Chapter Eight
I don't believe you! flowers are weak creatures. they are naive. They reassure themselves as best as they can. They believe that their thorns are terrible weapons..
The flowers have been growing thorns for millions of years. For millions of years the sheep have been eating them just the same. And it is not a matter of consequence to try to understand why the flowers go to to so much trouble to grow thorns that are never any use to them? Is the warfare between the sheep and the flowers not important? Is this not of more consequence than a fat red-faced gentleman's sums? And if I know-I, myself one flower which is unique in the world, which grows nowhere but on my planet, but which one sheep can destroy in a single bite some morning, without even noticing what he is doing-Oh! You think that is not important!
His face turned from white to red as he continued:
If some one loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars. He can say to himself: Somewhere, my flower is there..' But if the sheep eats the flower, in one moment all his stars will be darkened... And you think that is not important!
I did not know what to say to him. I felt awkward and blundering. I did not know how I could reach him, where I could overtake him and go on hand in hand with him once more.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-The Little Prince, Antoine Saint Exupery-
The meeting with Dumbledore went well. He made them both promise that they would not go to Hogsmede until he could make it more secure. He did not seem at all surprised to see Draco there. He had kept a very serious expression on his face but there was a definite twinkle in his eye when he heard about the spell Draco had done and the 'Blue light.'
The next day at breakfast Draco was talking to Blaise about quidditch when he saw an owl swooping down towards the table. He stopped mid sentence as it settled down in front of him. He recognized the owl, it was his father's. He thought about the emancipation papers he had sent weeks ago with his owl Ambrose.
He slowly stood up and looked down at the top of the box the owl had brought. It was black and about a foot high and a foot long. Blaise said something to him, but he couldn't hear over the buzzing in his ears. He ever so slowly unwrapped the blood red ribbon that held the card in place, not caring that everyone was watching not knowing that the whole room had gone silent. He looked at the card, this little innocent piece of paper, this insignificant little thing, and he trembled. He did not want to know what it said, he feared he knew already, but he had to know. He opened it slowly and read it through carefully
Draco,
I was quite surprised at your little display yesterday, of course I quickly figured out what you had done. You always were a clever little thing. Of course it changes nothing, I can still hurt you anytime I want. That spell of yours doesn't turn away steel, and it won't save you if I decide to choke the life out of you with my bare hands. But just
because I cannot hurt you with magic directly, doesn't mean I can't hurt you with magic. Just because I can't kill you with magic doesn't mean I can't kill other things with magic. I always taught you to take care of the things you own. That was one of the many lessons I taught you that you apparently failed to learn. I hope you enjoy your present, I know your birthday's not for a week or two ( yes I do know your birthday, I am your father after all), well a present's never too early I say. Your mother sends her extreme disappointment that you were ever born and her disgust at all that you are, Sincerely Lucius Malfoy
Draco stood there looking at the letter long after he had finished reading it. His chest was tingling and he felt dizzy. He thought of the day he had found Ambrose when he was nine years old. He had found her in the woods near his house lying with a broken wing on the forest floor. As he picked her up she had tried to bite him even with her wing broken. He had admired her spirit. He'd taken her home and nursed her in secret, knowing that his parents would make him get rid of her if they found out. After her wing had healed he had expected her to fly away and leave him. But she'd stayed. He had never had a pet before and this one was a secret, she was all his. He could tell her anything without fear. He didn't have to think about his words carefully before speaking as he'd had to with everyone else, even at nine years old. She always listened and she couldn't talk back, and she was his first real friend. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he slowly slid off the top of the box. He saw the bloody head detached and laying on top of the pile of torn and burnt flesh that had once been her body. He carefully brushed his finger down the top of her head like he used to do, just barely brushing her as if he was afraid he'd hurt her. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Blaise looking in the box.
"Merlin Draco, is that Ambrose?"
Draco slowly put the lid back on the box. "It was," he said unknowingly sharing a hatred of the past tense with Harry. He looked up, seeing Harry walking towards him.
"Draco what's wrong," Harry asked as he reached the table, his gaze taking in the covered box and the wet trail running down Draco's cheek.
"What's wrong? Draco said softly. "All my stars are darkened," he said as he picked up the box and walked slowly out of the cafeteria.
