Chapter 13: A Proper (cock up of a) Date
Averman gaped at him comically. "You what?"
"I'm taking you on a proper date," Luis repeated with a smile. "We've done the movie, but that really didn't pan out. How about dinner?"
"We ate before we left, remember?" Averman replied, he looked a little stunned. "And what do you mean by date?"
Luis thought about the best way to reply. "By date I mean…" he reached out for Averman's hand. "Date." They linked fingers. He liked the warmth of Averman's hands, and the sight of his dark fingers alternating with Averman's paler ones.
"Right," Averman replied faintly. "Date."
"Is your date going to happen in my foyer, or would you like tickets in the back row of the next movie?" asked the irritating ticket vendor.
Averman and Luis glared at him. "Shut up!" they said in unison.
"I have an idea," Luis decided. "I suggest we get away from this Foyer of Evil." He paused to glare even more fiercely at the ticket vendor. "And we just wander around until one of us has inspiration on what to do."
"That sounds good to me," Averman agreed, letting Luis tug him out of the cinema. "I think that guy replaced me when I had to quit my job there to come back to school."
"He's as loud as you," Luis decided. "But highly irritating."
"I'll have you know that I'm irritating too. I'm very irritating. Ask anyone!" Averman replied in mock-offence, though his tone was a little more shrill than usual.
"You are, but you have redeeming features."
"No I don't." Averman responded. "I'm loud and annoying and obsessive and crazy and obsessive–"
"You already said obsessive," Luis pointed out.
"That just proves my point. And I'm difficult, and strange and I know the script to Overboard backwards."
Luis stared at him in amusement. He suspected that Averman's hyperactive and argumentative mood had been brought on by his declaration that they were officially On A Date. Generally Averman only got this weird before drama, so – given Averman's adoration for drama – Luis was quite flattered to have had the same reaction.
"You don't believe me!" Averman accused. "But I really do know the script backwards, I'll prove it. Girl little a. Have already don't you that you–"
"I believe you!" Luis interrupted with a laugh.
"Good, because in all honesty, I only know the last two lines," Averman admitted. "I'm a fraud." He eyed Luis cautiously. "Why on earth would you want to date me? And at which point did you forget I'm a guy?"
"Would a conversation about this help you to calm down?" Luis asked. "You seem a little wired."
"You're wrong. I'm a lot wired. And yes, a conversation would be nice." Averman nodded.
"Well, let's find somewhere to sit down and have a conversation then."
"Ok," Averman agreed, as they continued walking through the bustling mall. "Can I just ask, are all dates this disorganised?"
"Not usually," Luis replied after a moment's though. "Maybe the confusion only happens on double dates."
"Ok, so we won't do double dates in the future." Then he paused. "Well, if there is a future." He paused again. "Conversation first, then I won't keep tripping myself up."
Luis squeezed Averman's hand reassuringly. "I personally hope there will be a future."
"I'm still a guy. This could cause problems."
Luis opened his mouth to respond but was distracted by someone knocking on the window of the shop they were beside. He realised that they had managed to walk from one end of the mall to the other and were now outside McDonald's, and Portman and Fulton's faces were pressed up against the glass making faces at them. Portman grinned widely and indicated that Luis and Averman should join them.
Luis glanced at Averman. "Do you want to?" he asked half-heartedly. The last thing he wanted to do was sit with the Bash Brothers in a crowded McD's when he could have been anywhere else with Averman all to himself. Averman was visibly confused by the new on-a-date Luis, as was Luis himself. He had never really considered guys a dating option, despite the rumours about himself and Averman, but he had heard himself offer to take Averman on "a real date", and then he had taken his hand. It seemed natural and right.
Luis now realised that there had been a fair amount of indicators that he had feelings that went beyond friendship for his slightly odd roommate, and he wished that he and Averman could just escape the noise and the bustle of the mall so that maybe they could discuss it a little further.
Fulton knocked on the window again to get their attention, then gestured behind him where Adam and Charlie were busy yelling at each other. "Save us," he mouthed.
Averman sighed deeply. "It's not fair to let them deal with the Terrible Twosome on their own."
"Yeah."
Neither of them moved.
"But it's not fair on us either," Averman pointed out.
"Ten minutes?" Luis suggested. "We won't order food, we'll just go in, tell them we're going to a movie and can't stay long?"
"Sounds like a plan."
"I'm a genius," Luis replied.
"Really?" Averman asked, letting go of Luis' hand to push open the doors. "Because films generally show that geniuses don't have the best social skills, they also have short tempers. You don't have a big red button that will blow up the world, do you?"
