The First Time
Summary: We often search for something that is right before our very eyes.
Warnings: Contains language and minor violence. This will also contain YAOI (boy/boy relationship), so if this is not your cup of tea, I suggest that you hit the back button immediately. You have been warned, so please read with proper discretion.
Disclaimer: I wouldn't resort to fanfiction writing if I owned Naruto in the first place. This was written for the sole purpose of personal enjoyment, and no profit was ever made.
A/N: Argh. A friend asked my why I LOVE angsty fanfics so much. I was about to snap and say 'lay off, will ya?' but then figured out that that. Is. So. True. Teehee. I reasoned out that a dose of angst makes the story tad a bit more realistic. Not to mention that I love seeing things become more complicated. But anyways, since the first part was a bit... intense, I tried to lighten up this chapter. Hope this will do, though.
After an hour of waiting, the healer finally came to heed the urgent summon.
She strode inside the room quietly and knelt down beside Naruto before unpacking some of her things. Given that it was a fairly small village, there was not much to be expected in terms of medical facilities. There's a small infirmary across the town, but it wouldn't make any difference if they brought Naruto there or if they just stayed inside the house. They have to make do with whatever treatment that could be provided-- no matter limited it is.
She tended to the injuries first; applied soothing salve on the bruises that marred Naruto's body and arms. Bruises, Sasuke observed, and not the reddened scratches and wounds that were very much prominent last night.
Apparently the healer took notice of this, too. But aside from the momentary pause before she was about to apply the salve, there was no other indication of her surprise.
"Do you feel any pains?" the healer inquired.
Naruto shook his head in response.
She then proceeded to remove the bandages around Naruto's temple, neatly rolling the soiled fabric inside her palm. The bandages had telltale red stains in them. Even the hairs on the back of Naruto's head, while some parts were fluffed out and some parts flattened due to the bandages, had flecks of dried blood. It was the most glaring evidence of his recent brush with danger.
She began to inspect for the wounds. On various intervals, she would ask questions to Naruto, to which the boy promptly responding either with a nod or a shake of the head. After a few more questions and examinations, she nodded as if satisfied with what she saw.
She did not wrap new bandages around Naruto's head.
Which only meant one thing.
Sasuke's eyes roamed around the room, wondering if anyone else has noticed this. He looked at Sakura. She was busy assisting the healer, and if ever she noticed the curious disappearance of the wounds, she did not show it. On the farther side of the room was Kakashi, who was leaning casually on a wall --and from what Sasuke could make out beneath the mask, he had a thoughtful look on his face.
His inquisitive gaze met Kakashi's for a split second, before the jounin tilted his head in acknowledgement and focused back to Naruto.
Sasuke was not one to pay attention to trivial matters, but for some reason, he was quite intrigued. To be able to heal wounds at such rapid rate, not to mention the nature of the wounds-- was quite remarkable.
And undoubtedly, Kakashi knew something about this. He knew more than he let on.
Something akin to morbid wonder struck Sasuke as he watched the healer wave her hand in left-right fashion in front of Naruto.
Left. Right.
Left. Right.
Naruto's eyes did not even as much as shift a single bit so as to follow the hand's movements.
Just then, Sasuke was struck with a jolt of realization, as if the implications of Naruto's condition was just starting to sink in.
When Naruto blurted out earlier that he couldn't see, Sasuke was quite unconvinced -- in fact, he was quite wary about it. After all, Naruto had this annoying flair of blowing things out of proportion and Sasuke wouldn't put it past him if this was another staged bluff to get some attention.
But seeing this--
Sasuke wasn't slow in the uptake. What he had just witnessed was more that enough to convince him.
Blind. Naruto has gone blind.
The healer finally stood.
"His wounds have healed perfectly," she began. "Aside from the mild bruises, the boy should be fine."
The understatement behind those words was not lost to Sasuke. As well as the seemingly intentional dodging of the most essential question regarding his eyesight.
"However, as for the boy's eyes--" here her lips became pursed into a grim line. The statement was left in hanging, and she slanted a glance towards Kakashi as if asking for permission to continue even at the presence of Naruto.
