Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with "Pirates of the
Caribbean". Sadly, I do not own Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp. I do not own
any thing (Legolas) in Lord of the Rings, either. The only person I do own
is Natalie (myself)
********************
Jack decided to make a pit stop in the Bahamas. He needed to talk to his old friend, Jamal. So the whole crew had to set the sails and head north towards the Bahamas.
"Why are we going to this Jamal guy again?" Natalie asked Will.
"Dunno...I think Jack wants to know if he has a storage of rum somewhere," replied the blacksmith.
Jessica ran towards them in a pink ballerina tutu and started to breakdance on the deck. Natalie and Will both rolled their eyes and stared at their crazy friend.
"Jessica, this is getting insane! Why the heck do you keep on dressing up and breakdancing on the deck?" asked Will.
"Arr! There be gold in the dolphin!" Jessica hiccuped. She pointed towards a dead rat on floor.
"That's just gross," Natalie said.
"My gold!" Jessica sprinted over to the rat and started to hack at it with Jack's sword.
"Ahhh! My sword!" Jack shrieked.
"Uh, Jack, I think she got into the red wine again," Natalie said.
"I thought you and Will were going to guard it!"
"Well...we were. And then we came up here to help the crew with all the sails," Will replied.
"I've got a better job for you two. Keep an eye on her."
"On who?" asked Will.
Jack turned his head and looked at Jessica.
"What?"
Jack moved his head again in Jessica's way.
"What are you talking about?"
"Grr!" Jack took out his sword and pointed it at Jessica who was going under the deck.
"Oh I get it now!" Will said,
"I swear, if I didn't know your hair was naturally brown, I'd say it was originally blonde!"
"Is that a threat?"
"No, it's called sarcasm, you retard."
"At least I'm not a drag queen!"
"Hey, I still have a girlfriend!"
"At least I don't steal my best friend's girlfriend, and at least my girlfriend is not a drunk that runs around hacking at dead rats with my sword!" Will replied.
"Weeeyuuuu!" Jessica hopped back onto the deck in an English redcoat. And, like always, she started to breakdance.
Natalie rolled her eyes and said, "That's not funny anymore!"
Jessica stopped doing the worm and gave Natalie an evil look. "How dare you insult me! You racist Yank!"
Natalie gasped and slapped Jessica. "How dare you call me that! I am no American! I belong to the Caribbean! And how am I racist?"
"I'm Mexican and I live in a jail cell. And since they're out of cots, I have to sleep in a box. And you made fun of my job! And you ran over my box with a llama!"
"What the Hell?" Natalie was now confused.
"See!"
"Jess, you need help. You're not Mexican, you don't even live in a jail cell, you don't sleep in a box, and I don't have a llama! And I didn't even know you had a job!"
"I work at the jail and I pick up rats for a living. I get $2.01 per rat!"
"Okaaay then!" Natalie said.
"You're so racist."
"I don't get it, how am I racist?"
"Butterflies are tasty when I pour hot sauce on them!"
"Will...help...she's...scaring...me!" Natalie said.
"Yeah, she's scaring me, too!" he replied.
Jessica skipped back under the deck and started to sing "Jingle-Jack-O- Lantern!"
"Alrighty then!" Natalie said.
"That's interesting," Jack commented.
"Don't you ever say anything else?" Natalie asked.
"No."
"Okay then!"
"There is a fell voice on the air!" Will said.
"Huh?" asked Jack.
"Uh...wrong script, Will!" Natalie said.
"That's interesting!"
"No, that's Jack's quote!"
"Oh. Well what was I supposed to say then?"
"You were supposed to say, 'Look at Jessica!'"
"Oh, okay! Look at Jessica!"
Everyone turned around to see Jessica swagger onto the deck. She was wearing chain mail shirt, baggy black pants, red and green socks, and Dutch clogs. She started to breakdance.
"You know, this is actually sort of entertaining," said Jack.
"He's right," Will said, "She's making a total idiot of herself!"
