Chapter Nine
The wind is tossing the lilacs,
The new leaves laugh in the sun,
And the petals fall on the orchard wall,
But for me the spring is done.
Beneath the apple blossoms
I go a wintry way,
For love that smiled in April
Is false to me in May.
May by Sara Teasdale
Draco sat on the window seat looking at the stars. He turned at the sound of the door creaking and watched as Dean walked into the room. He hesitated a moment before turning and shutting the door firmly. He walked over to the window seat and sat beside Draco.
"I wasn't sure you would come," Draco said still looking out the window.
"I wasn't sure I would either, I almost turned back once."
Draco turned to look at him. "Why did you come?"
"The same reason you did."
Draco raised an eyebrow. "What would that be?"
"Because I won't wait around forever for something that's not going to happen. They don't see us, only each other. I came to offer comfort and receive it as I'm sure you did."
Draco sighed. There would be no deception here. Only solace. "And do you think we'll achieve it," Draco said in a wistful tone, "comfort I mean?"
"It can't hurt to try, and it's better than doing nothing. Better than pining away after men who don't want us," Dean said his voice full of anger.
Draco felt his own anger rise. Malfoy's didn't pine. He was worth ten of Harry. The thought that he had actually been pining after that.... Gryffindor made him feel sick. "My sentiments exactly. Now I think we can find a better things to do with our time than talk about them. I'm sure they don't talk about us when there alone."
Dean remembered Seamus sprawled naked on Harry's bed. "No I'm sure they don't," he answered, grabbing Draco and crushing their lips together. He broke the kiss and looked him in the eye. "Help me forget," he said frantically.
Draco thought of the pain he'd felt, watching Harry walk away, and leave him laying there on the grass. "Yes. Let's forget."
Harry ran into Seamus just down the hall from the astronomy tower. "Well," he said with a grin, "fancy meeting you here."
Seamus grinned for a moment then his face took on a more serious expression.
"Harry I know you said you had to tell me something, but I have something to tell you too."
Harry swallowed hard as they reached the closed door of the astronomy tower. He hoped Seamus wasn't about to declare his undying love or anything like that.
Harry stopped his hand on the knob when he heard a moan. He turned to Seamus. "Looks like it's occupied. I guess we'll have to talk out here."
Seamus grinned as another moan came from the room. "I suggest we move a little bit away from the door. So we don't get distracted."
Harry heard a muffled voice yell, "Merlin!"
"Yeah those two are really going at it, at least I think it's only two. However many they sound like there having fun."
They walked down the hall a bit and sat on the floor.
"I know you wanted to talk to me about something Harry, but I think it's best if I say this right way."
Harry nodded slowly. "Alright if you think it's best." Harry steeled himself. He could picture it in his head. Harry I love you I never thought I'd feel this strongly about anyone. I don't think I could survive without you, imaginary Seamus said in Harry's head.
Meanwhile the real Seamus said. "Harry I think we should break up."
Harry sat there a moment his mouth hanging open, before bursting out laughing.
Seamus frowned. "I don't see what's funny about it, I'm serious."
"I know, I know," Harry said unsuccessfully trying to suppress his chuckles. "It's just here I thought you were about to confess your undying love, and you break up with me."
At this Seamus's face took on a melancholy expression."Harry, I'm sorry, your a really great guy and I'm sure you'll find somebody who loves you like you deserve. It's just I..."
Harry interrupted him. "No, no, I wasn't hoping you were in love with me. I was actually dreading it. You see I was going to break up with you."
Seamus was torn for a minute between happiness and anger. His vanity didn't like the fact that Harry had dreaded the thought of him being in love with him. On the other hand, he was glad that there would be no tearful breakup. He was glad that they could stay friends, so happiness won out.
"That's great I was really afraid I'd lose you as a friend."
"So was I," Harry said with a smile.
"So just out of curiosity why did you decide to break up with me?"
"Well I like someone else." Harry let out a nervous breath. "It's Draco."
Seamus didn't look nearly as surprised as Harry had thought he would be. "Well that's great, the reason I was going to break up with you was that I like Dean. I was really worried that he and Draco had gotten closer and that I might have lost him. But if you like Draco than he probably likes you, so it all works out," he finished with a grin.
"Yeah I guess your right it does all work out," he said as they both got up.
"Well I suppose we should be getting back to our room," Seamus said. He glanced down the hall. "Unless.."
Harry followed his gaze. "No we can't, we shouldn't."
"Oh come on Harry aren't you at all curious," Seamus asked with a grin.
Harry struggled internally for a moment, but in the end the fact that he was a teenage boy and only human won out. "Alright let's do it, but only a peek, and we have to be quiet."
They snuck quietly down the hall and listened at the door for a moment.
They heard a low moan followed by a sharp intake of breath."Sounds like they've just finished we better hurry,"Seamus whispered. They crouched
down in a squat by the door and slowly opened it. At first all they saw was two pairs of legs one dark and one light. They opened the door wider and saw the pale boy draw out of the other boy and flop back on his back. The movement made his face visible and Harry stood up so abruptly that the door crashed open. Both boys turned at the noise and stared at the boys in the doorway. Dean with a kind of unbelieving horror and Draco with a look of satisfaction
Seamus was the first to speak.
