Notes: A short chapter, I know, but Duo's awake and kissing Heero, so I'm certainly not complaining, and I told you the lengths would vary. Enjoy and review!

It was early evening when Duo finally woke up. He blinked blearily and then looked up at me. He actually managed a weak smile.

"How are you feeling?" I asked softly, and he frowned.

"Um... shitty. But better." His stomach growled loudly and he grimaced. "Ooh, and hungry."

"Expected. I'll go get you something to eat."

"Potato chips?"

I smiled at his hopeful expression. "Sure." I kissed the top of his head before carefully disentangling myself. He chewed his bottom lip as he watched me walk away, hands curled into tight fists, and I realised that this was the first time he'd been conscious and I hadn't been touching him. I gave him a smile and then disappeared into the kitchen. All he'd had in the past two days was soup, and I wanted something solid in him, so while potato chips weren't exactly nutritional, I got them for him. Okay, so it was also because I found it so hard to refuse him anything, but shut up.

When I walked back into the living room with the potato chips, Duo's gaze travelled down my body and he flinched violently. I frowned and glanced down, realizing that he was looking at my gun in its hip holster. It hit me then, for the first time, that Duo hadn't been wearing any weapons when he'd come back from his mission. He'd gone unarmed, something he never did. Because weapons were things of death; of pain. Dammit.

Holding the potato chips in one hand, I pulled off my holster, gun still in it, and put it under the armchair.

"Better?" I asked softly, and he nodded, looking vaguely... ashamed. I handed him the potato chips and sat down next to him. We shuffled around a bit until I was sitting down at one end of the sofa, and he was curling up beside me, with my arms wrapped around him. "It's alright, Duo. I don't expect you to be fine after what you went through. But you're not catatonic, and you've got an appetite, and you're thinking semi-rationally. It's all good."

A fine tremor ran through his body, and he gave one of those little hiccupping sobs. "I feel so fucking weak," he said, his voice shaking slightly.

"You're not. You're the strongest person I know. Don't be ashamed of the fact that you're having a hard time dealing with..." I didn't want to say, What you did; it sounded too judgemental, so I changed it to, "Your last mission. It shows that you can still feel, that your heart is doing more than pumping blood through your body. I'd be more surprised, more worried, if you were perfectly alright."

"I just.... You're so strong, Heero. You don't let anything get to you."

"Oh, things get to me. Do you remember New Edwards?"

"Oh, God, how could I forget?"

"Well, afterwards, when I was healthy again after self-detonating, I went around to all Field Marshal Noventa's relatives, asking their judgement, offering my life. I was so haunted by what I did, I could barely breathe. It was eating me up inside."

Duo twisted his head around to look up at me. "I-It was?"

"Hai."

"I... I didn't know."

"No one did. Except Trowa. He helped me. I was... still not a hundred per cent."

Duo frowned, absently eating a few potato chips. "I didn't think all this shit got to you."

"It doesn't often, but every now and then... yeah, it gets to me."

"How... how do you cope?"

"I write the most detailed mission reports known to man," I said with a dry chuckle, and then hesitated. "And... I also... visit nightclubs."

Duo blinked and stared at me. "Uh, what?"

"I go to nightclubs, sometimes. To... observe people. To see... what normal people do. I don't know why, but... it helps."

"I never woulda guessed that the Perfect Soldier went to nightclubs to relax. Isn't that like, an unnecessary security risk?"

"But it is necessary. Because if I didn't go, I'd burn out, and I'm still needed."

"Hm."

"Do you want to come with me?"

"I don't... I don't think... all those people... I can't."

I tightened my arms around him. "It's alright."

"Gods, I feel so fucking weak!"

"You're not," I assured him, gently but firmly. "Even I couldn't have done what you did without feeling it."

"I just feel so.... Gods, Heero, I am so fucked up. I can't even stand to see you with a gun. I can't... I'm a Gundam pilot, and I can't even look at a weapon without... Shit!"

"Duo, I understand. It's alright. No one is expecting you to be alright right away. You're off active duty, until I say otherwise, so we have time. You can take as much time as you need to get better. Alright?"

"But you don't," he said quietly. "You're still on active duty. You still have to go on missions. I don't... I don't think I could survive if... you went away."

I didn't know if he was talking about going away temporarily on a mission, or going away in the more permanent, dead sense. Possibly both.

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured him. "I am not leaving you for one single second unless it's absolutely necessary. The war will just have to wait."

"Nothing waits, Heero. The world keeps turning, keeps going on, no matter how much pain one person is in, or how much they want it to stop. I learned that very early on."

It was a reference to his past, on the streets of L2. I'd never heard much about his past; no one had. I wanted to know more, but knew that I probably wouldn't. It would be painful for him to tell it, and probably painful for me to hear it.

"I'm okay with that," he continued quietly. "I understand, I've accepted, but... it's inconvenient. Because, and it makes me feel seriously fucking weak saying this, I don't think I could survive you having to leave me. I just don't. You're all that's holding me together right now. And if you leave me..."

"I'll never leave you. I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"Can't I?"

"No, you can't, and you know you can't. So make a different promise."

"Anything."

"Promise that you'll try your hardest not to leave me."

"I promise. But you have to promise the same thing."

"What do you mean?" He frowned and looked up at me.

I struggled to put it into words. "You're not Duo anymore. You're drifting away from me, into someplace dark, someplace that I don't want you to go. Don't go. Promise me that you'll fight it, fight yourself, fight to stay with me. Because I don't think I can live without you either."

Duo just looked at me for a few moments, and I watched thoughts, emotions, fly across his face, too fast for me to see. Then he smiled, not one of his patented idiotic grins, just a soft, warm smile, that made his violet eyes light up, all the pain and horror disappearing like a bad dream.

"I promise," he murmured softly. He leaned forward and brushed my lips lightly with his. My breath caught in my throat.

"Duo..." I murmured, trying to speak around the lump in my throat.

"Heero, just kiss me. Please."

There was such raw need in his eyes, so raw he was almost in tears, that my voice left me completely. I bowed my head, closed my eyes, and the next thing I know... I'm kissing him. His lips are so unbelievably soft against mine. Those so-soft lips part and my tongue slips into his mouth, dancing with his, exploring his mouth slowly. The kiss was soft, tender, loving, slow, gentle, everything that we don't have in our lives. Our lives were hard and fast and bloody and painful, but this... this was just... I can't explain it, but.... Oh, Gods, his lips are so soft.

We draw away reluctantly and breathless and just look at each other. I'm not sure what's showing in my eyes, but Duo's are filled with... would I be too hopeful to say love?

"I love you, Heero Yuy," he murmured, resting his head on my chest again. Nope, not too hopeful.