"Yeah," laughed Natalie.
"Yo ho! You hoe! Pirates really like me!" Jessica sang.
"She's a freak," said Will.
"She's my freak!" Jack exclaimed as he started to breakdance with Jessica.
"They're psychopathic," Natalie said.
"Yep!" Will agreed.
"Land ho!" said the parrot.
"Who are you calling a hoe?" Jessica asked.
"By crikey, she's stupid!" the parrot screamed.
"I think I'm going to like this bird," said Will.
"Me too," Natalie said.
Everyone walked on the land once the ship was docked and Jessica paid the shilling to tie the ship up.
Jack took the bag with the shillings and quietly put them in his pocket in his coat.
"You're so evil," said Jessica.
"Really? Will said I was a good man!"
"Will's wrong. I'm only attracted to evil guys. So you must be evil!"
"Okaaay then!" Natalie said.
"She is scaring me!" Will said.
"I think we've made that clear."
All of a sudden, some random black guy with dreadlocks and a beanie-cap came and slapped Jack on the back.
"Welcome to the Bahamas, mon!" he said.
"Jamal!" Jack said.
"Jack, you old rascal! What ah you doin' 'ere?"
"I'm on a quest for rum!"
"Why, isn't every mon lookin' for rum?"
"I guess so!" Jack said.
"We don't 'ave any rum if that is what you ah askin' for!" Jamal said.
Randomly, a girl with short brown hair that was holding hands with a guy with long, blonde hair and blue eyes. They were both skipping around and yelling, "Dude, where's outr rum?!"
"Hey...that guy looks like Legolas!" Natalie said.
"He is! I'm Jesse! We're looking for rum!" said the girl.
"So are we!" Will said.
"Can we come with you?"
"No," Jack said.
"He's hot," Natalie said. She then cowered when she say the look on Will's face. "You're still hotter!" she said.
"Hey, haven't we seen you in Tortuga?" Natalie asked.
"Oh my god! This is like deja vu!" Jack squealed like a valley girl.
"Yeah," said Will.
"We're on a search for rum!" Jesse said again.
"Well, isn't every mon lookin' for rum?" asked Jamal.
"I guess so!" said Jesse.
"Can I be your girlfriend?" Natalie asked Legolas.
"NATALIE!" Will asked.
"Oops!"
"Anyways, he's mine!" Jesse said.
"That's okay, I have Will!" Natalie said trying to get on Will's good side again.
"And I have my bow!" Legolas said.
"His accent! So hot!" Natalie said. She cowered when she saw the look on Will's face. "Your accent is still sexier!"
"Right," Will said.
"Can we accompany you on your quest to find rum?" Legolas asked Natalie.
"Why su--" Natalie was cut off by a glance from Will that said, "Don't-you- dare-invite-them-to-travel-on-the-Black-Pearl-with-us!"
"I'm sorry, but as Jack said earlier, no!" Will said.
Jesse and Legolas skipped away singing, "Dude, where's our rum?!"
"Well, that was strange," Jessica said.
"Yeah, it has to be strange soming from a person like you!" Will said.
Natalie nodded and started to giggle hysterically.
"Hey!" Jessica started to hyperventitlate. She turned red.
"He was just joking!" Natalie said.
Jessica didn't listen. Natalie took a pail of cold water and threw it on Jessica. Jessica stopped hyperventilating and started to breakdance on the pier.
"Why does she like to breakdance?" asked Will.
"I dunno, but she's hot!" said Jack.
"Okaay...I'm going to pretend that I just did not witness Jack tell us that he thinks that Jessica is hot and that he likes her breakdancing!" Natalie said.
"Same here," Will agreed.
"Let's go back on the Pearl, I'm sure the crew will be disappointed to find out that there is no rum to be found in the Bahamas!"
"To Rumchestertonfieldville!" Jessica said.
"Buh-bye, mons!" said Jamal.
"Bye Jamal!" everyone said.
