A/N: () are thoughts interrupting dialogue
Chapter 5: The Funeral
Jesse POV
Looking around the church, seeing all of these people in black, crying softly. Most of them didn't know them, but just felt they needed to be there, because of the tradegy and all. That's how the paper printed it, "A Tragic Accident Takes the Lives of Six". Then it proceeded to explain how the six where on a cross country trip and a drunk driver slammed into there van, and so on and so on. None of it being true. If these people sitting here, sniffling a crying knew the truth, there wouldn't be anyone hear. Looking forward is one of the hardest commands that I have ever given myself. Looking up seeing the six closed caskets. Knowing that they are empty, is not giving me any closure, like its supposed to.
I hear the priest go on and on about death etc. etc. And I hear people respond to his little speech about dying young, but they just don't understand. As I hear the priest drone on, I know I must go up soon. I must walk past their coffins, and up to the podium soon. Because I, along with Jim Valenti, and Jeffery Parker are giving eulogies. And as much as I am morn and grieve for them, no parent should have to bury their own child or children. Yet hear they are, saying their last good byes. The priest signaled for me to walk up.
Looking at the coffins as I walk by, and standing on the podium looking at all those mourning, its seems as if too am dead. Glancing down at the speech I wrote, on a crinkled piece of paper, which I wrote, and rewrote. Then I read and reread. Making sure it captured something, at the time I didn't know what I wanted to capture, but looking at these people, looking at the coffins, I know now.. I wanted to capture the life that each one held in them.
"Isabel, Max, Liz, Maria, Michael, and Kyle (I picture each of their faces as I name them), where no strangers to life and living. They understood sorrow, happiness, love, being broken hearted, family, friends, hope, loneliness, adventure and fear. They knew what it meant to felt like having no one understand them. They understood what it meant to be questioned, and accused. They even understood the concept of death. Because they too sat where you are sitting, and they too mourned for a death of dear and treasured friend who died to young. Yes, they felt the pain (hardly any of you sitting here could understand...) that all of us sitting here today feel over what happened. But the six of them, they were inseparable (I see the look on their parents faces, only they know what I am talking about...). Sometimes the friends you meet in high school and elementary school are just that, they only last for certain periods of time, but not these six, they had a friendship that would last a life time. Each one adding there own personality to the group, to this family they had formed. Isabel (seeing her face in my mind, her walking up to me on our wedding day, is haunting over me), my wife (god, it hurts) with her sophisticated air about her, her brilliant smile, how she truly just wanted to be happy. But she was insecure about a million things, but she hardly let anyone see that. Only a few. Then there was her brother, my brother-in- law, Max ( I see his face, and how it lighted up at even the mention of love). Him with his natural leadership over the group. Every cliché has its leader, and he was theirs. Max, had an a strong desire to protect those he loved, and he was a boy who though most did not know or understand, he had a love that was eternal for his wife (a few gasped even though it was in the article, it was still not well known that max and Liz had gotten married) and friend Liz. Liz (I see her being the maid of honor at Iz's and mine wedding... her holding the flowers for Iz, and just being so supportive) who always put others in front of herself. Who even when coming to moral crisis (the whole thing with Tess) she never failed to be noble. She always acted with reason, I am not saying she was cautious, in fact Liz took many risks that many here in this room, including I do not know about, or the whole story to. But to her it was reasonable. She was the one in the group who logically explained thing. While as Maria ( I too see her at the wedding as a bridesmaid, smiling) was the first one to over dramatize a situation. Often she would make a big deal out of the smaller things, and she would stay calm when it came to the bigger problems. Though at a glance, she seemed like someone who didn't have a care in world, Maria, cared for everyone. She would always be the first to cry for someone, even if the other person refused to. She loved to make people smile, and would come off as a ditz to those who didn't know her. But she was very down to earth, she was very real. She was a tough girl who could take a lot, she had to be tough, going out with Michael (the picture of him with Isabel after she woke up from being shot, is the one in my head). Michael, gave an era of being the tough, rebel one. And though he'd be the first to slug a guy or to take a punch, he really cared about his friends. He'd do anything to protect them. And then there was Kyle(I see Kyle sleeping on my couch with Isabel, while Rudolph Happy New Year is playing in the background) , who truly was a friend. And often a brother to those in the group. He'd run a mile for any one of them. Yes these six, were great together. And though they were taken from us so early, they lived like most of us only we wished we had when we reach our deathbeds. ( I bow my head holding back the tears.)
