In too Deep
Chapter 4: More Cruelty
"Hotsprings, Sango! Hotsprings!" Kagome was almost jumping up and down in excitement. Already she was thinking about the cleaning warm water and delicious smelling shampoo and soap. No quick plunge into a freezing river to get rid of the dirt that clung to her after a long day travelling, but a real soaking in a warm bath. Sango would always shake her head as she stood by and saw her friend jump into a cold stream and wash herself as quickly as she could. Then to get out, shivering and with chattering teeth.
But hotsprings were a heaven. Even Sango would join her now. Some of her hygiene habits had rubbed off on Sango. And she loved the bubbling soaps Kagome brought back with her.
"So, I take you will go bade tonight?" Miroku innocently inquired. Both girls looked at him suspiciously.
"Yes, we are," Sango said firmly, "and if I even get the idea you're in the vicinity, I'll make sure you think twice before doing it again."
Miroku managed to get a hurt look on his face. "You are so... cruel, my dear Sango. Would I ever-"
"Yes, you would." Kagome added. "And we're getting tired of your 'habits'. So leave us alone, for just once, ok?"
Both Sango and Miroku looked worriedly at Kagome; her voice betrayed her exhaustion, and it tore down the mask she usually wore to conceal her ever- growing grief. The grief festered in her heart. And the priest and the exterminator were getting increasingly worried about their once so cheerful companion. Were was the optimism and hope that were so characteristic for the girl?
Inuyasha didn't seem to notice, nor care. They tried to shield their friend from the brunt of Inuyasha's temper; nobody seemed to know why he had such a bad temper and sudden changes in his mood. But they knew he took it all out on Kagome, and that had to stop. But they didn't know why, nor could they think of a way to keep Kagome away from Inuyasha. She was as faithful and caring to him as ever, and she seemed to feel something was wrong with him, and was offering her heart to him, everything to make him happy. But it slowly destroyed her by doing so.
"Rest assured, ladies. I will keep an eye on Inuyasha and Shippou, to keep them out of trouble."
"Thanks, Miroku, that's real sweet of you."
"Anything for you, Kagome."
"Mmm, what about dinner, Monk. Kagome would like that after her bath." Sango said slyly, watching Miroku as he frowned. He quickly got his wits back.
"Do you think it's wise to leave dinner in my care, my dear lady?"
"No!" Shippou said, with a stricken look on his cute face. "I would like something edible! He always burns the food!"
Sango sighed deeply. "Oh, all right. We'll see to it. But don't expect any dinner soon! But you can make yourself useful. Go get some wood, and water- not at the hotsprings, Monk!- and start a fire. Maybe Inuyasha can hunt some game, so we'll have some fresh meat tonight?" She addressed the hanyou, who was sitting silently, which was very unnatural for him, in a tree. He seemed to be paying no attention to the little group below him. He was instead looking off into the distance, breathing in and out deeply. He seemed to scent the air.
"There's something else I need to do. I'll see you tomorrow." Inuyasha didn't looked at them, but jumped out of the tree and was off. Kagome looked at the spot he just left, a hurt and confused look on her face. But as soon as they got sight of it, it had disappeared and was replaced with a false cheeriness.
"Well, it has to be something important!" She knew already where he was. Sesshoumaru only had confirmed her suspicions about his whereabouts at night. The only thing that got him to leave the precious shikon shards, was his lover. Bitterness seeped into her thoughts.
She felt someone touching her hand. "Come on, Kagome, let's take a bath." Sango stood beside her, and was looking at her with clear concern. Kagome faked a smile, but she couldn't fool Sango. She sighed deeply.
"It's just... I worry so much when he's away. He never tells us what he's doing, nor where he goes... I worry he'll be gone one night and never return..."
