Notes: None really, but you get a nice little bit with Wufei where he isn't an uptight git, and Duo tells Heero a little story that really shows why this mission hurt so much (apart from the mass murder). Enjoy and review!

Wufei was the first one to see Duo awake. He'd been outside doing his katas, and came in slightly breathless. He stopped at the doorway and blinked at Duo, who clutched at me a little tighter. I understood why. Wufei had always been so stern and derisive towards him, and now he was afraid of what the Chinese pilot would say about the past two days.

Wufei smiled. "It's good to see you awake, Duo."

"Um.... Thanks. Sorry about... being a pain... Heero told me... about you guys... all going to that base with me... protecting me."

"It was my duty, and more than that, my pleasure. You're a strong, bright spirit, Duo Maxwell, and I won't let anyone, even yourself, hurt that. If you want to thank me, just get better." He walked towards the kitchen and stopped in the archway. "Oh, and no practical jokes for a while would be nice," he added over his shoulder.

Duo chuckled and I felt some of the tension ease out of his body. He fell into silence, something that lately, wasn't that unusual for him. That worried me. Duo hated silence. He'd once said that it was so he didn't have to think, that he needed the distraction, the noise, either his own talking or music or something. I didn't like that he was so silent.

"What happens if I don't get better?" he asked quietly after a while.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm a Gundam pilot, and the war needs me, but... what if I don't get better? What if I can never hold a weapon or pilot Deathscythe? What if I stay... broken?"

"You aren't broken, Duo. You're just troubled."

"Troubled?" Duo repeated with a bitter, choking laugh. "I'm Shini... I'm Shiniga... and I can't even say my name or look at a gun. I'm fucking fucked up, Heero!"

"Maxwell, you are not Shinigami," Wufei said from the archway, ignoring the way Duo flinched at the mention of Shinigami. "You are having trouble with the fact that one hundred and fifty civilians were killed, by your hand. Shinigami might be able to live with that, but you aren't him. You are Duo Maxwell, my friend, the warmest person I have ever met, and he cannot just casually kill a hundred and fifty people. Give yourself a break."

Duo was silent for a moment, just watching him, and then he smiled. "Thanks, Wufei."

"No problem. I'm going to go shower." He nodded at us and walked upstairs.

"Never woulda guessed that he counted me as a friend," Duo murmured.

"He does. He was very worried about you. We all were." I hesitated, and then asked, "What do you remember? Of the past two days?"

"Not much. It was... dark... cold... but... there was someone... holding me... keeping me safe... You?"

"Me."

"Mmm."

Quatre and Trowa had been out in the makeshift hanger, working on their Gundams, and they came in an hour after full dark. Duo and I hadn't moved much from the sofa. I'd gotten up once to get us some coffee and toast-dry, because Duo's stomach couldn't handle anything else. The first thing Quatre did when he saw Duo awake and reasonably sane was smile, one of those huge Quatre Winner smiles that must hurt his face and just make it impossible not to smile back. Then he hugged Duo, hugging me at the same time, and just this once, I let him.

"I'm so glad you're awake, Duo," he said enthusiastically, drawing away.

"Thanks, Quat."

"Are you... alright?"

"Um... I'm better than I was, but I think alright is a bit of a stretch."

"We're all here, if you need anything. Alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I, uh, I'm doing better. I just...."

A series of beeps interrupted him and I recognised the pattern as my laptop. I cursed and reached over to grab the right bag, pulling out my laptop. With my arms still around Duo, I typed in the passwords and opened up the message, fully intending to send back 'mission refused', something I've never done before. But I didn't have to. I just blinked and stared at the message. I heard Duo gasp as he read the message.

"What is it?" Quatre asked, frowning.

"Um, we've been given two weeks' vacation," I muttered.

"What?"

"Recommended by Dr. Sally Po, all five Gundam pilots are to report to a safe house, put under the care of Marianne Green, for some R&R. Dr. Po suggested that we needed the time or we'd burn out, especially Pilot 02. Suggestion approved. We report tomorrow morning. It's a... two hour drive, so we leave... seven o'clock."

