Notes: I hate this chapter. Unfortunately, I don't think I can write it any better, and it does need to be written. I'm hoping that the nice sidefic I just posted about Duo's thoughts and emotions makes up for the crappiness that is this chapter. And Heero's leaving next chapter, so expect much sappiness and angst! Enjoy and review!
It was just after lunchtime when Duo returned. He looked a little nervous. Maybe a lot nervous. Okay, so he looked friggin' scared. He glanced back at Quatre, who smiled and nodded. I looked at Wufei, and though he tried to hide it, I could tell that he was very nervous. I couldn't deny feeling a certain amount of nervousness myself.
"Alright, gentlemen, let's take this up to the bedroom," Quatre said, and it was clear that he was coming too. I blinked, but a glance at Duo made me stay silent. So we all trooped upstairs to the bedroom, with Quatre firmly closing the door and then leaning against the wall. Duo immediately went to the window and perched on the sill, while Wufei and I sat on the two beds.
"There are-There are gonna be some ground rules," Duo said, his voice quiet and not all that steady. "The first is... no pressure. I can't handle any more pressure right now, so if I say no, whatever's going on stops. Alright?"
I had expected this, and was actually pleased with it. This was about Duo, after all, about making him happy. I wouldn't do something that upset him, and I knew Wufei wouldn't either, so we quickly voiced our agreement. Duo nodded and seemed to gain a little more confidence.
"Okay, next rule is, n-no secrets. We have to be completely honest, or whatever's going to happen isn't going to. Right?"
"I would never lie to you, Duo," I said, frowning slightly, and he glanced at me, before returning to his study of the floorboards.
"I know. But you would hide things from me. You'll keep things back. You both will. That can't... can't be allowed. I can't feel like... like I don't know what's going on with you."
"Alright. I agree."
"So do I."
"Okay." He paused, sneaking another glance at Wufei. "Next rule is, is that... Wufei, you... you understand that..."
"That you can't have the level of intimacy that Duo shares with Heero," Quatre said, and I saw Duo give him a grateful look. "You'll have to work at your relationship, Wufei, and you'll be patient and understanding or it will all fall apart."
"I know that!"
"Just checking. Go on, Duo."
"Right." He licked his lips and glanced at us both before continuing. He seemed to lose what little confidence he'd gained, becoming scared and defensive again, and I had to wonder about what this next rule was going to be. "I have to... I have to, um... know what, uh... the uh... mechanics... um... what..."
Once again, Quatre took over, speaking in that calm, firm voice, "He has to know what you feel about each other, and how you're going to share. Is your relationship going to be two overlapping couples, or a true threesome? We have to know that before you can assure Duo that you aren't going to be possessive jerks who get insanely jealous for no apparent reason."
From the way Duo flushed at that last statement, I guessed that Duo had been very worried about how we would act towards each other. I hesitated. "Um.... Well we've been talking about that, and, uh... we're not quite sure what our feelings are. We find each other attractive, and we're not completely opposed to... being intimate, but we're not really sure about a relationship. But we can say right now that we will never act like possessive jerks who get insanely jealous for no apparent reason. We just want you to be happy."
He had to think about that for a moment, chewing his lip and fiddling with the end of his braid. After a while he nodded. "Good enough, I suppose, but... when you do get sure, you tell me, right?"
"Of course. Next rule?"
"Um... I think that's it for now. Is... that okay?"
Wufei snorted. "Of course it is, Duo, we'd have said if it wasn't. The rules are fair and very clear. We'll not break them."
"Well... good."
"I think I'll leave you alone now," Quatre said. "Duo, remember what I said, alright?"
Duo smiled, the first real, warm smile since he'd returned. "I will. Thanks, Quat. You're amazing."
"I know." Then he left, and we were alone together.
I looked at Wufei, and saw that he was equally as nervous. He kept flicking glances at Duo, and then looking at his hands. I think he was having a little trouble comprehending the fact that he was Duo's boyfriend now.
Duo's boyfriend.
Hm.
That sounded funny when it was about Duo and not me.