I look over to Jim to signal for him to go up. Its his turn now. Its his last words now. He looks old, so old. He's wearing a suit, everything about him looks uncomfortable and out of place. He's looking out at everyone. I can see his hands shacking. He shouldn't be here.
"As most of you know Kyle, was my only son." Jim begins.
I know he has much more to say then I ever could. He knew them like all of us wished wed had. But I can't listen to him speak. I keeping remembering my wedding day. Isabel looked so beautiful, so happy. They all did. At that moment, we all seemed so invincible. So untouchable. Like the worst was over.
"Kyle was full of spirit. Full of energy. He loved them, because at times when I couldn't be the family he needed, they where." – I hear Jim, him breaking my train of thought.
God, he's shaking so much. He keeps wiping the sweat from his face. I know he feels like he failed them. Because he was the overseer of the group, the adult. And he protected them for three years. He killed for them. And if he had the chance he'd die for them.
"You can't mention Max, without immediately stating Liz's name too. Max and Liz. It seems like it was always the two of them. They constantly would give up what ever they wanted or needed, if it made the others happy. If it was for the betterment of the group. God, the two of them, the love they had. It seems so weird to talk about a love that strong with a couple who dated on again and off again in high school. But those two just fit. It was always Max and Liz"- Jim continues.
Max and Liz. That's all I ever heard. One name following the other. Both willing to go to the edge for each other. Both willing to die for one another. The two of them, they were a stone, a constant. People would often look at them and become jealous. Because they just couldn't be without each other. The most comforting thought about this, is that I know, everyone knows, that even death could not separate those two. That they did not go alone.
"Isabel, was a girl whose passion for life. She always looked for something. For a while it was love. And for those who remember Isabel, can only imagine that she had many who loved her. But there were only two that were real. She had to bury her high school love. One that we'll never know if it would have lasted longer. That love was based on a solid friendship. Then her love for her husband Jesse. Who, whenever she heard his name would smile."- Jim is searching for my eyes.
I can feel him staring at me as he goes on. My beautiful, wonderful, amazing wife. Who had so much life, and so much to look forward too. Now it was stolen from her. There was a part of her always searching. Even after our marriage. Something that I don't think she even knew what it was. And the most unsettling thought is that I don't think she ever found it.
"Maria and Michael. Those two names were normally joined together with either Maria hates Michael or Maria loves Michael. Or vise versa. But it never was a love-hate relationship. It was just their relationship. But those two even when fighting and bickering needed each other. Even when broke up, fed off each other. They were each others stone"- Jim smirks at remembering there relationship.
You can't help but smirk at remembering their relationship. There's nothing more or less to it. It was a relationship that made you smile. One that even though it was a roller coaster of emotions and situations, it just made you smile. Because for them it worked.
It worked... their relationships worked. Their life worked. But it wasn't enough. Worked, didn't mean it would last. Everyone knows they'll die someday. And they knew they'd die sooner then most. That was never a secret or surprise to them. I think they had accepted it, long ago. But here we are. The rest of us. The ones who are suppose to move on. We never had the chance to accept it. To come to terms with the fact that they were living a life, that would kill them young.
Jim steps down, and Jeff now heads to the podium. But I can't take anymore. After Jim's speech, the parts I could take in. I just can't take anymore. I need to breathe. God, we all need to breathe. Jim sits down near me. I feel his arm on my shoulder.
"No matter how hard it seems now, they wouldn't want us to grieve forever. They would want us to finish living our lives as normally and as greatfully as we can. The one thing they wanted, that they could never have, not even now, after their gone. They wanted to live a normal life. Don't grieve your life away. Don't let them die in vain"- I hear Jim whisper into my ear.
My head in my hands now, and I cry. Never have I felt my cheeks so wet. Nor my stomach so sick. It is the first time I've cried since I learned. And tears have never felt so good. The tears, which were causing my insides to turn, because they had taken over my body, they felt so good. So good.
