Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 17
Chapter 4: High Emotions
That night, after Remy had finished doing all the chores he'd been assigned to, he slipped quietly into the recreation room. Some of the students were there, stretched out, either doing homework, using the computer or watching television. Remy noticed with some slight relief the window there had been quickly replaced. It was almost as if it had never been broken in the first place.
Rogue was reading a book, curled up in one of the large leather chairs. Remy walked over and sat on the arm rest. "What are you reading?" he asked.
"'Bridget Jones's Diary'," Rogue responded, she looked up at him and smiled a little.
"Birthday card shit," Remy uttered under his breath, rolling his intense eyes.
Rogue raised an eyebrow, "what?"
"It's a sayin'…referrin' to some crappy movie, or book or song that's full of that lovey dovey happy-go-lucky warm fuzzy stuff that just isn't true to life at all. The kind of propaganda you find in birthday cards," he said.
Rogue smirked, "Well, you're probably right there, but I like it," she glanced down at some of the students who were glancing back at her and Remy, obviously picking up one hints of their relationship.
"Wanna go for a walk?" She asked of Remy.
Remy shrugged, "got nothin' better to do, chere," he stood up.
"I didn't see you at dinner," Rogue said once they'd left the recreation room and were walking down the corridor towards the foyer.
"That's cause I wasn't there. Wow…and you actually got appointed to an instructor with detective skills like that?" he asked.
"Detective skills got nothin' to do with it," Rogue replied nonchalantly. "Why didn't you come to dinner?"
"I ate at McDonalds," Remy replied rather casually also, hands in his pockets as he walked.
"You've eaten there almost every night this week," Rogue folded her arms frowning. "How do you expect to feel at home when you won't eat with us – how can the students or the others accept you?"
"I don't care about bein' accepted by them…only you. And I don't need to eat at the table to do that, right?"
Rogue sighed, "Remy…I don't think you're happy here."
"What makes you say that?" he took a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket, lit himself up one, he took a long drag. They went out through the back door and walked across the path towards the gardens.
"Your general manner. The drinking, avoiding eating with us or spending time with us."
"I went out on a date with you, Kitty and Piotr. Not exactly avoiding spending time with you," Remy pointed out.
"Remy, are you happy here?" Rogue asked.
Remy stopped, "why does it matter?"
Rogue stopped too, and
she stood in front of him, "I just want to know if I was being selfish in
wanting to have you here…"
"It's not selfish, Marie. You're in love, that's how you feel. Can't do much about it if that's the way you
feel," he took another long drag, flicked the ash at the ground.
Rogue sighed, "I just…I figured if you came back with us, and stayed…you'd become one of us, you'd fit right in, you'd be happy – we'd be happy."
Remy looked down at the ground, "and?"
"I've been off on other missions and you're always stuck here…while I'm sleeping off missions or working with the students, you're picking up everyone else's garbage and cleaning toilets. By the time you finish work you slink off to eat on your own, half the time you don't come back until after nine or ten and then it's obvious you've been drinking as well…" Rogue sighed, "I just didn't expect things to go downhill this fast."
"That's life, isn't it?" Remy asked, his eyes moved to the distance, his voice became light, and cold.
Rogue watched him flick away the cigarette once he'd finished it, and waited for him to say something. Instead of saying anything, he walked off a little, deep in thought. She wondered what was going on in that head of his.
Finally, he spoke, "do you want to call it quits?"
"No," Rogue replied firmly, "I just want you to be happy."
"That's never going to happen, Chere," he turned and looked at her, "have you forgotten I have a mental disorder? I can be romantic, I can be funny, I can be shit hot in the bedroom, I can be a million things for you, but I can't be happy."
Rogue walked over slowly, "can't I even make you happy?"
"You make me a tiny bit happy," he said, "every time I look at you I feel a little higher…but not high enough to be the kind of 'Julie Andrews twirling on a mountain top singin' the hills are alive with the sound of music' kind of happy that I think you want me to be."
"Remy, if you were THAT happy, I'd think you were on drugs."
Remy snorted, "me too."
Rogue sighed softly, looking away, beginning to wonder if this whole thing had been a mistake. She loved him with all her heart but if being back at the institute was causing any unhappiness in him whatsoever, then she didn't want to keep him there. "Remy…" Rogue sighed, "you need more reason for living than just me and cleaning up garbage…I really think you should rejoin the X-Men…or maybe become an instructor like the rest of us."