"Who's Marianne Green?" Trowa asked in a quiet murmur.

"Doesn't say. Two seconds." I entered the name into my search engines and ran it through the databases. "Ah, alright, here we go. Marianne Green, Major, twenty-three, blonde, grey eyes, quite pretty, not much combat experience, field medic. She's legit. Wait, part of this file's missing." I frowned and searched for the rest of the file. I sighed when I found it. "She's not a field medic-she's a psychiatrist."

"They've got to be kidding," Duo muttered, looking at the picture of Marianne, who was smiling softly at the camera. "She doesn't look like a shrink or a resistance soldier. Do we really have to report to her, Heero?"

"Yep."

"We didn't obey our last orders to see a shrink," Wufei said from where he was curled up in the armchair.

"I know, but... I think we should go. I mean, when was the last time we went two weeks without a mission? Duo needs the time and relaxation, and truth be told, I think we all do. Quatre fractured his wrist during his last mission because he wasn't concentrating properly."

Quatre blushed and rubbed his wrist, still wrapped up in support bandages. He'd received a stern lecture from both Trowa and myself because of that screw-up. He'd returned bruised badly, with over two dozen small cuts on his body, and the fractured wrist.

"It would be nice to have a little break," Trowa agreed. "We're all very tense. I can't remember the last time I relaxed completely. I say we go."

"I don't like shrinks," Duo grumbled, snuggling closer to me.

"You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to, Duo," I assured him. "But some time away from the war is a good idea. And this Marianne actually sounds pretty nice. Good things in her file. Just go with us, check it out, and if you really don't like it, we can leave."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The house was a nice Victorian-style one with working shutters, a porch big enough for all us pilots to sit on, and colourful flowerbeds. There was a woman standing on the porch, smiling, and I recognised her as Marianne. She was small, just over five-foot, with honey-blonde hair falling over her shoulders in a wavy mass, and sparkling pale grey eyes. She was wearing grey trousers and a pale lavender blouse with no shoes. I frowned at her as we climbed out of the van we'd borrowed. Duo gripped my hand, eyeing her nervously.

"Alright, boys, let's get inside," she said, ushering us into the house and closing the door behind us. "Now, my name is Marianne, and I know all your names. Bedrooms are upstairs, there's a bathroom upstairs, and a bathroom downstairs, I expect you to wash before lunch and dinner, which are at noon and six every day; I want you all to carry your weight around here, helping me with the cooking and cleaning, and coming with me to do the grocery shopping; my bedroom's the first one the left, and there are three others. Quatre and Trowa, you two can share, Wufei and Duo-"

"Uh, Marianne, I would prefer to have my own bedroom," Wufei interrupted smoothly. "And Duo is rather... dependent on Heero at the moment. I'm sure Dr. Po mentioned that."

Marianne looked at him for a moment and then nodded, still smiling. "Alright. You can have your own room, and Duo and Heero can share. Now, why don't you all go and pick your rooms and get unpacked. I trust you've all had breakfast?"

Quatre hesitated. "Well... not really. We were kind of, um... busy this morning, so we didn't get time."

What he didn't say was that Duo had had a 'fit' where he obviously wasn't in reality, and it had taken us, me, an hour to calm him down. By that time we had to borrow a van and get moving or be late, so breakfast had just not happened.

Marianne's smile vanished and she pursed her lips. "Hm. Alright. I'll make you all some breakfast, and then we can all get settled in. Oh, Quatre, I'd like to talk to you in the kitchen for a minute, alright? Trowa, could you take his bags up to your room?"

"Sure." Trowa took Quatre's bags from the blonde's hands and walked upstairs. Wufei, Duo and I followed.