They boarded the ship and left. There were in the middle of nowhere whena little boat pulled up beside their ship. The person in the ship took a rope and a grappling hook and tossed it onto the deck. They then climbed onto the ship.
"Oh no," said Natalie, "It can't be...not again! Why won't you die?!"
"I am back!" said Elizabeth.
"Lizzy?" asked Jessica. She then slowly walked away to the lower decks.
"Yes! It is I!"
"I swore that great white shark ate you," Will said.
"No, that shark spat me out. It didn't like the taste of corset much," Elizabeth said.
"How did you find us then?" Natalie asked, even though she already knew the answer.
"Remember that little island that Jack and I were stranded on? Well, while I was there, some people came looking for rum. They thought Jack had a storage of rum somewhere hidden. But, I had burned the rum last time I was there with Jack for a signal fire--"
"But why the rum?!" Jack wailed.
"Anyways, the people found me and let me borrow one of their little boats. And now I'm back to haunt you!"
"That's interesting," Jack said.
Jessica came out from the lower decks dressed in Jack's costume. She then started to breakdance.
"What is she doing?" asked Elizabeth.
"She likes to breakdance," Natalie said. She then took out her sword and pointed it at Elizabeth's throat. She yelled, "Now!" and Jessica stopped breakdancing and helped Natalie bind Elizabeth's hands and feet together. Then they threw her into the ocean.
"She'll be back," Will said.
"Will, wrong script!" Natalie said.
"Sorry, I was looking at the script for T3! But it's true! She'll be back! VOTE FOR AH-NOLD!"
Natalie rolled her eyes. "Since when are you interested in the politics of California?"
"That was a great job using Jessica's breakdancing to distract Elizabitch," Will said.
"Thanks," both girls said. They then high-fived each other and began to breakdance.
"Not you, too!" Will said to Natalie. He walked over to the helm where Jack was studying his compass.
"Arr...we're headed towards Treasure Island now! I need to talk to a friend of mine," Jack said to Will.
"Can we dig up the treasure while we're there?"
"I always knew you were obsessed with treasure!" Jack said.
"I am not!"
"You just asked me if we could dig up the treasure!" Jack said.
"Okay, so I like gold! I'm a pirate! Besides, I want to get some gold so that I could make a golden sword for Natalie!" Will said.
"That's interesting."
"Natalie's right. That's like the only thing you ever say!"
"Tell the crew to set the sails! There's a great wind coming!"
Will went back to where he'd left Natalie and Jessica.
"How dare you leave me here to watch that pscyho!" Natalie nearly yelled.
"What did she do?"
"She's running around saying random things! They're really scary!"
"I like it when the Teletubbies run around wearing purple sequin tube tops singing "It's a Small World" while they eat toast!" Jessica screamed.
"Okaaay then!" Will said.
"They stoles it from me! And we wants it back!" Jessica started to yell.
"What did they steal from you?" Natalie asked.
"My Preciousss! Ahhh!"
"What's your 'Precious?'" Natalie asked.
"Rum!" Jessica replied.
"I should have known," Will said. He turned to Natalie and said, "Anyways, Jack wants us to help the crew.
Natalie nodded and went with Will. Jessica was all alone. She smiled to herself. This was her chance to drink the wine while no one was there to guard it. She snuck down into the storage deck and went over to the cabinet. To her dismay, she found that there was a combination lock on it. She started to try out different combinations.
Twenty minutes later...
Jessica had now given up on the combination. She sat down on a stool and stared at the cabinet. Something caught her eye. Carved on the cabinet door was some numbers. It was 4-14-28. Jessica got up and tried it on the lock. To her amazement, it opened. She grabbed a bottle of red wine and drank it greedily. After drinking her fill, she went back up onto the main deck. She started to breakdance.
Natalie and Will finally finished helping the crew. As they walked back towards the staircase, they saw Jessica swagger out if it and start to breakdance.
"I like red wine!"
"Not again," Will said.