Which, in itself was not a good sign.
Kakashi nodded in acquiescence.
It was another lesson that everyone must come to accept. They were ninjas and thus, have resigned themselves to accept every possible circumstance they might come across. The harsh reality of it was not new to Sasuke, but there was something unsettling about it when experienced first-hand.
Whatever happens, happen.
"I cannot provide concrete answers as of now," she continued. "It appears that he is suffering from internal head injuries which resulted this... lack of eyesight."
Silence descended.
"It's just temporary, right?" Sakura asked hesitantly.
"I'm afraid I can't tell if this condition is permanent or not. We just have to wait and observe for further developments."
The delivery of her diagnosis was strictly blunt and lacking in emotion, possibly due to years of medical practice and dealing with similar cases like this.
But that did not stop Sasuke from thinking that she should have at least laid it down as mildly as she could given that Naruto was also in the same room.
She advised them to wait and observe, which was not assuring at all in the situation because waiting was indefinite and vague, and it also meant that while there's a chance that Naruto would regain his eyesight, there's also a chance that he wouldn't.
Sakura then asked if chakra-aided treatment could help, but the healer calmly explained that such treatment is only useful when dealing with external wounds and minor injuries, and not on internal injuries like Naruto's. The pink-haired girl nodded, simply absorbing this piece of information in silence. It was painfully obvious that she was at still reeling with equal parts disbelief and helplessness that their mission had ended up like this.
Sasuke made a massive effort not to point out to them that they were talking as if Naruto wasn't in the room-- which could have passed as the truth because Naruto was unnaturally quiet all throughout the conversation.
He observed that Naruto hasn't said a single word, only nodding or shaking his head promptly to answer the healer's questions.
It was unsettling.
Sasuke wasn't used to this reaction; he expected Naruto to at least cry, shout, or express something -- anything-- vocally about his predicament. He could just imagine Naruto shouting in a bewildered voice "What do you mean, I'm blind?" or possibly curse out and do something of the sort.
Sasuke wasn't used to this unnatural, reserved silence.
He actually felt angry-- misguided anger because he couldn't understand why he was even bothered in the first place and quite possibly because it threw him off the loop when Naruto didn't act the way he expected.
Creaks on the tatami mats broke the meditative silence as Kakashi crossed the room and stood in front of Naruto. He placed a hand atop Naruto's head gently, causing the blonde to flinch with a start. But after that automatic response, his head was again downcast and the line of his body was taut as bowstrings.
"Hey," Kakashi said. "It's going to be alright." He assured.
And perhaps those were the precise words needed to be said to Naruto at that time, because the hands that were clutching the hem of the comforter loosened a bit and the knuckles returned to their natural color.
Naruto raised his head and for a second, and it dawned to Sasuke just how wrong he was to assume that Naruto lacked the emotions to properly express himself on his predicament. He may have kept silent all along, but his eyes could not suppress what he was currently feeling.
Though his eyes were now sightless, they practically screamed the emotions that warred within. There was confusion, disbelief, and finally, fear.
Sasuke remembered instances when Kakashi would place his hands on Naruto's head in similar fashion, particularly at times when Naruto became too agitated or angry over something. After all, among the three of them, Naruto was the only one who seemed to have troubles in keeping his emotions in check. He was a very demonstrative person who had no qualms on saying what's going on inside his mind.
He remembered how upset Naruto had been when Haku 'killed' Zabuza on their first encounter. It was the shock over the fact that someone seemingly as young as Haku could take out Zabuza that easy.
Naruto had yelled about how unfair it was until Kakashi came to him and placed his hand on Naruto's head. Such a simple gesture, yet the flaring temper and confusion was instantly snuffed out.
Sasuke didn't realize how that simple gesture of comfort could mean so much to Naruto until now.
"I'll be right back, okay?" Kakashi said.
With an almost affectionate ruffle on the blonde hair, Kakashi finally pulled his hand away and stalked towards the door. The healer seemed to take the cue of his leave; she arranged her medical equipment back to her small bag, and after giving a polite bow, followed the jounin outside the house.
