Chapter Twenty-Four: Fierce Kitten

Much to the surprise of Crabbe and Goyle, Draco Malfoy returned from detention with a fairly big grin on his normally scowly face.

"So, what happened?" Blaise Zabini asked laconically, barely looking up from a thick, illustrated book. "Get eaten?"

"Snape makes Wolfsbane for 'em. It was great."

"So you got to pet our teacher and scratch her ears. How poetic."

"Are you sure you aren't related to our Head of House, Blaise?" Draco joked. "A bit more sarcasm and you could cut glass with that tongue of yours."

"And wouldn't you like to see the multitude uses of my tongue?" Blaise retorted with a faintly seductive and vastly unladylike gesture.

"Slut."

"Gigolo."

"Whore."

"Cocksucker."

"Bookworm."

"Needle-dick."

"Do you go two days without turning a trick for Flint?"

"Do you get any without saying 'Stop, daddy, please'?"

Crabbe and Goyle scampered off to avoid the fight before it got nasty. A split second later Draco and Blaise cracked up.

"That last one was really good."

"Thank you. 'Bookworm's a little weak."

"Sorry. I'm a bit worn out." Draco took a seat next to her and pulled off his shirt, pointing to his sore shoulder. "Blaise-y, make it stop."

"Oh, grow some balls. What did you do to it?" Blaise began to work the knots out even as her friend explained:

"I had to throw a ball two hundred and thirty-seven times."

"Right or left?" Draco shot Blaise a look or pure disgust.

"A tennis ball, for Professor Tyler and her husband."

"Oh. Doggy style."

"Sweet Salazar, woman, what have you been reading?"

"Smut Goes To Rome." Blaise handed him the book, which actually bore a more discreet title. "It's got more positions than Vatsyayana even dreamed about."

"I wonder how you do that one," Draco mused, pointing out an illustration. Blaise went scarlet behind him but didn't call attention to herself. "Where did you get the thing, owl-order from Nymph Monthly?"

"Try Natasha Valryevka's Book-Of-The-Month. It's on all the best-seller lists."

"Omitting childrens', I pray?"

"Hey, why not teach 'em young?" Blaise cast a heating charm on Draco's shoulder to help the muscles relax. "Maria practically memorized the thing today. Oh, and I found the one section on contraception to be neat. Abstinence is actually dismissed as a theory for once."

"At least when the girl's well-stacked," Draco observed, turning it sideways like a centerfold.

"Or when the guy's hung like something better than a flobberworm." Blaise cracked her knuckles absently. "Aren't the illustrations cool?"

"Certainly descriptive enough for my taste," Malfoy replied, grinning. "Is that bit true?" He pointed to a passage. Blaise read over his shoulder and nodded most emphatically. "I didn't realize girls even thought about that kind of thing."

"Just as I didn't realize the common room was appropriate for that," Professor Snape remarked dryly. "Hand it over."

Reluctantly, Draco handed Snape the book. Blaise put her arms around Draco's neck and looked petulantly at the professor.

"But Sevvy, how else can I teach Draco what I want?"

"Miss Zabini, if I did not already suspect you of brain damage, I would be displeased." Snape flipped absently through the book before going ashen. "Merlin's balls!"

"I was wondering when he'd stumble across that bit," Blaise remarked absently to Draco. "Amusing, isn't it, Professor?"

"Blaise, that is the most singularly disturbing piece of literature I have ever had the misfortune to view. Get rid of it, please."

"Oh, make it go away! Professor Snape's virgin eyes have been scarred!" Blaise took the book with sardonic glee and scampered off. Snape was just recovering himself when the musical voice was heard again. "Hey, first-years, want to see a new book?"

"Blaise!"

"Just kidding!"

"Sweet Merlin." Snape sank into a chair next to Draco. "That girl will be the death of me."

"What was it you saw?"

"Oh, nothing much, just a particularly disturbing illustration. How did your detention go?"

"Your potion worked perfectly, if that's what you mean."

"Good, good. Now get yourself up to bed before I give you one with McGonagall." Snape clearly had the beginnings of one of his infamous migraines, so Draco bloody well went. Severus waited for a few minutes in the common room before heading to bed himself.

The second edition of Cat and Wolfe Allegheny's infamous book had a new chapter- How to Seduce Professors.

