I could totally handle him, so I just let him build up some confidence while I finished my martini.

Then, just as he invited me to go on a date with him, I turned around, and I received my second bruised fist for the day. Gaston fared much worse. As far as I know, his eye is still black to this day.

What can I say? I have a tough fist and no fear of getting into a fight! You know, now that I think about it, I so could have taken that old witch out when I had the chance. Darn! NOW I think of it!