Chapter 5: The Funeral
Jesse POV
Looking around the church, seeing all of these people in black, crying softly. Most of them didn't know them, but just felt they needed to be there, because of the tradegy and all. That's how the paper printed it, "A Tragic Accident Takes the Lives of Six". Then it proceeded to explain how the six where on a cross country trip and a drunk driver slammed into there van, and so on and so on. None of it being true. If these people sitting here, sniffling a crying knew the truth, there wouldn't be anyone hear. Looking forward is one of the hardest commands that I have ever given myself. Looking up seeing the six closed caskets. Knowing that they are empty, is not giving me any closure, like its supposed to.
I hear the priest go on and on about death etc. etc. And I hear people respond to his little speech about dying young, but they just don't understand. As I hear the priest drone on, I know I must go up soon. I must walk past their coffins, and up to the podium soon. Because I, along with Jim Valenti, and Jeffery Parker are giving eulogies. And as much as I am morn and grieve for them, no parent should have to bury their own child or children. Yet hear they are, saying their last good byes. The priest signaled for me to walk up.
Looking at the coffins as I walk by, and standing on the podium looking at all those mourning, its seems as if too am dead. Glancing down at the speech I wrote, on a crinkled piece of paper, which I wrote, and rewrote. Then I read and reread. Making sure it captured something, at the time I didn't know what I wanted to capture, but looking at these people, looking at the coffins, I know now.. I wanted to capture the life that each one held in them.
"Isabel, Max, Liz, Maria, Michael, and Kyle (I picture each of their faces as I name them), where no strangers to life and living. They understood sorrow, happiness, love, being broken hearted, family, friends, hope, loneliness, adventure and fear. They knew what it meant to felt like having no one understand them. They understood what it meant to be questioned, and accused. They even understood the concept of death. Because they too sat where you are sitting, and they too mourned for a death of dear and treasured friend who died to young. Yes, they felt the pain (hardly any of you sitting here could understand...) that all of us sitting here today feel over what happened. But the six of them, they were inseparable (I see the look on their parents faces, only they know what I am talking about...). Sometimes the friends you meet in high school and elementary school are just that, they only last for certain periods of time, but not these six, they had a friendship that would last a life time. Each one adding there own personality to the group, to this family they had formed. Isabel (seeing her face in my mind, her walking up to me on our wedding day, is haunting over me), my wife (god, it hurts) with her sophisticated air about her, her brilliant smile, how she truly just wanted to be happy. But she was insecure about a million things, but she hardly let anyone see that. Only a few. Then there was her brother, my brother-in- law, Max ( I see his face, and how it lighted up at even the mention of love). Him with his natural leadership over the group. Every cliché has its leader, and he was theirs. Max, had an a strong desire to protect those he loved, and he was a boy who though most did not know or understand, he had a love that was eternal for his wife (a few gasped even though it was in the article, it was still not well known that max and Liz had gotten married) and friend Liz. Liz (I see her being the maid of honor at Iz's and mine wedding... her holding the flowers for Iz, and just being so supportive) who always put others in front of herself. Who even when coming to moral crisis (the whole thing with Tess) she never failed to be noble. She always acted with reason, I am not saying she was cautious, in fact Liz took many risks that many here in this room, including I do not know about, or the whole story to. But to her it was reasonable. She was the one in the group who logically explained thing. While as Maria ( I too see her at the wedding as a bridesmaid, smiling) was the first one to over dramatize a situation. Often she would make a big deal out of the smaller things, and she would stay calm when it came to the bigger problems. Though at a glance, she seemed like someone who didn't have a care in world, Maria, cared for everyone. She would always be the first to cry for someone, even if the other person refused to. She loved to make people smile, and would come off as a ditz to those who didn't know her. But she was very down to earth, she was very real. She was a tough girl who could take a lot, she had to be tough, going out with Michael (the picture of him with Isabel after she woke up from being shot, is the one in my head). Michael, gave an era of being the tough, rebel one. And though he'd be the first to slug a guy or to take a punch, he really cared about his friends. He'd do anything to protect them. And then there was Kyle(I see Kyle sleeping on my couch with Isabel, while Rudolph Happy New Year is playing in the background) , who truly was a friend. And often a brother to those in the group. He'd run a mile for any one of them. Yes these six, were great together. And though they were taken from us so early, they lived like most of us only we wished we had when we reach our deathbeds. ( I bow my head holding back the tears.)