Harry was talking with Ron when out of the corner of his eye he saw someone stand up at the Slytherin table. He looked over and saw Draco standing staring at a box like it held death itself. He was not the only one who noticed, indeed everyone had turned to stare at Draco as he stood looking at the box. Everyone watched as he slowly untied a red ribbon and extracted a small white card. He stood and stared at it for longer than he had at the box, and a tear ran down his cheek. He opened up the box and stuck a finger inside to stroke something. Harry got up and quickly walked over to the table wanting to know what had upset Draco so much. When he was a few feet from the table he heard Blaise say "Merlin is that Ambrose," and Draco answer, "It was," before shutting the box. Harry reached the table and looked at the closed box and the wet little trail running down his cheek; that was all that remained of the tear that Harry had seen roll down it from across the room.
"Draco what's wrong," Harry asked
"What's wrong," Draco said in a quiet voice, his eyes filled with misery. "All my stars are darkened ," he said taking his box and walking slowly out of the room.
Harry turned to Blaise. "What's going on? Who is Ambrose?"
Blaise ignored him walking quickly out of the room after Draco. Harry caught up with him just outside the cafeteria. "I asked you a question Zabini," he said as he grabbed the other boys arm and whipped him around.
"Mind your own business Potter and take your hand off of me," he said in an icy voice.
"I will as soon as you tell me what was in the box. I'm his friend too."
Blaise looked at the hand on his arm until Harry removed it. He straightened slowly.
"It was his owl, Ambrose, she was his only pet. He found her when he was nine in the forest with a broken wing. He spent weeks nursing her back to health," he said in a flat voice. "His dad cut off her head and by the looks of it he tortured her. Now if you don't mind I'm going to go find Draco," he said turning and walking swiftly down a hallway.
Harry stood there not knowing what to do. He wanted to find Draco and comfort him but he didn't know what he would say even if he could find him. He knew from experience that if you wanted to stay hidden in this castle, there were a million places you could go where no one could find you. Unless he thought, unless someone had a map that showed the location of everybody in the school. He ran quickly up to his room and found the map. It showed Draco near the edge of the map by the
forbidden forest. He ran out of the school and towards the forest without thinking about what he was going to say. As a result when he finally found Draco sitting by a hole in the ground he just stood there. He watched as Draco slowly lowered his owl into the hole and filled it back up with dirt. He gave it a few pats and then turned around to look at Harry.
"How did you find me?"
"Well..I have a map that shows the location of everyone on the school grounds."
"Really," Draco said in an uninterested voice.
"Yeah well I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Blaise told me about your owl."
"Did he really? I suppose you think that I'm foolish to be this upset about an owl." Draco turned his tear stained face away to look off into the distance.
"Of course not," Harry said sitting down beside him. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost Hedwig." Harry watched as tears rolled down Draco's cheeks.
"I just can't believe she's gone, and it's all my fault I should never have sent her." He pounded his fist against the ground, as he laid his head on his bent knees.
Harry tentatively laid a hand on Draco's back stroking it softly. "It's not your fault it's your fathers he's the one that killed her and he's the only one to blame."
Draco looked up at Harry with watery eyes. "She was my responsibility, I tamed her. If she'd never met me she'd be flying around in the forest. She'd be free and alive."
Harry grabbed Draco's shoulders, turning Draco toward him.
"That's not true, Blaise told me you found her on the forest floor with a broken wing. If she'd never met you she'd have died seven years ago. You gave her seven more years," he said as he raised his hands to Draco's face, wiping the tears off with his thumbs.
Draco smiled. "I guess you're right. Thanks Harry." He laid his hand on top of Harry's that now rested on his shoulder. "You're a really great friend."
Harry felt a rush of happiness when he saw Draco smile and without thinking about it gave him a hug.
Draco froze for a second and then leaned into the hug resting his chin on Harry's shoulder for a moment. Draco slowly raised his head his cheek brushing Harry's. They sat, faces inches away from each other, just staring. "Thanks," Draco said again and leaned forward and brushed his lips against Harry's. Draco sat back slowly and watched to see what Harry's reaction to this might be.
Thoughts rushed through Harry's head. Draco just kissed me. Draco just pressed his soft lips against mine. I want to kiss him back. I want to know what his tongue feels like sliding against mine. Harry started to lean forward to find out exactly what it felt like, when a name popped into his head. Seamus. I shouldn't be doing this I have a boyfriend. I can't hurt him like this Harry thought standing up abruptly. "I have to go," he said to Draco and bolted back towards the school.
Draco sat there and watched Harry running away until he couldn't see him anymore.
He hadn't thought that he could feel any worse than he had earlier but there was a sharpness in his chest and tears threatened to once again spill from his eyes. How could he just leave, how could he do that? Draco thought. He felt an anger rising up inside him and it burned the tears from his eyes. So he doesn't want me? I'm not good enough for the great Harry Potter. Well fuck him. Plenty of people want me. Draco thought. Plenty.
Dean sat at the table staring at the letter in his hand.