Sango didn't say a thing but led her to the hotsprings. Kagome began to automatically undress herself, after putting her bathing supplies close to the edge of the rocky natural basin. She shivered due to the biting cold in the air, and it shook her somewhat out of the melancholy she was in. She hurried into the steaming water, and yelped at the contrast it had on her cold body. Sango smiled at the antics of her friend, and sank deeper into the hot water. She hoped the water would soothe Kagome's worried nerves. Kagome was so wound up lately. She jumped at sudden noises, and was afraid of being alone... Maybe that had to do with Inuyasha leaving them all the time, but- No, there was more. Sango was almost certain of it. Sometimes Kagome stared off into the distance, and then her hand moved to her neck, rubbing the flesh there, like she had an itch or something. Sango couldn't tell; the collar of her shirt covered it. And now her long hair was conveniently draped over her neck.
"Isn't this great?" Kagome purred, leaning against the smooth wall of the rocky basin, eyes closed.
"Yes, it is." After that, none of them spoke, just content bading themselves.
"So... I think I have soaked enough. You coming?"
"Yeah, uh... my hair... I wanted to do that tonight too. Well, maybe another time, I'll-"
"Do your hair. What is there to worry about? I can hear Miroku and Shippou clearly, so camp is close. I'll go and start dinner."
Sango got out of the hotspring and quickly dried herself, and put her clothes on. She gave her friend a smile before she disappeared in the shrubbery.
Kagome started to work the shampoo into her hair. She worked fast, as she didn't want to take long. She could hear her friends; the mumbling of their talking, the very faint whispers of a crackling fire, a rather loud slap and the shrieked "Pervert!!". Still, she felt very uncomfortable.
And it was so quiet around her, except for the sounds of the camp. Only the sound of running water was heard, but for once it didn't soothe Kagome's nerves. She quickly ducked her head under the water and rinsed her hair.
She hastily got out of the water, and grabbed the cloth to dry herself. She was getting more nervous by the minute, even though she was telling herself she was acting ridiculous. She shivered; due to the cold or her rising unease, she didn't really know.
"After seeing this, I begin to understand why that half-breed prefers that walking corpse."
Kagome didn't turn around. She was frozen. Her body just failed to listen to her mind, which was screaming. Screaming at her to run, to hide, to call for her friends. Her mind screamed at the injustice of him seeing her when she was so vulnerable. She clutched the cloth to her body, like it would completely cover her. But her back was bared to the eyes of the cold Demon Lord, and the piece of cloth hardly covered both her breasts and her private parts.
She opened her lips, but no sound came out. She knew he still stood there, with all his arrogance and cruelty, waiting patiently for her to make the next move. But she refused to turn around. Where was Inuyasha when she truly needed him?
She tried again to call out to her friends, but her voice had been stolen from her. And did she dare involve her friends in this?
"Nothing to say, human? I think I would neither, if I were you, caught in this position."
She could feel his eyes scrutinising every detail of her naked flesh. She lowered her head in shame.
"Yes, caught while bading. Did you ever wonder why exactly that mutt choose a dead woman over you, hmm? Did you ever took a close look at yourself? Of course, your faces resembles each other but... I think the similarities stop there. She is a real woman, with the body of one... What do you think you are? Merely a girl, pretending to be more than she really is. Or perhaps some are just a bit more blessed.." His words were mocking, his voice a harsh sneer which cut through the last remains of her self-esteem. He was right. Her body was still developing, and she secretly feared she would never get such luscious curves like some of her friends already had. Her rational thoughts told her it was normal to feel insecure about her own body, but that didn't lessen the fact that she knew she was rather scrawny compared to Sango and... Kikyou.
"Truth hurts, doesn't it?" She could almost see the smirk on his face, the malicious delight clearly tangible in his voice.
She didn't answer him, but took a step closer to the spot she had carelessly dumped her clothes. They beckoned her, offering her a retreat from the contempt in his eyes. She didn't have to see his eyes to know that. That's how he always looked at her. And it burnt her, made her feel even more worthless.