Duo and I ended up with a nice room done in pale yellow. The furniture was all light honey-oak, and there were nice sheets and blankets on the beds instead of quilts, it being too hot for actual quilts. Duo left his bags by his bed, and wandered over to the large window, flopping down on the window seat and looking out at the small lake, and beyond that, a forest.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it silently. I hesitated, unsure of what to do.

"I met a little girl," he said suddenly, voice quiet. "Her name was Emily. Brown hair, blue eyes, really sweet smile. She, um, couldn't find her parents. Really scared. She held my hand, let me take her down to the front desk. Said thanks. And, uh, that evening, someone knocked on my door, and it was her. She'd... bought me a teddy bear, as a thank you gift. Said that when she grew up, she was going to have long hair like me. Only she never got the chance to grow up, did she? I killed her." He knelt down on the floor and rummaged around in one of his bags, pulling out a small brown teddy bear with a purple ribbon around its neck. "Ain't it sweet?" he asked, tugging at the ribbon. "She'd, um, added the ribbon because it matched my eyes. I've never had a teddy bear before."

"I'm sorry, Duo," I said, and the words were so completely inadequate.

"Thing is, she's not the first Emily I've known. There was a girl called Emily in my old family, my gang, with Solo. She was, um, about six. She had black hair, dark, dark brown eyes, and had this... necklace that she'd found in the garbage one day. It was one of those things you get in cereal boxes, black cord, with a little pink plastic angel on it. She loved it, wore it all the time. She died. Plague. Like Solo died. I tried. I got us the vaccine, but... four of us died, Solo, Emily, and Jon. And Kid. Kid died, when Solo died. And Duo was born."

I'd always wondered how and why he chose the name Duo. I hadn't really expected to find out like this.

"I held Solo in my arms, and he said, we'll always be together, always be two, so Kid died, and Duo was born." Duo reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of black cord, on which dangled a pink plastic angel. He put the necklace around the teddy's neck and looked at it. "Both Emilys are dead," he murmured. "And I killed them both."

"No, no you didn't. Emily died of the plague. You tried to get her the vaccine in time. It's not your fault. You saved the others."

"Yeah. Kai, Lissie, Cassie, Pete, Michael, Sara, Thistle, Val, Raven."

"What happened to them?"

"Um, they got adopted. Father Maxwell and Sister Helen found us. Got them set up in semi-decent houses. They tried to get me a home, but I kept getting in trouble, so they adopted me themselves. I keep tabs on everyone. I checked a month ago, and only Michael, Raven, and Lissie are alive. I have to check again. A lot can happen in a month. Everyone's dead, Heero. Why? If I survived, why didn't they? Why did they have to die?" He looked up at me, tears burning in his pain-filled eyes.

"I don't know," I murmured, mentally kicking myself. "I wish I had the answers for you, but I don't. I don't know why they died, or why you survived. I'm sorry."

"I beginning to forget, Heero," he whispered. "I'm beginning to forget what they looked like. And, if I forget, then who's left to remember them? If I forget, then they're really dead."

Someone knocked on the door, and Duo quickly ducked his head. Wufei stuck his head into the room.

"Breakfast is ready."

"I'm not hungry," Duo mumbled, hugging the teddy bear to his chest and leaning against his bed, effectively hidden from Wufei.

"You sure?" I asked. He nodded. "Alright. I'll be back in a few minutes, unless you want me to stay?" He shook his head. I sighed and left.

"Something happened?" Wufei asked quietly as we walked downstairs.

"Nothing too major." Then I had an idea. "Wufei, you're an artist, aren't you?"

"In my spare time, yes. Why?"

"I need you to do me, and Duo, a favour. He might not go for it, but I think he will. See, he's starting to forget what his gang used to look like, and he doesn't want to forget. I want you to start carrying around your sketchpad, whenever he's in the same room. I'll casually ask if he wants to ask if you could draw him some pictures. I think it'll help."

Wufei nodded. "I would be honoured." He paused thoughtfully. "He really cared for them, didn't he?"

I thought about that for a second and then said simply, "They were his family."