"I do," Luis said gravely. "So be nice to me."
"Damn, I'm going to have to get you a prettier journal for Christmas."
"You got me an ugly journal?" Luis asked in mock outrage.
"I didn't say that it was ugly, just that… It's a gift, god damn you! You'll like it even if it's the ugliest damned journal on the planet!"
"Well," Luis decided as they reached the table inhabited by their friends. "That told me."
"What did?" Fulton asked eagerly, obviously dying for a subject change.
"Just Averman reminding me that we can't stay long, we're going to see a movie," Luis said, shoving Charlie closer to Adam to make space for himself and Averman.
"Which movie?" said Portman, in the same eager tone.
"Pirates of the Caribbean," Luis replied, at the same time as Averman answered, "Freddy vs Jason."
Four pairs of eyes focused on them.
"We're still battling it out," Averman said, taking a seat beside Luis. "And speaking of battling, what on earth are you two doing socialising together. Don't you still hate each other over the whole underwear thing?" He gave Charlie and Adam an enquiring look.
"They hate each other for new reasons now," Fulton confided. "We all came into town to get tickets for the ice festival, but they've sold out. Adam was going to buy them last week, but for some reason he let Charlie talk him out of it. Charlie hates him because he was so easily swayed and Adam hates Charlie because he was the one who changed his mind."
Luis nodded distractedly. The ice festival was held on New Year's Eve and was notoriously impossible to get tickets for, because it consisted of a fireworks show, a live band (who were usually pretty good), and various stalls and entertainment. It wasn't the most enthralling thing in the world, but since it was the only local happening where under-agers were welcome, it had somehow become the place to be on New Year's Eve.
"Actually, Averman, it's you I hate. My cell phone is still set to Turkish and nobody can fix it," Adam replied sniffily, ignoring Fulton. "Especially because the pin code has been changed."
Averman smiled brilliantly. "Um, sorry?"
"Why on earth would you lend Averman you phone?" Luis asked Adam. "You know what he's like."
"He said that you were coming out to your parents."
"I didn't, you asked if he was, and I said 'if I said yes, would you lend me your phone?'. I just let you think that so I could borrow your phone," Averman responded.
"If you called Tahiti you're in big trouble," Adam threatened.
Luis rolled his eyes. "You know, I think we're going to miss the start of the movie if we don't get going now."
"You're not," Charlie said. "We were thinking of seeing a movie tonight, Pirates doesn't start for another hour, and Freddy vs Jason is on in twenty minutes."
Averman glanced at Luis. "Well, we were leaning towards Freddy…"
"Yeah," Luis agreed hurriedly. "I was just thinking that I haven't seen enough blood and gore recently."
"Do you mind if we come with you?" Portman asked. "Fult and I have been meaning to see Freddy vs Jason. We know it's gonna suck, but we have to see it with our own eyes."
"I thought we were going to see Pirates." Adam said petulantly. "I hate blood and gore."
Charlie opened his mouth to agree, then realised that would side him with Adam, and he thought better of it. "I want to see gore!" He turned to Adam. "We're going!"
The other four all sighed inwardly. Fulton and Portman had decided on Freddy vs Jason as a way to shake Adam and Charlie, and Averman and Luis had no intention of seeing any film – or even setting foot back inside the Foyer of Evil – and now they were stuck with four unwanted extras on their date, and seeing a terrible film.
Luis reached under the table and squeezed Averman's hand reassuringly. "Ok then," he said in a forced light tone.
"You again?" the ticket vendor asked in amazement. "Date go badly?"
Averman glared.
Luis gave him a charming smile. "We just couldn't stay away from you. Six for Freddy vs Jason, please."
"No snogging in the back row," he warned, handing over their tickets.
"We are in hell," Averman announced, as they walked away from the ticket office. He gestured to the four uninvited guests who were buying popcorn. "We are on a date in hell watching a godforsaken movie, with a satanic ticket vendor and four gate-crashing minions of the Anti-Christ." He paused and considered. "Well, the Bashes are ok, but they're still not supposed to be here."
Luis smiled calmly and leant forward, lowering his voice. "So what if we've bought tickets, it doesn't mean we have to stay."
Averman grinned back. "You're right, you are a genius. I'm buying you the prettiest journal in the world."
"We'll sit through half of the trailers, then decide to get popcorn?" Luis said.
"My boyfriend, the brainiac," Averman said proudly, then blushed a rather shocking shade of red.