Sasuke tried to rack his mind for a time in which the three of them had trouble conversing with one another. He could come up with none. It's not that he actually contributed much to the exchange, but he could say that back then, talking was never much of an issue.
Until now.
Naruto was still quiet, his fingers idly toying with the comforter as if he had nothing else worthwhile to do.
Sasuke looked at Sakura. Their eyes met and held in a silent contest, urging each other to say something to Naruto first.
Sakura averted her gaze, defeated.
"Naruto," she began. "I -um- are you alright?"
The fingers on the comforter stopped moving.
It was not the most appropriate question at that time because it was very much obvious that Naruto's not alright, but Sasuke's not about to argue since he's not exactly the most eloquent person on the team.
If Sasuke had spoken first, there was no telling if he'd end up insulting Naruto and he knew that doing so was not exactly appropriate given Naruto's current condition.
Naruto's mouth stretched in a straight line, as if he was attempting to smile but doing a miserable job on it.
"Of course I'm fine, Sakura-chan!"
The reply was painfully forced and a bit louder than probably intended.
"Oh," Sakura bit her lip. "H-how are your wounds, then?"
"Well, the woman said they're healing just fine," Naruto answered. "Although now that I think about it, my body feels kinda sore."
Sakura had always been the most analytic among them. But now, she seemed to be at a total loss on what to do and say next.
Naruto's mouth moved again, but this time, he actually managed to laugh.
"Aw, come on!" he chuckled. "I'm really fine! It can't be that bad, ya know."
Even Sasuke could tell that it was false cheer, and he wanted to snort something along the lines of 'cut the act, dobe', but stopped himself because he knew just how callous that would have sounded.
Sasuke could see how bright Sakura's eyes were, as if she was on verge of tears.
"O-okay. I'll get you something to eat, okay? I'll be right back."
She stood and made a hasty retreat, the sliding of the shoji doors leaving somewhat a symbolic meaning on her wake.
"Naruto."
The blonde tensed for a moment, clearly surprised that Sasuke was still in the room.
"Sasuke," Naruto inclined his head towards Sasuke's direction. "What are you still doing here?"
That was what Sasuke would like to know himself; he didn't know why he had stayed and was now even marginally willing to initiate a conversation.
Although Sasuke wasn't sure if the conversation would end up being civil.
"You've got a problem with that, idiot?" he replied.
There was a startled silence; Naruto sucked in a breath and looked as if he was suddenly thrown out of the loop. Small doubts gnawed at him-- whether this was too much too quickly, but Sasuke pushed them aside as he waited for Naruto to respond.
Perhaps that was also the right words to say, because the familiar smirk was back on Naruto's face.
"Ah. No problem with that, bastard." Naruto replied.
Sasuke could tell that Naruto was actually relieved that he wouldn't treat him like he was made of glass-- like he would break if they as much as breathe at him. He needed to grasp some sense of normalcy in the situation and treating him like a fragile thing would only make things worse.
"Good."
oooooo
He could hear someone calling his name. There was a flash of orange and yellow, and then Sasuke was pushed aside.
Naruto.
The invisible force hit Naruto, sending the blonde flying before he hit the boulder behind with a sickening thud. Naruto's eyes widened as though shocked, before he crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap.
Sasuke stared at his fallen teammate, disbelief etched on his normally stoic features. Why would Naruto--?
-Why did you do it? Why?-
"Why?" Sasuke didn't realize he had spoken the question out loud.
"Why what?" Naruto's face was scrunched up in confusion, like he was trying to solve a very complicated puzzle. Sasuke found it slightly unnerving when the blonde's eyes weren't even focused to him when talking.
"On the mission," Sasuke found himself unable to look at Naruto. "You took the blow that was for me."
Naruto's face wrinkled even more, if that was even possible. It was as if he had no recollection whatsoever on the events that occurred on their mission.
Then suddenly he looked like he remembered everything. "Oh, that."
Rolling his eyes didn't have the desired effect especially when the recipient couldn't see.
"Yes, that."