"She's crazy!" Natalie said. She and Will both exchanged glances that both said the same thing, "What the hell?!" They knew that this quest was going to be a very, very, very long trip.
********************
Jack decided to make a pit stop in the Bahamas. He needed to talk to his old friend, Jamal. So the whole crew had to set the sails and head north towards the Bahamas.
"Why are we going to this Jamal guy again?" Natalie asked Will.
"Dunno...I think Jack wants to know if he has a storage of rum somewhere," replied the blacksmith.
Jessica ran towards them in a pink ballerina tutu and started to breakdance on the deck. Natalie and Will both rolled their eyes and stared at their crazy friend.
"Jessica, this is getting insane! Why the heck do you keep on dressing up and breakdancing on the deck?" asked Will.
"Arr! There be gold in the dolphin!" Jessica hiccuped. She pointed towards a dead rat on floor.
"That's just gross," Natalie said.
"My gold!" Jessica sprinted over to the rat and started to hack at it with Jack's sword.
"Ahhh! My sword!" Jack shrieked.
"Uh, Jack, I think she got into the red wine again," Natalie said.
"I thought you and Will were going to guard it!"
"Well...we were. And then we came up here to help the crew with all the sails," Will replied.
"I've got a better job for you two. Keep an eye on her."
"On who?" asked Will.
Jack turned his head and looked at Jessica.
"What?"
Jack moved his head again in Jessica's way.
"What are you talking about?"
"Grr!" Jack took out his sword and pointed it at Jessica who was going under the deck.
"Oh I get it now!" Will said,
"I swear, if I didn't know your hair was naturally brown, I'd say it was originally blonde!"
"Is that a threat?"
"No, it's called sarcasm, you retard."
"At least I'm not a drag queen!"
"Hey, I still have a girlfriend!"
"At least I don't steal my best friend's girlfriend, and at least my girlfriend is not a drunk that runs around hacking at dead rats with my sword!" Will replied.
"Weeeyuuuu!" Jessica hopped back onto the deck in an English redcoat. And, like always, she started to breakdance.
Natalie rolled her eyes and said, "That's not funny anymore!"
Jessica stopped doing the worm and gave Natalie an evil look. "How dare you insult me! You racist Yank!"
Natalie gasped and slapped Jessica. "How dare you call me that! I am no American! I belong to the Caribbean! And how am I racist?"
"I'm Mexican and I live in a jail cell. And since they're out of cots, I have to sleep in a box. And you made fun of my job! And you ran over my box with a llama!"
"What the Hell?" Natalie was now confused.
"See!"
"Jess, you need help. You're not Mexican, you don't even live in a jail cell, you don't sleep in a box, and I don't have a llama! And I didn't even know you had a job!"
"I work at the jail and I pick up rats for a living. I get $2.01 per rat!"
"Okaaay then!" Natalie said.
"You're so racist."
"I don't get it, how am I racist?"
"Butterflies are tasty when I pour hot sauce on them!"
"Will...help...she's...scaring...me!" Natalie said.
"Yeah, she's scaring me, too!" he replied.
Jessica skipped back under the deck and started to sing "Jingle-Jack-O- Lantern!"
"Alrighty then!" Natalie said.
"That's interesting," Jack commented.
"Don't you ever say anything else?" Natalie asked.
"No."
"Okay then!"
"There is a fell voice on the air!" Will said.
"Huh?" asked Jack.
"Uh...wrong script, Will!" Natalie said.
"That's interesting!"
"No, that's Jack's quote!"
"Oh. Well what was I supposed to say then?"
"You were supposed to say, 'Look at Jessica!'"
"Oh, okay! Look at Jessica!"
Everyone turned around to see Jessica swagger onto the deck. She was wearing chain mail shirt, baggy black pants, red and green socks, and Dutch clogs. She started to breakdance.
"You know, this is actually sort of entertaining," said Jack.
"He's right," Will said, "She's making a total idiot of herself!"
"Yeah," laughed Natalie.
"Yo ho! You hoe! Pirates really like me!" Jessica sang.