Sitting with the other Ducks wasn't as horrific as anticipated. Luis and Averman managed to get the seats at the end of the row, which made for an easy exit. Luis sat between Averman and Portman, which was just fine with him, as the Bash Brothers seemed fiercely engaged a whispered fight over who would win, Freddy or Jason. Beyond them, Charlie and Adam were also caught up in their ongoing war, which sometimes turned physical. Luis personally hoped that he would get to leave before it did on this occasion.
Then Averman reached over and took his hand, and all thoughts about Charlie and Adam, the Bashes, and the outcome of the movie slipped from his mind. He scooted slightly closer to Averman so they could whisper through the trailers.
As the trailer for Cabin Fever flashed up, Averman leant over, and for one breathtaking moment, Luis thought he was going to kiss him. Instead he offered his opinion on it. Luis really wasn't aware of Averman's words, only his breath on his neck, and his lips occasionally brushing his ear sending shivers down his spine.
He turned to Averman, deliberately making sure his lips made contact with Averman's ear as he spoke. "Can we go now?"
In the darkness, Averman smiled.
Averman heard Luis mutter something about getting popcorn to Portman, then they made their way out of the cinema and back into the foyer.
"The movie can't have been that bad," said an increasingly familiar voice.
They turned and saw the ticket vendor regarding them with amusement.
Averman sighed. "We're trying to be on a date here, and things keep going wrong. At the moment we are stealthily sneaking away and having you talk to us just highlights how terrible we are at stealth."
"Ah," he actually looked contrite. "I'm sorry. Go about your sneaking."
Luis and Averman exchanged a grin, and continued on their way out of the cinema.
"I think," Luis said as they made their way through the mall. "That we should get a bus back to school. Nobody ever invades the Shoebox, we might actually get a few minutes to ourselves there."
"I second the motion."
Fate seemed against them, however, as they bumped into Connie and Guy on their way to the bus stop, who invited them to join them in going to see Pirates of the Caribbean. By this point, both had given up being polite, and Averman loudly shouted, "If I have to go into that damned cinema just one more time today I will implode and take anyone in a ten mile radius with me." Guy looked mildly affronted, but Connie seemed amused.
Next they saw Goldberg, who started telling them about how Charlie and Terri had had a huge fight at dinner time (which explained why Charlie was hanging out with Adam), and how Terri had stomped into town to spend some money to make her feel better and fallen asleep on the bus, in her panic she hopped off the bus at the nearest stop and left her bag behind. She had found herself two towns over with no money and no cell phone. What happened next, they never found out, because Goldie noticed they were holding hands and congratulated them both for finally getting together, then he vanished at the speed of light.
"The next person who stops to talk to us is getting murdered, slowly and horribly," Averman promised as they made their way out of the mall and towards the bus stops.
"That works for me," Luis said. "And if you get caught, I'll come visit you in jail. We can go on Jerry Springer, 'I want to marry my death-row homosexual lover'."
"Of course, for that to work, we need to get you a trailer trash girlfriend who wears gold lamé pants and pops out kids at the rate of one a year, Luis Junior One, Luis Junior Two, Luis Junior Three and little Baby Louise. She'll get up on stage and start swearing so fast that the beeps will sound like the national anthem in morse code."
"And then she'll reveal that she's actually been writing to you pretending to be me. You've been having smutty letter-sex with the mother of my hellspawn." Luis said.
Averman grinned at Luis and suddenly realised that really no conversation was needed to establish what was happening between them. The fact that they were two guys made it no more complicated than it had been for Connie and Guy. They were two friends who had decided that they both wanted more than friendship, and stood to lose or gain only as much as anyone else in the same situation. The Ducks wouldn't care, since most were labouring under the impression that they were already together, and the rest of the school either seemed greatly impressed by or wildly indifferent to the rumours.
The bus stop was empty when they arrived, which logically made sense. The school curfew allowed students off campus for at least another couple of hours and rarely did people not make the most of any time away from the watchful eyes of the teachers and dorm supervisors. As they sat down, Averman noticed how quiet it seemed away from the mall, although they were waiting beside a fairly busy road there were no people around them, and more importantly no Ducks.
"You know," he said. "If I'd have known how havoc-riddled and frustrating dating was, I would have probably nixed the idea when Annie suggested it."
"Are you sorry you didn't?" Luis asked, taking his hand once more.
"No." Averman became aware that the space between them had somehow shrunk without him noticing. Luis' face was close to his, his lips almost close enough to kiss. Maybe a cold bus stop wasn't the most ideal or romantic place for a first kiss, but right then he just didn't care. He moved even closer and–
"Luis! Ave!" A chirpy Irish voice called.