Then I thought about what Quatre had said about how Wufei would have to build a relationship with Duo, and realised that he was right. They wouldn't have the instant intimacy that I had with Duo, because the circumstances then had been rather extreme.
Well, I might as well give them a little push in the right direction.
I stood up and took the few steps required to bring me to Duo, touching his chin to force him to look at me.
"I'm going to go take a shower, alright?"
He nodded silently, and I brushed my lips against his, a gentle kiss to remind him that I was still his, that I still loved him. When I drew away, he smiled at me, and I knew that he had been worried, not sure of how I would react now that he was... Wufei's boyfriend as well.
I pulled him into a comforting embrace, and whispered, "He really does love you." I felt him shiver, and drew away before he could cling to me, as I knew he would. I glanced at Wufei, and saw him carefully studying a water stain on the wall. I smirked and left them alone.
The shower was divine, the hot water hitting my skin in a gloriously hard massage. I bit back a groan and surrendered myself to the water, letting the tension flow out of my body, leaving me weak and tired. I hadn't realised just how stressed I was, until I relaxed.
Thoughts kept pressing at the edges of my mind, pushing and prodding, and I knew that if I thought them, I'd get tense again, so I just ignored my stupid thoughts and concentrated on the soothing feel of the water hitting my skin. At that moment, nothing existed beyond me and the shower.
I don't know how long I stood there, leaning against the tile, but when I finally got around to washing my hair and scrubbing my body, the water was lukewarm and rapidly getting colder. I didn't care.
As I was drying my body, I had to think about my upcoming mission. I'd be gone for a whole day, and that had never happened since his last mission. I couldn't fully predict just how much this would affect him, but I knew that it would. He would need... well, he'll need me. He'll need me to hold him and comfort him, to reassure him and protect him. And I won't be there.
But Wufei would.
I realised that my absence could be the thing that drew them closer together, the thing that began forming the bond between them. It wasn't specifically me that Duo needed, it was someone who loved him and that would comfort and protect him, someone who will hold him and not leave him alone. Wufei could do all that. And in doing that, it will reassure Duo that Wufei does love him.
I smiled, deciding that maybe this mission wasn't such a bad thing after all.
It was just after lunchtime when Duo returned. He looked a little nervous. Maybe a lot nervous. Okay, so he looked friggin' scared. He glanced back at Quatre, who smiled and nodded. I looked at Wufei, and though he tried to hide it, I could tell that he was very nervous. I couldn't deny feeling a certain amount of nervousness myself.
"Alright, gentlemen, let's take this up to the bedroom," Quatre said, and it was clear that he was coming too. I blinked, but a glance at Duo made me stay silent. So we all trooped upstairs to the bedroom, with Quatre firmly closing the door and then leaning against the wall. Duo immediately went to the window and perched on the sill, while Wufei and I sat on the two beds.
"There are-There are gonna be some ground rules," Duo said, his voice quiet and not all that steady. "The first is... no pressure. I can't handle any more pressure right now, so if I say no, whatever's going on stops. Alright?"
I had expected this, and was actually pleased with it. This was about Duo, after all, about making him happy. I wouldn't do something that upset him, and I knew Wufei wouldn't either, so we quickly voiced our agreement. Duo nodded and seemed to gain a little more confidence.
"Okay, next rule is, n-no secrets. We have to be completely honest, or whatever's going to happen isn't going to. Right?"
"I would never lie to you, Duo," I said, frowning slightly, and he glanced at me, before returning to his study of the floorboards.
"I know. But you would hide things from me. You'll keep things back. You both will. That can't... can't be allowed. I can't feel like... like I don't know what's going on with you."
"Alright. I agree."
"So do I."
"Okay." He paused, sneaking another glance at Wufei. "Next rule is, is that... Wufei, you... you understand that..."
"That you can't have the level of intimacy that Duo shares with Heero," Quatre said, and I saw Duo give him a grateful look. "You'll have to work at your relationship, Wufei, and you'll be patient and understanding or it will all fall apart."
"I know that!"
"Just checking. Go on, Duo."