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Bill Weasley was easily pleased. A fat armchair, a good book, and some corned beef sandwiches did the trick. The morning had been spent arbitrating a pretty fascinating fight between Professors Tyler and Snape in the faculty lounge over some book, and as amusing as it was to see Snape in a fluffy pink party dress, reattaching the limbs of fellow staff was less than fun. At least Cass had found her other arm in the end.

It was nice just to sit and read for a while. Bill had been worrying quite a lot lately. The Malfoys' party was tomorrow and he had yet to find a good excuse to miss the thing. Balls always made him nervous, most likely because of all the dancing involved and the fact that he had always worn secondhand dress robes. There was also a problem with one of his third-year groups, in that some female students kept trying to give their late homework to his brother Ron. There were a lot of weird problems.

At almost the third chapter of 1984, an intriguing if somewhat depressing Muggle book, Bill heard a soft scraping noise near or about his doorknob. He looked up just in time to see the door open and close very quietly.

"Peeves, get out. I haven't got anything to play with here."

The silence did not answer. Bill took his wand from his pocket and was just about to threaten the poltergeist again when it was snatched from his hand and placed neatly on the chair opposite, some seven feet away.

"Alright, whomever this is, I would really appreciate it if-"

Bill was silenced as whomever it was kissed him. He could feel hands on his shoulders and he groped for the invisible person's wrists.

"Who are you?" Bill asked breathlessly, holding on to the narrow wrists as tightly as he could without causing pain.

"Noone of importance," a thick, almost unearthly voice replied. There was strain in the last word as the creature or person –ghost maybe, tried to twist away.

It could only be a succubus. Bill tried to think of how to defend himself, but nothing came to mind.

"Look, you," Bill held on tighter even as the succubus strained to get away. "I don't mean to be impolite, but-"

There was a soft crack beneath his fingers just before the invisible wrists slipped from his grasp. Bill's eyes went wide when he heard a soft thump, rattling the teacups on his table. Who or whatever the visitor was, succubi did not go 'thump' under usual circumstances.

"Er, miss?" Bill looked and began to feel around near the coffee table on the ground. He felt robes and followed them to a warm arm and then a chest, which was rising and falling very slowly. It was also a decidedly female chest. "Oh, dear. Ma'am, I do apologize-"

Almost as if his apology had undone a spell, the invisible person began to blur into view. It was with some surprise that Bill realized that Maria Catesby was unconscious on the floor in his rooms.

This was, to put matters bluntly, not good.

Bill's chivalrous Gryffindor side kicked in immediately and he checked her pulse. Okay. She wasn't dead. He noticed her wrist seemed to be bent at a weird angle and reasoned that she had broken it in trying to free herself. Snape would not be pleased if he knew Bill had been party to one of his students' injuries. Moreover, he would be decidedly less pleased to know the circumstances, and Bill had seen enough of Severus's dueling abilities for one day. Quietly he retrieved his wand and recited a spell to mend the bone, thanking the deities for the emergency training Gringotts gave.

Maria whimpered slightly at that moment, a heartrending sound, and Bill added a pain relieving spell to counter any effects of the mending. By now Shannon, the Armpit Vampire Kitten of Death and Bill's new pet, had come to investigate. She climbed inquisitively onto Maria's stomach and sniffed her face.

"Miaah?" the tiny kitten squeaked. It was almost as if she were asking the Slytherin what the hell happened. "Miaah." Bill removed the kitten apologetically and Shannon let out a third 'miaah' of protest.

"Sorry, precious, but you can't climb on her."

"Miaah!"

The obstinate kitten climbed right back onto Maria's stomach and curled up into a ball. Before Bill could pick her up again, she began to emit a fierce growl, which would have been a lot more impressive if she had weighed a little more than a pound and a half.

"Oh, alright. Have it your way, cat." Bill sighed and Shannon, pleased at getting her own way, began to purr. "You silly thing."

Bill finally decided that the floor of a stone castle was not the place to leave an unconscious girl, so with a great deal of care, he picked her up and carried her to his own four-poster, cat and all.

"Put me down, you sonofabitch," Maria mumbled drowsily. Bill was rather taken aback by that and laid her carefully on the bed.

"Sorry."

Maria was clearly not expecting a reply and woke up abruptly.

"Wha- where in the- what the hell?"