"Dean? I..what are you doing? How could you?"
Dean just sat there for a minute clearly stunned by there sudden appearance. "How could I..., why shouldn't I," He said angrily. "I don't go around
chastising you for what you do with Harry."
"We've never.. and I was going to..But I'm too late aren't I," Seamus said tears filling his eyes as he rushed out of the room.
Dean was torn, he knew he hadn't done anything wrong, but the look on Seamus's face was.. heartbreaking. He quickly got up and put his clothes on. He seemed to remember Draco for the first time.
"Draco that was fantastic and I know it's rude but.."
Draco waved a hand at him from his languid position on the floor, his eyes had yet to leave Harry's. "Go ahead I understand."
"Thanks," Dean said as he rushed out of the room.
"What are you staring at Potter, regretting passing this up earlier?"
Harry just looked at him. He couldn't believe this was happening, he just couldn't believe it. "But you kissed me," he said his voice soft.
"Yes I kissed you," Draco said furiously, as he stood up. "Then you left, you just turned and walked away from me. I put myself out there and you smacked me down." He quickly pulled his clothes on while Harry stood there.
Harry didn't understand how things had gone this wrong, he had never thought that Draco would do this. Never thought that he would hurt him like this.
Draco finished pulling on his clothes and walked toward him. "Do you know why I stopped hating you Potter?" Draco asked angrily.
Harry flinched when he said Potter.
"I realized that I shouldn't hate you anymore because you could no longer cause me pain. How wrong I was, that pain was nothing compared to what I felt when you walked away from me."
Harry clenched his hands into fists as he walked to within inches of Draco.
"Pain," Harry said his voice rising in anger. "What do you know about pain? Here I just broke up with Seamus so I could be with you, I walk in and I see you with him! Hours after you cry in my arms and kiss me like I'm something precious to you. But because I was a little afraid of the strength of my emotions and I ran away, You go and... and fuck somebody else. How could you?"
"What do you mean you broke up with Seamus? he said his voice full of disbelief. "You know what, it doesn't matter," he said shaking his head. "You could have said something, anything. You could have said that you needed some time to think. You could have said that you needed to talk to Seamus. But you didn't. You just walked away, and you hurt me. You hurt me more, because I never thought you would. I thought you were the one person that would never hurt me. I can't risk being hurt like that again."
He pushed past him and out the door.
Harry watched him leave the room. Then he turned and punched the wall. Bruising his knuckles, hoping that the pain outside might dull the pain inside. But it didn't.
The wind is tossing the lilacs,
The new leaves laugh in the sun,
And the petals fall on the orchard wall,
But for me the spring is done.
Beneath the apple blossoms
I go a wintry way,
For love that smiled in April
Is false to me in May.
May by Sara Teasdale
Draco sat on the window seat looking at the stars. He turned at the sound of the door creaking and watched as Dean walked into the room. He hesitated a moment before turning and shutting the door firmly. He walked over to the window seat and sat beside Draco.
"I wasn't sure you would come," Draco said still looking out the window.
"I wasn't sure I would either, I almost turned back once."
Draco turned to look at him. "Why did you come?"
"The same reason you did."
Draco raised an eyebrow. "What would that be?"
"Because I won't wait around forever for something that's not going to happen. They don't see us, only each other. I came to offer comfort and receive it as I'm sure you did."
Draco sighed. There would be no deception here. Only solace. "And do you think we'll achieve it," Draco said in a wistful tone, "comfort I mean?"
"It can't hurt to try, and it's better than doing nothing. Better than pining away after men who don't want us," Dean said his voice full of anger.
Draco felt his own anger rise. Malfoy's didn't pine. He was worth ten of Harry. The thought that he had actually been pining after that.... Gryffindor made him feel sick. "My sentiments exactly. Now I think we can find a better things to do with our time than talk about them. I'm sure they don't talk about us when there alone."
Dean remembered Seamus sprawled naked on Harry's bed. "No I'm sure they don't," he answered, grabbing Draco and crushing their lips together. He broke the kiss and looked him in the eye. "Help me forget," he said frantically.
Draco thought of the pain he'd felt, watching Harry walk away, and leave him laying there on the grass. "Yes. Let's forget."
Harry ran into Seamus just down the hall from the astronomy tower. "Well," he said with a grin, "fancy meeting you here."
Seamus grinned for a moment then his face took on a more serious expression.
"Harry I know you said you had to tell me something, but I have something to tell you too."
Harry swallowed hard as they reached the closed door of the astronomy tower. He hoped Seamus wasn't about to declare his undying love or anything like that.
Harry stopped his hand on the knob when he heard a moan. He turned to Seamus. "Looks like it's occupied. I guess we'll have to talk out here."
Seamus grinned as another moan came from the room. "I suggest we move a little bit away from the door. So we don't get distracted."
Harry heard a muffled voice yell, "Merlin!"
"Yeah those two are really going at it, at least I think it's only two. However many they sound like there having fun."
They walked down the hall a bit and sat on the floor.