I look over to Jim to signal for him to go up. Its his turn now. Its his last words now. He looks old, so old. He's wearing a suit, everything about him looks uncomfortable and out of place. He's looking out at everyone. I can see his hands shacking. He shouldn't be here.
"As most of you know Kyle, was my only son." Jim begins.
I know he has much more to say then I ever could. He knew them like all of us wished wed had. But I can't listen to him speak. I keeping remembering my wedding day. Isabel looked so beautiful, so happy. They all did. At that moment, we all seemed so invincible. So untouchable. Like the worst was over.
"Kyle was full of spirit. Full of energy. He loved them, because at times when I couldn't be the family he needed, they where." – I hear Jim, him breaking my train of thought.
God, he's shaking so much. He keeps wiping the sweat from his face. I know he feels like he failed them. Because he was the overseer of the group, the adult. And he protected them for three years. He killed for them. And if he had the chance he'd die for them.
"You can't mention Max, without immediately stating Liz's name too. Max and Liz. It seems like it was always the two of them. They constantly would give up what ever they wanted or needed, if it made the others happy. If it was for the betterment of the group. God, the two of them, the love they had. It seems so weird to talk about a love that strong with a couple who dated on again and off again in high school. But those two just fit. It was always Max and Liz"- Jim continues.
Max and Liz. That's all I ever heard. One name following the other. Both willing to go to the edge for each other. Both willing to die for one another. The two of them, they were a stone, a constant. People would often look at them and become jealous. Because they just couldn't be without each other. The most comforting thought about this, is that I know, everyone knows, that even death could not separate those two. That they did not go alone.
"Isabel, was a girl whose passion for life. She always looked for something. For a while it was love. And for those who remember Isabel, can only imagine that she had many who loved her. But there were only two that were real. She had to bury her high school love. One that we'll never know if it would have lasted longer. That love was based on a solid friendship. Then her love for her husband Jesse. Who, whenever she heard his name would smile."- Jim is searching for my eyes.
I can feel him staring at me as he goes on. My beautiful, wonderful, amazing wife. Who had so much life, and so much to look forward too. Now it was stolen from her. There was a part of her always searching. Even after our marriage. Something that I don't think she even knew what it was. And the most unsettling thought is that I don't think she ever found it.
"Maria and Michael. Those two names were normally joined together with either Maria hates Michael or Maria loves Michael. Or vise versa. But it never was a love-hate relationship. It was just their relationship. But those two even when fighting and bickering needed each other. Even when broke up, fed off each other. They were each others stone"- Jim smirks at remembering there relationship.
You can't help but smirk at remembering their relationship. There's nothing more or less to it. It was a relationship that made you smile. One that even though it was a roller coaster of emotions and situations, it just made you smile. Because for them it worked.
It worked... their relationships worked. Their life worked. But it wasn't enough. Worked, didn't mean it would last. Everyone knows they'll die someday. And they knew they'd die sooner then most. That was never a secret or surprise to them. I think they had accepted it, long ago. But here we are. The rest of us. The ones who are suppose to move on. We never had the chance to accept it. To come to terms with the fact that they were living a life, that would kill them young.
Jim steps down, and Jeff now heads to the podium. But I can't take anymore. After Jim's speech, the parts I could take in. I just can't take anymore. I need to breathe. God, we all need to breathe. Jim sits down near me. I feel his arm on my shoulder.
"No matter how hard it seems now, they wouldn't want us to grieve forever. They would want us to finish living our lives as normally and as greatfully as we can. The one thing they wanted, that they could never have, not even now, after their gone. They wanted to live a normal life. Don't grieve your life away. Don't let them die in vain"- I hear Jim whisper into my ear.
My head in my hands now, and I cry. Never have I felt my cheeks so wet. Nor my stomach so sick. It is the first time I've cried since I learned. And tears have never felt so good. The tears, which were causing my insides to turn, because they had taken over my body, they felt so good. So good.