Dean,
Meet me in the astronomy tower at eight.
Draco Malfoy
Dean knew what the note meant, there was only one reason that you met someone there.
He thought of Draco and his pale lithe body and those gray eyes of his that held promises of forbidden things. He thought of all the reasons he shouldn't. What would he think if he found out? He glanced down the table and saw that he had also gotten a note. He frowned and clenched his fist. He had a boyfriend and was certainly too busy with him to give Dean a second thought. He flashed back to when he had come in and seen him laying naked on Harry's bed. Why can't I have someone? Why can't I have a little pleasure in my life, he thought. He looked down at the note. I can, he thought, crushing his hand into a fist, and I will.
Harry sat down by the lake watching the wind blow rippling patterns onto the water. He liked Seamus, but he didn't love him. He certainly never felt the same intensity with him as he felt for Draco. Maybe it was time to end it. They'd kind of drifted apart in the last few weeks, and Harry knew that it wasn't just him. Seamus had seemed distracted with something. Maybe he'll be just as relieved as I am to end it. Maybe they could still be friends. He decided that he would tell Seamus tonight. But not in the dorm in case Seamus was really upset about it. He stood up and took one last look at the rippling pond. He bent down and picked up a stone. He turned sideways and threw it. It made a disheartening plop. He never had been able to skip stones. He watched as little circles spread out and out until they touched the edge of the pond. It was amazing what kind of affect the little stone had. It seemed as if it would go on rippling forever if it had the room. He picked up his books and made his way slowly to the owlry to write a short note .
Seamus,
Meet me in the astronomy tower tonight at nine o'clock. We need to talk,
See you then, Harry
Harry smiled as he watched the owl fly away. He would get this resolved tonight and tomorrow he would go see Draco. Draco would probably be a little miffed with him at first, for running off on him like that, but Harry was sure he could put him in a better mood.
Seamus looked up in surprise as an owl swooped down and landed on the table in front of him. He untied the note from its ankle and gave it a little piece of bacon. He read the note and frowned. We need to talk, that didn't sound good. He turned at the sound of the deep husky laugh that he knew so well.. He watched a smile break over Dean's face and saw the small dimple that he was so embarrassed about. He'd always wanted to trace it with his finger. He turned quickly away from Dean. Yes, Harry, he thought, we definitely have to talk.
I don't believe you! flowers are weak creatures. they are naive. They reassure themselves as best as they can. They believe that their thorns are terrible weapons..
The flowers have been growing thorns for millions of years. For millions of years the sheep have been eating them just the same. And it is not a matter of consequence to try to understand why the flowers go to to so much trouble to grow thorns that are never any use to them? Is the warfare between the sheep and the flowers not important? Is this not of more consequence than a fat red-faced gentleman's sums? And if I know-I, myself one flower which is unique in the world, which grows nowhere but on my planet, but which one sheep can destroy in a single bite some morning, without even noticing what he is doing-Oh! You think that is not important!
His face turned from white to red as he continued:
If some one loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars. He can say to himself: Somewhere, my flower is there..' But if the sheep eats the flower, in one moment all his stars will be darkened... And you think that is not important!
I did not know what to say to him. I felt awkward and blundering. I did not know how I could reach him, where I could overtake him and go on hand in hand with him once more.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-The Little Prince, Antoine Saint Exupery-
The meeting with Dumbledore went well. He made them both promise that they would not go to Hogsmede until he could make it more secure. He did not seem at all surprised to see Draco there. He had kept a very serious expression on his face but there was a definite twinkle in his eye when he heard about the spell Draco had done and the 'Blue light.'
The next day at breakfast Draco was talking to Blaise about quidditch when he saw an owl swooping down towards the table. He stopped mid sentence as it settled down in front of him. He recognized the owl, it was his father's. He thought about the emancipation papers he had sent weeks ago with his owl Ambrose.