There was a heavy silence.
Eventually, Sasuke asked, "Well?"
"Well what?" Naruto answered flippantly.
Sasuke gritted his teeth and made a massive effort not to inflict bodily harm towards Naruto. It was a very hard task. He was trying to have a normal conversation when it was fairly obvious that the other party didn't want to cooperate.
"Why did you do it?" he snarled.
Every pretense of playfulness disappeared and Naruto suddenly had a guarded look on his face. "Well, why not?"
The answer took him by surprise; he didn't know what to make of it, and apparently, Naruto wasn't in the generous mood of elaborating it. Sasuke had a brief afterthought that he didn't exactly have the right to demand answers from Naruto -- especially when Sasuke couldn't provide the answers himself when he had saved Naruto from clutches of Haku.
Naruto lay down on the mat, unseeing eyes focused at the ceiling. Sasuke looked at one of Naruto's hands, lying on the bundled comforter with his fingers curled upward.
"If I say that I'm evening out the scales, will you believe me?" Naruto broke the silence.
Sasuke glanced at Naruto. To his actual consternation, he was now hesitant to continue this avenue of conversation. "Is that the reason, then?"
"Well," Naruto's fingers began to idly toy with the comforter again. "if that satisfies you, then yes."
The underlying statement behind all that wasn't lost to Sasuke.
I don't want to owe you anything...
And perhaps he expected too much-- expected something more profound a reason than Naruto feeling indebted to him that he would risk his very life to save him. He expected something along the lines of 'because you're a teammate' or even the seemingly shallow 'because we're rivals and Sakura-chan would be very sad if you died.'
Sasuke actually felt hurt-- much to his own surprise.
"You really are an idiot," Sasuke mumbled, just enough for Naruto to hear.
Naruto did not have the chance to retort to the insult. Because just then, the doors slid open, revealing Sakura carrying a tray with food.
Shortly after coming inside the room, Sakura eased the tray with food on Naruto's lap, giving careful instructions not to move too much lest he'd upset its contents. Inside the tray was a streaming bowl of what Sasuke assumed was ramen and a glass of water.
"What happened to ojii-san?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke frowned in confusion. Ojii-san?
"He's doing fine. He even gave us this place so that we could rest." Sakura answered.
Then it clicked; Sasuke remembered how Naruto would always tease their latest client, calling him ojii-san because of his rapidly graying hair. The merchant didn't appear to be insulted; in fact, he seemed to be quite fond with Naruto and his antics.
"What about--" Naruto seemed hesitant to continue giving Sasuke an inkling on what he was about to ask. "What about the guy who attacked us?"
There was another silence.
"He's dead," Sasuke found himself saying coldly. "Kakashi-sensei killed him."
Sakura winced as if remembering something quite unpleasant and the silence inside the room grew awkward.
"Naruto," she said. "Do you need -um- help in eating?"
Help. It didn't occur to Sasuke that from now on, Naruto would require some sort of assistance in everything that he would do. Naruto couldn't do everything by himself from now on. Sasuke couldn't even begin to imagine how frustrating it would be when activities as trivial as eating would require help from someone else.
"No, no," Naruto replied, smiling cheekily. "I can manage by myself. Thanks, anyway, Sakura-chan."
"--the chopsticks are on the side of the tray, Naruto."
"Okay." he fumbled inside the tray for the utensils.
"Are you sure you don't need any help?"
"Yes! I'm not some kind of invalid you know!" Naruto's eyes widened at the sudden outburst, his cheeks reddening in embarrassment. His reaction was mirrored by Sakura, who recoiled as if she had been struck.
"S'sorry about that, Sakura-chan. I didn't mean to yell at you." Naruto apologized.
"It's okay, Naruto," she sighed. "I'll just go and wait outside, okay?"
"Aren't you going to eat that?" Once again, Sasuke found himself initiating a conversation.
"I'm not hungry."
Sasuke never thought he'd see the day when Naruto had lost his appetite.
"It's ramen," he pointed out.
Naruto chuckled half-heartedly. "I know."
