Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 17
Chapter 5: Absolute Insanity
"No, this is absolute INSANITY!" Kitty gaped in absolute disbelief at Rogue when Rogue had returned from the walk in tears. "You are not going to let him walk out just because he's having some personal problems, you did not fight for this relationship and go through hell for him just to have him walk away when things get too drastic!"
"What can I do?!" Rogue demanded, she was sitting in a chair in the library, sobbing, trembling with such emotion that she could barely keep still any longer, "I can't stop him…he doesn't WANT to be here, Kitty. He's not comfortable."
"Then MAKE him comfortable…don't just give up when things get to heavy…" Kitty could barely believe it. From what Rogue had told her, it didn't sound as if Rogue had fought much with Remy on the subject to stop him from leaving.
Rogue shook her head, "it isn't what he wants…I don't think he knows WHAT he wants."
Kitty shook her head, then ran her fingers through her hair frustratedly, "I can't believe it, this is so like high school," Kitty folded her arms, she'd grown so sick of the whole situation, going back and forth between them like a yoyo. "You two, breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, getting back together. It's getting so old. You're supposed to be through with stuff like this at your age, you know," Kitty got up from her chair, "where is he?"
"Packing, I guess, I don't know," Rogue sobbed pathetically, her head low, her hair falling over her face.
Kitty shook her head, "god, you two are unbelievable, I should bitchslap the pair of you and lock you away together," she uttered, "I'm gonna go talk to him, see if I can smack some sense into him…" she rolled her eyes and left the room in a stubborn stomp.
To Kitty, it seemed so sad that all too soon the arguments and the breakups had taken toll. Kitty entered Remy's room without knocking, he was – just as Rogue had predicted – packing what little he owned. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded, standing in the doorway, folding her arms stubbornly.
"Making waffles. What the fuck does it look like?" He demanded, his voice hostile, his eyes watery.
"You are NOT gonna just up and leave again," Kittu stated. "Aren't you through with running away from things already? You're…what, twenty seven, and you're just going to up and leave all your problems behind…when are you gonna just grow up and DEAL with things like normal adults? You're not nineteen anymore…" she reminded.
"Whatever, I just don't care anymore," Remy said, "I can't handle things here…and I don't care if it's childish and foolish and just plain stupid that I can't and that I just want to go because at the end of the day it's only on my head anyway."
"What's not to handle?" Kitty asked, she waited for a reply.
"Everything, okay!?" He
demanded, his eyes shone red with anger, "My powers are going whacko, you know
it and I know it, but I don't want to have to go back in to training again like
some stupid kid. I don't WANT these
powers. I never did. I didn't want them seven years ago and I don't
want them now."
"What the hell are you talking
about…seven years ago?!"
"I blow shit up, alright?! Not just by touching it!" Remy yelled at her. One of the sconces on the wall blew at that precise moment, glass shattered like glitter and tinkled in the air. "It started that night Jared came into my room trying to kill me! And ever since life has been one huge total nightmare that I just can't seem to wake up from. And I CAN'T control it. Whenever emotion gets to me it happens and every time I'm here THAT'S when I get emotional…" Remy blinked tears. "Bein' told I'm better than I am, do you know how MUCH that fucks with my head?! I used to tell myself I'm better than everyone else all the time…look what it got me. Big fat nothin'. Girlfriend thought I was some kind of killer. Teammates searchin' to arrest me…"
Kitty sighed, "that's SUCH a moot point."
Remy shoved a pair of jeans into a backpack, "whatever."
"When you were a cocky arrogant shithead with about as much charm as a snake, you were at LEAST Happy. You had reason. You used to think being one of us was a reason for living. Not just being here for Rogue but for being with us, making a difference."
"I can't MAKE a difference anymore…look at me, Kitty…I'm a wreck!" he looked at her with a crazed feverish expression. A small alarm clock on the bedside cabinet blew up, springs flew across the room and Kitty had to duck to avoid one.
"And THAT'S the reason you should be here!" Kitty decided to use a calmer tone, her high pitched shrieking couldn't have been very reassuring at that particular moment in time, "calm down alright, take a deep breath and just calm down."