"I know you wanted to talk to me about something Harry, but I think it's best if I say this right way."
Harry nodded slowly. "Alright if you think it's best." Harry steeled himself. He could picture it in his head. Harry I love you I never thought I'd feel this strongly about anyone. I don't think I could survive without you, imaginary Seamus said in Harry's head.
Meanwhile the real Seamus said. "Harry I think we should break up."
Harry sat there a moment his mouth hanging open, before bursting out laughing.
Seamus frowned. "I don't see what's funny about it, I'm serious."
"I know, I know," Harry said unsuccessfully trying to suppress his chuckles. "It's just here I thought you were about to confess your undying love, and you break up with me."
At this Seamus's face took on a melancholy expression."Harry, I'm sorry, your a really great guy and I'm sure you'll find somebody who loves you like you deserve. It's just I..."
Harry interrupted him. "No, no, I wasn't hoping you were in love with me. I was actually dreading it. You see I was going to break up with you."
Seamus was torn for a minute between happiness and anger. His vanity didn't like the fact that Harry had dreaded the thought of him being in love with him. On the other hand, he was glad that there would be no tearful breakup. He was glad that they could stay friends, so happiness won out.
"That's great I was really afraid I'd lose you as a friend."
"So was I," Harry said with a smile.
"So just out of curiosity why did you decide to break up with me?"
"Well I like someone else." Harry let out a nervous breath. "It's Draco."
Seamus didn't look nearly as surprised as Harry had thought he would be. "Well that's great, the reason I was going to break up with you was that I like Dean. I was really worried that he and Draco had gotten closer and that I might have lost him. But if you like Draco than he probably likes you, so it all works out," he finished with a grin.
"Yeah I guess your right it does all work out," he said as they both got up.
"Well I suppose we should be getting back to our room," Seamus said. He glanced down the hall. "Unless.."
Harry followed his gaze. "No we can't, we shouldn't."
"Oh come on Harry aren't you at all curious," Seamus asked with a grin.
Harry struggled internally for a moment, but in the end the fact that he was a teenage boy and only human won out. "Alright let's do it, but only a peek, and we have to be quiet."
They snuck quietly down the hall and listened at the door for a moment.
They heard a low moan followed by a sharp intake of breath."Sounds like they've just finished we better hurry,"Seamus whispered. They crouched
down in a squat by the door and slowly opened it. At first all they saw was two pairs of legs one dark and one light. They opened the door wider and saw the pale boy draw out of the other boy and flop back on his back. The movement made his face visible and Harry stood up so abruptly that the door crashed open. Both boys turned at the noise and stared at the boys in the doorway. Dean with a kind of unbelieving horror and Draco with a look of satisfaction
Seamus was the first to speak.
"Dean? I..what are you doing? How could you?"
Dean just sat there for a minute clearly stunned by there sudden appearance. "How could I..., why shouldn't I," He said angrily. "I don't go around
chastising you for what you do with Harry."
"We've never.. and I was going to..But I'm too late aren't I," Seamus said tears filling his eyes as he rushed out of the room.
Dean was torn, he knew he hadn't done anything wrong, but the look on Seamus's face was.. heartbreaking. He quickly got up and put his clothes on. He seemed to remember Draco for the first time.
"Draco that was fantastic and I know it's rude but.."
Draco waved a hand at him from his languid position on the floor, his eyes had yet to leave Harry's. "Go ahead I understand."
"Thanks," Dean said as he rushed out of the room.
"What are you staring at Potter, regretting passing this up earlier?"
Harry just looked at him. He couldn't believe this was happening, he just couldn't believe it. "But you kissed me," he said his voice soft.
"Yes I kissed you," Draco said furiously, as he stood up. "Then you left, you just turned and walked away from me. I put myself out there and you smacked me down." He quickly pulled his clothes on while Harry stood there.
Harry didn't understand how things had gone this wrong, he had never thought that Draco would do this. Never thought that he would hurt him like this.
Draco finished pulling on his clothes and walked toward him. "Do you know why I stopped hating you Potter?" Draco asked angrily.
Harry flinched when he said Potter.
"I realized that I shouldn't hate you anymore because you could no longer cause me pain. How wrong I was, that pain was nothing compared to what I felt when you walked away from me."
Harry clenched his hands into fists as he walked to within inches of Draco.
"Pain," Harry said his voice rising in anger. "What do you know about pain? Here I just broke up with Seamus so I could be with you, I walk in and I see you with him! Hours after you cry in my arms and kiss me like I'm something precious to you. But because I was a little afraid of the strength of my emotions and I ran away, You go and... and fuck somebody else. How could you?"
"What do you mean you broke up with Seamus? he said his voice full of disbelief. "You know what, it doesn't matter," he said shaking his head. "You could have said something, anything. You could have said that you needed some time to think. You could have said that you needed to talk to Seamus. But you didn't. You just walked away, and you hurt me. You hurt me more, because I never thought you would. I thought you were the one person that would never hurt me. I can't risk being hurt like that again."
He pushed past him and out the door.
Harry watched him leave the room. Then he turned and punched the wall. Bruising his knuckles, hoping that the pain outside might dull the pain inside. But it didn't.