"I'm sorry, but you got knocked on the head and I just…" Bill went quite red, unsure as to how one could go about explaining things. "Hello."

"Hello." Maria sat up, blushing quite badly herself. There was an uncomfortable silence for several seconds.

"Miaah." Shannon nipped at Maria's hand as if to say 'pet me, you useless nit!' Surprised, Maria complied.

"Oh, you have a cat."

"Shannon," Bill explained, still a bit gobsmacked. Maria nervously petted the kitten and Bill nervously watched them both. It was horrible for the humans, but Shannon was having a high old time. She rolled onto her back and purred loudly.

"She likes you," Bill sighed with obvious relief. Maybe talking about the cat could delay a worse conversation. He sat down on the edge of the bed and scratched behind Shannon's ears. "Nice kitty."

"She's beautiful," Maria observed almost wistfully.

"Cass –Professor Tyler's husband gave her to me. She's a little small."

As both humans petted her, Shannon chnged postion and began to lick and paw at Maria's shirt. It was a bit less conservative than the school uniforms, and within seconds Bill was red in the face again.

"Er…what is she doing?"

"Nursing. Baby cats do that."

"Oh." Maria was quite suddenly knocked onto her back as Shannon leaped for the headboard. The shirt being slightly moist with kitty-spit and already daringly cut, moved just enough to startle the Gryffindor professor. Bill quickly flipped Maria's robes over her decidedly compromised neckline.

"Sorry 'bout that. She –er, jumps sometimes."

"Er, yeah." Maria pulled her robes about her more closely. Another uncomfortable silence followed, but Shannon was off to pursue cat pastimes. "So…the potion wore off faster than I thought."

"Potion?"

"'One of Professor Snape's more badly-guarded Invisibility Potions,' Maria quoted in a wry imitation of the Pittsburgh accent. "I got the idea from Professor Cass."

"Ah. I was wondering why…well, you were invisible." Bill tried desperately not to blush any worse. "Miss Catesby, why exactly did-"

"Please don't call me that," Maria interjected almost angrily. "I mean…just don't." It was as if she could not bear the reminder that she was his student. Calmly, she adjusted her robes and stepped nimbly off the bed, heading for the door.

"Maria!" Bill cried, leaping in her direction just in time to catch her when she slumped forward. "Slow down. You might have a concussion."

"I…I feel sick." Bill helped her to the bathroom in seconds flat and easily ignored the vomiting as he held her long hair back. He handed her a cup of water a moment later.

"It's okay. Calm down, you're alright." Maria looked dizzily up at her professor, who wiped her face and forehead with a cool washcloth and picked her up easily. "Back to bed with you."

"Professor, I-"

"Shh, it's okay." Bill threw the covers aside and placed her on the sheets, adjusting the pillows beneath her head. "Invisibility potion always does that to me, too. Try to breathe slowly." Maria obeyed, still watching her professor as he gathered a few items of clothing from a wardrobe. Here, you can change into these. They won't fit, but…"

Bill had just turned his back when the first of many tears slid down Maria's cheek.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked.

"Doing what? You're just allergic to-" Bill turned around and realized what a state the girl was in. "Oh, lord."

"You do know why I was in your rooms, don't you?" Maria asked coldly, wiping the tears brusquely from her eyes with a sleeve. Bill shook his head and shrugged. "You should be hauling me up to be expelled, not taking care of me like-" Maria couldn't restrain the tears and Bill sat down on the bed beside her. "Like I mattered."

"But Maria, you do matter." Bill leaned closer and touched her hand gently. "I couldn't expel you for-"

"Acting like the worthless Slytherin slut I am?"

"Maria, don't say that! You aren't-!"

"Oh, really? You have no idea what I came into your rooms for?" the girl retorted sarcastically. "Maybe you're used to ignorant girls throwing themselves at you, but I'm not used to wanting to, and you'd better not-"

Gently, Bill kissed Maria on the cheek. There was a moment of incredulous silence.

"Why…?" Maria gasped, unable even to form words from shock.

"Because you're not worthless, nor are you ignorant," Bill replied softly. "Nor are you a slut."

Maria swallowed hard.

"You aren't angry?"

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong." Bill smiled mischievously. "There are a couple of school rules about potions, but none I haven't broken worse." He handed her a soft, slightly knobbly sweater and some old pajama bottoms of his own. "Here, get changed and go to sleep. I'll be in the other room if you need me for anything." With another gentle kiss, this time on her forehead, Bill got up and headed for the door, dimming the lights as he went.

