Chapter 4
Checking the inventory.
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"So let me get this straight," said Voldemort with a furrowed brow. " We have no table or chairs thanks to Crabbe and Goyle's stupidity. We have no ping pong table because Severus here was attacked by an army of ministry wizards?"
"That's right, master," said Snape. "There was nothing I could do, they overtook me and stole the ping pong table."
"Hmm. What did you get instead?"
"It appears to be a stuffed bear," said Snape pulling the bear out of the package.
"Oooh, mine! Mine!" squealed Peter and he grabbed the bear out of Snape's hands.
Snape released the bear with a look of utter disgust.
"Try me," Peter said examining the tag on the bear's tummy.
He pressed the bears tummy. "I love you," cooed the bear.
"I love you, too!" Peter squealed with delight. He continued to bounce up and down.
"Anyway," said Voldemort. "What did you get, Lucius?"
A quivering Lucius brought Voldemort the bag of items he collected from Wal- mart.
"Yes, you got the adhesive butterflies. Start sticking them on the walls, Peter," he tossed the pack to Peter.
"Ah," mused Voldemort as he pulled out the second item. "I'll keep these for myself..."
"Um, Daddy?" said Peter in a cautious voice.
"Yes, Peter, dear?" said Voldemort putting the second item in his robes.
"These things aren't sticking."
Everyone watched as an adhesive butterfly slid down the muddy wall and fell onto the floor. The Deatheaters waited with bated breath for the explosion that was about to ensue.
Instead they were answered with," Try sticking them on that pipe over there."
"What pipe?" said Peter.
There was another silence. Voldemort got up, walked over to Peter and led him over to a pipe that was protruding from the muddy wall of their hideout.
"Eww, smelly," said Peter.
"Imperio!" shreiked Voldemort and Peter started banging his head against the pipe.
"I wouldn't do that," said Snape, anticipating the worst.
Peter's head continued to bang against the pipe and was beginning to visibly loosen. A stench was quickly spreading around the room.
"Stop! You're going to break it! STOP!!!"
The pipe burst and everone was covered in Hagrid's latest digestion. An unconsious Peter sank to the ground still clutching the Care Bear covered in half-giant poo which emitted a last, " I love you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I know this one's not as good. I had to resort to bathroom humor.
Checking the inventory.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So let me get this straight," said Voldemort with a furrowed brow. " We have no table or chairs thanks to Crabbe and Goyle's stupidity. We have no ping pong table because Severus here was attacked by an army of ministry wizards?"
"That's right, master," said Snape. "There was nothing I could do, they overtook me and stole the ping pong table."
"Hmm. What did you get instead?"
"It appears to be a stuffed bear," said Snape pulling the bear out of the package.
"Oooh, mine! Mine!" squealed Peter and he grabbed the bear out of Snape's hands.
Snape released the bear with a look of utter disgust.
"Try me," Peter said examining the tag on the bear's tummy.
He pressed the bears tummy. "I love you," cooed the bear.
"I love you, too!" Peter squealed with delight. He continued to bounce up and down.
"Anyway," said Voldemort. "What did you get, Lucius?"
A quivering Lucius brought Voldemort the bag of items he collected from Wal- mart.
"Yes, you got the adhesive butterflies. Start sticking them on the walls, Peter," he tossed the pack to Peter.
"Ah," mused Voldemort as he pulled out the second item. "I'll keep these for myself..."
"Um, Daddy?" said Peter in a cautious voice.
"Yes, Peter, dear?" said Voldemort putting the second item in his robes.
"These things aren't sticking."
Everyone watched as an adhesive butterfly slid down the muddy wall and fell onto the floor. The Deatheaters waited with bated breath for the explosion that was about to ensue.
Instead they were answered with," Try sticking them on that pipe over there."
"What pipe?" said Peter.
There was another silence. Voldemort got up, walked over to Peter and led him over to a pipe that was protruding from the muddy wall of their hideout.
"Eww, smelly," said Peter.
"Imperio!" shreiked Voldemort and Peter started banging his head against the pipe.
"I wouldn't do that," said Snape, anticipating the worst.
Peter's head continued to bang against the pipe and was beginning to visibly loosen. A stench was quickly spreading around the room.
"Stop! You're going to break it! STOP!!!"
The pipe burst and everone was covered in Hagrid's latest digestion. An unconsious Peter sank to the ground still clutching the Care Bear covered in half-giant poo which emitted a last, " I love you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I know this one's not as good. I had to resort to bathroom humor.