Notes: This is a very short chapter, and I'm sorry, but it was incredibly difficult to write. I knew what I wanted to say but just couldn't find the words, so after agonising over this for days and changing all the little details I was unhappy with, I decided to post it. I hope it's alright, because i honestly don't think i can write it any better.
Notes2: I am in the middle of writing a side-story about what Duo thinks about when he walks around after leaving at the end of the last chapter. It's not necessary to read it, but it would give you a better insight into what Duo's feeling. Anyway, enjoy and review!
He opened his mouth, and then shut it without saying anything. I tried to read his face, yet all I saw was shock. I couldn't tell if he was angry or happy or just confused. All I knew was that I'd surprised him.
I found myself getting very... uncertain. Expressing my emotions had always been hard for me, and this was a lot more important than just admitting that I liked watching old black-and-white movies. What if I'd made a huge mistake? What if he was only interested in Duo? What if I had ruined things forever?
A part of my mind informed the rest of me that he'd already said he wouldn't mind being in intimate situations with me, and that he found me handsome, but the rest of my mind told that little part to shut the hell up, he could have changed his mind, dammit!
I blushed uncomfortably and looked away as he continued to stare at me. "Saying something would be appreciated," I muttered, and I think it made him realise that he'd done nothing but stare for just under two whole minutes.
"Uh... well, you surprised me. Um... oh, wow. Sorry, I'm just... surprised." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. I knew he was centering himself, focusing his mind. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with a curious seriousness.
"I thought you were completely devoted to Duo," he said quietly, and I blinked.
"I am! Duo is...." I hesitated, struggling to verbalise something that I only half understood. Duo was my world, he was my everything, but... I couldn't just ignore my feelings for Wufei, now that I realised they were there. I still loved Duo and always would, he would always own my heart, but... well I starting to think that maybe Wufei would like to co-own my heart. I eventually managed to say, "My love for Duo is not diminished in any way by my attraction to you."
"Attraction," he repeated, watching me closely. "Not love?"
I blushed, scraping at a spot of dirt on the floor with my foot. It wasn't love, I knew that, but it wasn't just lust either. I wasn't sure what the hell it was that I was feeling, something stronger than basic attraction but not quite love. "No, not love. But... well, I think it's a... possibility."
This was really uncomfortable. Here I was, baring my soul, answering all his questions with nothing but the complete truth because that's what he deserved, and I had no idea how he felt about my answers. It was really not fair.
"Does Duo know about this attraction?"
"No. I only realised yesterday. When we... were so close." I peeked at him through my bangs, to see him smile faintly at the memory.
"Ah yes."
"Wufei... could you please tell me you don't hate me?"
He looked surprised. Again. "Why would I hate you?"
"For... liking you."
"Heero, that's ridiculous. I would never hate someone because of their emotions."
"But... look, could you just tell me that I haven't really screwed everything up."
"Alright. You haven't really screwed everything up. I was just surprised, but now.... I think I proved when we... were close yesterday, that I am not unable to find you attractive."
Actually, I hadn't known that. I'd only been aware of the dizzying emotions in my own heart, and hadn't been able to focus on him all that much. I found that I desperately wanted to know what he had felt. "How did... I mean, what... did you feel?"
He smiled softly, I think at my floundering, but I couldn't be bothered to glare at him for it. "I felt... well, I don't think I felt much. I was just very hypersensitive to you. I was acutely aware of your pulse and your breath, of how very close you were... your lips..."
I blushed again, strangely embarrassed by his words. He chuckled at my reaction, and I glared at him. If he even hinted at the word 'cute' I was going to do something very painful to him.
"I need coffee," I muttered, not because I had a sudden caffeine craving, but because I wanted out of this... uncomfortable situation. Wufei gave me a look that said he knew exactly what I was doing, but he let it go.
Trowa was in the kitchen, playing a game of cards on his laptop, but Quatre wasn't there, and I couldn't hear him upstairs.
"Where's Quatre?" Wufei asked, as I got out two cups from the cupboard.
"Out looking for Duo to make sure he actually comes back. Your timing could have been better, you know."
I winced, and Wufei sighed, but neither of us said anything. We made coffee in silence and I wandered into the living room to watch the news. OZ were opening a new base in Colorado, some military person from Prague had mysteriously 'vanished', a hotshot baseball player had announced his retirement, and an OZ base in Connecticut had been 'the misfortunate target of a brutal terrorist attack'. I smiled and silently said thank you and well done to Sally.
"Hm, I doubt Sally had the resources to get from America to Prague in two days without attracting attention, so who could have stolen that General?" Wufei asked, sitting down in the armchair.
"I don't know. We're not the only ones fighting secretly, but that General was highly guarded. Whoever it was, they have talent. I'll ask Dr. J about it later."
"Hm."
Silence fell, and I couldn't help but glance at the clock on the wall. Half an hour. He'd been gone half an hour. My mind said that it wasn't that long, that he would probably need a lot more than that to calm down and think properly, but my heart... my heart wanted to go out and find him, make sure he was alright and that he still loved me.