"Professor?" Maria asked, almost frightenedly.

"Call me Bill," he corrected calmly, turning back. "What is it?"

"I know this is likely somewhat inappropriate," Maria shut her eyes, blushing even as she said it, "but…would you stay with me?"

"Of course." Bill shrugged as if perfectly used to such requests. "Here, I'll turn around so you can change." Maria spoke up suddenly.

"No, I…" Bill looked at the terrified female perched on his bed questioningly. "I sort of meant…for the night."

"Oh." It was the professor's turn to look nervous. "Alright." He deftly turned his wand on himself, turning the old sweatpants and shirt into pajamas, then turned around. Maria pulled off her robes and clothes, trading them for the ones Bill had brought.

"It's er- safe to turn around," she whispered. Bill did so and smiled, lighting the fireplace with a spell.

"I don't want you to get cold," he explained, going around the bed and climbing on top of the covers. "You want to talk about anything?" Maria shrugged, almost smiling despite clearly being as nervous as a girl could be. "I once used Invisibility Potion for a dare…ever hear of a panty raid?"

"Regrettably," Maria smiled. "Where did you have to go?"

"The most horrific room in all Hogwarts," Bill explained with a grin. "Trelawney's room."

"What happened?"

"I discovered exactly what makes that woman tick," Bill said, going a little red.

"Vibrator collection?"

"Worse. She's a Joni Mitchell freak. Posters everywhere. Joan Baez, too." Bill grinned with the memory. "The sixties just didn't end for her."

"I wonder what's with the incense though."

"Covers up the odor of other things, I guess." Bill realized that Maria had a charming laugh, even if she was almost too quiet to be heard. "You ever get any weird dares like that?"

"The mission was to seek out the jockstrap of the Boy Who Lived."

"Merciful gods! And you found what?"

"Your brother looking for Neville's toad. I chickened out in the end."

"But how'd you get around the dare?"

"Stole Lockhart's instead. It was monogrammed and lavender, no less."

"Sweet Merlin! I'm amazed it wasn't padded."

"Oh, it was." Maria finally smiled. "Professor Snape didn't even make us take it off the goalpost until a week had passed."

"He never did like the git."

"I don't think anybody did except Trelawney. Is she also a nymphomaniac?"

"Not for him, I don't think. She seems to have the hots for your Head of House."

"And so many of us do," Maria retorted sarcastically. "I swear, that man is sarcasm and snarky-bastard-ness personified. Tell me he's nicer at staff meetings."

"When he's not dueling Professor Tyler, yes."

"Now that's a sight I would like to see. She and her husband transfigure really well."

"Snape hexed her limbs off."

"Eww." Maria frowned in disgust. "Did you get them all back on?"

"Yeah. That spell's really more to distract than hurt." Bill noticed Maria was sitting oddly. "Does your back hurt where you fell?"

"A little, yeah."

"Here, turn around." Maria complied, and Bill slid his hands under the thick sweater. "Okay, just try to relax a bit." Gently at first, but slowly with more firmness, the professor began to work the pain out of the girl's back. "Okay if I undo this?" he asked politely, touching the strap of her bra. Maria obliged by unlacing in in the front and pulling it out through one of her sleeves after some movement within the sweater. Bill suddenly realized that wizards only had eight pints of blood, and he knew where a good seven of his were.

"That better?" Maria asked.

"Much," Bill managed to say, if in something of a strangled voice. Only a few seconds of touch later, Maria turned around and touched his cheek.

"I can't do this any more," she gasped before leaning close and kissing him again. This time Bill didn't have the heart to protest. A moment later, he stopped her by touching her arm gently.

"Maria, you're still a student."

"I know. And I can't ask you to tolerate this kind of behavior. But I am eighteen. I have been for-" Maria checked her watch, "two hours and fifteen minutes."

"Time-Turner?" Bill asked, amazed.

"No, just a February birthday and an extra year of preschool." Maria smiled wryly. "I guess I've just let this crush on you get out of control, haven't I? You could never have feelings for a kid like me."

Bill silently brushed her hair back with his hand, sighing.