He slowly stood up and looked down at the top of the box the owl had brought. It was black and about a foot high and a foot long. Blaise said something to him, but he couldn't hear over the buzzing in his ears. He ever so slowly unwrapped the blood red ribbon that held the card in place, not caring that everyone was watching not knowing that the whole room had gone silent. He looked at the card, this little innocent piece of paper, this insignificant little thing, and he trembled. He did not want to know what it said, he feared he knew already, but he had to know. He opened it slowly and read it through carefully
Draco,
I was quite surprised at your little display yesterday, of course I quickly figured out what you had done. You always were a clever little thing. Of course it changes nothing, I can still hurt you anytime I want. That spell of yours doesn't turn away steel, and it won't save you if I decide to choke the life out of you with my bare hands. But just
because I cannot hurt you with magic directly, doesn't mean I can't hurt you with magic. Just because I can't kill you with magic doesn't mean I can't kill other things with magic. I always taught you to take care of the things you own. That was one of the many lessons I taught you that you apparently failed to learn. I hope you enjoy your present, I know your birthday's not for a week or two ( yes I do know your birthday, I am your father after all), well a present's never too early I say. Your mother sends her extreme disappointment that you were ever born and her disgust at all that you are, Sincerely Lucius Malfoy
Draco stood there looking at the letter long after he had finished reading it. His chest was tingling and he felt dizzy. He thought of the day he had found Ambrose when he was nine years old. He had found her in the woods near his house lying with a broken wing on the forest floor. As he picked her up she had tried to bite him even with her wing broken. He had admired her spirit. He'd taken her home and nursed her in secret, knowing that his parents would make him get rid of her if they found out. After her wing had healed he had expected her to fly away and leave him. But she'd stayed. He had never had a pet before and this one was a secret, she was all his. He could tell her anything without fear. He didn't have to think about his words carefully before speaking as he'd had to with everyone else, even at nine years old. She always listened and she couldn't talk back, and she was his first real friend. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he slowly slid off the top of the box. He saw the bloody head detached and laying on top of the pile of torn and burnt flesh that had once been her body. He carefully brushed his finger down the top of her head like he used to do, just barely brushing her as if he was afraid he'd hurt her. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Blaise looking in the box.
"Merlin Draco, is that Ambrose?"
Draco slowly put the lid back on the box. "It was," he said unknowingly sharing a hatred of the past tense with Harry. He looked up, seeing Harry walking towards him.
"Draco what's wrong," Harry asked as he reached the table, his gaze taking in the covered box and the wet trail running down Draco's cheek.
"What's wrong? Draco said softly. "All my stars are darkened," he said as he picked up the box and walked slowly out of the cafeteria.
Harry was talking with Ron when out of the corner of his eye he saw someone stand up at the Slytherin table. He looked over and saw Draco standing staring at a box like it held death itself. He was not the only one who noticed, indeed everyone had turned to stare at Draco as he stood looking at the box. Everyone watched as he slowly untied a red ribbon and extracted a small white card. He stood and stared at it for longer than he had at the box, and a tear ran down his cheek. He opened up the box and stuck a finger inside to stroke something. Harry got up and quickly walked over to the table wanting to know what had upset Draco so much. When he was a few feet from the table he heard Blaise say "Merlin is that Ambrose," and Draco answer, "It was," before shutting the box. Harry reached the table and looked at the closed box and the wet little trail running down his cheek; that was all that remained of the tear that Harry had seen roll down it from across the room.
"Draco what's wrong," Harry asked
"What's wrong," Draco said in a quiet voice, his eyes filled with misery. "All my stars are darkened ," he said taking his box and walking slowly out of the room.
Harry turned to Blaise. "What's going on? Who is Ambrose?"
Blaise ignored him walking quickly out of the room after Draco. Harry caught up with him just outside the cafeteria. "I asked you a question Zabini," he said as he grabbed the other boys arm and whipped him around.
"Mind your own business Potter and take your hand off of me," he said in an icy voice.
"I will as soon as you tell me what was in the box. I'm his friend too."
Blaise looked at the hand on his arm until Harry removed it. He straightened slowly.
"It was his owl, Ambrose, she was his only pet. He found her when he was nine in the forest with a broken wing. He spent weeks nursing her back to health," he said in a flat voice. "His dad cut off her head and by the looks of it he tortured her. Now if you don't mind I'm going to go find Draco," he said turning and walking swiftly down a hallway.
Harry stood there not knowing what to do. He wanted to find Draco and comfort him but he didn't know what he would say even if he could find him. He knew from experience that if you wanted to stay hidden in this castle, there were a million places you could go where no one could find you. Unless he thought, unless someone had a map that showed the location of everybody in the school. He ran quickly up to his room and found the map. It showed Draco near the edge of the map by the
forbidden forest. He ran out of the school and towards the forest without thinking about what he was going to say. As a result when he finally found Draco sitting by a hole in the ground he just stood there. He watched as Draco slowly lowered his owl into the hole and filled it back up with dirt. He gave it a few pats and then turned around to look at Harry.
"How did you find me?"
"Well..I have a map that shows the location of everyone on the school grounds."
"Really," Draco said in an uninterested voice.
"Yeah well I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Blaise told me about your owl."
"Did he really? I suppose you think that I'm foolish to be this upset about an owl." Draco turned his tear stained face away to look off into the distance.
