Chapter 3: Shine

Disclaimer: Steal the song, you're stealing from Josh Todd. Steal the characters, you're stealing from Canadian television(and trust me, they're vicious). Steal the plot, and yea, you're stealing from my emo heart. Don't do that. The 'nadians will take care of you. And if you steal the line, "Forget dating, we might as well get married," you are stealing from a good friend of mine and he'll come and beat your ass 'cause that was an original line that I stole from him. Young kids in love and 'nadians. sigh

I can't believe how utterly different my life has become since the addition of Ashley Kerwin as my girlfriend. First, the obvious perks, snogging. She's one helluva snogger. Second, she gives me reason to think to the extent that I do. And lastly, she's brilliant. She opens my eyes to something new everyday.

Toby told me he wanted to deck me after seeing me snog his sister. I told him that Spinner often times had to calm himself after seeing Toby and Kendra in action. I also reminded him that now that I was with Ashley, my relationship with Spinner was pretty good, and I could convince him that Toby needed a little pounding. Toby shut up.

I walk out of MI, briefly chatting with Emma about this weekend's homework, when she comes up to me and pulls me away. "What did you tell Jimmy?" she demands, as soon as we're in the security of the gym.

"Brooks?" I ask innocently. She nods. "That I want to be the only one snogging my girlfriend."

"GOD, will you get over yourself and stop using that word?" she cries running her hands through her short hair. I think about adding a little joke in there, that it's physically impossible for me to leave my body to get over myself, but I decide against it. Good choice, Yorke. She paces a little in front of me. I want to reach out to her, I hate seeing her angry. Instead, I just jam my hands into my pockets and wait her out. "Alright, I kissed Jimmy, like, once while we were dating. But I had to! It was written in the play. I'm not going to go messing around with half a millenium's worth of literature." I actually don't really care about the Brooks/Kerwin snogging, erm, kissing. It was just a joke.

"Okay, Ash, I won't talk to him again," I say, throwing my hands up in mock defeat.

"So you're not going to go all psycho jealous? And, better yet, you're not going to extract revenge, on either of us, right?"

"Can I still say 'snog'?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"I love that word. I don't know why I said I didn't. British JT is so much more fun than Canadian JT."

Ashley is so crazy sometimes. "You are so forgiven," I say, slinging an arm around her.

"In your eyes I that something's wrong.
In your mind you think I've gone too far,
And you try to think of all the reasons..."

Ashley Kerwin must die. That's just, final. I mean, OK, yes she's going to die eventually one day, but wouldn't it be great if that day just happened to be today?

Craig is not in his right mind because of the flu and all the drugs he's on. He told me he slept on the bathroom floor last night. Can someone say 'eww?' Back to the point, he is staring at Ash again, giving her one of his looks. Maybe I should thank JT, because if it wasn't for him, I bet Craig and Ashley would be in some broom closet right now, making out. Not like that's saying much for the character of my boyfriend. I wish he could just be more, normal.

Here's the weird thing that I never thought would happen. Hazel and I are putting Paige in the air before practice begins yesterday, and Ashley comes over and starts this whole conversation with Paige. While she's in the air! But, more importantly than that, before she leaves, she looks at me, smiles, and says "hey Manny, don't drop our girl." Hazel and her share this little secretive smile, and I just do one of those sarcastic, tilt your head and smile grimly things, and she walks away. Ashley's a trip.

I see Craig standing by my locker, and I run over to him, but he's there to talk to...JT? Yes, JT and I are locker neighbors, but this is just too weird. My boyfriend talking to this annoying kid who tells me off just because he got a new girlfriend. I was hoping Craig was telling him off, maybe throwing a few punches, but no, Craig's talking about doing themed art for the newspaper and wanted JT's comics the same theme. What, the, hell? It's gotta be the drugs. But he's still too close to Ashley. Too close for comfort.

I kiss him, one of those grand French kisses that you expect the people in front of the Eiffel Tower must feel compelled to do, before he walks away. He is stunned, but then he kind of pushes me away and says he'll get me sick. God, that boy...

"Now you sit and watch the power die,

Shine, he loves and look what's happened.
Shine, he'll turn the water back on.
Be back home again,
Be back home again."

Manny's such a cute little thing that I hate not wanting to be with her. I decide this whole flu was definitely caused by stress. I run up Manny after school, trying to explain, but she just looks so devastated. She is so damn horny, I feel like I can't compare. I finally give up, telling her to sneak over sometime during the night. I'll be waiting in the garage for her, so that she can finally help me get over this damn sickness. I don't even want to think about the most obvious thing, that Manny could be causing my stress. She's all I have, and I'm not about to let her leave.

So, you know, it's like 1 or so, and she wakes me up by straddling me and kissing my neck. It's, um, quite a wake up call. We have our little fun, even though I'm not too into it; I feel like throwing up the whole time, actually. I roll back over, expecting her to sneak back into her house. She tries to snuggle and get her body under my arms, reminiscent of a cat. "Manny," I whisper.

"Craig, can't I just spend the night, like how normal people do?"

"Manny, don't start..." I'm too tired for this.

"Why?"

"For one, your empty bed might tip your parents off. For another, I can't sleep when you're here, you know that. There's just too many things. I can't have you stay. I'm soory."

She stands up, her mind fills with thoughts of me hating her. God, she is so dramatic sometimes. I look up, and she is verging on tears. "Manny, please, not tonight." I bury my head under my pillow, hoping shell be gone when I look up again.