Like so many times lately, my head and my heart wanted two different things. I knew this conflict would arise on many occasions in the future, and I just hoped I was able to make the right decisions.
Notes2: I am in the middle of writing a side-story about what Duo thinks about when he walks around after leaving at the end of the last chapter. It's not necessary to read it, but it would give you a better insight into what Duo's feeling. Anyway, enjoy and review!
He opened his mouth, and then shut it without saying anything. I tried to read his face, yet all I saw was shock. I couldn't tell if he was angry or happy or just confused. All I knew was that I'd surprised him.
I found myself getting very... uncertain. Expressing my emotions had always been hard for me, and this was a lot more important than just admitting that I liked watching old black-and-white movies. What if I'd made a huge mistake? What if he was only interested in Duo? What if I had ruined things forever?
A part of my mind informed the rest of me that he'd already said he wouldn't mind being in intimate situations with me, and that he found me handsome, but the rest of my mind told that little part to shut the hell up, he could have changed his mind, dammit!
I blushed uncomfortably and looked away as he continued to stare at me. "Saying something would be appreciated," I muttered, and I think it made him realise that he'd done nothing but stare for just under two whole minutes.
"Uh... well, you surprised me. Um... oh, wow. Sorry, I'm just... surprised." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. I knew he was centering himself, focusing his mind. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with a curious seriousness.
"I thought you were completely devoted to Duo," he said quietly, and I blinked.
"I am! Duo is...." I hesitated, struggling to verbalise something that I only half understood. Duo was my world, he was my everything, but... I couldn't just ignore my feelings for Wufei, now that I realised they were there. I still loved Duo and always would, he would always own my heart, but... well I starting to think that maybe Wufei would like to co-own my heart. I eventually managed to say, "My love for Duo is not diminished in any way by my attraction to you."
"Attraction," he repeated, watching me closely. "Not love?"
I blushed, scraping at a spot of dirt on the floor with my foot. It wasn't love, I knew that, but it wasn't just lust either. I wasn't sure what the hell it was that I was feeling, something stronger than basic attraction but not quite love. "No, not love. But... well, I think it's a... possibility."
This was really uncomfortable. Here I was, baring my soul, answering all his questions with nothing but the complete truth because that's what he deserved, and I had no idea how he felt about my answers. It was really not fair.
"Does Duo know about this attraction?"
"No. I only realised yesterday. When we... were so close." I peeked at him through my bangs, to see him smile faintly at the memory.
"Ah yes."
"Wufei... could you please tell me you don't hate me?"
He looked surprised. Again. "Why would I hate you?"
"For... liking you."
"Heero, that's ridiculous. I would never hate someone because of their emotions."
"But... look, could you just tell me that I haven't really screwed everything up."
"Alright. You haven't really screwed everything up. I was just surprised, but now.... I think I proved when we... were close yesterday, that I am not unable to find you attractive."
Actually, I hadn't known that. I'd only been aware of the dizzying emotions in my own heart, and hadn't been able to focus on him all that much. I found that I desperately wanted to know what he had felt. "How did... I mean, what... did you feel?"
He smiled softly, I think at my floundering, but I couldn't be bothered to glare at him for it. "I felt... well, I don't think I felt much. I was just very hypersensitive to you. I was acutely aware of your pulse and your breath, of how very close you were... your lips..."
I blushed again, strangely embarrassed by his words. He chuckled at my reaction, and I glared at him. If he even hinted at the word 'cute' I was going to do something very painful to him.
"I need coffee," I muttered, not because I had a sudden caffeine craving, but because I wanted out of this... uncomfortable situation. Wufei gave me a look that said he knew exactly what I was doing, but he let it go.
Trowa was in the kitchen, playing a game of cards on his laptop, but Quatre wasn't there, and I couldn't hear him upstairs.
"Where's Quatre?" Wufei asked, as I got out two cups from the cupboard.
"Out looking for Duo to make sure he actually comes back. Your timing could have been better, you know."
I winced, and Wufei sighed, but neither of us said anything. We made coffee in silence and I wandered into the living room to watch the news. OZ were opening a new base in Colorado, some military person from Prague had mysteriously 'vanished', a hotshot baseball player had announced his retirement, and an OZ base in Connecticut had been 'the misfortunate target of a brutal terrorist attack'. I smiled and silently said thank you and well done to Sally.
"Hm, I doubt Sally had the resources to get from America to Prague in two days without attracting attention, so who could have stolen that General?" Wufei asked, sitting down in the armchair.
"I don't know. We're not the only ones fighting secretly, but that General was highly guarded. Whoever it was, they have talent. I'll ask Dr. J about it later."
"Hm."
Silence fell, and I couldn't help but glance at the clock on the wall. Half an hour. He'd been gone half an hour. My mind said that it wasn't that long, that he would probably need a lot more than that to calm down and think properly, but my heart... my heart wanted to go out and find him, make sure he was alright and that he still loved me.
Like so many times lately, my head and my heart wanted two different things. I knew this conflict would arise on many occasions in the future, and I just hoped I was able to make the right decisions.