Sasuke refused to say anything more. He didn't know what to say anymore, and it was getting too tiresome already.
"I-I didn't mean to snap at her, you know," Naruto said in a guilt-laden voice. It was probably the same guilt that gave him the idea that he should explain himself. "It's just that... I don't know why--" he flushed deeply.
"She'd understand." Sasuke broke in. Naruto looked surprised; he was talking mostly for his own benefit.
There was a long, drawn-out silence. The doors were left ajar, and Sasuke stared at the wide expanse of garden outside. The sun was already high and he could hear the faint buzz of people as they go on about their daily work. Normally, Sasuke would be in the forest at this time doing his training until sunset.
"Shit," Naruto hissed. Sasuke turned sharply at the noise and saw Naruto grimace as he waved a hand. It was obvious that he had accidentally touched the still-hot ramen, and as he recoiled in pain, he had knocked over the glass of water which is also inside the tray.
Sasuke threw himself down beside Naruto, grasping his wrist to prevent him from doing more mess. "You're so clumsy, dobe. You just spoiled your food."
"Shut up!" Naruto retorted, wrenching his hand free. "I don't need you to lecture me, you bastard!"
Sasuke gritted his teeth.
"You're so stubborn," he ground out. "I'm just trying to help you."
Naruto snorted. "I don't need your pity."
I'm not some kind of invalid!
"It's not pity. You're just too stupid to accept help when you obviously needed one."
Naruto raised his chin defiantly. "I don't need help," he said. "especially from you."
And it was infuriating, because it felt like a blow to his pride that he's doing this-- that he was actually trying to offer comfort to Naruto. All this time, he had been trying to find a way to make the situation easier, but he was never good at comforting and Naruto just wasn't helping the matters any. Whenever they tried to talk, they'd just end up insulting each other.
Sasuke's hand clenched rather painfully. What on earth had possessed him to offer help?
"Look. You don't want help? That's fine," he said. He wanted to hit something--anything to relieve his frustration. "But now that you can't see--"
Sasuke barely had the chance of finishing his sentence when Naruto's fist took a wild swing towards his direction. He dodged it with ease, belatedly realizing just how callous and unfeeling his words had sounded.
Naruto's lips curled into something harsh and unfamiliar.
"You didn't have to rub it in my face you know," his tone was cold and unforgiving -- something that Sasuke never associated with Naruto before.
And Sasuke wanted to say that he didn't mean it that way, to apologize, but he couldn't bring himself to form the right words. He was never good with words.
Sasuke stood up and headed for the door. He needed fresh air to clear his mind and to sort everything out on his own.
He was about to close the door when he spared a glance back.
And it was clearly a tactical error, especially when he had firmly decided that he would leave the insufferable brat who seemed to get under his skin with such disturbing ease. No one could rouse such emotions from him with such ease like it was the natural thing in the world to do. No one but Naruto.
Sasuke never should have looked back inside.
Naruto still sat silently on his place, his head down as his arms wrapped across his chest. There was a distinct pang in his chest when he realized with a start just how Naruto looked... so completely alone.
He felt his resolve crumbling.
Sasuke closed his eyes, torn. Finally, he released a soft sigh. He could not go-- not without doing something, without saying something to make things right.
With an unbelieving shake of his head, Sasuke went back inside and sat on the farthest side of the room.
What am I going to do with you?
Tbc.
ojii-san = grandfather
OMFG. This is still dark. Why can't I be happy and upbeat for once?
- The characters may seem to be a bit OOC, but then, I can't really imagine anyone actually feeling giddy and happy especially after going blind.
- I'm slow at developing plots, so please bear with me. ;;
A million thanks to the reviewers: Hanabira, Kori Nibiki, Hazelline, LittleDarkOne, Gisela, Miako, Teki Star, Annu-kun, Dark Mimiru-chan, Caer, Mister Pineapple, Ookima, Shiomi, Watermelon Gal, ChiByakko, Shinigami Yui, izumi, Kaiyo No Hime, Elly Stormrage, some random person, Akki, bunny47, Ayako, some person, Maboroshi-hime.