"She's a freak," said Will.
"She's my freak!" Jack exclaimed as he started to breakdance with Jessica.
"They're psychopathic," Natalie said.
"Yep!" Will agreed.
"Land ho!" said the parrot.
"Who are you calling a hoe?" Jessica asked.
"By crikey, she's stupid!" the parrot screamed.
"I think I'm going to like this bird," said Will.
"Me too," Natalie said.
Everyone walked on the land once the ship was docked and Jessica paid the shilling to tie the ship up.
Jack took the bag with the shillings and quietly put them in his pocket in his coat.
"You're so evil," said Jessica.
"Really? Will said I was a good man!"
"Will's wrong. I'm only attracted to evil guys. So you must be evil!"
"Okaaay then!" Natalie said.
"She is scaring me!" Will said.
"I think we've made that clear."
All of a sudden, some random black guy with dreadlocks and a beanie-cap came and slapped Jack on the back.
"Welcome to the Bahamas, mon!" he said.
"Jamal!" Jack said.
"Jack, you old rascal! What ah you doin' 'ere?"
"I'm on a quest for rum!"
"Why, isn't every mon lookin' for rum?"
"I guess so!" Jack said.
"We don't 'ave any rum if that is what you ah askin' for!" Jamal said.
Randomly, a girl with short brown hair that was holding hands with a guy with long, blonde hair and blue eyes. They were both skipping around and yelling, "Dude, where's outr rum?!"
"Hey...that guy looks like Legolas!" Natalie said.
"He is! I'm Jesse! We're looking for rum!" said the girl.
"So are we!" Will said.
"Can we come with you?"
"No," Jack said.
"He's hot," Natalie said. She then cowered when she say the look on Will's face. "You're still hotter!" she said.
"Hey, haven't we seen you in Tortuga?" Natalie asked.
"Oh my god! This is like deja vu!" Jack squealed like a valley girl.
"Yeah," said Will.
"We're on a search for rum!" Jesse said again.
"Well, isn't every mon lookin' for rum?" asked Jamal.
"I guess so!" said Jesse.
"Can I be your girlfriend?" Natalie asked Legolas.
"NATALIE!" Will asked.
"Oops!"
"Anyways, he's mine!" Jesse said.
"That's okay, I have Will!" Natalie said trying to get on Will's good side again.
"And I have my bow!" Legolas said.
"His accent! So hot!" Natalie said. She cowered when she saw the look on Will's face. "Your accent is still sexier!"
"Right," Will said.
"Can we accompany you on your quest to find rum?" Legolas asked Natalie.
"Why su--" Natalie was cut off by a glance from Will that said, "Don't-you- dare-invite-them-to-travel-on-the-Black-Pearl-with-us!"
"I'm sorry, but as Jack said earlier, no!" Will said.
Jesse and Legolas skipped away singing, "Dude, where's our rum?!"
"Well, that was strange," Jessica said.
"Yeah, it has to be strange soming from a person like you!" Will said.
Natalie nodded and started to giggle hysterically.
"Hey!" Jessica started to hyperventitlate. She turned red.
"He was just joking!" Natalie said.
Jessica didn't listen. Natalie took a pail of cold water and threw it on Jessica. Jessica stopped hyperventilating and started to breakdance on the pier.
"Why does she like to breakdance?" asked Will.
"I dunno, but she's hot!" said Jack.
"Okaay...I'm going to pretend that I just did not witness Jack tell us that he thinks that Jessica is hot and that he likes her breakdancing!" Natalie said.
"Same here," Will agreed.
"Let's go back on the Pearl, I'm sure the crew will be disappointed to find out that there is no rum to be found in the Bahamas!"
"To Rumchestertonfieldville!" Jessica said.
"Buh-bye, mons!" said Jamal.
"Bye Jamal!" everyone said.
They boarded the ship and left. There were in the middle of nowhere whena little boat pulled up beside their ship. The person in the ship took a rope and a grappling hook and tossed it onto the deck. They then climbed onto the ship.