Suddenly, he appeared before her eyes, standing between her and her clothes. She jumped back startled. Her eyes flew to his face, meeting the coldness of his eyes. Though his face didn't show anything he felt, it were his eyes that gave her hints of what he was thinking and feeling.
His eyes swept lazily over her exposed form, and a degrading smirk lifted the corners of his mouth.
She held the cloth tightly to her body, while she looked down at the rocky earth. She didn't want to see him anymore. Maybe, if she just ignored him, he would go away.
She took a step back, and he followed her steps. A foolish move on her part; it only got her further away from her clothes!!
At once, without she seeing him move, he stood close before her, and had reached out a hand. Before she had the chance to react at all, he had snatched the small towel away from her, making her gasp and stumble further back.
No!! Her horrified mind screamed out. No!! This was so unfair... She tried to increase the distance between them, but tripped over a rock. She started to fall backwards, and braced herself for a painful collision with the rockhard soil.
Her fall was halted as he grabbed both her arms and yanked her back. The force behind it threw her right into his imposing figure.
"N-No!!" Shame and embarrassment gave her extra strength, as she tried to push him away, to pull herself loose from his grip, but she was no match for him. He continued to hold her, while he still watched her with his eyes. A derisive and degrading smirk had settled on his face, making her even more ashamed.
But his eyes... As she dared to look right into them, she saw a strange light into them. It made her feel even more uncomfortable, afraid. The light was almost completely shadowed by the arrogance and malicious amusement. The bastard was enjoying every minute of her humiliation. He took it all in with a perverse pleasure.
Still, as his eyes travelled slowly over her bared form, she saw the light grew stronger. She shivered. He was really enjoying this!
"P-Please... Leave me alone," she whispered. The plea was clearly heard by both of them, and Kagome wanted to curl up and cry. Would this never end?
The smirk got wider as he heard her pleading. He drank in the sight of her humiliation and her scent that was filled with the pain and degrading and doubt and insecurities. Once more, the dark satisfaction at seeing her pain ran through him, making him light-headed.
"Ah, poor little human. But trust me, when I say that this is perhaps for the better! Perhaps now you will give up on those foolish hopes and expectations. Haven't you figured it out by now? Inuyasha is attracted by certain attributes of a woman. That, and maybe a domineering personality... That priestess didn't take any crap from him; she knew just how to treat that mutt.
You, girl, are certainly lacking in areas." His eyes lazily swept over her chest and she wanted to run, far, far away.
"You let him run loose. Oh, that little subduing spell is quite handy, but as you use it, it hardly leaves an impression."
Sesshoumaru looked at the shivering girl and noticed the Goosebumps on her young flesh.
"Cold? You pathetic humans..." he snorted as she tried again to get away from him. Her blush reached from her cheeks all the way down to her chest. Long, flowing black hair curled charmingly around her small shoulders. Flawless skin, a flat stomach, long legs, soft curves...
With a snarl at his own unbidden thoughts, he suddenly pushed her roughly away from him; she stumbled and fell.
What was this?!
She lay at his feet, face averted, trying to get up. He could smell blood! Her blood! The heavy scent...
She must have scratched herself. She was so easily hurt.
Still, she struggled to get up. Her shoulders were shaking, and he could smell the salt of her tears. Finally, she was crying. It made her eyes like big, shimmering pools of liquid. Starlight seemed to be captivated in them. Her eyes, which gave all her sweetness, caring and stubbornness away.
She tried to get up. Still, she wasn't completely defeated yet. Where did she get this strength?
He wanted it gone! He wanted to crush it, and with it his strange fascination with her strength, with her power, with her!! Yes, it had gone far beyond the fascination with her power! He started to growl! He didn't like this! It was unbecoming for him! How dare she!
He lashed out to her in his confusion and rage.