"Of course not," Harry said sitting down beside him. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost Hedwig." Harry watched as tears rolled down Draco's cheeks.
"I just can't believe she's gone, and it's all my fault I should never have sent her." He pounded his fist against the ground, as he laid his head on his bent knees.
Harry tentatively laid a hand on Draco's back stroking it softly. "It's not your fault it's your fathers he's the one that killed her and he's the only one to blame."
Draco looked up at Harry with watery eyes. "She was my responsibility, I tamed her. If she'd never met me she'd be flying around in the forest. She'd be free and alive."
Harry grabbed Draco's shoulders, turning Draco toward him.
"That's not true, Blaise told me you found her on the forest floor with a broken wing. If she'd never met you she'd have died seven years ago. You gave her seven more years," he said as he raised his hands to Draco's face, wiping the tears off with his thumbs.
Draco smiled. "I guess you're right. Thanks Harry." He laid his hand on top of Harry's that now rested on his shoulder. "You're a really great friend."
Harry felt a rush of happiness when he saw Draco smile and without thinking about it gave him a hug.
Draco froze for a second and then leaned into the hug resting his chin on Harry's shoulder for a moment. Draco slowly raised his head his cheek brushing Harry's. They sat, faces inches away from each other, just staring. "Thanks," Draco said again and leaned forward and brushed his lips against Harry's. Draco sat back slowly and watched to see what Harry's reaction to this might be.
Thoughts rushed through Harry's head. Draco just kissed me. Draco just pressed his soft lips against mine. I want to kiss him back. I want to know what his tongue feels like sliding against mine. Harry started to lean forward to find out exactly what it felt like, when a name popped into his head. Seamus. I shouldn't be doing this I have a boyfriend. I can't hurt him like this Harry thought standing up abruptly. "I have to go," he said to Draco and bolted back towards the school.
Draco sat there and watched Harry running away until he couldn't see him anymore.
He hadn't thought that he could feel any worse than he had earlier but there was a sharpness in his chest and tears threatened to once again spill from his eyes. How could he just leave, how could he do that? Draco thought. He felt an anger rising up inside him and it burned the tears from his eyes. So he doesn't want me? I'm not good enough for the great Harry Potter. Well fuck him. Plenty of people want me. Draco thought. Plenty.
Dean sat at the table staring at the letter in his hand.
Dean,
Meet me in the astronomy tower at eight.
Draco Malfoy
Dean knew what the note meant, there was only one reason that you met someone there.
He thought of Draco and his pale lithe body and those gray eyes of his that held promises of forbidden things. He thought of all the reasons he shouldn't. What would he think if he found out? He glanced down the table and saw that he had also gotten a note. He frowned and clenched his fist. He had a boyfriend and was certainly too busy with him to give Dean a second thought. He flashed back to when he had come in and seen him laying naked on Harry's bed. Why can't I have someone? Why can't I have a little pleasure in my life, he thought. He looked down at the note. I can, he thought, crushing his hand into a fist, and I will.
Harry sat down by the lake watching the wind blow rippling patterns onto the water. He liked Seamus, but he didn't love him. He certainly never felt the same intensity with him as he felt for Draco. Maybe it was time to end it. They'd kind of drifted apart in the last few weeks, and Harry knew that it wasn't just him. Seamus had seemed distracted with something. Maybe he'll be just as relieved as I am to end it. Maybe they could still be friends. He decided that he would tell Seamus tonight. But not in the dorm in case Seamus was really upset about it. He stood up and took one last look at the rippling pond. He bent down and picked up a stone. He turned sideways and threw it. It made a disheartening plop. He never had been able to skip stones. He watched as little circles spread out and out until they touched the edge of the pond. It was amazing what kind of affect the little stone had. It seemed as if it would go on rippling forever if it had the room. He picked up his books and made his way slowly to the owlry to write a short note .
Seamus,
Meet me in the astronomy tower tonight at nine o'clock. We need to talk,
See you then, Harry
Harry smiled as he watched the owl fly away. He would get this resolved tonight and tomorrow he would go see Draco. Draco would probably be a little miffed with him at first, for running off on him like that, but Harry was sure he could put him in a better mood.
Seamus looked up in surprise as an owl swooped down and landed on the table in front of him. He untied the note from its ankle and gave it a little piece of bacon. He read the note and frowned. We need to talk, that didn't sound good. He turned at the sound of the deep husky laugh that he knew so well.. He watched a smile break over Dean's face and saw the small dimple that he was so embarrassed about. He'd always wanted to trace it with his finger. He turned quickly away from Dean. Yes, Harry, he thought, we definitely have to talk.