"Oh no," said Natalie, "It can't be...not again! Why won't you die?!"
"I am back!" said Elizabeth.
"Lizzy?" asked Jessica. She then slowly walked away to the lower decks.
"Yes! It is I!"
"I swore that great white shark ate you," Will said.
"No, that shark spat me out. It didn't like the taste of corset much," Elizabeth said.
"How did you find us then?" Natalie asked, even though she already knew the answer.
"Remember that little island that Jack and I were stranded on? Well, while I was there, some people came looking for rum. They thought Jack had a storage of rum somewhere hidden. But, I had burned the rum last time I was there with Jack for a signal fire--"
"But why the rum?!" Jack wailed.
"Anyways, the people found me and let me borrow one of their little boats. And now I'm back to haunt you!"
"That's interesting," Jack said.
Jessica came out from the lower decks dressed in Jack's costume. She then started to breakdance.
"What is she doing?" asked Elizabeth.
"She likes to breakdance," Natalie said. She then took out her sword and pointed it at Elizabeth's throat. She yelled, "Now!" and Jessica stopped breakdancing and helped Natalie bind Elizabeth's hands and feet together. Then they threw her into the ocean.
"She'll be back," Will said.
"Will, wrong script!" Natalie said.
"Sorry, I was looking at the script for T3! But it's true! She'll be back! VOTE FOR AH-NOLD!"
Natalie rolled her eyes. "Since when are you interested in the politics of California?"
"That was a great job using Jessica's breakdancing to distract Elizabitch," Will said.
"Thanks," both girls said. They then high-fived each other and began to breakdance.
"Not you, too!" Will said to Natalie. He walked over to the helm where Jack was studying his compass.
"Arr...we're headed towards Treasure Island now! I need to talk to a friend of mine," Jack said to Will.
"Can we dig up the treasure while we're there?"
"I always knew you were obsessed with treasure!" Jack said.
"I am not!"
"You just asked me if we could dig up the treasure!" Jack said.
"Okay, so I like gold! I'm a pirate! Besides, I want to get some gold so that I could make a golden sword for Natalie!" Will said.
"That's interesting."
"Natalie's right. That's like the only thing you ever say!"
"Tell the crew to set the sails! There's a great wind coming!"
Will went back to where he'd left Natalie and Jessica.
"How dare you leave me here to watch that pscyho!" Natalie nearly yelled.
"What did she do?"
"She's running around saying random things! They're really scary!"
"I like it when the Teletubbies run around wearing purple sequin tube tops singing "It's a Small World" while they eat toast!" Jessica screamed.
"Okaaay then!" Will said.
"They stoles it from me! And we wants it back!" Jessica started to yell.
"What did they steal from you?" Natalie asked.
"My Preciousss! Ahhh!"
"What's your 'Precious?'" Natalie asked.
"Rum!" Jessica replied.
"I should have known," Will said. He turned to Natalie and said, "Anyways, Jack wants us to help the crew.
Natalie nodded and went with Will. Jessica was all alone. She smiled to herself. This was her chance to drink the wine while no one was there to guard it. She snuck down into the storage deck and went over to the cabinet. To her dismay, she found that there was a combination lock on it. She started to try out different combinations.
Twenty minutes later...
Jessica had now given up on the combination. She sat down on a stool and stared at the cabinet. Something caught her eye. Carved on the cabinet door was some numbers. It was 4-14-28. Jessica got up and tried it on the lock. To her amazement, it opened. She grabbed a bottle of red wine and drank it greedily. After drinking her fill, she went back up onto the main deck. She started to breakdance.
Natalie and Will finally finished helping the crew. As they walked back towards the staircase, they saw Jessica swagger out if it and start to breakdance.
"I like red wine!"
"Not again," Will said.
"She's crazy!" Natalie said. She and Will both exchanged glances that both said the same thing, "What the hell?!" They knew that this quest was going to be a very, very, very long trip.