(Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all. So don't sue me. Please.)

A Note from the Author: Yeah, you guys got what you wanted in the last chapter (although, ick. smoking = bad!). So I'm going to be crazy and give you Marissa, because the show is all about her and she is the only character that matters (I'm being bitter here, btw). And oy, another long chapter. They seem to come in pairs or something. Onwards. (Thank you, reviewers! You errr… light up my life!)

Chapter Eighteen

Marissa could hear the moans coming from her mother's bedroom. She obsessively reminded herself to just find that blue skirt she was looking for and get the hell out of there, because those noises were unnerving. She made a mental note to transfer all of her stuff to her dad's apartment so she wouldn't have to go through this again.

And then: "Oh, Luke."

She stopped in her tracks and stilled. What?

"Oh, Luke!"

What?

That was Julie's voice, and that was Luke's name, and those were definitely moans, but Marissa's brain put two and two together painstakingly slow. This meant that… Which means that… So her mother and Luke were… Her eyes widened. How could they do this to her?

And then she was overwhelmed with memories and images. She could see Luke and her in the seventh grade, and he was kissing her, and she was smiling, and everyone was giggling, and God, it was so awkward with the empty Coke bottle between them. Then when they were older, and they went to dances together, and she wore this pretty dress that everyone complimented, and he looked so cool and casual in his formalwear. And then they were even older, and he had his hand up her shirt, and she wanted to make Ryan angry, she wanted to make Ryan sorry, so she gave Luke what he wanted. It was sweet and endearing but now it was her mother in the bedroom with him under the covers and they were doing the same thing, but it was different in a way and Marissa didn't know why.

She needed to run but her feet were planted firmly in the carpet and her heart was pounding. She felt as if her heart straining against her ribcage, as if it would burst.

Marissa didn't know whether they could hear her, but she didn't exactly care right now. This was unbelievable. This was something she had never expected. Luke was her first… He was her first everything. She had thought that she could just put him aside, lock him away in her heart, and end that chapter of her life. When she saw him, it was fine, as long as he looked the same as always, remaining unchanged. He had been a special person in her life, and she wanted him single but she didn't want him.

She didn't know what she wanted.

Suddenly she realized that she was bracing herself against the wall, one hand against it to steady herself. Her chest was heaving, and little dots were dancing in front of her eyes. She felt a strange tingling sensation begin at her toes and reach her head, and then her legs faltered and gave way.

Luke and Julie could hear that.

They panicked. They tried yelling her name, pouring water over her, pinching her, shaking her. But she didn't wake up. As they were rushing her to the hospital, and while Luke was driving and Julie was frantically trying to button her blouse, they knew that things would never be the same again, that they had passed the point of no return. It didn't matter anymore if anyone found out, because all that mattered was Marissa. And right now, she was still unconscious. Luke screeched to a stop in front of the emergency ward, and carried her, while Julie clung to the two. They made an odd sight.

Julie was getting hysterical, so Luke had to drag her outside while the doctors woke Marissa up and the social worker was called. The doctors said that she suffered some great shock. She was also anorexic again, which would explain her collapse. Julie was despondent. It was all her fault. She was the adult, she should've known better, she should've seen the signs that had been drilled into her head… And now she had to call Jimmy.

She had messed up again. She was too young and ill-prepared for this, motherhood. It was all her fault.

Luke was stricken with grief. What had he done? Had he actually managed to cause more grief? It was all his fault.

When Jimmy arrived, then Summer, and surprisingly Ryan and Seth, the jig was up. Everybody knew. They all gave Julie cold looks, and she tried to stammer out that she didn't know that it would turn out to be this way, and that her daughter would find them like that… She had been so lonely, and felt so unloved, and here came Luke spouting compliments and offering his warm self as comfort.

They all waited at the hospital for several hours, until Marissa woke up and asked for Jimmy. When he came back, his face drained of colour, he wordlessly motioned for Ryan and Summer to go see her.

Nobody cared to notice that the two were holding hands.

After exchanging a few words with Summer, Marissa asked her politely if she wouldn't mind leaving her and Ryan alone. She mutely agreed, and reluctantly went back to join the others.

"Ryan," Marissa chirped.

"Are you okay?" he genuinely asked.

"Yeah, I… I just forgot to eat dinner for a few days, that's all. It's not a big deal, I'll be out of here in no time."

Ryan avoided her eyes. She was still deluding herself, and he wondered how long she had been like this.

"I just want to tell you something. Directly. I mean, all this time, I didn't know what I wanted, but I've realized that… well, all I want is you with me and us together. Is that so bad?"

Ryan saw her fragile frame hidden among a mess of blankets and pillows, and marvelled at how she could be thinking of him at a time like this. A few months ago, he would have felt different about the situation. He would have believed that all of the doctors in the world were quacks and that Marissa was fine. But the way she had been acting… it wasn't right.

"Look, Marissa. I just don't know if that's such a good idea," he hesitatingly began. He didn't want to hurt her, yet the idea of a comforting white half-truth just didn't seem to be appropriate. Especially after the situation with Luke and Julie, he was beginning to realize that the cold hard truth was better than any elaborate lie. He was growing sick of this. Sick of how things were done in Newport.

"What do you mean? Is it because I'm… here? But I can change, Ryan. I can. See, my hair looks better now, doesn't it?"

"Ye-ah. But… I'm sorry, I have to be truthful here. We just can't be together together anymore."

Marissa's face fell. "It's someone else, isn't it?" she accused. Ryan regarded her nervously and was starting to reply when she cut him off. "I don't care. I can wait. Just break up with her and we can be together again, like old times."

He stood close to her and took her hand gently. "I'm sorry, Marissa." Apologizing again, always apologizing.

He could see that she was fighting back tears, and let go. Walking slowly to the door, he turned back and said, "I'll get Jimmy."

Marissa wailed, "But what will I do without you? I can't live without you. I'll die without you."

Ryan could feel the familiar twinge of guilt in his heart. "I'm sorry, Marissa," he repeated. "But you'll get over this."

"I swear I –"

"Sorry," he muttered again. "But your life isn't my responsibility. It's yours. You need to be independent, and strong, Marissa. You need to stop relying on other people for your happiness." And then he left, leaving Marissa alone in her room. This time he wouldn't rescue her. This time he'll leave it to Jimmy.

He knew that it was the right thing to do. Sometimes he didn't have to save everyone who came his way.

He wasn't Superman, you know.