"I think," his voice had turned into cutting ice, "that even if you crawled to him, naked, he would laugh at your pathetic attempt for his attention!" She shrank back from him, clutching her side. Had she somehow bruised a hip or something? He had thrown her down with great force... What did he care!?
With a burning need to make her pay for these strange emotions, he continued: "Just give it up! With a body like this and your irritating and useless personality, you wouldn't be able to please any man, and certainly not an hanyou!"
A sob escaped her, and she brought a hand to her face, which was hidden to him by the curtain of her hair.
"You disgust me. Get out of my sight."
Her eyes flew to his face and the disgust and scorn written on it made her choke back another sob. He took a step aside, as to clear her path and she scrambled for her clothes. She picked them up and ran into the woods, in quite the opposite direction of her campsite. Silly girl.
Her soft whimpers and the smell of her tears stayed with him and he revelled in them. Ah... Such pain, such anguish; it made him feel alive. Still... Something in him was whispering softly. Like there was more... More he wanted, more he could get off her. So much more she promised, so much more she contained than what he just got out of her... Maybe he should aim for a different goal...
Such nonsense!! He frowned at himself. What the hell was going on?!
Kagome shivered again as she quickly pushed the memories away. It still bothered her, very much. What bothered her the most was that Sesshoumaru was right. What exactly did she have to offer?
After he had destroyed the last remains of what once could have been called her self-esteem, she had ran away, blinded by tears, never caring where she was going, or what she could meet.
She never exactly knew how long she had continued her mad pace through the forest. She only came back to herself after she tripped over a large root and had fallen hard on her face and chest. Her whole ribcage had screamed in protest (maybe she had a bruised rib or so). The pain brought her back to herself, like a hysterical person who's slapped hard in the face. She had quickly pulled on her clothes, and looked around herself, trying to figure out where she was.
Her surroundings were completely unfamiliar to her. That was the last straw. She had huddled underneath the ancient tree which had tripped her, and broke down. She had cried out her shame, humiliation, pain and sadness. But most of all, she cried for the hopelessness of her situation, and the bitter truth of Sesshoumaru's words. Because to her it was the truth anyway. No matter what her mother or her friends told her; Inuyasha thought of her as little more than nothing. And she cared about what he thought! His opinion of her mattered to her!
The cold seeped in her limps, mingling with the cold in her heart. Maybe she should go back to camp. She had to play her part. She tried not to worry her friends too much. They had enough on her mind already.
Now she thought about it, she was acting awfully selfish. That had to stop. Her friends didn't need to worry over her; it distracted them from their goal; kill Naraku. That was important.
Sango was almost never leaving her out of her sight this last two days. It was Sango who eventually found her in the forest. She had somehow fallen in some kind of nightmare filled slumber. She hadn't even woken up when Sango had come to sit next to her. However, when she embraced her, Kagome had waken up, cheeks still tainted by her tears, despair in her eyes. Sango hadn't said anything, but pulled her in a tight hug, making Kagome burst out in tears. She had cried brokenly in her friends arms.
Sango, nor her other friends had asked her what had driven her from the hotspring and away from the camp. They thought it was perhaps due to her feelings towards Inuyasha. What if they knew the whole truth? They would never let her out of their sight again. And Inuyasha... he would probably accuse her of actually trying to rile his much hated half-brother up. He would probably say it was her own fault for interfering in their stupid feud.
"Kagome!" Shippou came bouncing towards her.
"Kagome, dinner's ready. You coming?"
"Sure." Kagome got up, and grimaced at her stiff muscles, and the aching in her chest. She hadn't told them about the bruised rib. Perhaps a bit stupid, as it was really troubling her, but she didn't want to tell them and be the reason for another delay in their search. Because her friends would make sure she would get rest, and then Inuyasha would be really pissed. And she didn't want to deal with him right now.
"Come on, Kagome! The food will get cold!"
She grinned at the little Kitsune. "Calm down, firecracker! I'm coming!"
A/N: End chapter 4... Let me know what you think!