"Right." He licked his lips and glanced at us both before continuing. He seemed to lose what little confidence he'd gained, becoming scared and defensive again, and I had to wonder about what this next rule was going to be. "I have to... I have to, um... know what, uh... the uh... mechanics... um... what..."
Once again, Quatre took over, speaking in that calm, firm voice, "He has to know what you feel about each other, and how you're going to share. Is your relationship going to be two overlapping couples, or a true threesome? We have to know that before you can assure Duo that you aren't going to be possessive jerks who get insanely jealous for no apparent reason."
From the way Duo flushed at that last statement, I guessed that Duo had been very worried about how we would act towards each other. I hesitated. "Um.... Well we've been talking about that, and, uh... we're not quite sure what our feelings are. We find each other attractive, and we're not completely opposed to... being intimate, but we're not really sure about a relationship. But we can say right now that we will never act like possessive jerks who get insanely jealous for no apparent reason. We just want you to be happy."
He had to think about that for a moment, chewing his lip and fiddling with the end of his braid. After a while he nodded. "Good enough, I suppose, but... when you do get sure, you tell me, right?"
"Of course. Next rule?"
"Um... I think that's it for now. Is... that okay?"
Wufei snorted. "Of course it is, Duo, we'd have said if it wasn't. The rules are fair and very clear. We'll not break them."
"Well... good."
"I think I'll leave you alone now," Quatre said. "Duo, remember what I said, alright?"
Duo smiled, the first real, warm smile since he'd returned. "I will. Thanks, Quat. You're amazing."
"I know." Then he left, and we were alone together.
I looked at Wufei, and saw that he was equally as nervous. He kept flicking glances at Duo, and then looking at his hands. I think he was having a little trouble comprehending the fact that he was Duo's boyfriend now.
Duo's boyfriend.
Hm.
That sounded funny when it was about Duo and not me.
Then I thought about what Quatre had said about how Wufei would have to build a relationship with Duo, and realised that he was right. They wouldn't have the instant intimacy that I had with Duo, because the circumstances then had been rather extreme.
Well, I might as well give them a little push in the right direction.
I stood up and took the few steps required to bring me to Duo, touching his chin to force him to look at me.
"I'm going to go take a shower, alright?"
He nodded silently, and I brushed my lips against his, a gentle kiss to remind him that I was still his, that I still loved him. When I drew away, he smiled at me, and I knew that he had been worried, not sure of how I would react now that he was... Wufei's boyfriend as well.
I pulled him into a comforting embrace, and whispered, "He really does love you." I felt him shiver, and drew away before he could cling to me, as I knew he would. I glanced at Wufei, and saw him carefully studying a water stain on the wall. I smirked and left them alone.
The shower was divine, the hot water hitting my skin in a gloriously hard massage. I bit back a groan and surrendered myself to the water, letting the tension flow out of my body, leaving me weak and tired. I hadn't realised just how stressed I was, until I relaxed.
Thoughts kept pressing at the edges of my mind, pushing and prodding, and I knew that if I thought them, I'd get tense again, so I just ignored my stupid thoughts and concentrated on the soothing feel of the water hitting my skin. At that moment, nothing existed beyond me and the shower.
I don't know how long I stood there, leaning against the tile, but when I finally got around to washing my hair and scrubbing my body, the water was lukewarm and rapidly getting colder. I didn't care.
As I was drying my body, I had to think about my upcoming mission. I'd be gone for a whole day, and that had never happened since his last mission. I couldn't fully predict just how much this would affect him, but I knew that it would. He would need... well, he'll need me. He'll need me to hold him and comfort him, to reassure him and protect him. And I won't be there.
But Wufei would.
I realised that my absence could be the thing that drew them closer together, the thing that began forming the bond between them. It wasn't specifically me that Duo needed, it was someone who loved him and that would comfort and protect him, someone who will hold him and not leave him alone. Wufei could do all that. And in doing that, it will reassure Duo that Wufei does love him.
I smiled, deciding that maybe this mission wasn't such a bad thing after all.