Chapter 5 Aan'allein
Panic clung at her heart as Lan began up the steps of the palace. He was here. Already. She heard Elayne tell Birgitte to go get Lan without him talking to anyone and then instructed Aviendha to dismiss the servant. She hardly noticed when Elayne helped her to her chair.
"How- how can he be here already? I can't face him. It will destroy him," she babbled looking into Elayne's face.
Elayne sat down opposite her. "I know but we can't keep it from him even if we wanted to. We must be strong for him."
The door swung open and Egwene jumped from her seat but it was only Aviendha, who seated herself next to Elayne.
"You should not worry about telling him. He should be proud of how Nynaeve died. You have much toh to her." The Aiel said as she arranged her skirts. Egwene put her head in her hands, feeling a headache coming on. She looked up when the doors were gently pushed open by Birgitte. Lan followed the blonde Warder into the room, his hand rested on his sword hilt and his blue eyes darted the room before settling on Egwene.
"Egwene," he said with some warmth in his voice. "Are you here to see Elayne?"
" Sit down Lan," Egwene said, ignoring his question. Lan looked questionably round the room before sitting beside Elayne.
"Is something wrong?"
"Lan… would you like some tea?" Egwene asked, searching for the right words to explain and failing to find them.
"Egwene?" Lan said.
"Sugar?" asked Egwene, trying to avoid the subject until she could think through her headache.
Lan eyes flicked round the women's faces. Birgitte was trying her best to look impassive but her hands kept smoothing her dress and her eyes, which darted to him, were full of sympathy. Aviendha was casually stroking her belt knife and Elayne shifted as if she were to run from the room.
"Where is Nynaeve?" he demanded, shifting his eyes to Egwene, whose false smile fell. This time it was he whose heart was gripped in fear, a fear he had never experienced before, even when it was he against 200 Trollocs.
Egwene glanced at Elayne who smiled sadly. Egwene drew in a deep breath.
"I'm sorry Lan," she mumbled. "Nynaeve is dead."
Lan half listened to Egwene's explanation, his mind was fixed on three words 'Nynaeve is dead'. Words he had heard many times in his nightmares and had never thought would come true.
"Lan?"
He looked up and saw what Egwene extended towards him. His golden signet ring, which he had given to Nynaeve with his heart, his life, his soul. Realisation dawned on him. He would never see her eyes alight with life, drawing him deeper into her love. He would never feel her soft touch on his calloused hand. He would never hear her voice, woven with laughter when they talked, that transported him to a perfect world with her. He would never smell her sweet scent of herbs, which reached deep inside him, pushing aside the wall he had created. A single tear fell onto the ring in his hands.
He stood and crossed to the window aware that four pairs of eyes watched his every move. He slipped the ring onto his finger where it would stay, even in the grave.
A glint of armour in the courtyard caught his eye. Ten soldiers on horseback waited there with several Warders mounted beside them with two Aes Sedai talking.
"Where are they going?" he asked. He could see the looks passed behind his back between the Amyrlin and the Queen. In the end it was Aviendha who spoke.
"They go to salvage what they can from the Aes Sedai camp."
"I will accompany them," said Lan in a voice with no room for argument. I have to see her, he thought, one last time.
Panic clung at her heart as Lan began up the steps of the palace. He was here. Already. She heard Elayne tell Birgitte to go get Lan without him talking to anyone and then instructed Aviendha to dismiss the servant. She hardly noticed when Elayne helped her to her chair.
"How- how can he be here already? I can't face him. It will destroy him," she babbled looking into Elayne's face.
Elayne sat down opposite her. "I know but we can't keep it from him even if we wanted to. We must be strong for him."
The door swung open and Egwene jumped from her seat but it was only Aviendha, who seated herself next to Elayne.
"You should not worry about telling him. He should be proud of how Nynaeve died. You have much toh to her." The Aiel said as she arranged her skirts. Egwene put her head in her hands, feeling a headache coming on. She looked up when the doors were gently pushed open by Birgitte. Lan followed the blonde Warder into the room, his hand rested on his sword hilt and his blue eyes darted the room before settling on Egwene.
"Egwene," he said with some warmth in his voice. "Are you here to see Elayne?"
" Sit down Lan," Egwene said, ignoring his question. Lan looked questionably round the room before sitting beside Elayne.
"Is something wrong?"
"Lan… would you like some tea?" Egwene asked, searching for the right words to explain and failing to find them.
"Egwene?" Lan said.
"Sugar?" asked Egwene, trying to avoid the subject until she could think through her headache.
Lan eyes flicked round the women's faces. Birgitte was trying her best to look impassive but her hands kept smoothing her dress and her eyes, which darted to him, were full of sympathy. Aviendha was casually stroking her belt knife and Elayne shifted as if she were to run from the room.
"Where is Nynaeve?" he demanded, shifting his eyes to Egwene, whose false smile fell. This time it was he whose heart was gripped in fear, a fear he had never experienced before, even when it was he against 200 Trollocs.
Egwene glanced at Elayne who smiled sadly. Egwene drew in a deep breath.
"I'm sorry Lan," she mumbled. "Nynaeve is dead."
Lan half listened to Egwene's explanation, his mind was fixed on three words 'Nynaeve is dead'. Words he had heard many times in his nightmares and had never thought would come true.
"Lan?"
He looked up and saw what Egwene extended towards him. His golden signet ring, which he had given to Nynaeve with his heart, his life, his soul. Realisation dawned on him. He would never see her eyes alight with life, drawing him deeper into her love. He would never feel her soft touch on his calloused hand. He would never hear her voice, woven with laughter when they talked, that transported him to a perfect world with her. He would never smell her sweet scent of herbs, which reached deep inside him, pushing aside the wall he had created. A single tear fell onto the ring in his hands.
He stood and crossed to the window aware that four pairs of eyes watched his every move. He slipped the ring onto his finger where it would stay, even in the grave.
A glint of armour in the courtyard caught his eye. Ten soldiers on horseback waited there with several Warders mounted beside them with two Aes Sedai talking.
"Where are they going?" he asked. He could see the looks passed behind his back between the Amyrlin and the Queen. In the end it was Aviendha who spoke.
"They go to salvage what they can from the Aes Sedai camp."
"I will accompany them," said Lan in a voice with no room for argument. I have to see her, he thought, one last time.