They both jumped in surprise, and turned to the source of the voice. Terri stood a little way from them, shivering slightly in the cold. Averman remembered his promise to kill the next person to interrupt them. He felt blessed that it was Terri, who he would have no qualms killing. Especially since she had just called him 'Ave' which he hated with a fiery passion. "Terri…"
She burst into tears.
"That's just unfair," Averman sighed. "I can't kill a girl who's crying."
"I could put a bag over her head so you wouldn't see her tears," Luis offered.
"No, that's still wrong. Goldberg's got a pool going on who would win if Terri and I fought, he's got twenty bucks on me. I'd hate to see him lose it if the others decided I'd won by default."
"No Jerry Springer for us," Luis replied, then turned to Terri. "Um, hi. What's wrong?"
Terri sniffled. "Nothing, I'm just so relieved to find someone I know. Could one of you lend me bus fare home? I've lost my bag with my money in. I feel like I've travelled half the country tonight trying to get home." She walked over and took a seat beside them.
"Goldie told us about you falling asleep on the bus. Why didn't you borrow money off him?" Averman asked.
"I asked, but he was broke. I had to borrow off a complete stranger to get this far." She said. "A really nice old lady called Mrs Parsons lent me the money. I didn't want to take it because it was all she had, but she insisted. She was telling me about her grandchildren on the bus here, so I offered to do a family portrait for her as a way to thank her."
"That's nice," Averman replied distractedly.
Luis gave Terri his full attention. "Mrs Parsons? Did she have three grandchildren and live somewhere near Kings Way?"
Terri looked surprised. "Yeah. Why?"
Luis turned to Averman. "It's the lady from the bus!" As Terri opened her mouth to make a sarcastic comment, Luis continued, "The one we were watching when we went shopping last month."
"You watch old ladies?" Terri asked, but both Luis and Averman ignored her as they smiled at each other.
"Bus is here!" Terri announced. "So, how do you guys feel about lending me some money?"
Averman sighed deeply. "I suppose it's too much to ask you to sit away from us."
Terri grinned in response. They got on the bus and Terri took the seat in front of them, twisting around to talk to them. "So how did the double date go? And where are your dates?"
"The date was hellish," Luis said with feeling.
"And the hell just keeps a-coming," Averman added.
"What happened?"
They filled her in on the events of the evening so far. Including the fact that they had tried to salvage their half of the date but failed, in the vague hope that Terri would go away. She didn't. Instead she nodded thoughtfully. "I thought this might happen, but since you lot all hate me, I thought you wouldn't want to hear it from me."
Luis sighed. "I hate these smug know-all types."
"You hate me anyway, knowledge or not," Terri pointed out, getting to her feet as the bus pulled up outside the school. "I'll pay you back when I collect my bag tomorrow," she said over her shoulder before disappearing into the building.
Feeling slightly defeated, Luis and Averman got off the bus. "Wouldn't life have been easier if we'd never left the dorms tonight?" Averman said. "We could have just stayed in–"
"And I could have been strangely irrational, not knowing why I was in such an odd mood, you could have stayed in the closet and Annie and Aisha could have stumbled through the rest of the year not really knowing where they stood with each other. Well, the same goes for us really."
"When you put it like that, I can see your point," Averman said. "But all the same, I'm exhausted from restraining the urge to kill someone."
Luis put his arm around Averman's shoulders. "If you're really good I'll let you kill Mr Stiles later."
One last surprise awaited them once they arrived at the Shoebox. There was a note taped to their door, bearing the words "READ ME". Luis obligingly took the note down and read it. "It's from Annie," he told Averman.
"Read it."
"Dear Luis and Averman. Don't you dare come to my dorm to make sure I'm ok, you can do that tomorrow (bring comfort food, I like dark chocolate best). I hope you had a nice date – not just for your sakes, but for mine. I'm sick of giving you two advice. Love Annie." Luis grinned at Averman. "At least she's not too depressed to give orders." He scanned the note again. "PS: Look up."
They did as instructed. Annie had taped a sprig of mistletoe to the doorframe.
"She thinks of everything," Averman observed.
"The girl's a genius."
"Obviously. And it would not only be rude, but intellectually wrong, to ignore her instructions."
"Naturally."
As Luis leaned in and kissed him, Averman decided that, despite it being the one of the worst nights of his life, this was undoubtedly the best night of his life.
Thanks to:
Carla – who beta'd so nice for me. mwa
Everyone who reviewed. I lost my list of thank yous, but if you reviewed, be certain I read it and was grateful.