A/N: For those of you out of the loop, here's an excerpt from JKR's site.
The mysterious 'Icicle'
I have been told that I once promised a character with this name during an interview. I can only think that someone misheard what I said because at no stage have I ever planned a character called 'Icicle'.
Professor Bicycle, on the other hand, will be a key figure in books six and seven.'
'this is a joke
Professor Bicycle was a lonely, lonely woman. The most forgotten professor that taught the most important course. A subject that affects us all, in some way or another. One that shapes our lives each and every day.
Underwater Basketweaving.
Unfortunately, because that prick Dumbledore was Headmaster, few students knew that they could take such a subject. What a shame. Many lessons are learned through underwater basketweaving. Lessons of life.
Now, she had class. It was comprised of 7 people. Four of which were girls who resembled those in the movie Mean Girls (or those crazy children in Teen Girl Squad), two wannabe-goth kids who made out all the time, and a boy who was tragically in love with Professor Bicycle. Oprah and Dr. Phil made special guest appearances, especially on episodes entitled "And now, for a very special episode of The Adventures of Professor Bicycle...".
"W-T-F, ClArA, wut R u werin?!?!" cried a Plastic student.
"TaMara, eff u!!!11" cried Clara in a similar manner. These girls like to cry their words. It was a sad, sad thing.
"Baa," said a goat.
"Now, now, Billy!" chuckled Professor Bicycle, "now's not the time to get disgoatted!"
Everyone laughed at her fantastic pun. Especially Blaise Zabini, the one canon character who was in this class. Who we now know is a boy.
OR IS HE?
"Listen, Franniechescanananana..." said Blaise in a heartfelt voice. If one could feel said voice, said one could assure said you that it was as hearty as a voice could feel.
Professor Bicycle blushed. "Silly Zabini! Don't call me by my first name! Trix are for kids!"
They all laughed at her wonderful pun. Except for the Trix Rabbit, who cried in shame. And the wannabe-goth couple. They were scowling beneath their oversized Slipknot hoodies.
"I'm angsty." said one. With a period, even though it's grammatically incorrect.
"Word." replied the other. They were too depressed to have actual names.
"Who wants hot dogs?" asked Professor Bicycle.
"I do!" screamed everyone at the same time, and they all grinned at each other because of that, and gave each other some rad high-fives. It ended on a freeze frame like an extremely cheesy 80's sitcom in PoA.
END!!1
...or is it?
Will Blaise proclaim his undying love? Will Professor Bicycle check on JKR's website, become excited for a moment, then cry some dramatic, Emmy-winning tears? Will I ever actually include all of the students? Will they achieve some mad underwater basketweaving skillz? Does anyone actually care about all this?
And the most important question... where's the meat?
Underwater Basketweaving.
Unfortunately, because that prick Dumbledore was Headmaster, few students knew that they could take such a subject. What a shame. Many lessons are learned through underwater basketweaving. Lessons of life.
Now, she had class. It was comprised of 7 people. Four of which were girls who resembled those in the movie Mean Girls (or those crazy children in Teen Girl Squad), two wannabe-goth kids who made out all the time, and a boy who was tragically in love with Professor Bicycle. Oprah and Dr. Phil made special guest appearances, especially on episodes entitled "And now, for a very special episode of The Adventures of Professor Bicycle...".
"W-T-F, ClArA, wut R u werin?!?!" cried a Plastic student.
"TaMara, eff u!!!11" cried Clara in a similar manner. These girls like to cry their words. It was a sad, sad thing.
"Baa," said a goat.
"Now, now, Billy!" chuckled Professor Bicycle, "now's not the time to get disgoatted!"
Everyone laughed at her fantastic pun. Especially Blaise Zabini, the one canon character who was in this class. Who we now know is a boy.
OR IS HE?
"Listen, Franniechescanananana..." said Blaise in a heartfelt voice. If one could feel said voice, said one could assure said you that it was as hearty as a voice could feel.
Professor Bicycle blushed. "Silly Zabini! Don't call me by my first name! Trix are for kids!"
They all laughed at her wonderful pun. Except for the Trix Rabbit, who cried in shame. And the wannabe-goth couple. They were scowling beneath their oversized Slipknot hoodies.
"I'm angsty." said one. With a period, even though it's grammatically incorrect.
"Word." replied the other. They were too depressed to have actual names.
"Who wants hot dogs?" asked Professor Bicycle.
"I do!" screamed everyone at the same time, and they all grinned at each other because of that, and gave each other some rad high-fives. It ended on a freeze frame like an extremely cheesy 80's sitcom in PoA.
END!!1
...or is it?
Will Blaise proclaim his undying love? Will Professor Bicycle check on JKR's website, become excited for a moment, then cry some dramatic, Emmy-winning tears? Will I ever actually include all of the students? Will they achieve some mad underwater basketweaving skillz? Does anyone actually care about all this?
And the most important question... where's the meat?