Remy sat down on the bed, "I'm going mad, Kitty. My powers are…how is it Hank put it…hyperactive…Rogue and Me are just…worlds apart no matter how hard we try…and…my mind is so incredibly fucked up…"
Kitty closed the bedroom door, and walked over, "what
started the problems, Remy…tell me now and I'll try and fix them."
"How can you fix them?!" he
demanded, his eyes teary, "Rogue can't, the Professor can't…I can't…I'm sure as
hell you won't be able to either."
"What's the problem?" Kitty
asked softly, she knelt down on the floor in front of him, looking up at
him. "I'm a great listener, and if you
don't get it off your chest it's going to keep eating at you – like it
obviously is now…tell me, what's the problem…?"
"I'm unstable…that's the problem…everything around me is like an alarm going off in my head, Kitty…flashing in big red letters in my head 'YOU DON'T BELONG', 'YOU'RE A LIABILITY', 'SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU', 'THEY DON'T TRUST YOU'…" he cried out, he put his head in his hands and sobbed.
"We don't think that…and we do trust you…" she took
his hands away from his face gently, "and as for Rogue…she's crazy about you…can't
get enough of you…never stops talking about you – to the point it can get
annoying sometimes," she smiled a little.
"You do belong with us…you're like us, you're ONE of us. The only reason you FEEL like you don't
belong is because you won't let yourself."
Remy shook his head, "no, its
not that…it's something else…" he swallowed.
"Then what is it?" Kitty asked.
Remy continued to shake his head, "I don't know, I just...feel so outside…you're all so…I mean…" he stammered, trying to explain himself. "It's like looking at a jigsaw puzzle when I see you all, like you all fit together this perfect little picture where all the pieces fit. And then there's me…the odd piece, the one that doesn't belong."
Kitty paused for a moment, "Y'know…when I was a kid…I'd have jigsaws…" she said, she sat folded legged on the floor, "I was stubborn. I'd do my best to put them together, but being five – I wasn't so good at it. If there was a piece that didn't match, or didn't fit…I didn't really care. I'd hammer it in anyway. Of course, it didn't look like the rest of the picture, and it didn't really belong there in the first place. But once it was in the jigsaw…it was there…a part of it…"
Remy looked at her, face damp with his tears, hair fallen over his eyes.
Kitty reached up and brushed his hair away from his eyes gently, "if you don't belong all we gotta do is force you into the puzzle. Make you fit in, make you a part of us…"
"What if I just can't?" he asked with a sigh.
"With that kind of attitude, you're not likely to,"
Kitty admitted, "You gotta be the one who makes it
work, Remy. YOU. Not Rogue, not me, not the X-Men. YOU. You've barely given yourself time adjust, and
going out getting drunk every night, and never eating or spending time with us
isn't really going to help the situation…if anything, that's probably what is gonna make you NOT fit in the first place. It's total anti-social behaviour…and that's
not what you want, is it?"
Remy shrugged, "don't know what
I want anymore."
"You want to stop hurting, right?"
Remy glanced towards the open window, it was dark outside, and looked like it might rain. He looked as if he might be looking at something, but if he was, he never said what it was.
Kitty put her hand on his face and turned him towards her, "Look at me…" she said softly.
Remy looked at her, concern etched across his face now. That look made her shiver, reminded her of days ago out on the basketball court when he'd been screaming 'Go away' at some unseen thing.
"What is it?" Kitty asked worriedly.
"I think I'm going insane," Remy kept his voice low.
Kitty wasn't sure what to say about this, "You're not going insane, you just have issues," she assured. She took both his hands and held them tightly with his, as if holding them might keep him grounded so he'd listen more intently. "Do you really want to leave us?"
"I don't know," he said, honestly not knowing. His eyes seemed blank for a moment. "I don't want to leave Rogue but…it just seems we're world's apart…she's lost in this little world…career orientated, she has goals and ambition…right now…I got nothing…"
Kitty shook her head, "You got us…you got Rogue…you got…looks, style, personality, skill…precision, knowledge," Kitty smiled, "a woman's love...and you have a friend…in me…who's ALWAYS here to kick the sense back into you when you're being a duchebag."
Remy sighed, "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this though."
"Hey, you worked with Magneto once you can work with ANYONE."
"Okay," Remy sighed. "I'll give it one more shot."
"Great," Kitty said, "this time you gotta do it all by yourself though, Remy. And I know you can."