"It's alright cause we're doing it all night long,
It takes time just to stay inside my arms.
And you try to think of all the reasons,
Now you stand with water in your eyes."

I feel like I have this little secret known as JT Yorke. It's like, one day, a knock at my door comes, and there's this entirely new thing about him, and then I realize - I'm supposed to love him. And I know my loving him has started this new JT wave. I don't think anyone ever imagined dating JT before me, I mean Manny, maybe for a millisecond, before she decided she'd rather be in the life ruining business. Now, girls fling themselves at him, and he just kind of grins, oblivious, and waves at me. How utterly, utterly wonderful is that? My little pet JT.

I really do like him, though. There's all this speculation that he's just a rebound, and that he doesn't mean anything real to me. To the naked eye, that's how I would look at the situation. But the JT goof ball skater kid at Degrassi isn't the same one I see talking about the meaning of religion and God. That's our new discussion. I've been seriously considering this atheist thing, but for right now, we're both settling on agnostic.

I'm so glad I have him. I don't know if we'll get married. I haven't been having those vivid dreams like how I had with Jimmy and then Craig. It's more of a one day at a time thing, but I look at JT as a forever. I don't look at other guys and say 'when I break up with JT...' because I don't want to break up with JT. Now that I've started to think about it, how well does 'Ashley Yorke' sound? Better than 'Ashley Brooks' or 'Ashley Manning.' Haha, I hope Manny marries him. 'Manny Manning.' Oh, man, I crack myself up.

"In the back of my mind I put you together,
God shined your light as a phantom.
You'd say there's nothing better,
We've got so much time."

It's not that I don't love her. Alright, I don't love her, but I do like her. A lot. I know the love thing comes up everyday in conversation, but it's hard for me. She saw how long it took for me to tell Ashley, can't she just back off? I hate that she's always on my case about love. I want to be with her and no one else. Is that not enough?

I go over to explain it, but she doesn't really care. Her parents had woken her up this morning, as I said they would, and she is tired enough as it is. So, all is wrecked in our world, again, and we super glue it back together, again. I think I might let her spend the night with me this weekend. We can go outside and watch the sunrise, and then I'll send her home. I really do have this craving for her to be with me. I don't know why I keep sending her home. I guess I'm just afraid to let her in, to fall in love, because that never got me anywhere.

The way it happens is different than I imagined. We both make up a few stories, grab a few blankets, and sleep on the top of this hill a few miles away from our houses. I finally get into it, being with her, making love to her so many times, talking, kissing, breathing each other in. I think it's good for me. It is just this amazing thing where I'm able to follow the path of the sun during sunrise up until mid-morning. Most relationships start in the morning stage, happy and bright, but our's didn't. It came out of the black of a past relationship, and I think for this reason it was symbolic for us to lay there while it was dark and make love until it became light for us. Maybe, I'm even starting to fall in love with her.

"Oh now we've cut through the matter,
Make it back and watch the sun go.
You'd say there's nothing better,
We've got so much time."

She's so beautiful when she smiles. She'll only smile at me when we're alone. And it's this wonderful thing that could light all of Paris in an instant. If I would have to give up the rest of my life to make her smile one last time, I would do it gladly. I'm not sure what makes me think this way around her. When I'm not around her, even when I'm thinking of her, I make absolutely no sense. My thoughts jump from a rabid bunny to what I ate for breakfast last week. Then, there's her, and it's like there was nothing before her smile.

Forget dating, we might as well get married.

I've known I've loved her since, like, day two. I just don't know the right way to say it so that she understands. I know I'm just JT Yorke, and this is the first girl whose ever glanced my way twice, but this has got to be love. No one else can understand. If Ash feels sorry for me or is only using me for a rebound, she wouldn't sit with me for three hours, staring into my eyes, and talk openly about her beliefs. She's not the type of person who can fake that.

I decide to tell her. I know it's only been, like, a month, but I can't help feeling this. I've known her since 7th grade, and I know whether she wants to or not, she'll always be my first love. I walk into her house, up the stairs, past Toby's room, and find myself sitting on her bed in no time flat. I feel on top of the world but nervous as fuck.

"JT," she says. She is painting her toe nails this crazy silver color. Mental note: Tell Ash you love the nail polish after she beats your ass for moving too fast.

I can't hold it in. The words will spill out of me as soon as I open my mouth. So first, I kiss her. One of those, stopping the world and melting into each other, kisses. After we break away, her eyes stay closed for a minute and she seems to just breathe me in. "I love you," I squeake out, not meaning to, but knowing that it would've come out anyway.

She smiles. I melt. Usual drill. Her smiling has to be a good sign, right? She is just thinking of the right words to use, right? She brushes some loose hair out of my face. She finally kisses me again, letting herself fall onto the bed and bringing me with her. A horizontal snogging session. Nice. I let my hands roam a little, knowing that she is still Ashley Kerwin, and at some point, she will tell me to stop. But she never does. Is this...? Are we...? She grabs me. Apparently so. "What are you doing?" I ask her, but not as menacingly as that statement is always used. I'm just curious. This is not Craig's Ashley Kerwin.

"Show me," she says, letting her mouth breathe a second, but then quickly letting it roam my neck again.

"What?" I ask, not sure what she meant.

"Show me how much you love me."

Well, hell. What am I supposed to do?

"Shine, he loves and look what's happened.
Shine, he'll turn the water back on.
Be back home again,
Be back home again."