"I could. You don't know how wonderful you are, do you? They've beaten you down so far you can't even see they're wrong about everything. How could I ever prove…?" Bill glanced at the door and suddenly realized what. "Maria, I do have feelings for you." She looked at him suspiciously.

"You want me to feel better and be a nice little student again, don't you? You want to be my friend."

Bill answered her a split second later, but not with any words. Maria had kissed him before, but never been kissed that way. After a few moments, the professor stopped and kissed her lightly on the forehead with a hug. Maria tried to undo the top button of his shirt, but he put a hand over hers.

"No. Not now."

"Because I'm a student?"

"Because I respect you too much. Lie down?" Maria did as her professor suggested and suddenly felt safe. Blodgett didn't matter, her mother's suicide didn't matter, she was finally safe. She looked to see what the spell looked like, only to realize there was no spell. Bill was just holding on to her. She tried not to cry, but couldn't stop the tears. "Are you alright?"

"I…I don't know why I feel this way."

"Don't worry." Bill clasped her hand in his. "I'll show you a different life from now on."

Maria just wished his promise could come true.

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"Owww!"

"Did I get your toes?" John asked, looking down to Cass's feet.

"No, it's my back. Scritch!" The female werewolf turned around to have her back scratched, humming with pleasure as John fixed it. "Darling, you do the best scritches." She kissed her husband long and well, to which performance their friends tried to pay little attention.

"Are all newlyweds like that?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know." Snape looked over her shoulder. "I think it may just be Americans. Turn." He spun her out and back, then held her close for a second as the music stopped. "I think you've got it."

"But can I pass myself off at the Malfoys' party?"

"I think so. Just avoid dancing with Fudge or you risk a pinched bottom." Severus grinned mischievously at her disgust.

"Eww. So glad you chose to warn me. Ruin the moment, why don't you?"

"Speaking of ruin the moment, what size do you wear?" John asked.

"Same as me," Cass supplied. "Dead convenient, Hermione, except your feet are smaller'n mine."

"Can I help your having big feet?"

"You know what they say about female werewolves with big feet." Everyone looked at John. "They leave larger prints."

"Well, that was a fascinating tidbit of useless information," Snape observed.

"Do wizards have anything comparable to Muggle quiz shows?" Hermione asked.

"There's Jeopardy," Cass pointed out. "Oh, come on, you didn't think that Trebek guy was Muggle, did you?"

The two couples began to dance again, marred by Severus playfully pinching Hermione.

"Hey!"

"Bad Sevvy," Cass chastised, trying not to laugh.

"I felt you could use some practice just in case," Snape smiled.

"Ruin the moment, why don't you?" Hermione frowned.

"Ah, yes. Dungeons just drip sentimentality."

"If you're a nostalgic S&M freak, perhaps," Dumbledore observed, closing the door behind Professor McGonagall. The werewolves managed to go a fascinating shade of crimson at that. "Minerva and I just thought we'd stop by for a bit of dance practice as well, what with the party tomorrow and all. Do you mind?"

"Oh, no, of course not. We were hoping you'd be able to make it," John replied. Cass, Severus and Hermione all looked at him. "What? I saw ballroom trophies in the office near Fawkes' perch and thought they'd have good ideas."

"You compete in ballroom dancing, Headmaster?" Hermione asked, astonished.

"In the seniors group now, but yes. Minerva had a special for technique in the Latins last year."

"Albus!" The professor looked a little scandalized that he had mentioned it.

"Don't worry, Minerva, your secret's safe with us," Cass replied graciously. "At least you don't keep your fifth-grade junior hockey trophies in a case."

"You played hockey?"

"Played it? They called her the Bloodletter. Her record for lost teeth still stands."

"John, you disloyal hound!" Cass chastised. "The strange thing was that I grew them all back overnight." She grinned, revealing a full set of teeth. "People thought it was weird when I lost a total of forty-six."

"Shall we attempt a tango next?" Severus suggested. "It's the one dance Lucius nearly always plays more than twice."

"I think that's a great idea. Shall we, dear?"

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A/N: The next chapter may be delayed a bit, due to an unseemly development at our school. A fellow cast member is sick, which forces me, Jan the Understudy of Death, to step into the role of the infamous Velma Kelly in our high school production of 'Chicago,' just in case she's not better by Friday night. So it's off to practice lines and songs and pray the ten-day-pneumonia hurries its' ass up. Sigh.
               -J. McN.