"I could teach sex education classes," he suggested jokingly. "The one area I truly excel in."
"That's not funny," Rogue made a face, "but you're so smart in other areas... fighting with weaponry for example, you're so incredibly amazing with knives, a stick thing—"
"Quarterstaff," Remy corrected, "I like to call it a bo."
"And you're probably decent with swords too," Rogue stated."
"I'm decent with a rapier…but who really fights with those these days?" He asked, "and besides…Do you REALLY want me to teach these kids how to play with knives?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Good point," Rogue put her arms around his shoulders, "Just…look into something else…you have so much potential."
"I'm sick of hearing that word, lately," he sighed.
Rogue smirked, "we only use it because you have such…a…massive… amount of…potential," she grinned.
"If only I could show you that potential…without needing to join the X-Men," He said, but gave another sigh, "Is it really you're worrying that I'm not happy…or…is it you who's not happy, Chere?"
"I'm not happy because you're not happy," Rogue brushed her gloved fingers against his hair, "maybe you need some TLC…" she murmured softly.
"Actually for once, sexual frustration is NOT the root of my unhappiness. Wow, never thought I'd say that," he moved back, "why don't me and you go away for a while…y'know, I have this little house by the beach in Florida…won it in a game of poker. It's small…cosy…and like I said, right by the beach."
"You hate the beach," Rogue raised an eyebrow.
"So? We could move in for a while, just focus on being NORMAL people as opposed to Rogue and Gambit…the mutants…a chance to be Remy and Marie…"
Rogue sighed, "god, it sounds SO tempting, Remy, but…"
"But?" he asked softly.
"I have so many responsibilities. Students, kids who were like me when they first came. Scared, hostile, unsure…they need me…they've just gotten here. Their danger room instructor taking off a few weeks into their moving into the institute wouldn't look too good…if I can't make it as a mutant, then how can I expect them to have faith in themselves that they will."
Remy looked away.
"No, Remy, you are NOT going to do this to me again…" Rogue frowned, "You did this the last time, got all dejected…and then ran when things got tough…it cost us SEVEN YEARS of our relationship…please…you PROMISED me you weren't going to run."
"I'm not," he assured. "I just thought, I don't know…it might help…"
"How is running away from this place going to help anything? If anything this is the place that will help us both...the Professor wants to help you, Remy. I want to help you."
"I don't need help, I just need to get on with my life!" Remy frowned. A nearby boom caught them off guard, they turned to see one of the boulders at the front of the garden entrance exploding. Rogue ducked.
"You don't need help?! You just blew up the fucking boulder!" Rogue yelled in disbelief.
"Yeah, well…what the fuck is a boulder doing there anyway?" he asked, sighing, "look, it's obviously some kind of weird…I don't know…energy in the air that's doing it…it's not me…I'm not touching the stuff. You know the basis of my powers only works on touch."
"Your powers are growing, Remy. Didn't you think it could be possible that one day your powers would develop?"
"Look…I don't need this conversation right now. I've had it from Kitty, I've had it from the Professor, I've had it from Hank, and now you – it's like you're all ganging up on me, and I don't know WHY you're bothering. You all over react over the littlest thing in this place, god I don't even know WHY I came back…"
Rogue looked at him, "don't you?"
Remy looked right back at her, "no, I don't…"
Rogue hugged herself insecurely, "if I'm holding you back here, then just go, Remy. I don't want to be with you if you don't want to be HERE…"
Remy looked away again, his eyes seemed teary but he did not cry.
"Here is my HOME, Remy. This is where I belong – the only place in the world I've ever felt comfortable, where I've ever felt average…and accepted and most of all human. If you don't feel that you belong here, then there's nothing I can do," she stated, her voice beginning to grow thick with high emotion, her lip trembling, "As much as I love you – and god knows I love you more than life itself - I'm not going to spend every day knowing I'm the one keeping you miserable. I don't want to hold you here if you don't want to be here…if you don't want to be here, then go."
"Fine," Remy said, he began heading back to the mansion, "I'll be gone when the morning comes."
"Fine," Rogue turned away, tears in her eyes. "Go."